A straight best friend hitting on me

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 02, 2009 9:34 AM GMT
    My best(straight) mate of 6 or so months has steadily beeen flirting, grabbing my arse and balls as a 'joke'. Last night he stayed at my house and out of the three spare beds he chose to share my double bed. Offered a full body massage, gave it (fucking bliss!) My straight guy fantasy coming true????

    Me having morals would not try anything on him but lo and behold once laying in bed I could feel sexual tension and he began masturbating whilst staring at me (in that way!) and then even encouraged me totoss myself so he could watch me.

    Now I am confused, my best straight friend calls me hot, flirts so often I'm not sure he's joking and now hinting at oral sex.

    What do you reckon guys...do I have a closet case, bisexual or just a curious straight guy on my hands? I'm rapidly falling for him and don't want to get hurt by rejection and we're about to share a 3 bedroom house (ie housemates) Maybe we should keep it as friends with benefits...or work it slowly...he's confusing the fuck out of me as he still has sex with his ex girlfriend...
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Oct 02, 2009 10:30 AM GMT
    If he's your best friend then call him on it
    Because if he's serious this can mean a VERY big change
    in the relationship btw you guys
    Something that your friendship might not survive
    and if he's just joking
    Then you need to say cut the crap because that's emotional manipulation
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    Oct 02, 2009 11:15 AM GMT
    This whole sexual thing began once I came out to him, apparently he had no idea I was gay. Apparently every woman can tell and most guys even though I don't act 'gay' or 'queeny'

    From other straight guys I know, they would never ever tell their mate they had a dream about sucking them off, like mine said he dreamed of doing that to me.

    The fact he let me masturbate him and encouraged me several times to do so I think he is enjoying experimenting (the hard evidence is there!)

    I will call him on it and specifically ask his intentions because if I am led on then cut off it'' hurt like fuck, which is why I am now avoiding a r/ship for awhile. If he is fucking with my mind then that sucks but my intuition is telling me otherwise...or is it my lust speaking? He is 8 years younger than.

    Won't sleep much tonighticon_confused.gif
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    Oct 02, 2009 4:17 PM GMT
    The guy is just trying to make the transition from being closeted to expressing his gay feeling. Help him out by sharing your feelings and love with him. I think you should find a way to be a bit more aggressive but make him feel comfortable coming out. Do you ever cuddle and kiss? That is a nice way to do it but you will probably have to be the one that initates it.
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    Oct 02, 2009 4:31 PM GMT
    confront him on it cause otherwise it could get really bad very quick.
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    Oct 02, 2009 10:46 PM GMT
    Thanks Alpha13, Ryan-Andrew for your answers.

    I'm seeing him later on today. He is currently with an ex girlfriend and fucking her icon_evil.gif

    The fact I am so strung up about this is that even as a seasoned fag I've never had such strong attraction to a man before, especially to one who claims heterosexuality. I am falling for him hard and that is making me more fearful than anything...love hurts.icon_cry.gif

    Nurturing him is a great idea as I feel he's probably bisexual (if there is really such a thing) but all in all it'd be great if we could just have the friends with benefits thing. Yes we have had sensual embrace and I felt the evidence he liked it. icon_wink.gif

    It'll be sorted out today as I refuse to remain confused any longer. We either remain best mates with benefits or I begin to pursue another lover.

    Maybe I should refuse any of his sexual hints for now to see how badly he truly wants it?
    Let him chase me, he said I am hot!
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    Oct 02, 2009 11:40 PM GMT
    Your strategy to let him chase you might leave you confused for some time longer. I say you should hit the ball into his court.

    In a private moment when you are both still dressed and not (yet) drunk tell him how you feel.
    That he is confusing you
    That you are falling for him
    That you are putting your love-life on hold for him.
    That you'd like a straight (haha) answer from him.

    That might save your friendship if he isn't interested/ ready yet/ or is only playing around
  • EricLA

    Posts: 3461

    Oct 03, 2009 12:24 AM GMT
    This is generally a recipe for disaster. Do not try to label him or try to understand him, because I assure it will drive you mad. Really, it's immaterial is he's gay, bi, or questioning. The only issue before you is can he give you what you want. If you're falling for him, that's bad news. I can almost guarantee with absolute certainty he will not be able to reciprocate in this regard. And even if he manages to, I doubt it would last very long.

    So, can you divorce all emotional attachment and just have a whatever goes sexual relationship with the guy? If yes, then go for it. But I really suggest you take a step back and really think this through, because having been through something similar, I bet you're going to get hurt. You really need to look at yourself and whether this is a good idea.

    You're better off looking elsewhere, even if it's for simple gratification. I think you need to put some distance between you and this friend.
  • tobyb

    Posts: 111

    Oct 03, 2009 1:29 AM GMT
    I'm really surprised at all the responses saying how bad this is. A good looking man you're attracted to keeps telling you that you're hot and wanting to do sexual things with you, and you might be falling for him. That all sounds fantastic!

    Some people here are afraid it will end badly, and of course it might, but I'm afriad it won't happen at all! It definitely won't if you "back away."

    To me, it sounds like the guy is opening up the closet door. He's inspired by learning that you're gay, when he had not suspected that. I say keep pushing the sex envelope, help him with that, and meanwhile, try to find a good time to tell him you are concerned you feel more for him than he may feel for you. It legit to tell him you don't want to get hurt emotionally.

    But I don't think it helps him or you to confront him and make him declare his sexuality exactly. He probably doesn't know yet. Say he's 80% gay, but scared of admitting it to anyone, like we all were at some stage. That would explain him going to have sex with his ex-girlfriend (probably while thinking about blowing you).

    You could have something great there, but you may have to help him out of the closet, if he decides that's what he's in. Good luck!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 03, 2009 1:42 AM GMT
    icon_lol.gifAre you gonna convert him? icon_twisted.gif Good luck !
  • jgymnast733

    Posts: 1783

    Oct 03, 2009 1:49 AM GMT
    Man i know what you mean, i have a str8 friend who'd take the plunge with me anytime...Everytime he has a fight with his wife he tells me he's coming to live with me...
    However, i would never sleep with him cause once he had a taste of this,,IT'S A WRAP.......
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    Oct 04, 2009 9:35 PM GMT
    [color=blue]Thankyou all for your replies.

    Said mate stayed over again last night, and I explained the unfairness of the constant flirting as it is a tease and he was genuinely sorry for causing my hurt although he was glad his first 'gay' experience was with me. icon_smile.gif We have decided to remain only best mates and nothing more. Sure it could work but probably not as he likes his pussy still!

    I feel much better that both of us have now clarified our positions and want to remain best of friends. Hell we still slept in the same bed last night and nothing happened. My feelings/lust have eased back considerably now things are clarified and sorted out. No more confusion.

    Doesn't mean I still don't love him in the way best mates should.

    I thank you all for your awesome posts...gave me a LOT to think about.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 04, 2009 9:41 PM GMT
    I'm sure he's just working out his own curiosities and homosexual fantasies with you since you're his close friend and gay. He may turn out to be full on gay but it sounds like he's just experimenting with bisexuality now.

    It sounds like you made the right choice to remain as just friends but who knows, maybe someday it will be more than that.
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    Oct 04, 2009 9:45 PM GMT
    "Straight" friend, I don't think so!
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    Oct 06, 2009 1:58 PM GMT
    I agree. You clearly are developing stronger emotions and it will benefit you to feel things out and see where it leads.

    I had a similar situation with a best friend, who turned out to be curious. I loved him for 3 years. We were very emotionally close and he was very protective of me and jealous of guys I was seeing.

    He waited until I was in a serious relationship to tell me that he loved me and he always wanted me but didn't understand how he could look at me the way he looked at woman but that he knew now and he was ready.

    And needless to say I had to turn it down. lol. Some people just have shitty timing. He was so hurt and upset and went on for about a day about how when he was around me he felt happy and at peace. And that no woman ever did that for him. And that he couldn't stop thinking about old times that I had spent the night and i'd fall asleep with my head on his chest and it was best he'd ever slept with anyone.

    and it just made me feel so guilty, but at the same time it was on him for not coming forward sooner.

    Hopefully your situation doesn't turn out the same.
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    Oct 20, 2009 3:33 AM GMT
    He does sound really confused. I would kick the fuck out of him for fucking with my brain. lol
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    Oct 23, 2009 6:47 PM GMT
    Halfstep saidI agree. You clearly are developing stronger emotions and it will benefit you to feel things out and see where it leads.

    I had a similar situation with a best friend, who turned out to be curious. I loved him for 3 years. We were very emotionally close and he was very protective of me and jealous of guys I was seeing.

    He waited until I was in a serious relationship to tell me that he loved me and he always wanted me but didn't understand how he could look at me the way he looked at woman but that he knew now and he was ready.

    And needless to say I had to turn it down. lol. Some people just have shitty timing. He was so hurt and upset and went on for about a day about how when he was around me he felt happy and at peace. And that no woman ever did that for him. And that he couldn't stop thinking about old times that I had spent the night and i'd fall asleep with my head on his chest and it was best he'd ever slept with anyone.

    and it just made me feel so guilty, but at the same time it was on him for not coming forward sooner.

    Hopefully your situation doesn't turn out the same.


    Massive thumbs up! I love when people stick to their guns and hold their morals high! Definitely fit to lead, bud. icon_smile.gif
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    Oct 23, 2009 7:36 PM GMT
    Don't really know whats going on in his head. I do know however that some guys may be so close with another guy they may be emotionally into him which can turn into physical.

    Doesn't mean he's going to go gay and only be with you so don't expect that if it gets like that. It just means you may be the only guy he feels close enough to and comfortable with. He's still going to be with his girl and do his thing, but you just might be the only guy he goes to.

    If the idea of him still being with his girl, and coming to you for the whole male closeness thing doesn't suit you then I wouldn't pursue it. It can be a confusing mess lol. Some guys may do that because they are curious and want to see if you are. Some guys just horse around like that, I've had male friends do that with me too and thought nothing of it and nothing happened.

    You should confront him about it, ask why he does what he does, especially if he knows you're gay. Just be careful don't make him feel weird, don't initiate anything and don't read too much into things getting your hopes up, because if he's a good friend you might not want to ruin that relationship.

    Good luck man!
  • josephmovie

    Posts: 533

    Oct 23, 2009 7:58 PM GMT
    No advice here. I just think the situation is really sweet. Don't analyze this to death. Just enjoy it.