Are gay people too obsessed with their bodies?

  • leo8530

    Posts: 1

    Oct 04, 2009 3:30 PM GMT
    I have a gay friend who had a nice, muscular body but he got sick with cancer. He is doing okay but he lost most of his muscle mass with the cancer.

    He has found some of his "friends" have abandoned him. He thinks it is because he no longer has a nice body since nothing else has really changed.

    It makes me think that some gay people are too body conscious. What do you think?

    thank you for the great comments and i will pass them on to my friend. i also want to add that he has not told any of his other "friends" he has cancer and other than the muscle loss, he looks the same as he always does. i don't want to say what kind of cancer it is but it is not life threatening or very serious.
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    Oct 04, 2009 3:52 PM GMT
    illness is scary for those who see it in others: their own mortality and weakness becomes very apparent if they have any sense, and it´s easier to block out these reminders of our fragility.

    And gay men vain? icon_rolleyes.gif naaaa. icon_lol.gif
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    Oct 04, 2009 4:05 PM GMT
    That might just be his own insecurities. Although I guess people have lost friends for other absurd reasons but that just might be one of the craziest ones I've heard to date. In the end he will find out who his real friends are and his value and appreciation of quality friends I'm sure will change. I wish him the best of health and it's good to hear he still has found support in your friendship despite the others.
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    Oct 04, 2009 4:14 PM GMT
    leo8530 saidIt makes me think that some gay people are too body conscious. What do you think?

    Some gay men are too body conscious? A lot of gay men are too body conscious.
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    Oct 04, 2009 6:37 PM GMT
    Lets not be so quick to assume that it has anything to do with appearance.

    Some people can't handle the stress of an ill friend. As awful as it sounds, many people are incapable of the intimacy and selflessness it takes to help revive a friend from a fall. It may be too much for them to handle, especially if your friend was involved with a lively care free party crowd.

    Its the way some people deal and it sucks for the person being cast aside, but people are only capable of doing what they feel themselves to be capable of doing. I suppose its better they separate themselves than stick around insincerely pretending to care, eventually do even more damage later on.

    Hope your friend gets better. But make sure he knows that they're doing him a favor. And now he can start making real friends, and yes I know its harder the older you get, instead of acquantances that just so happen to have body types in common.

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    Oct 04, 2009 7:04 PM GMT
    leo8530 saidI have a gay friend who had a nice, muscular body but he got sick with cancer. He is doing okay but he lost most of his muscle mass with the cancer.

    He has found some of his "friends" have abandoned him. He thinks it is because he no longer has a nice body since nothing else has really changed.

    It makes me think that some gay people are too body conscious. What do you think?


    I don't think that this is specific to gay men. Flaky men are a dime dozen, and the concept of friendship can be a very superficial thing for them. Maybe he should have chosen better friends...but then again, often, people don't reveal their true selves until there is a tragedy of some sort.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Oct 04, 2009 7:29 PM GMT
    leo8530 saidI have a gay friend who had a nice, muscular body but he got sick with cancer. He is doing okay but he lost most of his muscle mass with the cancer.

    He has found some of his "friends" have abandoned him. He thinks it is because he no longer has a nice body since nothing else has really changed.

    It makes me think that some gay people are too body conscious. What do you think?


    Okay ... are some gay guys obsessed with their bodies?
    Uh ... Yeah icon_rolleyes.gif

    But take a look at str8 women ... when you deal with men gay or str8
    everything has to do with the visual
    and where does a "healthy" relationship with your body turn into an unhealthy one?
    I have plenty of friends who do some very unhealthy things to their bodies in order to "LOOK" good
    and I have many who know the difference

    But the friends that have left you in your time of need and your friend's time of need ... I think that's a different story
    There are people who are ill-equipped to handle death or illness
    and I am NOT making an excuse for them
    That's a flaw in their character ... but I don't think it really has to do with body image
  • bottomline

    Posts: 331

    Oct 04, 2009 7:31 PM GMT
    I know a guy who takes care of his friend who is soon to die of AIDS. They are both gay of course but not partners. He cleans him, takes him out , (not anymore he has to be kept in a hospital environment at all times) takes care of his home, takes him flowers and gifts and so on. I dont know if you guys know about AIDS but I have volunteered at an AIDS and TB care facility during my stay in India and it is not pretty. Hence I applaud him for sticking by his friend till the end becuase taking care of an AIDS patient will try you in every which way.

    So it takes all kinds, and here is one side of the story.
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    Oct 04, 2009 7:43 PM GMT

    Just to play Devil's advocate here, beyond initial condolences, what more do you expect from casual friends? He's sick, they are healthy, them hanging around would apply undo stress on them and him. That position is far more suitable for close family and the best of friends because watching someone struggle with a disease is hard. It's just a fact of the situation that he is sick and thinner now, NOTHING to do with gay politics. Ever heard of the saying, "birds of a feather"? Why isn't he connecting with other people with cancer who he can relate to instead of pining away over his old life? It's the exact reason why old friends showing up would cause pain, especially since they might stop abruptly. Their life goes on, not that he is doomed or anything, but right now, things are different. You and him sound angry at the cancer (which is understandable) and are projecting.

    To play Angels advocate, if gay men do abandon muscular gay men when they lose the muscle, it might be because muscular gay men are often quite dull and unpleasant. Those rocking muscles camouflage it all right, but in their absence, you are stuck with a dull boy with no detectably redeeming qualities. icon_cry.gif Which proves that gay men are personality obsessed, just easily distracted by outward aesthetics. Not always, but often, sugar.



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    Oct 05, 2009 12:19 AM GMT
    my experience with people who have cancer is they become very self centered, understandably.They need all their energy to fight, recuperate,
    survive etc.
    That's all they see, it's ever in their mind like Frodo and his fucking ring.
    Mind you it depends what form of cancer. Some allow people to live almost normal lives.
    But the heavy treatments in others just about ruin your life... and sadly your social life.

    But those friends are still shallow and selfish... unless he's a total bore..lol.

  • EricLA

    Posts: 3461

    Oct 05, 2009 12:27 AM GMT
    I agree that it's probably the cancer diagnosis that scared people away than the losing of the body, although I'm sure that's a very visible piece of the equation for them.
  • EricLA

    Posts: 3461

    Oct 05, 2009 12:27 AM GMT
    I agree that it's probably the cancer diagnosis that scared people away than the losing of the body, although I'm sure that's a very visible piece of the equation for them.
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    Oct 05, 2009 12:32 AM GMT
    It makes me think that some gay people are too body conscious. What do you think?

    Hmpff. Ya think?


    Keep your chin and his chin up. Hope he will be his cancer. Lots of us in his corner and yours.
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    Oct 05, 2009 3:43 AM GMT
    I think there's a difference between guys being too obsessed with their bodies and guys who are complete cunts. Clearly, your friend had friends who were cunts, and they weren't friends to begin with.
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    Oct 05, 2009 4:06 AM GMT
    leo8530 saidI have a gay friend who had a nice, muscular body but he got sick with cancer. He is doing okay but he lost most of his muscle mass with the cancer.

    He has found some of his "friends" have abandoned him. He thinks it is because he no longer has a nice body since nothing else has really changed.

    It makes me think that some gay people are too body conscious. What do you think?



    way tooo sad! they weren't friends to begin with!
    I personally think friends are meant to be friends, nothing more, they come and go...once in a while you'll find friends that are like family....but that's it