Mind over body??

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    Oct 04, 2009 5:37 PM GMT
    Okay, I know we have all heard it before "I don't care what they look like, as long as they have a good head on their shoulders...", or looks don't matter...it's what's upstairs that counts, or ""they have such a good heart".

    So am I othe only person who thinks this theory is particularly flawed? I mean...think about it. When you see someone who piques your interest it is usually the basic primal instinct kicking in....you like the way the person looks.

    Maybe they are devilishly handsome, or have gorgeous eyes, or a nice ass, a stunning smile, or a combination of it all...but the bottom line is your first impression is the way the person looks to you.

    Then upon closer inspection (conversation) you start to understand that either the person intrigues you more, or when they open their mouth, 100% pure ass falls out, and all bets are off.

    Is it wrong to be physically attracted to someone, then become mentally attracted? Or is that too many people are afraid to admit this is how it happens, and they don't want to seem shallow.

    Opinions???
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    Oct 04, 2009 5:41 PM GMT
    I wouldn't say it's wrong to first become physically attracted only to later become mentally attracted; however, it usually happens just the opposite way for me. Perhaps I'm not primarily a visual person.
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    Oct 04, 2009 6:42 PM GMT
    Now that's interesting, ""I don't care what they look like, as long as they have a good head on their shoulders...", or looks don't matter...it's what's upstairs that counts, or ""they have such a good heart".

    I'd say that for the long term success of a relationship (once you're in one) those things are true.

    Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so some may have the theory you speak of work well. There's no formula, though, that fits all, and quite frankly, we were attracted to what each of us are like as well as being pleasing to each others' eyes.

    There's a difference between going for what you find appealing to your eyes and having a yardstick of physical perfection ( a symptom of trophy hunting, if you like) used to measure others before getting to know them.


    -Doug
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    Oct 04, 2009 7:46 PM GMT
    meninlove said Now that's interesting, ""I don't care what they look like, as long as they have a good head on their shoulders...", or looks don't matter...it's what's upstairs that counts, or ""they have such a good heart".

    There's a difference between going for what you find appealing to your eyes and having a yardstick of physical perfection ( a symptom of trophy hunting, if you like) used to measure others before getting to know them.


    -Doug


    How do you divorce the two? Isn't this measurement used to determine who you find attractive and hence, who you will eliminate and rule out getting to know?
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    Oct 04, 2009 10:32 PM GMT
    It's not wrong to be initially interested in a person's looks. It's natural. It's not like you walk into a room, see a guy, and say to yourself.. "that guy has a smokin hot personality". icon_lol.gif

    I think it's shallow if you only consider "attractive" men and turn away others without getting to know them.

    And it is possible to be attracted to someone's internal qualities, rather than their external appearance. Sometimes good relationships start from good friendships.