The money pit is causing some hard feelings

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 05, 2009 5:30 AM GMT
    We all do it in some form or fashion...toss your change into a "money pit" or change jar or on the dresser or floor or in the trash...whatever, but you do something with your change.
    In my house, we toss change into a tall kitchen trash can that sits in the corner of the entry hallway. We have been tossing change in there for years and I generally take the change to the bank once a year for counting and then take the family on some vacation with this money plus a little bit.
    In the past this money pit has added up to like around $1000 to $1300, and nobody would complain, nor hardly even notice it.
    This year I took the change to the bank and it counted out to a stunning $2749.77! I was shocked! and thought there must be something wrong, but it recounted the same again...so it was a record year! I told my boys about the amount of money and they were all thinking..."COOL! we're doing DISNEY, EPCOT AND ORLANDO for Christmas!"...at least my 14 and 17 year old were. My oldest son finally moved out last month into an apartment he shares with 2 of his buddies.
    He wants...expects that the money be divided equally and he be given a check for his part of the money pit, since he lived in the house for 12 of the 14 months since it was last emptied and was tossing his change into it as well.
    The other 2 boys want to screw their older brother, Sean, over on this one. They feel he is leaving of his own free will and he knew all along that this money was part of the vacation fund. he looses out because he isn't going on vacation this year with us, which in their eyes is fine and just too bad for him.

    I offered to divide it by 4 and then pro-rate his amount to be 12/14 ths (or 6/7ths) of this amount which is $589.24. He feels he is being penalized and is being a really insufferable bully to his little brothers. I have told him that he will stop with the bully act and the spoiled rotten act or get none of it at all and be banned from the house all together.I further told him that he is 24 and time to understand that my duty and responsibility for him is long since over....anything I give him is my choice alone. This isn't sitting too well on either side...the teen sons , nor the oldest.
    I have already cut him a check for $300 of this total, which covers his part of rent and utilities.....and will most likely cut another in a few weeks for the same amount....yes..more than he is actually due.
    The younger boys want to each take a friend with us to Orlando, which we have not ever done in the past, but feel that there was twice as much $$ this time so lets take friends with us! Nice in theory, but I was the one making up the difference in the past...and the amount was pretty consistent in the past.....this time we lost 1/4 of the money, lost one son, but gain two friends...more expensive! and I am not sure I want these other boys to come along, even before I talk to their parents........all this from complications with the money pit. I am a little frustrated and a bit disappointed in the greed and self centeredness I am seeing from my sons.....anyone wanna take a stab at this one? I'm all ears...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 05, 2009 5:50 AM GMT
    Tell your oldest son to come on the vacation. Or tell him he'll get the pro-rated 4-way split, minus a penalty fee for whining.

    Tell your other sons this is a family vacation. Not a make-a-wish vacation for his friends.

    I think the key concept here is that the change jar for family vacations. Since your sons are being uncooperative about this, you can always spend the money on yourself and teach them a valuable lesson about greed. icon_lol.gif
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Oct 05, 2009 6:38 AM GMT
    Sporty, you've been pretty reasonable about it all to date.

    About the "money pit", beyond the situation at hand, probably a good time to assess its effectiveness for the future. Does it continue to make sense to retain it (at least for vacations) based on this experience. I'd get input from your "at home" sons and alter if need be...

    As far as the present situation, I'd agree much with xrich above. I'd encourage him to come along and if he doesn't, give him the share you offered. As Head of the Household, I think you made a reasonable suggestion (not sure I would have added the "banning from the house" part, but I'd not put up with any bullying with your younger sons either).
    If it were me, I'd probably cut him a check for the remainder and remind him that the "money pit" is only for those who contribute during the year so he isn't a recipient from this point forward.

  • islander24

    Posts: 161

    Oct 05, 2009 3:00 PM GMT
    Hi Gary,

    While not taking Sean's side, but only looking at the practical one. You and he probably contributed the most change to the "fund". I would not worry about the 6/7 division. You already confessed to being a good Dad and cutting rent, etc for Sean. I have done the same.
    Now back to the issue, if he doesn't have a job that prevents him from going, invite him to join his two brothers on vacation. Family vacations rapidly disappear as the kids go off to college. I would not open it up to friends.
    You suddenly are responsible for their actions , illnesses, etc. Yes it can be done, but this could be a bonding time for you and the kids and maybe the last one with all four of you. So tell the younger ones to chill. Blood is thicker than water and their brother is still part of the family under your roof or not.

    If Sean does have a real job that he can not leave, privately point out to him you are already cutting him checks on the side and you prefer his younger brothers not be told. He is an adult and its between you two men.


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    Oct 05, 2009 3:04 PM GMT
    Not really sure what you're thinking, but 2200 goes nowhere in orlando... especially not with extra people... maybe if you found some amazing deal on rooms, but still...
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    Oct 05, 2009 3:15 PM GMT
    Money Pit causing hard feelings? But Tom Hanks and Shelley Long are absolutely hillarious in it!
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Oct 05, 2009 3:38 PM GMT
    I'd say that if the change collection is there for the family vacation, then that's what it should be used for. If he doesn't want to go on vacation with you, then that is his choice.

    It also sounds like he wants to be treated like an adult but act like a brat. 24 is too old to be pulling this kind of shit.
  • JP85257

    Posts: 3284

    Oct 05, 2009 3:39 PM GMT
    I fill up a candy dish then dump it in to crown royal bags. Its MINE all MINE.
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    Oct 06, 2009 3:25 AM GMT
    THANKS for the great suggestions and observations.
    The issue has been handled......Sean is working and can't join the vacation, so I cut him the last check for $300 today. I let the boys know that Sean won't be joining us for vacation and that this is our vacation alone...no friends are going this year.

    While someone mentioned that "$2200 doesn't go anywhere in Orlando"...you are quite right,..until you know that my parents live there and want us to stay in one of their empty houses. And yeah I do put a few more $$$$ into the pot than the "money pit" provides....so I get to do what I want pretty comfortably and I get to see my dad and stepmother in Florida for the holidays, with my sons...I win, we all win!
    The younger boys were sulking about their friends not being invited, until I told them fine, none of us will go on vacation and the money is ALL MINE! And since it is ALL MINE I will go get a new TV or maybe a new water Heater and some new landscaping for the yard...this shut them up real fast....we will be in Orlando visiting Grandma and Grandpa, and doing the Disney things...and Sean will be working. He has backed off bullying the boys and is returning to the sensible man he actually is. The boys are resigned to the idea that it will just be us As we get closer, we will see how the stories change...ah, yes... the joys of being a dad with teenagers.......icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 06, 2009 3:41 AM GMT
    Sporty_g saidTHANKS for the great suggestions and observations.
    The issue has been handled......Sean is working and can't join the vacation, so I cut him the last check for $300 today. I let the boys know that Sean won't be joining us for vacation and that this is our vacation alone...no friends are going this year.

    While someone mentioned that "$2200 doesn't go anywhere in Orlando"...you are quite right,..until you know that my parents live there and want us to stay in one of their empty houses. And yeah I do put a few more $$$$ into the pot than the "money pit" provides....so I get to do what I want pretty comfortably and I get to see my dad and stepmother in Florida for the holidays, with my sons...I win, we all win!
    The younger boys were sulking about their friends not being invited, until I told them fine, none of us will go on vacation and the money is ALL MINE! And since it is ALL MINE I will go get a new TV or maybe a new water Heater and some new landscaping for the yard...this shut them up real fast....we will be in Orlando visiting Grandma and Grandpa, and doing the Disney things...and Sean will be working. He has backed off bullying the boys and is returning to the sensible man he actually is. The boys are resigned to the idea that it will just be us As we get closer, we will see how the stories change...ah, yes... the joys of being a dad with teenagers.......icon_lol.gif



    haha youre a good dad, shut it or I'll buy a water heater..... thats a good motivator icon_biggrin.gif
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    Oct 06, 2009 2:28 PM GMT



    lol, you're one cool Dad, Sporty_g!

    Your two boys will eventually figure out that with out the friends along there'll be more money pit money for stuff.


    Man I wish Bill and I could have adopted when we were younger.


    -Doug
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    Oct 06, 2009 2:42 PM GMT
    This is a tough one.
    If at some point your oldest son contributed to this money pit then he is due some change. What that change is, is at your discretion but give what's fair and not more than what you think he's due. My parents had 7 kids and we were usually all sent to sleep away camp for the entire summer. When we took family trips it was mostly about us connecting as a unit so I'd say leave the friends at home and use that time to re-connect or connect more to your kids. In the end it will mean more to them than the friend that tagged along.