Bothered. Annoyed. Frusturated. Giving up.

  • JP85257

    Posts: 3284

    Oct 05, 2009 4:01 PM GMT
    Where to start?

    I met a guy back in July. He was cool. Feel head over heels for him. Flash forward to no and basically we are friends. Cool. Whatever.

    This guy & I dont necessarily chat much online of text but he was in San Diego this weekend and somehow he found out I have a connection there with a VIP host at a club. So he is blowing up my phone. NOW Im the best thing since peanut butter cause I used my resource to help him out cause IM fucking nice.

    I met this other guy on A4A and have been emailing back and forth for a while then we decided to meet 3 weeks ago. So we met, He was cool. I am cool. Just chattering back and forth. Then he emails me and lets me know how he has a friend dying of pancreatic cancer (I dont play with the "C" word) and that his ex is bothering him and how he is involved with a case against someone in the bank he runs. Its an imbezzlement issue.

    So I hang out with the guy this past Saturday night and we just talked and are getting to know each other. He says his ex has been calling him and professing his undying love for him and blah blah blah. So I ask what his name is out of curiousity and he tells me....

    The guy I met is July is the 2nd guy's ex.

    Why, why why why? I just feel like Im never gonna win.

    Any advice? Should I get out of the middle of this? The ex doesnt know what guy #2 and I do. So hopefully he wont either.

    Get out now? Keep gettin to know guy #2? What? HELP!!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 05, 2009 4:15 PM GMT
    Contrary to popular belief, it is actually quite difficult to find people who you are compatible with. This love at first site BS, is as real as a leprechaun.

    You met a few people online who you don't click with or they didn't click with you. So, a few stories were told to let you down easy and people got caught. Oh well. That is par for the course in this game. Just go out there and keep dating. As my grandmother used to say, you have to fuck a lot of geese before you find one that lays golden eggs.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 05, 2009 4:22 PM GMT
    Cut your losses on this one.

    Jeeze, look at the place you went shopping. It's a slut palace. What did you expect?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 05, 2009 4:23 PM GMT
    Dump them both and start over. Be sure you're fishing in the right pond. A4A is a meat market, although I've met some really nice guys there over the years, it's a meat market just the same. If you're looking for a relationship, try some of the dating sites (like match.com) instead of A4A.

    You don't need drama, you need someone to enjoy, get to know and see where it goes. Don't place your expectations on the 'right' guy, lower it to 'see how it goes' with a higher likelihood that it will take many before anything serious potentially develops. Good luck.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Oct 05, 2009 4:35 PM GMT
    The guy I met is July is the 2nd guy's ex.

    Why, why why why? I just feel like Im never gonna win.

    Any advice? Should I get out of the middle of this? The ex doesnt know what guy #2 and I do. So hopefully he wont either.

    Get out now? Keep gettin to know guy #2? What? HELP!!!




    LOL ........ icon_cool.gif

    I knew The first guy was the second guy's Ex before I finished the story
    ....... Never fails
    Gay life is an incestuous soap opera
    Make like you never met these guys and go on from there
    New sheets and everything icon_wink.gif
  • JP85257

    Posts: 3284

    Oct 05, 2009 5:13 PM GMT
    I know A4A is a whorefest. I just browse most of the time. I read what the guy had to say and said Hi to him. Nothing big.

    I dont know why this is pulling me down so hard today. UGH.
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    Oct 05, 2009 5:31 PM GMT



    Hey JP85257, I know what I'd do. I'd try take my sorrows and frustration and put them in that place inside me I call my Quiet. I'd stay in touch with both as I'm a curious sort of guy and the human condition fascinates me.

    I've been in situations similar to yours in the past when single and for me, it hurt! But I wanted to know more about human dynamics; what makes us, us. So my thing is to just be a cool kind of friend to people in these tangled messes.

    If it gets too much under the skin then walk away. I've had to do that, too.

    -Doug of meninlove
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    Oct 05, 2009 5:41 PM GMT
    JP85257 said
    I dont know why this is pulling me down so hard today. UGH.


    Just take a deep breath. I always tell people, you get out what you put in. That applies to many things in life, especially dating.

    You sound - based on what's typed in the o.p. - as if you invested quickly, so perhaps just slow down a little. Let yourself feel as you need, don't be so hard on yourself or others, yet reduce your expectations and emotional expenses. Frustration often comes from expectation. So let go a bit. Those 2 guys...well that's quite a twist but not surprising.

    A4A, Realjock, match.com - they're all the same really. It's how you use them that may prove different. (Coz let's face it, every guy with a profile on match.com probably has one on A4A, he just puts certain photos in certain profiles....)

    Good luck.


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    Oct 05, 2009 5:48 PM GMT
    I'd get out now. It sounds messy. Save yourself headache and frustration and focus on people who are available and receptive. Yeah, I know, where does one find such people? Good question. But you won't find them if you're focused on sorting through someone else's baggage.
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    Oct 05, 2009 7:31 PM GMT
    I live like Mary J has instructed us to. NO MORE DRAMA!

    I am not one to cut people off, but I wouldn't entertain any more of a friendship or relationship any further with either of these dudes!
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    Oct 05, 2009 8:17 PM GMT
    I think that guy 2 has really done nothing wrong, I don't see why you shouldn't get to know him more, that is if you actually feel like getting to know him. The only thing that I'd be concerned about is that he dated someone like 'guy 1', which could say something about his character - but then again they are done so maybe he was the smart one who decided this guy was really not for him. I think you should just trust yourself, do you really feel this is a guy you're going to be able to connect with?
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    Oct 05, 2009 9:25 PM GMT
    RunintheCity said

    A4A, Realjock, match.com - they're all the same really.


    I don't regard them as the same at all. RealJock has a far cleaner, healthier, less of a hookup type feel. RJ seems to have more substance (like the forums and workout tips/videos) and that is why Realjock seems to attract a higher caliber of mates.
  • JP85257

    Posts: 3284

    Oct 05, 2009 9:43 PM GMT
    Im keeping guy #2 as a friend for now. If something else does develop then it does. I have a lot going for me as does he.

    Like I said. We are not advising guy #1 of what he and I know. We both think it would cause guy #2 way to much drama.

    I never did sleep with guy #1 (thank god).

    I am emailing and keeping friendly with guy #2. He is a nice guy. We will see. His plate is full and so is mine. I own a small business and have my hand in several pots right now as far as projects goes.

    Thanks guys. Keep it coming tho!
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    Oct 05, 2009 10:53 PM GMT
    RunintheCity said
    JP85257 said
    I dont know why this is pulling me down so hard today. UGH.


    Just take a deep breath. I always tell people, you get out what you put in. That applies to many things in life, especially dating.

    You sound - based on what's typed in the o.p. - as if you invested quickly, so perhaps just slow down a little. Let yourself feel as you need, don't be so hard on yourself or others, yet reduce your expectations and emotional expenses. Frustration often comes from expectation. So let go a bit. Those 2 guys...well that's quite a twist but not surprising.

    A4A, Realjock, match.com - they're all the same really. It's how you use them that may prove different. (Coz let's face it, every guy with a profile on match.com probably has one on A4A, he just puts certain photos in certain profiles....)

    Good luck.




    One moroon on A4A who emailed me for weeks finally stated to me that he wouldn't date a guy on A4A only a guy on Match.com. I'm on both. He would not meet-up because he first hit me up on A4A not Match.com. Go figure.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 05, 2009 11:37 PM GMT
    So gay drama really does exist after all
  • 8Always_Hard8

    Posts: 496

    Oct 05, 2009 11:41 PM GMT
    well that totally sucks... maybe your lookin in the bad places... and dont give up... unless you had a piece of me haha if so then you should finish icon_smile.gif
  • JP85257

    Posts: 3284

    Oct 07, 2009 3:23 PM GMT
    Not sure why, but I am trying to sort all of this out in my mind still.

    Ive been still emailing with the newer guy and he is turning out to be pretty cool. Im not gonna hold the situation against him. I am also not gonna make my self to available either unless I know its worth my time.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 07, 2009 3:30 PM GMT
    eat an apple... sheesh
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 07, 2009 3:32 PM GMT
    JP85257 saidWhere to start?

    I met a guy back in July. He was cool. Feel head over heels for him. Flash forward to no and basically we are friends. Cool. Whatever.

    This guy & I dont necessarily chat much online of text but he was in San Diego this weekend and somehow he found out I have a connection there with a VIP host at a club. So he is blowing up my phone. NOW Im the best thing since peanut butter cause I used my resource to help him out cause IM fucking nice.

    I met this other guy on A4A and have been emailing back and forth for a while then we decided to meet 3 weeks ago. So we met, He was cool. I am cool. Just chattering back and forth. Then he emails me and lets me know how he has a friend dying of pancreatic cancer (I dont play with the "C" word) and that his ex is bothering him and how he is involved with a case against someone in the bank he runs. Its an imbezzlement issue.

    So I hang out with the guy this past Saturday night and we just talked and are getting to know each other. He says his ex has been calling him and professing his undying love for him and blah blah blah. So I ask what his name is out of curiousity and he tells me....

    The guy I met is July is the 2nd guy's ex.

    Why, why why why? I just feel like Im never gonna win.

    Any advice? Should I get out of the middle of this? The ex doesnt know what guy #2 and I do. So hopefully he wont either.

    Get out now? Keep gettin to know guy #2? What? HELP!!!




    sweetie pie, role with the punches. you'll move on to the next, I'm sure
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 07, 2009 5:03 PM GMT
    Here's the thing: gay drama is only drama if you let it be. In the small town we last lived in, my boyfriend and I couldn't go out to any of the gay spots without inevitably running into someone one of us had had a history with sometime in the past handful of years. It's inevitable when you've got a small, concentrated population demographic.

    And really? We never let it bother us. We always laughed it off and remembered that who we were and what we did in no way must define who we are and what we do. Hence, no drama.
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    Oct 07, 2009 5:26 PM GMT
    zdrew saidHere's the thing: gay drama is only drama if you let it be. In the small town we last lived in, my boyfriend and I couldn't go out to any of the gay spots without inevitably running into someone one of us had had a history with sometime in the past handful of years. It's inevitable when you've got a small, concentrated population demographic.

    And really? We never let it bother us. We always laughed it off and remembered that who we were and what we did in no way must define who we are and what we do. Hence, no drama.


    And this is why I love Zdrew... (and for his nipples)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 07, 2009 5:52 PM GMT
    maybe you can get those 2 into a 3-some. icon_eek.gif
    - well if the 2nd guy is worth it, get to know him, seems there is some drama between those 2. If you sense that he's ready to move on and if he's worth it - give it a shot with the 2nd guy. If not, move on and find/date someone else - try to find him somewhere else beside A4A.icon_wink.gif
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    Oct 07, 2009 6:37 PM GMT


    Holy Mergatroids, zdrew, I hope you won't mind if I copy and keep this,

    "We always laughed it off and remembered that who we were and what we did in no way must define who we are and what we do."

    ..that's brilliant.

    -Doug
  • jrs1

    Posts: 4388

    Oct 07, 2009 6:54 PM GMT
    tahoejock saidI'd get out now. It sounds messy. Save yourself headache and frustration and focus on people who are available and receptive. Yeah, I know, where does one find such people? Good question. But you won't find them if you're focused on sorting through someone else's baggage.


    1st: tahoejock, omg:

    cVHFdqsjqo9y41bnfQvFPxV9o1_400.jpg

    2nd: it is very difficult finding compatibility. but your search should have parameters. you should have limits of integration for those with which you come into contact. most guys are not going to fit exactly into your life schematic, however, that does not mean that you won't find someone who surprised you by not fitting into your ideal who's willing to build something lasting alongside you. there are many wonderfully-flawed men out there willing to take your crazy self for who you are.