How do gay guys get married?

  • boynextdoor3

    Posts: 10

    Oct 05, 2009 10:14 PM GMT
    I'm a gay man who is looking towards his future with a significant other. I have goals of graduating college, going to business school for my MBA in marketing, traveling the world, starting my own business, getting married, raising kids... etc. When I think about my future wedding I realize how much planning goes into such an event. However, I can't just copy all the weddings I been to because the were between a man and woman. I have many questions, such as: Does your father give you away? Legal marriages are different then religious ceremonies, so if I don't live in a state that has legalized gay marriage, can I even get married (legally or other wise)? Is there such a thing as gay wedding planning? What are your thoughts on gay marriage (not whether it's right or wrong... I assume everyone here supports gay marriage) in terms saying "I Do" to your significant other?

    Then there is the whole popping the question. Do I pop the question to my boyfriend or should I wait for him to ask me? What about just eloping? I've thought about just buying a ring and two plane tickets to Boston to get married there... but that seems a little childish and besides my Mom would want to be there!

    I guess I am just wondering how gay marriage is done. I am almost done with school and have started my grad school search. My boyfriend and I are pretty serious, as we have been together for almost two and a half years. I feel really comfortable with him and I like where we are in our relationship. I have been seriously considering taking it to the next level. I am taking the hint from Beyonce; I like it... so I should put a ring on it!
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    Oct 05, 2009 11:23 PM GMT
    Does your father give you away
    You can let who ever you want give you away. I've seen mothers,fathers,best Friends,siblings,grandparents be the giver away (lol) The giver away should be someone who is Important in your life.




    Legal marriages are different then religious ceremonies, so if I don't live in a state that has legalized gay marriage, can I even get married (legally or other wise)

    I would google search this one,because it's a pretty long answer.


    Is there such a thing as gay wedding planning? there probably is,but don't make it seem like planning for a gay wedding is any different from planning a straight one. It really isn't to be honest.


    What are your thoughts on gay marriage
    For Me I believe everyone and anyone should have the right to get married.
    I'm only 18 so I don't know yet,but my mom (married for 12 years,then got divorced) said getting married is bullshit lol "it's a piece a paper that easy to get,but expensive to get rid of" ahahah


    Do I pop the question to my boyfriend or should I wait for him to ask me?
    well aren't you the one asking the questions??? lol if you want to get married than just pop the question.When you're ready of course lol.
    (side note) Have you guys ever brought up the topic of marriage?


    Eloping?
    yeeeah don't do that lol


    I am taking the hint from Beyonce; I like it... so I should put a ring on it!
    Have you heard beyonces other song "to the left to the left. Everything you own in the box to the left"
    I've seen some people on here have some good relationships. Then after a few years they take a turn for the worst. You're only 21 years old. You should wait until you're atleast 25 and living with the man if you're not already, if you want to get married.

    Just being honest.
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    Oct 06, 2009 2:05 AM GMT
    boynextdoor3 said
    I have many questions, such as: Does your father give you away?

    Neither of our parents "gave us away" but all parents were in attendance. It's up to you, but we thought it a bit outdated, hetero, and too fussy.

    Legal marriages are different then religious ceremonies, so if I don't live in a state that has legalized gay marriage, can I even get married (legally or other wise)?

    Yes - You can fly to most states that offer legal same-sex civil marriage to get married. But, in MA there's a 3 day waiting period required between marriage application and license provision. But, just because you're legally married in one state doesn't mean anything in NE. I'd be surprised if NE doesn't have a "Defense of Marriage" law or amendment, thereby rending your marriage null (unless you're in MA, DC, ME, CT, NY, RI.)

    Is there such a thing as gay wedding planning?

    Yes - We had a gay wedding planner and she was worth every penny.
    http://www.itsabouttimeevents.com/


    What are your thoughts on gay marriage ... in terms saying "I Do" to your significant other? Can you clarify, that's a very broad question? If you mean vows, we repeated the vows used by the state - they're beautiful and simple.

    Then there is the whole popping the question. Do I pop the question to my boyfriend or should I wait for him to ask me?

    I surprised my honey at his birthday, but I did ask his mother's permission beforehand. Whoever is more-ready should be the one who pops the question.

    What about just eloping? I've thought about just buying a ring and two plane tickets to Boston to get married there... but that seems a little childish and besides my Mom would want to be there!

    Family, especially parents, would be terribly hurt if you just eloped, assuming you have a good relationship with them. What we did was get legally married on our anniversary (Jan 4th) but then invited the full cast of family and friends for a celebration in Oct, which was a nicer time of year for an event, and easier for all to travel.

    I guess I am just wondering how gay marriage is done. I am almost done with school and have started my grad school search. My boyfriend and I are pretty serious, as we have been together for almost two and a half years. I feel really comfortable with him and I like where we are in our relationship. I have been seriously considering taking it to the next level. I am taking the hint from Beyonce; I like it... so I should put a ring on it!


    Well, there's nothing saying you can't get engaged and then wait for another couple of years before you legally tie the knot. Legal marriage is a BIG deal - it's a legally binding contract - everything that's yours is his, and vice versa, including debt and legal obligations! And, as my mother-in-law said: "For us, this means forever. There is no "do over" so be 100% sure before you do this."

    Congrats on your relationship, and consideration of marriage! As for the wedding itself - Only do what you want to do! Put that MBA to work, take a step back and realize how pervasive the wedding industry is: The industry tells us that a wedding should cost $27K (literally) and that our silverware should match the flowers in our mother's hair that was done for at least $10K (not literally.) It's in the industry's best interest that you spend as much as possible.

    Instead, realize the industry hype, and only spend what you want. Don't fall for the promotions and enter your marriage with a mountain of debt. Save up a few thousand dollars for an evening that will be exactly, and only, what you both want, and then enjoy being surrounded by family, friends, love, fun, food, and good times. Then, laugh at all the stupid people who wasted $10K more on their wedding than you, but had crappy food, the Chicken Dance, and tackiness on their big day because they weren't as smart and savvy as you.

    Good luck!!
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    Oct 06, 2009 2:07 AM GMT
    Im very happy for you and wow... I remember how it was when my fiance asked me to marry me. i really really wish you both the best and I hope you find out all the answers. I have never been to a gay weeding so I really dont know but I just want to say good luck and based on what you just said... I know your guy is very very happy with you and is one very lucky guy. My be er halfbf...whatever i dont know anymore... the guy I love that Ive been talking for almost 4 yrs needs to do the same. I think he did hear beyonce too and got scared cause thats why he said he broke up with me... but now we are talking again.... I hope it works out this time. He's the one I want to say "I DO" too!
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    Oct 06, 2009 2:09 AM GMT

    lol, boynextdoor3, do you have a BF in mind for this marriage?

    We'll answer any questions you have.

    so....we did not copy a religious wedding. It happens to be very similar already, because there's two of you standing in front of someone and you're exchanging vows. We have our pics up of it.

    Your father can give you away if you want that, though what we did was have EVERYONE who came answer WE DO! when the commissionaire asked who was giving us away. The roar was deafening, lol!

    Did we plan? Likely not like you're thinking of it, as we did nothing elaborate or try to ape a straight marriage, just how many people and what to eat. What time. What commissionaire, and she wrote our vows as they were quite beautiful and we couldn't think of anything better than what she presented to us.

    ....and yes, each of us said , "I do"

    popping the question...well, by the time we did it we already knew the answer from each other. Have your relationship well established and both personally committed to, BEFORE popping the question. Marriage should be a form of consummation, not the start of a relationship.

    Does that help at all?


    -Doug and Bill of meninlove
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    Oct 06, 2009 2:32 AM GMT
    ericsantamaria said
    boynextdoor3 said
    I have many questions, such as: Does your father give you away?

    Neither of our parents "gave us away" but all parents were in attendance. It's up to you, but we thought it a bit outdated, hetero, and too fussy.

    Legal marriages are different then religious ceremonies, so if I don't live in a state that has legalized gay marriage, can I even get married (legally or other wise)?

    Yes - You can fly to most states that offer legal same-sex civil marriage to get married. But, I think there's a 3 day waiting period required between marriage application and license provision. But, just because you're legally married in one state doesn't mean anything in NE. I'd be surprised if NE doesn't have a "Defense of Marriage" law or amendment, thereby rending your marriage null (unless you're in MA, DC, ME, CT, NY, RI.)

    Is there such a thing as gay wedding planning?

    Yes - We had a gay wedding planner and she was worth every penny.
    http://www.itsabouttimeevents.com/

    What are your thoughts on gay marriage ... in terms saying "I Do" to your significant other? Clarify, that's a very broad question...

    Then there is the whole popping the question. Do I pop the question to my boyfriend or should I wait for him to ask me?

    I surprised my honey at his birthday, but I did ask his mother's permission beforehand. Whoever is more-ready should be the one who pops the question.

    What about just eloping? I've thought about just buying a ring and two plane tickets to Boston to get married there... but that seems a little childish and besides my Mom would want to be there!

    Family, especially parents, would be terribly hurt if you just got eloped, assuming you have a good relationship with them. What we did was get legally married on our anniversary (Jan 4th) but then invited the full cast of family and friends for a celebration in Oct, which was a nicer time of year for an event, and easier for all to travel.

    I guess I am just wondering how gay marriage is done. I am almost done with school and have started my grad school search. My boyfriend and I are pretty serious, as we have been together for almost two and a half years. I feel really comfortable with him and I like where we are in our relationship. I have been seriously considering taking it to the next level. I am taking the hint from Beyonce; I like it... so I should put a ring on it!


    Well, there's nothing saying you can't get engaged and then wait for another couple of years before you legally tie the knot. Legal marriage is a BIG deal - it's a legally binding contract - everything that's yours is his, and vice versa. And, as my mother-in-law said: "For us, this means forever. There is no "do over" so be 100% sure before you do this."

    Congrats on your relationship, and consideration of marriage! As for the wedding itself - Only do what you want to do! Take a step back and realize how pervasive the wedding industry is: The industry tells us that a wedding should cost $27K (literally) and that our silverware should match the flowers in our mother's hair that was done for at least $10K (not literally.) It's in the industry's best interest that you spend as much as possible.

    Instead, realize the industry hype, and only spend what you want. Don't fall for the promotions and enter your marriage with a mountain of debt. Save up a few thousand dollars for an evening that will be exactly, and only, what you both want, and then enjoy being surrounded by family, friends, love, fun, food, and good times. Then, laugh at all the stupid people who wasted $10K more on their wedding than you, but had crappy food, the Chicken Dance, and tackiness on their big day because they weren't as smart and savvy as you.

    Good luck!!


    It doesn't seem marriages are forever any more. It seems most don't regard it that way anymore
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    Oct 07, 2009 3:39 AM GMT
    Another Nebraskan!!

    I fully support same sex marriage. If you feel things are right and in place, go ahead and propose. I would get an assertive grasp the reins and make it happen.
  • boynextdoor3

    Posts: 10

    Oct 09, 2009 8:03 PM GMT
    Thanks for the help guys! icon_smile.gif
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    Oct 09, 2009 8:57 PM GMT
    A friend of mine is a religious scholar. Hey caused quite a stir in the orthodox faiths some years back when he did a great deal of research on same sex rites over the history of the Christian church.

    As it turns out there is a terrific history of same sex matrimony, especially in the medieval period.

    Some of the rites are amazing, including binding the arms of the betrothed together with leather cord and other bondagey sort of stuff. It was all very cool.

    What I learned was that marriage rite (heterosexual or same sex) has been so dumbed down and gutted of its primal energy that it barely resembles the bond it originally was.

    I am all about jettisoning senseless ritual in favor of hot ritual. No reason a gay marriage has to look like a straight one.
  • boynextdoor3

    Posts: 10

    Oct 10, 2009 8:05 PM GMT
    UrsaMajor saidA friend of mine is a religious scholar. Hey caused quite a stir in the orthodox faiths some years back when he did a great deal of research on same sex rites over the history of the Christian church.

    As it turns out there is a terrific history of same sex matrimony, especially in the medieval period.

    Some of the rites are amazing, including binding the arms of the betrothed together with leather cord and other bondagey sort of stuff. It was all very cool.

    What I learned was that marriage rite (heterosexual or same sex) has been so dumbed down and gutted of its primal energy that it barely resembles the bond it originally was.

    I am all about jettisoning senseless ritual in favor of hot ritual. No reason a gay marriage has to look like a straight one.


    Sounds HOTT! LOL

    And I really agree with the last point!!! icon_smile.gif
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    Oct 10, 2009 8:30 PM GMT
    UrsaMajor saidA friend of mine is a religious scholar. Hey caused quite a stir in the orthodox faiths some years back when he did a great deal of research on same sex rites over the history of the Christian church.

    As it turns out there is a terrific history of same sex matrimony, especially in the medieval period.


    Yes, you are correct.

    51PX75XNF7L._BO2,204,203,200_PIsitb-stic

    And I agree with others who say it's your wedding, so forget old rituals. Do it however you want. It's your day.
  • islander24

    Posts: 161

    Oct 10, 2009 8:30 PM GMT
    In Key West and I assume other areas where there are large gay populations we have gay ceremony planners. Since Fl is one of the many that has not yet allowed gay marriage there are commitment ceremonies complete with an exchange of rings, etc. Of course a legal domestic partnership can be recored at the court house. Some business recognize these with health insurance , etc

    I have attended a few of these ceremonies. They were more over the top than straight weddings...everyone dressed in white for example, but than we often do everything over the top...its Key West
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    Oct 10, 2009 11:57 PM GMT
    I think a ring is usually involved