Do you alter your habits around straight men?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 14, 2007 3:42 AM GMT
    I find that when I am around straight men, I alter my habits. I have this fear that they will think I am "looking at them" or hitting on them. It's really weird. For example if I were showering and a straight friend was showering next to me at the gym or the pool even if I don't like him I am afraid he will think I do, and I try to not look at them at all and get out of there. It is awkward because I come off as unfriendly. I wish I didn't feel so weird like that.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13999

    Dec 14, 2007 4:18 AM GMT
    I can understand that. I try to be respectful at the gym, especially in the changing room or steam room. Keep the eyes up, etc. I tend to be fairly reserved anyway.
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    Dec 14, 2007 4:29 AM GMT
    I dont alter "behavior", I dont have feminine qualities so they usually think I am straight, but I am rather flirty (part of my personality) with them and am very open about being they find out very fast...I dont however go to a point to make them feel uncomfortable...exception would be if I am driving through or in some scary right wing town. No flirting there...and my behavior and everything can be altered if need be. I have had some scary experiences. This guy in Texas wanted to break my jaw because he thought I looked like a "LIBREL"...This was in Burnet, Texas.
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    Dec 14, 2007 4:35 AM GMT
    The other day at the gym showers, a straight friend and I showered and dried off together for the first time - and I overcompensated by not even taking a glance at him naked, although I know he got a good look at me. If I had it to do over, I would have taken a look - same as he did. Next time!
  • Artesin

    Posts: 482

    Dec 14, 2007 5:28 AM GMT
    Nobody ever suspects that I'm gay right off and unless theres a mention of it then they probably never would. I was going to the ymca and anybody who seems to hang out in the locker room is grosely overweight, any eye candy worth scoping seems to head out right after their workouts. Lately I've been going to an airforce base gym but it still seems like the only people that actually strip down are overweight icon_confused.gif . I don't make it a habit to stare at people in the gym unless I'm trying to pick up some new lifts, though occassionaly I do tend to overstare and with lack of gaydar I just keep to myself in the gym unless I go with a friend. When I'm not in the gym I still act the same , all my straight friends are secured and I can point out when I think a guy is hot and not catch any flack.
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    Dec 14, 2007 6:14 AM GMT
    Must admit that I do NOT alter my behavior for gay or straight audiences. I have been told that I come across as a straight guy....but trust me, I have my eyes wide open when the opportunity arises! In my gym especially in the late evening, after "family hours" are way done, there is ALOT of nudity parading through and I get an eyefull every night! OMG! H-O-T!!!!
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    Dec 14, 2007 6:22 AM GMT
    I'm ALWAYS around straight people. In fact I only know one guy who's gay and that's my boyfriend. lol. It's the South.

    So nope, I dont change anything, cause I was already behaving straight to begin with.
  • Hunter9

    Posts: 1039

    Dec 14, 2007 7:01 AM GMT
    I dont change anything, cause I was already behaving straight to begin with.QUOTE GOES HERE

    what the hell does that mean.. "behaving straight"??????

    you got a bf, right? that doesn't sound so straight to me
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 14, 2007 7:19 AM GMT
    I have to admit that when I'm in the changing rooms at the gym i find it difficult not to sneak a glance at the straight guys. Discretion is the key I guess.

    When I'm out with my straight friends then I tend not to discuss all my latest sexual shenanigans (well, I do the same with some of my gay friends) because we all know how shockable some straight guys are. Er, not!

    I never get involved in talk about football or the latest outrage in football management. Life is too short. Sometimes I find myself talking about music or bands that I've never heard of and have in the past pretended to like music that I wouldn't dream of listening to at home.

    Don't think I could ever pass my Straight Acting exam.
  • justinlee86

    Posts: 501

    Dec 14, 2007 7:32 AM GMT
    well i come across very masculine. Although once you know me it is apparent i am gay as hell, but I do feel that i try to look away at the gym just to make sure no one suspects i am gay...even though i am very yeah i feel like i am contradicting myself...anyway just felt like responding...
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    Dec 14, 2007 7:54 AM GMT
    hippie4lyfe wrote : "Do you alter your habits around straight men? "

    Hmmmm... I don't believe I do; that being said I do admit to being cautious, even paranoid for my own safety, in certain cultural situations.

    I travel a lot, often times to countries and cultures that are... less tolerant. In many of these places I could easily be beaten, imprisoned, or even executed, if it were to become an issue - or even if someone wished to score points or hold me hostage for some reason. It happens, and not as infrequently as many Americans might think.

  • RSportsguy

    Posts: 1925

    Dec 14, 2007 10:14 AM GMT
    I belong to the overtly 'not looking in the locker room at the gym' crowd here! I should try to be more observant when changing to see the other guys who are focused on looking straight into their lockers when they are changing. This would probably give me more of a clue about who is 'family' and who is not! icon_biggrin.gif
    Outside of the gym, I don't think I act any different. Of course, when I am hanging out with my gay friends, I can be more open about how I think someone is attractive and such.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 14, 2007 10:49 AM GMT
    I stare, but, I lower my voice a whole octave.
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    Dec 14, 2007 11:34 AM GMT
    hippie i remember when i was at college i overcompensated in the way you are talking about. i think i came off as unfriendly too, aloof even. when really i was crying out to be accepted just the same as anyone else.

    it passes though. don't worry. the more comfortable you become with yourself as a person.

    remember virtually all of us modify our behaviour to suit a given situation. apart from the queen. she's just the queen in all situations while everyone around her grovels and perpetuates the myth.icon_wink.gif

    in the locker room straight guys are always checking eachothers' bodies out. litte furtive looks. it's the mixed up attitude we have to nudity and sexuality.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 14, 2007 12:36 PM GMT

    Are you fucking kidding me! HELL NO!

    I was confronted once by a straight guy who made the mistake saying "stare all you want I know you want me"!

    Trust! He soon regreted saying that.

    Look you stupid ASS...With there being a plethora of hot gay men to look and want...Why in the fuck would I want pompous SOB!

    I further stated let me let you in on a little secret...NOT ALL GAY MEN want to be with moronic punks like you and straight men like you!

    He walked right in front of I could not help but to see him. Duh!

    What am I suppose to look down because he's there....I think NOT!

    So no I do not alter my habits why would I? That's stupid...I don't seek or need their approval.
  • zakariahzol

    Posts: 2241

    Dec 14, 2007 12:57 PM GMT
    Of course I do. Infront of my straight friend I am on guard, watch what I say and behave myself. I joke that I am interested with girls. Looking forward to get marriage and have a family and stuff like that.

    That why I feel so relax when I am in gay sauna and gay club. This places is make for gay people and gay people enjoyment. I can say what I want. Do what I want. Not saying I am faminine or anything but still I dont dream to look at some guys butt infront of my straight friends. I hope one of this days I be able to go to Castro Street, San Francisco or Oxford St Sydney Australia, where I can really be a free gay man and nobody give a danm.
  • Jase71

    Posts: 13

    Dec 14, 2007 1:16 PM GMT
    I have a reserved personality, until I feel comfortable, I don't change my behavior around straight men.... Once I start talking or making hand gestures, they know I am gay, if not before.
  • DiverScience

    Posts: 1426

    Dec 14, 2007 2:00 PM GMT

    I don't change much no matter who I'm around. Most I ever do for anyone is cut down on the cursing and crassness.

    I don't act. Been there, done that, left it on the stage.

    I think that much of "gaydar" is actually watching for the self-conscious overcompensation of gay guys.

    I once had an amusing conversation with a straight guy I know from (very very rural, backwater) Florida who said you could always tell the gay guys in school because they were the ones trying to be not gay, never looking at the other guys, never changing with everyone, eyes down. Straight guys do those things, they just aren't self conscious about it, 'cause their sexuality doesn't subsume every waking thought.
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    Dec 14, 2007 2:05 PM GMT
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    Dec 14, 2007 2:43 PM GMT
    I'm pretty reserved anyway but I do look at straight men in locker room and gym and sometimes catch them looking back

    I agree with itjock...too much cruising in arab countrys and u might end up like a lot of the profiles on this head
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 14, 2007 2:44 PM GMT
    i don't change my behaviour for straight guys, though i keep in mind not to mention hot guys that walk past unless i know them well.

    i'm more guarded when it comes to people i've only met though
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    Dec 14, 2007 3:04 PM GMT
    I don't think so. As far as I know (having gaydar that apparently has been totally inoperative since birth), all the friends I see on a frequent (e.g. day-to-day) basis are--to the best of my knowledge--straight. So in my case, to whatever extent one's habits are associated with a particular orientation probably tend to be those of straight guys.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 14, 2007 3:06 PM GMT
    I don't think it matters what group I'm around - I change my habits accordingly. There's the idea that some people are 'chameleons' of sorts and in any situation will alter unconsciously things about themselves or the bits they reveal about who they are in order to meet the situation. Many guys don't act the same way they do at work as they do on the weekends, same goes for straight people or gay people.

    So Yeah, I absolutely act differently around gay people and straight people, but it all has to do with group dynamics, not a social stigma that i'll be looked at oddly, etc.
  • dhinkansas

    Posts: 764

    Dec 14, 2007 3:33 PM GMT
    I don't carry my Hello Kitty purse around my straight friends.
  • Paradigm_Shif...

    Posts: 251

    Dec 14, 2007 3:49 PM GMT
    I was in the gym yesterday and some guy was staring. He might have even been gay, but I always just keep my eyes straight ahead.

    I agree, it is a little ridiculous and probably more obvious than just looking around "normally". Yet, its hard to find that balance.