Whore? Or typical behavior?

  • mtnjock

    Posts: 104

    Oct 07, 2009 12:01 AM GMT
    First thing first: I am not angry with my ex when I post this. I'm just surprised by the repsonses I hear from people when they hear what my ex is doing.

    When he was 18, my ex slept with his cousin's boyfriend for over a month before they come clean and told the cousin what was happening. Cousin breaks up with bf and my ex moves in.

    While I was with him (2 yrs) my ex (now 25) would go on a date with a guy, sometimes sleep with him, sometimes not. He told me it meant nothing since it was only physical, not emotional at all. Over two years he did this to me 5 times.

    Once we ended things, he began "dating" a guy who has been with his partner for 7 years. They are trying to keep the affair as secret as possible, but as we all know, that isn't working out.

    When I told him I was worried about his behavior, he told me it meant nothing since there were no emotional attachments to any of the guys he was sleeping with- only emotional attachments to his boyfriends.

    He is 25 and his friends think this is completely appropriate and acceptable. I'm 39 and think he's simply being selfish and would use the term "whore" to describe his actions. Just curious if this is a generational thing, or if I'm out of bounds with my thinking.

    Thanks for reading and any replies.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 07, 2009 12:35 AM GMT
    To each his own. That being said, I'm throwing my stone in the whore pile.
  • Sirkit

    Posts: 182

    Oct 07, 2009 12:38 AM GMT
    Well if he's not getting paid he isn't a whore icon_smile.gif

    What do you care, he's an ex? He tends to like sex with random people on the side, whatever that's his right. All participants are adults and are responsible for accepting his advances, condoning his behavior, and actively participating in it.
  • EricLA

    Posts: 3461

    Oct 07, 2009 12:40 AM GMT
    The guy doesn't appear to have a very strong view about committed relationships, whether his own or others. I'd say selfish pretty much describes him. He's only interested in his needs and wants and doesn't care what ramifications his actions have on others. I'm guessing narcissist.
  • 8Always_Hard8

    Posts: 496

    Oct 07, 2009 12:40 AM GMT
    Sirkit saidWell if he's not getting paid he isn't a whore icon_smile.gif

    What do you care, he's an ex? He tends to like sex with random people on the side, whatever that's his right. All participants are adults and are responsible for accepting his advances, condoning his behavior, and actively participating in it.


    so would this be a slut then?
  • Sirkit

    Posts: 182

    Oct 07, 2009 12:43 AM GMT
    8Always_Hard8 said
    Sirkit saidWell if he's not getting paid he isn't a whore icon_smile.gif

    What do you care, he's an ex? He tends to like sex with random people on the side, whatever that's his right. All participants are adults and are responsible for accepting his advances, condoning his behavior, and actively participating in it.


    so would this be a slut then?

    Call it what you will. I'm not one for name-calling, it's tawdry.
  • t0theheights

    Posts: 428

    Oct 07, 2009 12:45 AM GMT
    It's certainly not the best behavior, but my philosophy is, people's relationships are THEIR responsibility. If someone who I know has a bf shows interest, and they say it's ok (usually b/c the relationship is "open" to some extent), then I take them at their word, and I think it's fair for any one to do so. (More than once I found out the guy was lying in that situation -- and not permitted to hook up, but that's his fault as far as I'm concerned, not mine.)

    So as to whether or not your friend's a whore.... well, the answer is in the details. Many of those guys your ex was hooking up with willingly chose to cheat on their bf's. I'd say the larger share of blame lies with them.

    I do believe there is a distinction between love making (with emotional attachment) and non-emotional hooking up, and thus support open relationships -- but those require that both parties in the relationship remain totally honest about their actions (and of course accept the terms of the open relationship).
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 07, 2009 12:46 AM GMT
    He might be a whore, but he's not your boyfriend anymore so it's not really your concern. It kind of reminds me of going out with my lesbian friends. They see their exes out and get so angry at the actions of the ex, who the ex is dating, and who is hitting on the ex, even if they broke up years ago. Let him make his own mistakes and spend time trying to find better man.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 07, 2009 1:01 AM GMT
    heartrobb saidHe might be a whore, but he's not your boyfriend anymore so it's not really your concern. It kind of reminds me of going out with my lesbian friends. They see their exes out and get so angry at the actions of the ex, who the ex is dating, and who is hitting on the ex, even if they broke up years ago. Let him make his own mistakes and spend time trying to find better man.


    I agree! I don't understand what I will get out of what an ex does or don't do when we are no longer together? what business is it of me to question or judge what he does with his life or towards others!? if I were the OP I concentrate more time finding someone better then finding out what wrongs is the ex is doing with someone else!


    ♥ Leandro ♥
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 07, 2009 1:05 AM GMT
    not a whore...slut...is the correct turm. I agree with others; he's an adult and I'm sure he knows what the consequences of his behavior are.
    That being said...when your young you think you'll live for ever.
    My motto was to live hard and die young.
    I; like most, had their slut stage. It got old fast. I have some great memories, however. (all part of growing up)
    I do belive it is a generational thing; in that, the fear of AIDS is not as prevelent as it was for me. I think, and I may be wrong. Young studs today belive they don't have to worry about it, if they turn up HIV+ the'll be fine.
    In this internet age the ability to be a slut is way to easy...and if your hot then the guys are beating at your door. Men are men... kind of hard to turn them all down.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 07, 2009 1:09 AM GMT
    He's a scum bag. Stone goes in the whore pile. Get rid of, and stay rid of, him.
  • JHunter

    Posts: 41

    Oct 07, 2009 1:11 AM GMT
    Hey mtnjock being 25 myself I definitely don't think its a generation thing, it just comes down to the person in question. I think that if he was sleeping and dating other guys without your knoweldge that is definitely wrong but if you were aware of it and continued to be with him that's a different story entirely. As for his behavior being acceptable, I believe that if all parties are aware of what's going on and the circumstances of their actions then to each his own. But, if one of the parties does not know about the other sleeping around that is a completely different situation to me and is very wrong. I don't look down on open relationships I just don't understand them myself and know that I could not be in one. And as for sex without emotional attachment I say what's the point, that's what makes it so great.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 07, 2009 1:14 AM GMT
    he's 25, your fault!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 07, 2009 1:23 AM GMT
    Definitely NOT typical behavior. Move on.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 07, 2009 1:29 AM GMT
    Ha! I had a friend like that. WHORE! icon_biggrin.gif
  • DCEric

    Posts: 3713

    Oct 07, 2009 1:30 AM GMT
    JHunter saidHey mtnjock being 25 myself I definitely don't think its a generation thing, it just comes down to the person in question.


    This... although I am 27, so maybe things have changed in the last two years icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 07, 2009 1:44 AM GMT
    your also being judgemental and have no place to tell your ex.. thats right your EX.. your GAWD DAMNED EX how to live his life especially considering you accepted this behavior when you where in a relationship with him.

    it's high time you shut up, move on and get over it, he aint yours he can do and fuck who ever he pleases.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 07, 2009 1:49 AM GMT
    lol, mtnjock, best put some distance between you and the ex.

    Is he a slut? A whore? Well, no. But he is behaving a bit predatory in finding guys going through 'weak link' periods of their relationships, from how it sounds.

    That said, in these relationships that he's complicating, chances are if it wasn't your ex, it could very well be someone else that's the third party. So really your ex is only seeing opportunity and taking it- to hell with the fallout.

    We'd guess sensitivity is not his strong point.

    As for his friends - birds of a feather flock together, and it doesn't surprise us that he's collected friends that will concur with his activities. It's all about the validation.

    For every bunch like that, there is a bunch that is NOT that way...find you some!

    Nice to see you back, by the way; it's been awhile!

    your friends, Doug and Bill
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Oct 07, 2009 1:52 AM GMT
    Too much drama for me and sounds pretty convoluted. Knowing me, I'd probably keep my distance and go on about my business....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 07, 2009 1:58 AM GMT
    I'm in the "Shut up and mind your own business" camp. He's your EX, you have no claim on him, and moralizing about HIS behavior says more about your own issues than his. You should know that as a Gay guy at age 25, he's a walking hard-on. This is normal for most Gay guys, in my experience.

    Leave him alone and move on.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 07, 2009 2:11 AM GMT
    Well, I always wonder, when someone begins a rant with the statement "I am not angry..." whether they are, in fact, still very angry, especially when they go on to list every offense going back for years.

    I do not think anyone can know whether any ex is a whore or not. It seems to me that one way of thinking about what you have said might be that, for you, your ex sets off a feeling of your being somehow sold out. I wonder if that sounds possible.
  • JHunter

    Posts: 41

    Oct 07, 2009 2:15 AM GMT
    Some people just lack maturity in general and I think it's a total cop out to say "Oh he's 25, you should have known." 25 isint exaclty a child anymore. While I agree with you that's it's really none of your business once you are ex's, I don't think age should be used as an excuse to be promiscuous and definitely should not be viewed as the norm for someone his age. Sounds to me like you need to find someone more like yourself to be in a relationship with and leave your ex alone to do what he pleases.
  • kietkat

    Posts: 342

    Oct 07, 2009 2:28 AM GMT
    Typical whore icon_cool.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 07, 2009 2:31 AM GMT
    So am I reading this correctly - he slept around on you without your consent when you were together?

    If so why you are still friends with this person?
  • Delivis

    Posts: 2332

    Oct 07, 2009 2:35 AM GMT
    If his boyfriends know about the other guys he is sleeping with, it is fine.

    If they dont then he knows he is doing something very dishonest.