5 reasons you couldn't date a guy

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 07, 2009 2:29 PM GMT
    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/631120/

    (it's another thread with a viseo of Dan savage talking about the price of admission and compromising in a relationship.)

    I don't want to repeat a thread that's already been done but he makes a point that you should have maybe 5 solid reasons why you wouldn't consider a long term relationship with someone. Any more and it's you that has the problem and not them.

    So I was wondering.... What would everyones 5 be, and would five be enough for you or would you need more or even less?

    My 5

    1. He's got to be educated, motivated and have goals in life. I don't care about the details BSc, MBA, MD whatever, but if he's not been to university I really don't see it going anywhere

    2. He's got to be some what pragmatic realist, grounded person, I can't deal with people that are irrational and off in their own fantasy worlds

    3. Emotionally stable, available and affectionate. I can't hadle contantly trying to guess what he's thinking or pressuring him to open up

    4.Of comparable maturity, ties in with the two above. But basically I won't be with a guy that's either an irresponsible child or bitter old guy @ 25.

    5. Must be physically attractive to me, and that more than likley means fit and athletic
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Oct 07, 2009 2:34 PM GMT
    1) non smoker
    2) non drug user
    3) out
    4) emotionally available
    5) attractive to me
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    Oct 07, 2009 2:56 PM GMT
    I like this thread

    1. Has to be nice, emotionally and mentally stable and kind. No mind games, no manipulation. We all have our quirks, but I don´t have the energy to date/marry someone who is habitually draining to be around. I don´t care how hot they are.
    Deal Breaker: they are a fucked up cunt.

    2. Enough common interests that we actually have more than sex holding us together. This probably means quite a high level of intelligence and education. It would be good if they spoke good enough English to talk to my family easily. Dutch/Spanish/English would be nice, Dutch/Spanish/English/French even better…. But they are probably are going to be at least bilingual (this is just practical, as I am likely to end up living in Holland, France or Spain long term).
    Deal Breaker: nothing in common apart from sex and sexuality (they´d be a fuck buddy if this were all that we had).

    3. Able and wanting to commit to a relationship, which means no messing around with someone else.
    Deal Breaker: cheating and lying.

    4. Physically attractive to me and willing to keep working at it long term. This means that he would basically eat well and exercise regularly: if he´s got no interest in a healthier lifestyle then day to day life is going to be rough. See 2 above.
    Deal Breaker: slob.


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    Oct 07, 2009 3:01 PM GMT
    someone help me! met a guy through a friend. hit it off, have hung a bit now...

    1. sweet talker, not sure if it's sincere.

    2. just got back from living in nyc for the last 6 years

    3. is a go go dancer

    4. made the mistake of sleeping with him after the second night

    5. he has a hard time thinking guys can stay together forever. No real role models in his family to follow.

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    Oct 07, 2009 3:06 PM GMT
    jrunner25 said
    3. is a go go dancer

    4. made the mistake of sleeping with him after the second night


    It was a mistake? icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 07, 2009 3:09 PM GMT
    jrunner25 saidsomeone help me! met a guy through a friend. hit it off, have hung a bit now...

    1. sweet talker, not sure if it's sincere.

    2. just got back from living in nyc for the last 6 years

    3. is a go go dancer

    4. made the mistake of sleeping with him after the second night

    5. he has a hard time thinking guys can stay together forever. No real role models in his family to follow.

    You might want to start your own thread with that. But always difficult to advise someone online, having only a glimpse of the whole situation.

    But you yourself may have already provided the answer through the portrait you provide, both directly and between the lines: shallow and impermanent. Not a strong foundation on which to build a lasting relationship. A good fuck-buddy, perhaps, a fun friend, but expect little more, so you won't become disappointed.
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    Oct 07, 2009 3:20 PM GMT
    gah, he swears that its just a job. I was a go go dancer at 18 (lapse of judgment). I think he is a sweet guy but is that because hes latin? hmmmmm, they are great seducers if anything. I've gone out on a few dates in the last few months. All, I felt emotionless. This one, he's starting to grow on me.
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    Oct 07, 2009 5:45 PM GMT
    5 reasons to date him.

    1. Successful, goals-oriented, happy with his own life
    2. Smart, sexy, intelligent, witty, humorous
    3. Out and Proud - no closet case
    4. Loyal, Faithful, 1-on-1 type in a relationship
    5. Has good friends, family, healthy, stable emotional/body health

    5 reasons to not date him.

    1. He drinks too much, do drugs, crack, cocaine ... etc
    2. He is biased, racist, think he's the shit, too stuck up
    3. Has no goals or aspirations in life
    4. Too much baggage/drama with his friends/ex-bf, family .... etc
    5. If he's a bitter, jaded, over-the-hills circus-party club queen

    icon_cool.gif
  • jrs1

    Posts: 4388

    Oct 07, 2009 6:45 PM GMT

    Reasons to date him:

    1. clever, intellectual, curious
    2. genuine, virtuous, kind-hearted
    3. is organized, has foresight, is in-progress ...
    4. exercises restraint, is mature, has self-respect
    5. is independent, can pursue his hobbies, can be away from me and vice versa, willing to - at first - lead our own individual lives while working together to build something mutual.
  • vacyclist

    Posts: 162

    Oct 07, 2009 7:13 PM GMT
    5 (positive) qualities I look for in a guy...

    1) smart with a sense of humor & good self image

    2) non smoker

    3) interests overlap with mine

    4) physically attractive to me

    5) out
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    Oct 07, 2009 7:17 PM GMT
    MsclDrew saidhttp://www.realjock.com/gayforums/631120/

    (it's another thread with a viseo of Dan savage talking about the price of admission and compromising in a relationship.)

    I don't want to repeat a thread that's already been done but he makes a point that you should have maybe 5 solid reasons why you wouldn't consider a long term relationship with someone. Any more and it's you that has the problem and not them.

    So I was wondering.... What would everyones 5 be, and would five be enough for you or would you need more or even less?

    My 5

    1. He's got to be educated, motivated and have goals in life. I don't care about the details BSc, MBA, MD whatever, but if he's not been to university I really don't see it going anywhere

    2. He's got to be some what pragmatic realist, grounded person, I can't deal with people that are irrational and off in their own fantasy worlds

    3. Emotionally stable, available and affectionate. I can't hadle contantly trying to guess what he's thinking or pressuring him to open up

    4.Of comparable maturity, ties in with the two above. But basically I won't be with a guy that's either an irresponsible child or bitter old guy @ 25.

    5. Must be physically attractive to me, and that more than likely means fit and athletic


    I agree with these (though he's got to be creative somewhere in there too, and also not be a drug addict), however I watched the video and he's talking about 5 deal breakers (not 5 must haves). So, I guess NOT having these 5 qualities are the deal breakers. icon_smile.gif

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    Oct 07, 2009 7:18 PM GMT
    Top 5 must haves:
    1. No Drama Zone (this means drugs also)
    2. Well rounded (education, travel, current events, etc)
    3. Sense of Humor
    4. Phyiscally fit
    5. Will to put up w/ me, warts and all

    Top 5 deal killers:
    1. smoker/drug user
    2. liar
    3. drama centeral
    4. mean spirited
    5. member of the GOP
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    Oct 07, 2009 7:26 PM GMT
    Can Not Deal With:
    1. main source of income is parents
    2. refusal to remove back hair from my sight
    3. dishonesty
    4. hates children
    5. blindly following christianity/political party

    Things that are great:
    1. loves cuddling
    2. some sort of artistic expression
    3. good singing voice and/or ability to play guitar
    4. having own perspective on life
    5. being taller and thinner than I
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    Oct 07, 2009 8:03 PM GMT
    Reasons NOT to date:

    1. Drug users (even recreationally... I cant stand it), alcoholism problems
    2. Queeny, bitchy, rude to people
    3. Emotionally unavailable; I have to dig for his emotions/feelings
    4. Boring / lack of personality
    5. Being a liar

    Top 5 reasons TO date / Turn ons:

    1. Open with emotions, in touch with feelings
    2. Kind, sweet
    3. Laid back
    4. Attractive to me, share common interests
    5. Successful/ Has Aspirations/ is intelligent
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    Oct 07, 2009 8:26 PM GMT
    1. they don't want to meet anyone from a social networking site that they are also on.
    2. they don't answer emails
    3. they flake
    4. they are too busy with "friends"
    5. their dog died.



  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Oct 08, 2009 10:37 AM GMT
    Top 5 Reasons not to Date a Guy

    1. Drugs/Alcohol

    2. Smoking

    3. Intellectually incurious - stoopid

    4. Cheater

    5. A Repooblican
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 08, 2009 11:58 AM GMT
    sorry I am married so I don't need a list icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 08, 2009 12:34 PM GMT
    1) drugs, to much alcohol, or smoking

    2) No ambition and/or lazy

    3) Doesn't take car of himself so he is fat, unclean, or messy

    4) Selfish and mean-spirited

    5) Obnoxious, loud, or pushy
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 08, 2009 2:10 PM GMT
    Alpha13 said1. they don't want to meet anyone from a social networking site that they are also on.
    2. they don't answer emails
    3. they flake
    4. they are too busy with "friends"
    5. their dog died.

    Their dog died!! LOL LOL so so true!!! Good one!

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    Oct 09, 2009 12:05 AM GMT
    jprichva saidTop Reason Not To Date:

    1) breathing.


    Nothing against your choice to practice necrophilia, I mean it's not my thing but if you want to go for it by all means...

    But it can't really be called a relationship now can it?
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19138

    Oct 09, 2009 12:15 AM GMT
    Bad communicator, bad hygiene, lacks goals or ambition, no sense of humor, doesn't live a healthy & fitness minded lifestyle
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 09, 2009 12:24 AM GMT
    Don't think I have a definite list, I just take people on a case by case scenario
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    Oct 09, 2009 12:25 AM GMT

    I'm more concerned about putting my attention toward the five reasons someone might not date me. I figure if I work on that hard enough I will likey not attract someone who isn't worth my time.

    At least I hope it works that way.

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    Oct 09, 2009 12:30 AM GMT
    jprichva said
    MsclDrew said
    jprichva saidTop Reason Not To Date:

    1) breathing.


    Nothing against your choice to practice necrophilia, I mean it's not my thing but if you want to go for it by all means...

    But it can't really be called a relationship now can it?

    Who said anything about necrophilia? I don't date the dead either.


    To find an individual who's not breathing.... and yet still alive, sounds like quite a feet, dare I say an impossibility icon_twisted.gif
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    Oct 09, 2009 12:51 AM GMT
    My 5 Deal Breakers:

    1 - Dishonesty - I cannot abide "shady" behavior.
    2 - Smoker - I loathe cigarette smoke and will not kiss a bipedal ashtray.
    3 - Bitterness,Meanness - Some call it "bitchy" some call it "catty", I call it a big NO. I can't stand negative people.
    4 - Lack of Monogamy - This goes to maturity for me.
    5 - Drugs - I don't care if the pot was in the brownies for added "fiber" - drugs are out with me.

    There are other things too, such as a lack of taking care of onesself, lack of self-esteem, having to be in the bars and nightclubs 3 nights a week or more, selfishness and a lack of respect for others that instantly break the deal too. I'm also not turned on by hairy guys or guys with beards.