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Oct 07, 2009 2:29 PM GMT
http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/631120/
(it's another thread with a viseo of Dan savage talking about the price of admission and compromising in a relationship.)
I don't want to repeat a thread that's already been done but he makes a point that you should have maybe 5 solid reasons why you wouldn't consider a long term relationship with someone. Any more and it's you that has the problem and not them.
So I was wondering.... What would everyones 5 be, and would five be enough for you or would you need more or even less?
My 5
1. He's got to be educated, motivated and have goals in life. I don't care about the details BSc, MBA, MD whatever, but if he's not been to university I really don't see it going anywhere
2. He's got to be some what pragmatic realist, grounded person, I can't deal with people that are irrational and off in their own fantasy worlds
3. Emotionally stable, available and affectionate. I can't hadle contantly trying to guess what he's thinking or pressuring him to open up
4.Of comparable maturity, ties in with the two above. But basically I won't be with a guy that's either an irresponsible child or bitter old guy @ 25.
5. Must be physically attractive to me, and that more than likley means fit and athletic
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Oct 07, 2009 2:34 PM GMT
1) non smoker
2) non drug user
3) out
4) emotionally available
5) attractive to me
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Oct 07, 2009 2:56 PM GMT
I like this thread
1. Has to be nice, emotionally and mentally stable and kind. No mind games, no manipulation. We all have our quirks, but I don´t have the energy to date/marry someone who is habitually draining to be around. I don´t care how hot they are.
Deal Breaker: they are a fucked up cunt.
2. Enough common interests that we actually have more than sex holding us together. This probably means quite a high level of intelligence and education. It would be good if they spoke good enough English to talk to my family easily. Dutch/Spanish/English would be nice, Dutch/Spanish/English/French even better…. But they are probably are going to be at least bilingual (this is just practical, as I am likely to end up living in Holland, France or Spain long term).
Deal Breaker: nothing in common apart from sex and sexuality (they´d be a fuck buddy if this were all that we had).
3. Able and wanting to commit to a relationship, which means no messing around with someone else.
Deal Breaker: cheating and lying.
4. Physically attractive to me and willing to keep working at it long term. This means that he would basically eat well and exercise regularly: if he´s got no interest in a healthier lifestyle then day to day life is going to be rough. See 2 above.
Deal Breaker: slob.
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Oct 07, 2009 3:01 PM GMT
someone help me! met a guy through a friend. hit it off, have hung a bit now...
1. sweet talker, not sure if it's sincere.
2. just got back from living in nyc for the last 6 years
3. is a go go dancer
4. made the mistake of sleeping with him after the second night
5. he has a hard time thinking guys can stay together forever. No real role models in his family to follow.
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Oct 07, 2009 3:06 PM GMT
jrunner25 said
3. is a go go dancer
4. made the mistake of sleeping with him after the second night
It was a mistake?  |
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Oct 07, 2009 3:09 PM GMT
jrunner25 saidsomeone help me! met a guy through a friend. hit it off, have hung a bit now...
1. sweet talker, not sure if it's sincere.
2. just got back from living in nyc for the last 6 years
3. is a go go dancer
4. made the mistake of sleeping with him after the second night
5. he has a hard time thinking guys can stay together forever. No real role models in his family to follow. You might want to start your own thread with that. But always difficult to advise someone online, having only a glimpse of the whole situation. But you yourself may have already provided the answer through the portrait you provide, both directly and between the lines: shallow and impermanent. Not a strong foundation on which to build a lasting relationship. A good fuck-buddy, perhaps, a fun friend, but expect little more, so you won't become disappointed. |
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Oct 07, 2009 3:20 PM GMT
gah, he swears that its just a job. I was a go go dancer at 18 (lapse of judgment). I think he is a sweet guy but is that because hes latin? hmmmmm, they are great seducers if anything. I've gone out on a few dates in the last few months. All, I felt emotionless. This one, he's starting to grow on me.
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Oct 07, 2009 5:45 PM GMT
5 reasons to date him. 1. Successful, goals-oriented, happy with his own life 2. Smart, sexy, intelligent, witty, humorous 3. Out and Proud - no closet case 4. Loyal, Faithful, 1-on-1 type in a relationship 5. Has good friends, family, healthy, stable emotional/body health 5 reasons to not date him. 1. He drinks too much, do drugs, crack, cocaine ... etc 2. He is biased, racist, think he's the shit, too stuck up 3. Has no goals or aspirations in life 4. Too much baggage/drama with his friends/ex-bf, family .... etc 5. If he's a bitter, jaded, over-the-hills circus-party club queen  |
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Oct 07, 2009 6:45 PM GMT
Reasons to date him:
1. clever, intellectual, curious
2. genuine, virtuous, kind-hearted
3. is organized, has foresight, is in-progress ...
4. exercises restraint, is mature, has self-respect
5. is independent, can pursue his hobbies, can be away from me and vice versa, willing to - at first - lead our own individual lives while working together to build something mutual.
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Oct 07, 2009 7:13 PM GMT
5 (positive) qualities I look for in a guy...
1) smart with a sense of humor & good self image
2) non smoker
3) interests overlap with mine
4) physically attractive to me
5) out
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Oct 07, 2009 7:17 PM GMT
MsclDrew saidhttp://www.realjock.com/gayforums/631120/
(it's another thread with a viseo of Dan savage talking about the price of admission and compromising in a relationship.)
I don't want to repeat a thread that's already been done but he makes a point that you should have maybe 5 solid reasons why you wouldn't consider a long term relationship with someone. Any more and it's you that has the problem and not them.
So I was wondering.... What would everyones 5 be, and would five be enough for you or would you need more or even less?
My 5
1. He's got to be educated, motivated and have goals in life. I don't care about the details BSc, MBA, MD whatever, but if he's not been to university I really don't see it going anywhere
2. He's got to be some what pragmatic realist, grounded person, I can't deal with people that are irrational and off in their own fantasy worlds
3. Emotionally stable, available and affectionate. I can't hadle contantly trying to guess what he's thinking or pressuring him to open up
4.Of comparable maturity, ties in with the two above. But basically I won't be with a guy that's either an irresponsible child or bitter old guy @ 25.
5. Must be physically attractive to me, and that more than likely means fit and athletic I agree with these (though he's got to be creative somewhere in there too, and also not be a drug addict), however I watched the video and he's talking about 5 deal breakers (not 5 must haves). So, I guess NOT having these 5 qualities are the deal breakers.  |
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Oct 07, 2009 7:18 PM GMT
Top 5 must haves:
1. No Drama Zone (this means drugs also)
2. Well rounded (education, travel, current events, etc)
3. Sense of Humor
4. Phyiscally fit
5. Will to put up w/ me, warts and all
Top 5 deal killers:
1. smoker/drug user
2. liar
3. drama centeral
4. mean spirited
5. member of the GOP
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Oct 07, 2009 7:26 PM GMT
Can Not Deal With:
1. main source of income is parents
2. refusal to remove back hair from my sight
3. dishonesty
4. hates children
5. blindly following christianity/political party
Things that are great:
1. loves cuddling
2. some sort of artistic expression
3. good singing voice and/or ability to play guitar
4. having own perspective on life
5. being taller and thinner than I
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Oct 07, 2009 8:03 PM GMT
Reasons NOT to date:
1. Drug users (even recreationally... I cant stand it), alcoholism problems
2. Queeny, bitchy, rude to people
3. Emotionally unavailable; I have to dig for his emotions/feelings
4. Boring / lack of personality
5. Being a liar
Top 5 reasons TO date / Turn ons:
1. Open with emotions, in touch with feelings
2. Kind, sweet
3. Laid back
4. Attractive to me, share common interests
5. Successful/ Has Aspirations/ is intelligent
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Oct 07, 2009 8:26 PM GMT
1. they don't want to meet anyone from a social networking site that they are also on.
2. they don't answer emails
3. they flake
4. they are too busy with "friends"
5. their dog died.
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Oct 08, 2009 10:37 AM GMT
Top 5 Reasons not to Date a Guy
1. Drugs/Alcohol
2. Smoking
3. Intellectually incurious - stoopid
4. Cheater
5. A Repooblican
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Oct 08, 2009 11:03 AM GMT
Top Reason Not To Date:
1) breathing.
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Oct 08, 2009 11:58 AM GMT
sorry I am married so I don't need a list  |
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Oct 08, 2009 12:34 PM GMT
1) drugs, to much alcohol, or smoking
2) No ambition and/or lazy
3) Doesn't take car of himself so he is fat, unclean, or messy
4) Selfish and mean-spirited
5) Obnoxious, loud, or pushy
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Oct 08, 2009 2:10 PM GMT
Alpha13 said1. they don't want to meet anyone from a social networking site that they are also on.
2. they don't answer emails
3. they flake
4. they are too busy with "friends"
5. their dog died.
Their dog died!! LOL LOL so so true!!! Good one!
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Oct 09, 2009 12:05 AM GMT
jprichva saidTop Reason Not To Date:
1) breathing. Nothing against your choice to practice necrophilia, I mean it's not my thing but if you want to go for it by all means... But it can't really be called a relationship now can it? |
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Oct 09, 2009 12:07 AM GMT
MsclDrew saidjprichva saidTop Reason Not To Date:
1) breathing.
Nothing against your choice to practice necrophilia, I mean it's not my thing but if you want to go for it by all means...
But it can't really be called a relationship now can it? Who said anything about necrophilia? I don't date the dead either. |
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Oct 09, 2009 12:15 AM GMT
Bad communicator, bad hygiene, lacks goals or ambition, no sense of humor, doesn't live a healthy & fitness minded lifestyle
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Oct 09, 2009 12:24 AM GMT
Don't think I have a definite list, I just take people on a case by case scenario
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Oct 09, 2009 12:25 AM GMT
I'm more concerned about putting my attention toward the five reasons someone might not date me. I figure if I work on that hard enough I will likey not attract someone who isn't worth my time.
At least I hope it works that way.
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Oct 09, 2009 12:30 AM GMT
jprichva saidMsclDrew saidjprichva saidTop Reason Not To Date:
1) breathing.
Nothing against your choice to practice necrophilia, I mean it's not my thing but if you want to go for it by all means...
But it can't really be called a relationship now can it?
Who said anything about necrophilia? I don't date the dead either. To find an individual who's not breathing.... and yet still alive, sounds like quite a feet, dare I say an impossibility  |
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Oct 09, 2009 12:51 AM GMT
My 5 Deal Breakers:
1 - Dishonesty - I cannot abide "shady" behavior.
2 - Smoker - I loathe cigarette smoke and will not kiss a bipedal ashtray.
3 - Bitterness,Meanness - Some call it "bitchy" some call it "catty", I call it a big NO. I can't stand negative people.
4 - Lack of Monogamy - This goes to maturity for me.
5 - Drugs - I don't care if the pot was in the brownies for added "fiber" - drugs are out with me.
There are other things too, such as a lack of taking care of onesself, lack of self-esteem, having to be in the bars and nightclubs 3 nights a week or more, selfishness and a lack of respect for others that instantly break the deal too. I'm also not turned on by hairy guys or guys with beards.
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Oct 09, 2009 3:20 AM GMT
jprichva saidTop Reason Not To Date:
1) breathing. J, for me, it's if he's not breathing that's the deal-breaker...usually.... |
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Oct 09, 2009 3:51 AM GMT
I have a guy, so here are five reasons to keep him-
1.He's intelligent.
2.He's very Catholic and doesn't care that I'm an atheist.
3.He doesn't drink, use drugs, or smoke.
4.He cooks my meals, changes my car's oil, and balances my check book.
5.He brushes and flosses
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Oct 09, 2009 3:57 AM GMT
1. Couldn't see myself with someone so up on his horse that he forgets there is a ground and people inhabit it. People who look down on me and my background are a no-go for sure.
2. Definitely not into someone who feels that a piece of paper is what makes them/defines them. Some of the greatest people in the world never went to college and oddly enough they make more money and are far better off them most of us could ever be.
3. Not into someone who doesn't take care of their self mentally, physically or emotionally. Mentally, you would have to be on par with me and enjoy being playful and humorous but at the same time mature and knowing and knowing how to prioritize and when to serious. Physically, I'd like a guy to be on my level or above and generally within my age group for common interests and whatnot. Someone who will keep at it and even encourage it from me. Also hygiene is included too. Emotionally they'd have to be stable and available. Someone comfortable with their self being gay. You don't have to be flamboyantly open (I'm not) but you must be able to acknowledge it and accept it openly with confidence and not be afraid to shed a tear or want a hug. No excess baggage is needed and I don't need someone who lies, cheats and is all "flip-flop" with their emotions. Dishonesty, craziness just cold-hearted is never attractive or supportive.
4. Guys who lack ambition, goals, adventure and the passion to explore their mind and physically surroundings. Exploring can is and usually is fun.Doing something fun and enjoying is a great time killer and it's even better when you're with someone. If you're stuck on a mundane schedule and treat life like the eternal Groundhog's Day then nothing much will come of a relationship with me. Get out and read a book, take a trip or even just engage in a simple interesting conversion and be able to be social.
5. Have a job. LOL.
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Oct 09, 2009 4:08 AM GMT
5 reasons I wouldn't date a guy
1) Is involved in any way shape or form with drugs (does them, sells them, etc)
2) Partiers (he goes out like all the time and gets drunk and hangs around all the gay bars and clubs)
3) Sloppy (lazy, messy, unkempt, fat, smelly, etc, etc)
4) If he still talks about his ex a lot, guys in open "relationships" and stuff liek that
5) Usually you can tell if someone can be a good friend or more by the things they do when you meet or hang out, so if a guy isn't willing to drive to me, pick me up, go here or there then you know he will not be good a commitment and stuff
These are the TRUE things that would turn me off from a guy no matter who charming, attractive he may be
I noticed a lot of you guys put education and goals and stuff but for me, I have met some guys who are in transition and don't know what they want to do and they are not in school but they don't do drugs or anything, These guys are interesting and fun to talk to and some of them have been smarter than some of the "educated" guys I have met. Being "educated" can mean a lot more than just goin to school and studying math, science, etc
If a guy has all these book smarts and no common sense or street smarts then he is not my type
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Oct 30, 2009 8:57 PM GMT
Reasons to date a guy:
1. He has maturity and I don’t mean age. A guy can be 22 and be much more mature than a guy who’s 43. By mature I mean emotionally stable, non-dramatic, and realistic. No games, no bs, just down to earth and able to know what they want.
2. He has some sort of personality and isn't shallow. Dating a guy takes more than just sex, he can be hot and sexually compatible, but when it comes to conversation, I like my guy to be able to talk to me. Someone who excites me intellectually, culturally, comically, and generally someone who I’m compatible with. Not 100%, it’s fun to place bets with sports, especially with the guy you’re dating. It just makes it more fun
3. Loyalty and honesty. He has to be straight up with me. Seriously, for me, being able to communicate and just tell the truth is something that makes it seem more genuine. Loyalty goes a long way, especially if he’s able to differentiate between cheating and being faithful.
4. He has to be attractive in my eyes. Physically fit, and be able to take care of himself. Personality plays a big role on this, and so does being independent. A guy who’s outgoing and be able to have his two feet on the ground is something that is a great quality to have.
5 A guy who’s open minded. I believe in [a] God, and even if he doesn’t he respects that, or the fact that sometimes I’m not blindly believing everything the Democratic party believes in. Compatibility is something that comes with compromise.
Reasons NOT to date a guy:
1. Narcassism and generally having an inflated ego. Being cocky and thinking you're the shit isn't something that I find attractive. I don't anyone does, it shows immaturity, insecurity, and huge self image problem.
2. Being catty, rude, and generally having a sour personality. Spreading rumors, having that clubbing/"Heathers" mentality and being annoyingly "fierce" doesn't do it for me. It just causes drama, drama, and more drama.
3. Exaggerated flamboyancy. Having a few fem moments is ok, we all have them. But being a walking pride parade or a borderline chick isn't something I want to deal with. At least not in a dating situation.
4. At the same time, a guy who isn't secure with his sexuality. A guy who tries to be super macho isn't cute. It just reminds me of the jocks from high school or a caricature.
5. Someone who isn't motivated, doesn;t really have any ambitions. If he's that monotonous about everything, what about a relationship? Sounds like a loser to me. No offense.
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Oct 30, 2009 9:03 PM GMT
1. snobbery
2. laziness
3. cruel
4. chews with mouth open
5. bad breath ;)
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Oct 30, 2009 9:09 PM GMT
This is weird but i like it when a guy chews with his mouth open and is a sloppy eater.... there's something very primal and masculine about it That said there's a time and a place, post gym session in subway, tear into like an animal, birthday dinner in fancy restaurant silverwear required |
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Oct 31, 2009 1:12 AM GMT
ROFL Muscldrew - this was just the funniest and strangest topic we've read on RJ, because you said,
"I don't want to repeat a thread that's already been done but he makes a point that you should have maybe 5 solid reasons why you wouldn't consider a long term relationship with someone.
... then you listed five reasons why you WOULD consider someone with small caveats after each. Followed by others stating their five reasons to consider an LTR with someone.
....well soon people caught on, but we have to tell you, this was great!
oh my..*wiped tears of laughter away , takes deep breath*
Please accept our apologies, but it really was funny!!!
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Oct 31, 2009 1:24 AM GMT
it is kinda funny, i'll admit it I was implying that were the my 5 "if he didn't haves"  |
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Oct 31, 2009 1:27 AM GMT
My gorsh, MusclDrew, if you had seen the looks on our faces!!
We looked so confused the dog offered to type.
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Oct 31, 2009 1:29 AM GMT
[quote][cite]MsclDrew said[/cite]http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/631120/
(My 5
1. He's got to be educated, motivated and have goals in life. I don't care about the details BSc, MBA, MD whatever, but if he's not been to university I really don't see it going anywhere
Drew why could you never see a relationship with guy who has not been to university, I'm not sure what happens in your country or any other country but here in Australia, the guys who plumbers, brick layers etc make so much money they work hard but they earn their money, what reason is it that you would not date someone is it to do with wealth or conversation. Motivation and goals has nothing to do with education , I no plenty of university folk who earn alot less then me, have life's that are hard and very boring. I do realise tradies in other countries are low paid workers
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Oct 31, 2009 1:30 AM GMT
meninlove said
My gorsh, MusclDrew, if you had seen the looks on our faces!!
We looked so confused the dog offered to type. Hey Doug that's not nice....you shouldn't call your loving and devoted husband that |
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Oct 31, 2009 1:31 AM GMT
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Oct 31, 2009 1:51 AM GMT
cbrett said[quote][cite]MsclDrew said[/cite]http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/631120/
(My 5
1. He's got to be educated, motivated and have goals in life. I don't care about the details BSc, MBA, MD whatever, but if he's not been to university I really don't see it going anywhere
Drew why could you never see a relationship with guy who has not been to university, I'm not sure what happens in your country or any other country but here in Australia, the guys who plumbers, brick layers etc make so much money they work hard but they earn their money, what reason is it that you would not date someone is it to do with wealth or conversation. Motivation and goals has nothing to do with education , I no plenty of university folk who earn alot less then me, have life's that are hard and very boring. I do realise tradies in other countries are low paid workers it's anything but about money, actually a I guy a dated(my first) living in Sydney was one that spurred me on to that requirement by saying I quote "Unis pump out retards who believe they're more qualified than they are. Getting drunk 4nights/week for 4yrs doesnt entitle you to anything!" "I didn't say graduates were useless... just no more entitled than the rest of the population... These kids who come out and expect to walk into managerial positions, who wont even apply for entry level roles "because I've spent 4 years at uni so I didn't have to be a shit kicker"... complete smack... utterly ridiculous! If you have no life experience to go with your shiny new degree... then I'm sorry kiddlets, you start at the bottom with everyone else!" My family always relentlessly pushed me towards education since day 1 (maybe it dosen't mean as much as i have been programmed to think but I know it's a significant achievement) Assuming I make it through ten years, an unbelievable amount of money invested in my myself and untold hours of hard work. I want the guy I date to respect and empathize somewhat with all of that and I didn't think every guy would have to go through that to understand what a big role in someones life that it can play and respect that but I keep getting proved wrong. |
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Oct 31, 2009 2:08 AM GMT
hmm..after reading the responses ..i came to the conclusion that guys arent close minded anymore......they would then date a hiv positive man....as i didnt see anyone say NE to the idea....thats good as i would not let a guys status be the sole reason i wouldnt date him.
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Oct 31, 2009 2:11 AM GMT
well said and as I'm the only person to not go through university in my family, i do understand the commitment to those years of studying, I just hope you give some guy a chance and i did not know you date a Aussie already cheers Brett
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Oct 31, 2009 2:38 AM GMT
Why 5? 3 is hard enough:
1. Attractive to me
2. Reasonably masculine (not a diva, but not a rambo either)
3. Good character
It's the tripod of bad luck:
1. If he is attractive and masculine, he's usually an asshole
2. If he is masculine and has a good character, he's usually unattractive to me
3. If he is attractive and has a good character, he's usually too feminine for me
90% of the guys I attract fall into those 3 categories almost evenly, but that's what makes the other 10% so special...
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Oct 31, 2009 2:42 AM GMT
MusclDrew said, "Hey Doug that's not nice....you shouldn't call your loving and devoted husband that."
ROFL!
The dog's name is Emma (she's perched on Bill's shoulder in one of our pics.)
Now, back to our program....
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Oct 31, 2009 2:49 AM GMT
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Oct 31, 2009 3:07 AM GMT
ActiveAndFit said so demanding
Dude, you are a fag. |
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Oct 31, 2009 3:07 AM GMT
meninlove said
MusclDrew said, "Hey Doug that's not nice....you shouldn't call your loving and devoted husband that."
ROFL!
The dog's name is Emma (she's perched on Bill's shoulder in one of our pics.)
Now, back to our program....
ironically that's my sister's name |
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Oct 31, 2009 4:18 AM GMT
omgthat'sfunny!
It's a perfectly good name. My niece's best friend is an Emma (and she's no dog, lol.)
-Doug (Bill watching horror movies)
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Oct 31, 2009 4:48 AM GMT
Alpha13 said1. they don't want to meet anyone from a social networking site that they are also on.
2. they don't answer emails
3. they flake
4. they are too busy with "friends"
5. their dog died.
Someone must have had a "bad" experience with this.... a while back I believe it was you who said its hard to date guys who have dogs. lol..... so sorry, we actually have living creatures that are dependent on us for care! |
