New bf has bad temper

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 09, 2009 5:23 AM GMT
    Started dating this new guy...and it was great for the first two weeks - then began noticing his short-temper - not with me, but with others. And then I started noticing his condescending tone towards me. I would discuss back with him that he should talk to people that way or act out on every little thing - "don't cry over spilled milk" issues.

    I love him dearly - he's very attractive and I know he loves me...but does he have to act this way? I am beginning to not want to tell him things cause i am afraid of how he will react. I don't want to have it get to a point where I can't talk to him...

    What should I do?
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Oct 09, 2009 5:55 AM GMT
    move on before you become his Personal Punching bag. icon_sad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 09, 2009 5:59 AM GMT
    How long have you been dating?

    I'd proceed with caution. He probably kept things toned down for a bit in the initial stages of the relationship because it's probably presented an issue in the past for him in regards to dating. Now that the honeymoon's over he's letting his true colors show a bit. It may escalate from there, it may not.

    The best thing you can do is talk with him, and use your common sense. And if you ever feel in danger, don't stick around. You may think you love him, but how well do you really know him...If it's not all that well then you love what he presented himself to be which may not be who he actually is. That's always something you have to watch out for.
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    Oct 09, 2009 12:36 PM GMT
    cquest9 saidStarted dating this new guy...and it was great for the first two weeks - then began noticing his short-temper - not with me, but with others. And then I started noticing his condescending tone towards me. I would discuss back with him that he should talk to people that way or act out on every little thing - "don't cry over spilled milk" issues.

    I love him dearly - he's very attractive and I know he loves me...but does he have to act this way? I am beginning to not want to tell him things cause i am afraid of how he will react. I don't want to have it get to a point where I can't talk to him...

    What should I do?


    Get rid of him. Just a matter of time before you have to deal with it.
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    Oct 09, 2009 12:45 PM GMT
    chuckystud saidGet rid of him. Just a matter of time before have to deal with it.

    Likely true. He's probably on his best behavior with the OP right now, keeping that temper in check. Once he begins to feel more relaxed & comfortable with cquest9, he'll slowly return to his former ways, treating the OP like cquest9 now sees him treating others.

    Tigers never change their stripes, they just put on a nice dress for a while. icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 09, 2009 12:47 PM GMT
    Well you are getting a glimpse into his abusive mentaility and you have to ask yourself if you can live with it. If you decide that you can then suck it up and shut up. If you can't then someone needs to "KICK ROCKS"!
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    Oct 09, 2009 12:50 PM GMT
    rnch saidmove on before you become his Personal Punching bag. icon_sad.gif


    Amen
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 09, 2009 12:51 PM GMT
    if his bad temper is always aimed at others
    its only a matter of time before u get the full brunt of it
    unless u let him know u wont have any of it
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    Oct 09, 2009 1:04 PM GMT

    The minute I start to post an anonymous forum asking you guys whether I'm with the right guy I'll stop myself before I do it, knowing that I'm clearly not!

    Why are you asking us? Ask yourself... why you have even one moment to waste on someone who doesn't behave in a way that's respectful to you and to others.

    There are still millions of handsome and respectful guys out there you haven't met. make your move.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 09, 2009 1:21 PM GMT
    he´s on best behaviour. It´s like people who bitch about others behind their backs: you know that they bitch about you behind your back too..... I´d be very firm with him, and if he wouldn´t deal with the issue, we´d be saying goodbye.
  • Ironman4U

    Posts: 738

    Oct 09, 2009 1:22 PM GMT
    DUMP HIM!!!

    Short-temper towards others...condescending towards you...scared to share things with him because of how he might react...DO YOU REALLY NEED TO THINK ABOUT THIS ONE? YOU DESERVE BETTER.
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    Oct 09, 2009 1:51 PM GMT

    cquest9 tell him what you told us, "I am beginning to not want to tell him things cause i am afraid of how he will react. "


    His reaction could very well be the straw that breaks the camel's back, or the first step in him recognizing he has issues he should address.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Oct 09, 2009 2:07 PM GMT
    Run, don't walk. First it will be the verbal abuse, then it will get physical. Unless he is able to see he has a problem and is willing to get help, this will only end badly for you.
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Oct 09, 2009 2:16 PM GMT
    GFORCE said
    The minute I start to post an anonymous forum asking you guys whether I'm with the right guy I'll stop myself before I do it, knowing that I'm clearly not!

    Why are you asking us? Ask yourself... why you have even one moment to waste on someone who doesn't behave in a way that's respectful to you and to others.

    There are still millions of handsome and respectful guys out there you haven't met. make your move.



    Eh.....it's no big deal. Sometimes people understand what they have to do but just need a sounding board of affirmation. Just talking things out with friends or writing it down clears up the issue for people(although I hate it when they never take good advice!).

    As to the OP, your new BF does not seem to be respectful of others and he is condescending to you. It might not turn to physical confrontations, but just the fact that he is already condescending to you after a couple of weeks is really awful.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 09, 2009 2:33 PM GMT
    rnch saidmove on before you become his Personal Punching bag. icon_sad.gif
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    Oct 09, 2009 2:49 PM GMT
    You've already established a break in communication. Any relationship is a constant negotiation of re-negotiation. The fact that your second sentence after saying you love him dearly was "He's very attractive", seems as if your willing to accept his lack of courtesy for you and others for his looks. What should really matter is how this person makes you feel and his contribution to your life positively and that you already have the answer too!
  • zakariahzol

    Posts: 2241

    Oct 09, 2009 2:53 PM GMT
    I once post a topic on "Gay Domestic Violence'. Probably you should recheck those.

    I use to live with a gay couple who rented another room in the same house. One day , one of the guy come to see me. He hug me , hold me in his arm and crying. He then pull his pant down and show me a bruise in his leg and also his chest. He told me , his bf have beat him up.

    This is not surprising since I have see how he was treated. He was call stupid, a moron ,pig, fat and all kind of humiliting name. He was make to clean dishes, cook, serve food and clean laundry.

    One night , I heard a loud screaming from their room. The son of the bitch have throw out all his cloth and thing and demanded him to leave the house immediately (in the middle of the night).

    My advise to you. Leave now, before it to late.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 09, 2009 3:16 PM GMT
    Only a few weeks and this guy is starting to act like this! A guy usually is on his "best behavior" for at least a month or so. After a while you get the see how a guy is for real. An ex bf of mine had a great relationship with a guy for about a year. Things changed after that. The guy would be abusive and controlling, but my ex stayed with him because he "loved him". Then the jerk cheated so my ex left him. The guy come after my ex with a GUN! The guy stalked my ex for about a year after that.Luckly by the time I started dating my ex things simmered down whith his psycho ex. My ex was so distrubed by what happened he developed a trust issues with all future guys he dated. He felt the need to secertly do background check on me (that causes its own problems between us when I found out).

    I am alittle supecious of no pic/few post guys who post such sensationalistic posts, but if you are real/serious get away before things turn really bad.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 09, 2009 4:11 PM GMT
    A bad temper on a person really pisses me off!

    Seeing someone being disrespetful to another makes my blood boil.

    Have him read this thread from his computer or print it out for him.

    His reaction will speak volume to his character. Counseling should be his next step.

    And run if he is a drinker. Drinking + Anger Issues = Dangerous Situations
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 09, 2009 4:22 PM GMT
    Anyyone over 25 with anger issues will NEVER change. Dump his ass quickly.
  • EricLA

    Posts: 3461

    Oct 09, 2009 4:32 PM GMT
    Have to agree with the above sentiments. You're clearly aware of what are very obvious bright, flashing red flags. The signs can't be more clear. He does not sound like a very healthy person to be around. I'd say this has all the makings of an abusive relationship -- definitely on the emotional level, but I would not be surprised if his anger eventually becomes physical. Get out while you can.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Oct 09, 2009 5:04 PM GMT
    rnch saidmove on before you become his Personal Punching bag. icon_sad.gif


    Afraid this is right
    Just a amatter of time before this temper of his gets aimed right at you
    and what really worries me is that you're already thinking of changing your behavior to accommodate his
    by not tewlling him certain things because you're afraid of how he'll react

    This has bad news written all over it
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 09, 2009 5:14 PM GMT
    Best to move on......
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Oct 09, 2009 5:24 PM GMT
    Don't tell us tell him! Be a man and if someone said that to me it would put a stop the first time it was uttered if it continued I'd leave. If he got physical I'd clean his clock, and beat him snottless!!icon_mad.gificon_mad.gif
    Don't be a co-dependant chick!
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Oct 09, 2009 5:25 PM GMT
    cquest9 saidStarted dating this new guy...and it was great for the first two weeks - then began noticing his short-temper - not with me, but with others. And then I started noticing his condescending tone towards me. I would discuss back with him that he should talk to people that way or act out on every little thing - "don't cry over spilled milk" issues.

    I love him dearly - he's very attractive and I know he loves me...but does he have to act this way? I am beginning to not want to tell him things cause i am afraid of how he will react. I don't want to have it get to a point where I can't talk to him...

    What should I do?


    Also sounds like you haven't been dating long enough to use the word love on either sides??> WTF.