Does anybody else feel a disconnect from the gay community?
No, just the opposite for me. But I have heard this from other gays before, so I don't think you are alone at all.
I also came out late, very late at 45, as I frequently mention here. But I took like a duck to water with gay culture, being a million times more socially successful in the gay world than I had ever been in the straight one.
But at the same time, I was old enough, and mature enough, to have learned the skill of being selective, and having developed a strong enough character to enforce those choices, and resist things I knew to be unwise for me.
I practice a very careful "pick & choose" in the gay world. I do what *I* want, what makes *me* comfortable, not what the mob does, not what's fashionable or popular. I've made a gay world for myself that reflects *me* and not the stereotypes.
Does that separate me from some aspects of gay culture? Sure it does. I don't care. The gay world I've created for myself is fun, and entertaining, and full of good friends and interesting people, and is infinitely better than anything I ever knew in the straight world.
Don't be misled by a monolithic view of the gay scene. There is more depth and variety than the gay rags would lead you to believe, what even the threads here would suggest. It does help to live in a community with a large & vibrant gay presence, but you're in LA, so that's not a problem.
I suspect your difficulty is that you haven't yet found YOUR gay community. When you do, you will also take to it like a duck to water. So what do you want your gay community to be?