Being called FAT or UGLY or...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 15, 2007 12:18 AM GMT
    I've always wondered how various men have been impacted by being made fun of because of their looks. I was always called fat by my family or random people from childhood all the way to college! The other six members of my family were extremely thin so I ALWAYS stood out at gatherings or in pictures. Appearing to be grotesquely fat has become so ingrained in my mind that I am so critical on my appearance. This of course exhibits some insecurity, but I've started to use it as a drive to becoming healthier and top model gorgeous! Maybe one day I'll fully realize that I don't look like Star Jones pre-gastric bypass! So how has your life been impacted from name calling?

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  • art_smass

    Posts: 960

    Dec 15, 2007 12:27 AM GMT
    I was called "Egg" by my older brothers when I was a kid. It was supposed to be short for "Egghead", meaning I was too smart for my own good. I didn't really take it as an insult. At least they weren't calling me "stupid."
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    Dec 15, 2007 1:11 AM GMT
    My co-worker called me fat a couple of months ago; I was mad >.
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    Dec 15, 2007 1:13 AM GMT
    One fine memorable summer day back in high school somebody told me I looked like a bug. A BUG. Super skinny and gangly, with big oversized glasses.

    My psyche never recovered. I squish bugs to this day. icon_neutral.gif
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    Dec 15, 2007 1:17 AM GMT
    Personally, I prefer Starr's appearance pre-bypass.

    I was always a skinny, overly-smart kid. I suffered greatly from my looks. And the intelligence thing made a huge gap between me and most of my peers.

    By also, my perception of the world got in the way. Since I am gay, I never saw the world as other kids did. So I never responded to the stimuli of the world in the same way. That really became a problem in HS. I had friends. But of course I could never connect with most kids.

    I agree with your goals to slim down. One could say that you should be happy however you are...and the world should get over it. But you arent going to change the world. And if you want to get by with a bit more acceptance, make the changes. And there is no world worse than the gay world when it comes to appearance.

    Consider blogging your experience on RJ, so we can help keep you motivated. It's gonna be a slog, I expect.

  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Dec 15, 2007 1:21 AM GMT
    Been called both on more than one occasion.

    In fact, a guy at the gym made a comment to me about something I'm really self-conscious about and even though I shouldn't have let it bother me, it did.
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    Dec 15, 2007 1:22 AM GMT
    I was called fat, fat pig, piggy, fatso, etc by "friends( i dont have an appropriate word for these ppl), family, and strangrs...also had a few ppl point at me when i ran to catch a bus and say "Watch fat boy run" and yes...it did cut deep into my self esteem and killed my confidence to a large extent. The lack of confidence is now pretty much gone (i have no shame)...but i do admit to being pretty insecure about my looks...i guess if u get called unattractive/ugly enough times...it kinda sticks with you and becomes a nagging voice in the back of your head

    Of course on a bright note...the ppl that did make fun of my weight are now fat! icon_razz.gif
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    Dec 15, 2007 2:05 AM GMT
    You are so much more than just your body. Wether it is great or needs improving, you can't put too much meaning into it. If you feel fat, go out and do something nice for someone. maybe you won't be so hard on yourself when you look in the mirror. And on the flip side, someday your body will be old and less than perfect and hopefully you have found you had more going for you than just your body.
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    Dec 15, 2007 2:25 AM GMT
    you're absolutely right MN...but most people seem to be unable to look past the external
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 15, 2007 3:08 AM GMT
    r u kidding me? I know poeple twice your size and still consider themselves "fit". and you are HOT.
    Use hypnotic tapes on self image, maybe they will help.
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    Dec 15, 2007 3:46 AM GMT
    Fat is bad and everybody knows it.
    Ugly is bad and everybody knows it.
    Poverty is bad and everybody knows it.
    Powerless is bad and everybody knows it.
    Skinniness is bad and everybody knows it.
    Being a nerd is bad and everybody knows it.
    Being uncoordinated physically is bad and everybody knows it.
    Being less abled physically (blind/deaf/etc.) is bad and everybody knows it.
    Being uneducated is bad and everybody knows it.
    Having a small dick or small breasts or a flat ass is bad and everybody knows it.
    Being tone-deaf is bad and everybody knows it.
    Being mentally ill is bad and everybody knows it.
    Having a chronic disease like HIV or Multiple Sclerosis is bad and everybody knows it.
    Being gay or bi is bad and everybody knows it.

    Objectively, it's difficult and sometimes inconvenient and sometimes disadvantageous to be "different," to be "other." But, most of what we see as "negative" or "bad" about something is usually (a) incorrect, (b) highly limited in scope, and (c) mere prejudice.

    In some contexts, these things are "not so bad" or "ok" or "even positive."
    The differences?
    Only two:
    The character of the observer and the character of the observed.

    I have a reasonably good body and a reasonably good face and am often complimented on my looks or cock or something, and almost everyone is impressed by my mind and my ability to articulate my thoughts.
    BUT, I wear thick glasses, have teeth problems, have physical problems that people don't easily see but often comment on, too, using generalisms.

    Ignore those people because they do not create your reality.

    Remember when you came out of the closet? You were terrified that you would lose your friends. Then almost everyone was cool. And the few that were not cool you were able to move away from because you understood that they were NOT TRULY YOUR FRIENDS. Had they been your friends, they would have loved you, would have done some research and would have changed their perceptions of you and, in general, of all gay people.

    We all know disgusting fat people. Or gay guys who are assholes. Or uneducated people who are so fucked up it's impossible to be around them. BUT, in most cases, the problem is not the obesity or the gayness or the lack of education. It is other behaviors associated with that particular person and we blame the obvious characteristic (the fat or the homosexuality).

    Ignoring majority prejudices is silly. They affect us. Ignoring objective problems with chronic diseases or eyesight problems or obesity is silly. They affect our health or comfort or ability to function.

    But that's not why people comment insensitively about our "problems" or "flaws" or "differences." They comment insensitively because they themselves are deeply insecure and uncomfortable and unkind.

    So, ignore them. Not because you're ok. You might not be. But because their comments do not come from a desire to help you, but rather from a desire to superficially and falsely repair their sense of insecurity, discomfort and unkindness. They don't matter. Never judge yourself by an asshole.

    When someone makes a homophobic remark around me (or to me), I immediately walk up to them (stranger or acquaintance) and quietly (but loudly enough for their peers to hear) say, "What you just said about gays being [blank] was unkind and merely demonstrates that you're feeling very insecure. What is it about you that you hate so much?" Almost always their friends begin to mock the homophobe.

    If you want to lose weight to be healthier, ok. But realize that there are risks to working out, to losing weight, to being "perfect", to being attractive, to being ANYTHING.

    Be ok with who you are.

    By the way, if you've read this far: I'm 52 and dying of cancer. I've been a university professor and am now "retired." Lots of mistakes in my life. But, all in all, not a bad life. Do you know what matters, I think, in the entire world, above all else? Only one thing: KINDNESS. Little tiny acts of random kindness.

    See ya.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 15, 2007 4:15 AM GMT
    I used to be a very FAT person. My highest weight was 418 lbs, but I had the gastric bypass surgery more than 2 years ago and my weight has dropped to 180 lbs. Yes that is a weight loss of 238lbs. I was a large newborn, and large infant, a "husky" toddler and child and then a "heavy" teenager, and then at various stages became known as "portly", "large", "morbidly obese" or any one of a number of synonyms for "FAT". I know the terms very well and what they all mean. The words all cut like a knife to the heart and soul and were used by family, friends and "professionals" alike with little regard for "feelings". While the words may have been used by some as a "moviation tool" most of the time they were just cruel, sharp, cheap stabs that I still have issues with, to this day. Many and will still earn a fairly sharp response. My nicknames included among others, "weeble", "budda", "puffy", "tusky" and the one that always pissed me off was "PIG-PEN". Aledgedly in reference to the character on the charly Brown cartoon, but my last name is "Penn" and this was very insulting. If the names did anything, they have made me very aware of the "power of words" and the need to educate the ignorant, cruel and clueless. As far as "ugly"...beauty is too subjective and it will always fade over time. Gravity will always win and a lifetime of stress and physical abuses will eventually culminate in at least "wrinkles".
    Sugartits...you are not a FAT person and I am appauled that anyone would think you are fat or ugly! You are neither. None of us is perfect...except CHUCKYSTUD! LOL!!!!!! But seriously, you have only one body, and we are not all going to be models. So work with the one you have to make it the best it can be and be happy with it on your own terms, not on some unrealistic corporate view of the way a body is supposed to be.
  • swimbikerun

    Posts: 2835

    Dec 15, 2007 4:23 AM GMT
    In high school my best friend called me ugly. I got back at him by fucking him. Funny, he never got over that!
  • Alan95823

    Posts: 306

    Dec 15, 2007 4:59 AM GMT
    [sigh] Someone told me today "get your fat ass outta the way!"... total stranger, and it shouldn't matter... but today I'm tired and sore, and it hurt my feelings.

    I was just walking into the grocery store to pick up some things I needed. I know, comfort food is bad, so I did the next best thing. I splurged on a basket of blackberries instead of ice cream or something else awful. Making a better choice made me feel better than eating the berries did.
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    Dec 15, 2007 5:08 AM GMT
    when i studied abroad in Italy all the italian gays would always call me grasso,brutto,and maiale... i later found out it ment fat ugly pig... since i was a person of color they didnt like me that much so that were i see how they thought i was "ugly" and the fat part was due to culture... i was "fat" (6'0 150 lbs)because i was american... I can't really translate the pig part... all i can say is that you shouldnt feel like shit sugartits because as the old cliche goes "beauty is in the eyes of the beholder" and obviously the people that diss you on your weight are only insure about themselves so they prey on other's insurities to make up for there own. When you finally realize this you will start to not care about what others think of you and be happy with yourself.


  • zakariahzol

    Posts: 2241

    Dec 15, 2007 5:22 AM GMT
    Hey, we get one here, right in this site. ChuckyStud just love to called Chaser by Fat and Ugly. Even other pictureless like myself have been call that.
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    Dec 15, 2007 5:48 AM GMT
    Do ugly personalities count?
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    Dec 15, 2007 10:39 AM GMT
    when i was a kid my mother used to say i had 'delusions of grandeur' because i wanted to make something of myself.
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    Dec 15, 2007 12:41 PM GMT
    My weight has fluctuated my entire life from average to extremely overweight.

    Kids are cruel and that hurts. It is not clear to me that it is really possible to recover from those early jabs that just went on and on.

    Adults are far more cruel. When I was a kid my grandmother used to criticize me for being fat by poking her finger into my stomach and making fun of me. She would do this until I started crying. When she had me good and wound up she would give me cookies to calm me down and make me happy again. Now, how twisted is that.

    I am not perfect and I am never going to be. I try not to delude myself into thinking that I can make my body do things that it just isn't prepared to do.

    It is really hard to control ambition. I get to working out (as I have for 25 years) and my mind plays tricks on me. It tells me that I can be like some of the roger ramjet super studs that I see on this site (and others).

    To live in compromise (neither perfect nor obese) is the most difficult thing of all for me. To try not to want what I know I cannot have (but which I cannot help but want) is extremely taxing.

    As much as I can I try to think about health. At least my professional career affords me the opportunity to enjoy exquisite clothes and to present my body well.

    This is not the same as a perfect six-pack and it certainly doesn't mean that senseless assholes don't make stupid comments (especially when hiding behind faked photos and a computer screen).

    Cheers,
    Terry
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 15, 2007 2:09 PM GMT
    sometimes my boyfriend says i look "borderline plus-size" but that's because we watch too much tyra banks.
  • cybex007

    Posts: 9

    Dec 15, 2007 3:08 PM GMT
    Wow...this one has really hit a nerve for many of us! We all have our internal self image that has been impacted by name calling...usually when we were kids or adolescents, a very impressionable time in our lives. I was called fat, portly, blubbery, etc. at about 13-14 years old...this after I had tumors removed from outside my brain and was not allowed to play any contact sports. At that age we have ongoing appetites since we are still growing. As we all know, no sports or exercise activity can pack on the pounds. Kids and teenagers can be very cruel without realizing the impact it has on us...leaving sometimes lifelong mental scars.
    In college, I grew 2 inches, started eating sensibly, eventually got into jogging, then light weight training, tennis, etc. Lost 45 pounds over a 4-year span. Recently attended my high school reunion...that was a real eye opener. It felt as if most of the hurt had been finally washed away...it was good for the ego...most of the jocks & cheerleaders in high school had let themselves go, really go...and, the "fat/ugly" people had transformed themselves into fit, attractive, healthy individuals...Many of us shared our stories and how the hurtful name calling actually became the impetus to help us on our fit journeys. That is the real "silver lining"; and, it appears to be the motivating factor for many of us.
    Sorry to have rambled on for so long. But, I feel everyone that is part of this site is to be commended for committing to a healthy, ongoing lifestyle of fitness. Keep up the great work!
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    Dec 15, 2007 7:15 PM GMT
    I was called "skeleton" .. but not by family members ..
    until now it's hard for them to change this idea .. not too far ago I was at the doctors clinic .. he said raise up your shirt .. I did .. then he asked me: you were always that skinny ?? .. I looked down at my abs and said " what?!" icon_confused.gif
  • bigtallguy

    Posts: 243

    Dec 15, 2007 8:45 PM GMT
    My name is Hale. Once in 8th grade my english teacher accidentally called me WHALE in front of the entire class.

    horrifying at the time because I was, in fact, quite whale-esque.
    now i think it's a funny story.
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    Dec 17, 2007 1:42 AM GMT
    I used to be that "fat kid" everyone had something to say about; now I get noticed, but it's out of respect or desire (or humor). What I found/find funny about it is how people will always give you their opinion about what's wrong with you (too fat, skinny, ugly, etc.) yet are less-eager to congradulate you on what you're doing well. Ah well.
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    Dec 19, 2007 2:34 PM GMT
    sugartits saidI've always wondered how various men have been impacted by being made fun of because of their looks. I was always called fat by my family or random people from childhood all the way to college! The other six members of my family were extremely thin so I ALWAYS stood out at gatherings or in pictures. Appearing to be grotesquely fat has become so ingrained in my mind that I am so critical on my appearance. This of course exhibits some insecurity, but I've started to use it as a drive to becoming healthier and top model gorgeous! Maybe one day I'll fully realize that I don't look like Star Jones pre-gastric bypass! So how has your life been impacted from name calling?


    I was called fat AND ugly by Chuckystud right here on Realjock. Now Chucky may not be fat, but attractive? In what twisted world?