Need some advice guys!

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    Oct 11, 2009 6:41 AM GMT
    Ok so im kinda confused right not and not sure what to do. I met a guy about a month ago online and we talked for a few weeks and hung out a few times. Very awesome guy, fun to be around and talk to. 20yo, school, job. A 10/10 for looks.. very hot, perfect body, etc. The first day we talked he made it clear he wasnt lookin to mess around, he wanted to find a guy to have something serious.. and i was shocked cause thats exactly what i was lookin for also. So things seemed to be going good til one day he stops talkin to me all of a sudden. So i dont bother him.. figure hes busy or needs some space or whatever. So after a few days of not hearing from him i kinda get the hint. i saw him online and asked him what happend and his response was 'you were gettin too attached too fast.' and didnt wanna talk to me. so its been about 2 weeks since he said that and havent talked since but tonight i get a message from him out of nowhere.. and he starts talkin to me like everything is cool. I got into a kinda panic and didnt really know what i should say so i just told him i had to leave so id talk to him later. that way i can have some time to think about what i wanna say to him. So what should i do? I already fell for him once.. dont really wanna make the same mistake again. But then again ive been thinkin bout him everyday since we stopped talkin. Been kinda sad over him and would really like things between us to continue. After a few weeks of no contact is he 'missing me' or regreting his decision? Or maybe is he just messin with me? Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks guys.
    - Josh
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    Oct 11, 2009 11:50 AM GMT
    okay i'm just gonna say this right off the bat.....i'm not going to tell you what to do but my advise, hopefully helpful, is strictly from personal experience from an almost identical situation.

    He doesn't really know what he wants. Many times, from what I have experienced, many people enjoy the idea of things i.e. relationship, marriage, etc. etc. etc. A person can say that they want one specific thing, however, actions ALWAYS speak louder than words.

    I fell for a man HARD early this year. It was amazing for a very short time because everything he said was absolutely perfect. I thought I landed on something that most might never encounter. But the problem was that everything he SAID was perfect but everything he DID was completely contradictory and the issue was that I chose to ignore it because I was too busy just listening instead of observing. Needless to say it ended very badly with alot of shrapnal and I was absolutely CRUSHED.

    From that point I learned that actions will always prevail. One may say the perfect things and if their actions back up what they say then party on Garth! BUT if what they say and their actions don't match up then there in lies the problem.

    I would say.....observe, notice and really look at things realistically. Do his words and actions match? Do they contradict one another? I don't know and that is only a question that you really can only answer.
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    Oct 11, 2009 12:04 PM GMT
    I agree with the above in that you should observe but also don't feel you have to go from A-Z in the matter of days or even months. Ask yourself if you would like this person to be in your life at any level? Should it really be 'all or none"?

    Look at it this way, as you search for that life partner (and you will find him) you have the opprotunity to build a group of meaningful friends that too can last over a lifetime. 2-in-1 icon_wink.gif
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    Oct 11, 2009 12:36 PM GMT
    Derrick is absolutely correct and I will give you my professional opinion(relationship stuff is what i do)

    but also let me say, the fact that you are able to contain yourself shows a tremendous amount of maturity. Getting attached is a great gift that we have been wired for and at the same time can often cause us a great deal of pain, anguish and frustration.

    When it comes to finding mr. right, there are no rules only guidelines.
    The important thing is to minimize wear and tear on your heart.

    When people say one thing and do another they are often expressing their conscious desires and their sub-conscious programming. The two are often in conflict. As Derrik points out, "he does not know what he want's"

    Let me also add, that "me thinks the lady doth protest too much." Perhaps it was not your attachment he was worried about at all, perhaps it was his.
    This is pure speculation and really not answerable at this time.

    If you do play with this one, keep it light and focus your attention on others. I know, easier said then done, and once the physiological part of our attraction starts, it is very hard to stop those wonderful chemicals to go back where they came from.

    Here is the bottom line, believe 50% of what people say and 100% of what they do. Pulling a disappearing act is not a good way to start or be in any relationship!
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    Oct 11, 2009 1:49 PM GMT
    wow, you got some great advise on here. I don't really have anything to add.
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    Oct 11, 2009 3:17 PM GMT

    This is Doug.

    Been there done that. Several times.

    He said you were going too fast, left you to hang dry for 2 weeks then began all over, from scratch it sounds like. This could be symptoms of 'familiarity breeds contempt' and 'absence makes the heart grow fonder'. He appears to exhibit both.

    I'd likely tell him that the last time you moved in closer, he withdrew and you don't want that to happen again.
    You don't, do you?

    Let him chase you for awhile; be sweet, be casually available to him, but be careful of buying something you don't want: someone with the habit of withdrawing or who may have issues with what I call 'intimacy claustrophobia'.


    My 1.92 cents - Canadian exchange rates, lol.
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    Oct 11, 2009 3:43 PM GMT
    Halfstep saidwow, you got some great advise on here. I don't really have anything to add.


    ...ditto icon_lol.gif
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    Oct 11, 2009 4:29 PM GMT
    You do what you feel you need to do. Don't hesitate to do it. If you 2 are "meant to be" then you'll get him no matter what.
    Just don't plan any strategy and try to figure out a special method how to approach him best and in the process do something that isn't like you. Never fake for someone, coz then you'll have to be faking forever.

    So my advive is go for him heads on like you would.
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    Oct 11, 2009 5:10 PM GMT
    meninlove said
    This is Doug.

    Been there done that. Several times.

    He said you were going too fast, left you to hang dry for 2 weeks then began all over, from scratch it sounds like. This could be symptoms of 'familiarity breeds contempt' and 'absence makes the heart grow fonder'. He appears to exhibit both.

    I'd likely tell him that the last time you moved in closer, he withdrew and you don't want that to happen again.
    You don't, do you?

    Let him chase you for awhile; be sweet, be casually available to him, but be careful of buying something you don't want: someone with the habit of withdrawing or who may have issues with what I call 'intimacy claustrophobia'.


    My 1.92 cents - Canadian exchange rates, lol.
    I love this advice along with much of what's already been said.

    May I humbly add ... keep looking and keep your options open dating-wise. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders and a really good idea of what you want in a relationship.

    Don't feel like you have to put all your eggs in his basket. Let him prove that he's gonna be available to you emotionally. You deserve that.
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    Oct 11, 2009 5:16 PM GMT
    lol, Thank you Momentum_Play, and don't be too humble, you have a good head on your shoulders, too!


    and Jsh2227,
    I'll humbly add to Momentum's advice.."Don't feel like you have to put all your eggs in his basket.".... also keep your hands out of his basket, for the time being, lol

    -Doug