Older Friends

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 12, 2009 3:46 PM GMT
    Ever since I came out at 18 I had a fair share of older friends (50+). I will be friends with anyone I get along with regardless of age. What gets me though is the significate number of older guys thinking because I hang out with older guys means I am physically/sexually attracted to older guys. Over the years a significate number of my older friends (and their friends) have at one point hit on me. It is always a bit awkward having someone "ask"/hit on you when you are not interested, but I have nothing against anyone asking to "test the waters" one time. For the most part most have be respectful of the fact that I am not sexually attractive to older guys. A few, however, responded negatively.
    For example, one friend (in his 60s) left several nasty messages even throwing things in my face I confided in him as a friend when it became clear I wasn't interested in anything sexual with him. He even threated to cause me problems at work (we worked in same building). He has since tearfully apologized for his behavior. We are still friends, but not at the same level we were before.
    Last night I went out with a group of older friends. There was this older guy I met once before hanging out with the group. I chatted with him throughout the night. When he was ready to leave he put his arm around me, leaned into me said in my ear that we should get together one day, and pinch my ass! I didn't say anything and just walked away and started talking to another friend in the group. I told him what happened and that I was offened that the guy pinched my ass. He basically told me that the guy was just playing around/flirting and I shouldn't let it be a big deal.
    I guess the reasons I post this are: 1) just to vent; 2) hear other guys thoughts/experiences about much younger/older friends; 3) ask if I am right to be offended having someone I never expressed sexual interest in pinching my ass, or am just being "a stick in the mud"?
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    Oct 12, 2009 5:57 PM GMT

    Older gay friends. Partnered ones are great friends because they know a lot that you can learn from. The single ones are more willing to be friends with another single though, but sure hint a lot. I've found that they make awesome friends but, keeping them as a friend is like keeping a pet tiger you don't always feed enough. It's kind of cruel to keep them around, but wave the tidbits they really crave in their face everyday. They stay loyal, but the days happen when they'd like to try or just advance. Poor things, make the world a better place and screw an old gay friend today. He's earned it.



  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Oct 12, 2009 7:32 PM GMT
    Treat them the same way you would treat someone your own age who came on to you, but you were not interested.
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    Oct 12, 2009 9:18 PM GMT
    theantijock said
    phemt saidOver the years a significant number of my older friends (and their friends) have at one point hit on me.


    Just speculating here, but is it healthy to befriend those who you're sexually attracted to but can not have? Or does such unresolved sexual tension put too much power to one side.

    Since you're not everybody's type are there also a significant number of older guys for whom you are not their type and do you befriend them? Or do you mostly befriend the guys who you are in a position to reject? If it happens, as you say, to a significant degree, it could be a power thing and not an age thing at all.


    Not a "power" thing at at! I often actually prefer str8 friends because it avoids the whole attracted/not attracted mess. Finding someone physically attractive only matters if I want to date and/or have sex withsomeone. I don't care what my friends look like - what matters is how well we get along.

    Edit: I notice some people on those forums really have nothing sincere to add and just seem to enjoy making outlandish claims/suggestions.
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    Oct 12, 2009 9:41 PM GMT

    See, this is why I want to be "RealJock old" so I don't get strung around by sadistic youngins in my latter years. "RealJock old" is older yes, but hot body. The ones like that don't get this friend treatment, they enjoy the benefits, guys; which is another reason on top of the thousands to adopt life time fitness, correct? Phemt. I suspected that was short for Puppet-He Master. icon_surprised.gif



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    Oct 12, 2009 9:48 PM GMT
    GuiltyGear said
    See, this is why I want to be "RealJock old" so I don't get strung around by sadistic youngins in my latter years. "RealJock old" is older yes, but hot body. The ones like that don't get this friend treatment, they enjoy the benefits, guys; which is another reason on top of the thousands to adopt life time fitness, correct? Phemt. I suspected that was short for Puppet-He Master. icon_surprised.gif





    Yeah I've been exposed. I purposely seek out old, unattractive, fat, friends so I can build up my ego turning them down when they hit on me. I am really that insecure. I have no desire to befriend guys not physically/sexually attracted to me - how else would I be the Puppet-He-Master.
    Damn you GuiltyGear for knowing my game.
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    Oct 12, 2009 10:08 PM GMT
    I understand what you mean.

    I've often found myself at gatherings or parties where everyone has at least ten years on me. I've run into the same problems where older men assume that I am sexually attracted to guys much older than myself because I choose to befriend them.

    It is kind of disconcerting, and unless you know that someone is just playful or flirty, I don't think it is okay for them to make unwanted sexual advances. I think a pat on the ass or anything a little more or less is normally accepted in gay culture, but I've had the toothless, 60-year-old pool boy of two men in their 70's lunge at me and try to rip my pants off. He might have been attractive back in 1970, but he would have still had years on me at that point.

    Most times, I really do think you can brush it off and have a laugh, but some people refuse to believe that you want anything different than what they want out of you. That is where I've run into problems.
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    Oct 12, 2009 10:10 PM GMT

    phemt said

    Yeah I've been exposed. I purposely seek out old, unattractive, fat, friends so I can build up my ego turning them down when they hit on me. I am really that insecure. I have no desire to befriend guys not physically/sexually attracted to me - how else would I be the Puppet-He-Master.
    Damn you GuiltyGear for knowing my game.


    I didn't say any of this. I may have implied that your friends aren't in the best shape, but that's a given or you wouldn't care if they hit on you. I didn't come anywhere near suggesting (sorry about the Puppet-He-Master bit, I couldn't resist) that you pick unattractive friends. Of course not, this is no one's fault that this happens and it's a hard dilemma to solve because what recourse do you have, except not to pick older friends or dump older friends who develops a crush? I've been in the position, I think many who post here have. Personally, I rewarded my good friend...and how. icon_redface.gif I'm not suggesting you do that. Like you said, this was a vent because that's all I can offer in return. You can't help your attractiveness to another gay, no matter how hard he might wish to not be attracted, there are chemicals involved. There is no solution to this problem beyond discrimination and that in itself would create a problem. You're sexy, deal.





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    Oct 12, 2009 10:38 PM GMT
    At 57 years old, Phemt, there is no threat of a sexual advance from me if we were to meet in the street. Sure, I might be overweight (but I'm trying hard to lose weight - and succeeding) and whether I'm ugly or not is a matter of opinion - but far from being toothless, at least all my gnashers are in good shape.
    No, I would not pinch or slap or even brush my hand on your buttocks, neither would I be interesting in your phallus. But I would accept your friendship if you offered, as I would accept a straight man's hand of friendship if offered.
    We oldies are not all pants-ripping, sexually-crazed monsters some of you chickens would like to picture us.
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    Oct 12, 2009 10:44 PM GMT
    ...........................................puppet_master_axis_of_evil.jpg
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    Oct 12, 2009 11:01 PM GMT
    it's funny reading the op, i had the opposite experience :
    Last night i was dancing at Black and Blue, amidst thousands of gay men.
    My ass got pinched twice , so i turned back and saw this barely 20 y.o. guy.
    He was very cute but not my type ( tall & skinny, crazy hairdo, tight skinny jeans, very androgynous ), but i danced with him for a while anyway.We even kissed ( hey this is a very sensuous environment ) and then parted.

    But coming back to your predicament, i totally understand you. I guess there's no way you can ever completely avoid that kind of situation, but it's great you enjoy the company of older guys in spite of that . Just take it as the flip side of the coin i guess.



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    Oct 13, 2009 12:24 AM GMT
    Regardless of his age, you are not receptive to his advances. By you not saying anything you have kinda left that door open, giving him idle hope for a possible roll in the hay. The moment he pinched your ass, you should have stopped him dead in his tracks. Anyone that bold only has the potential to take this the wrong way and too far. Sry to hear about that idiot at wrk that suxs!
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    Oct 13, 2009 12:35 AM GMT
    Hillie saidRegardless of his age, you are not receptive to his advances. By you not saying anything you have kinda left that door open, giving him idle hope for a possible roll in the hay. The moment he pinched your ass, you should have stopped him dead in his tracks. Anyone that bold only has the potential to take this the wrong way and too far. Sry to hear about that idiot at wrk that suxs!


    If he is ever is out again with my other friends I will just totally ignore him. I will not even give him the time of day. I am friendly towads people until they do something inappropriate towards me. If he dosn't get the "hint" and tries something like that again more direct means may be called for.
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    Oct 13, 2009 12:49 AM GMT
    Hillie said Sry to hear about that idiot at wrk that suxs!


    That guy from work was so lucky that I didn't report him. I kept recorded backup tapes of every one of his harassing/threatening messages. He was stupid enough to leave the messages on the office voicemail system. If he ever really attempted to cause me any real trouble I would had turned the recordings to higher-ups. If I was really pissed I would also left recording of his sexual harassing phone messages to his family. He was scared to death that his Catholic brother and sister-in-law would find out he was gay. He was shocked and pissed once he found out I had recordings of everything he wrote/say. He called me a low down sneak. Whatever. All he really "had" on me is that I came in late a few times and didn't have all my paper work in complete order.
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    Oct 13, 2009 12:58 AM GMT
    Yeah but it really suxs to hear that someone that you trusted and shared personal information would have used it against you.
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    Oct 13, 2009 1:11 AM GMT
    phemt said
    Hillie said Sry to hear about that idiot at wrk that suxs!


    That guy from work was so lucky that I didn't report him. I kept recorded backup tapes of every one of his harassing/threatening messages. He was stupid enough to leave the messages on the office voicemail system. If he ever really attempted to cause me any real trouble I would had turned the recordings to higher-ups. If I was really pissed I would also left recording of his sexual harassing phone messages to his family. He was scared to death that his Catholic brother and sister-in-law would find out he was gay. He was shocked and pissed once he found out I had recordings of everything he wrote/say. He called me a low down sneak. Whatever. All he really "had" on me is that I came in late a few times and didn't have all my paper work in complete order.



    Edit: he also made several personal attacks against me and my then bf.
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    Oct 13, 2009 1:23 AM GMT
    Hum. I don't know that I am qualified to comment as I have few young friends. I'll give it a try however, so here goes.

    A few rule I live by.....some would call them facts:

    1) Not all young guys are hot enough for sex. Just because you are a youngster does not mean I want to have sex with you.

    2) Unwanted sex is unwanted sex no matter the age of the person being pushy. Occasionally I get a little of that here from guys 18, 20, 22....you name it. They appear on the web cam for an instant then want me to show all. What is it with that?

    3) It could be you need a new set of friends. Is sex the only thing you might have in common with these guys?


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    Oct 13, 2009 2:07 AM GMT
    HERE
    twomack saidHum. I don't know that I am qualified to comment as I have few young friends. I'll give it a try however, so here goes.

    A few rule I live by.....some would call them facts:

    1) Not all young guys are hot enough for sex. Just because you are a youngster does not mean I want to have sex with you.

    Never said every older guy wants to have sex with me. But it seems to more often cause problems with older friends then guys my age or younger.

    2) Unwanted sex is unwanted sex no matter the age of the person being pushy. Occasionally I get a little of that here from guys 18, 20, 22....you name it. They appear on the web cam for an instant then want me to show all. What is it with that?



    3) It could be you need a new set of friends. Is sex the only thing you might have in common with these guys?
    I wouldn't be friends with someone unless I had something in common with them. If sex was the only thing I had in common with someone that is called a fuck buddy icon_wink.gif


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 13, 2009 2:10 AM GMT
    phemt saidHERE
    twomack saidHum. I don't know that I am qualified to comment as I have few young friends. I'll give it a try however, so here goes.

    A few rule I live by.....some would call them facts:

    1) Not all young guys are hot enough for sex. Just because you are a youngster does not mean I want to have sex with you.

    Never said every older guy wants to have sex with me. But it seems to more often cause problems with older friends then guys my age or younger.

    2) Unwanted sex is unwanted sex no matter the age of the person being pushy. Occasionally I get a little of that here from guys 18, 20, 22....you name it. They appear on the web cam for an instant then want me to show all. What is it with that?



    3) It could be you need a new set of friends. Is sex the only thing you might have in common with these guys?
    I wouldn't be friends with someone unless I had something in common with them. If sex was the only thing I had in common with someone that is called a fuck buddy icon_wink.gif


    So I can't pat you on the ass, then? icon_sad.gif
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    Oct 13, 2009 2:16 AM GMT
    phemt said
    phemt said



    Edit: he also made several personal attacks against me and my then bf.



    PHEMT YOU NEEDED TO OPEN A CAN OF...............

    funny-pictures-whup-ass-0C5.jpg
  • bladeaddict

    Posts: 93

    Oct 13, 2009 2:29 AM GMT
    My guess is you'll get more of this from older men than younger ones simply because we/they have fewer opportunities to hit on guys in general (of any age). Guys your own age are surrounded by men they are attracted to, and who are attracted to them. Older ones aren't. We're not getting as much action, and, for most of us, guys like you are in your prime and still very attractive to us. So it's logical that we will start to fantasize that, because you hang out with us, it means that you like sex with older men, and then we'll hit on you to see if it works out.

    That doesn't ever excuse bad behavior, rudeness, etc. But it isn't rude to simply hit on you. The guy above who said you should treat us like you'd treat a guy your own age when you need to 'reject' him was right - it's the same thing.