OK, he's younger than me. . . by quite a bit. . . Help, I need some advice

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 12, 2009 11:58 PM GMT
    He's 32, I'm. . . gulp. . .49

    We're just getting to know each other via e-mail (and no, we didn't meet on this site). . . we haven't even discussed age

    He's seen my pics (face, etc) and likes them (and yes, they're current)

    Not trying to be self-aggrandizing or brag, that's not the point of this post, but I'm often told I look younger than I am, and I think he thinks I'm probably about his age or close

    Obviously the subject will come up soon and of course I'll tell the truth

    But I'm just wondering if you guys think 17 years difference is that big of a deal

    Obviously it doesn't bother me

    I just wonder if it will bother him

  • rnch

    Posts: 11525

    Oct 13, 2009 12:07 AM GMT
    what's the big deal?

    i knows guys his age that look way past your age. and not nearly as good looking as you are in your pics here!

    if you two are happy with each other; the fuck what other peep's think.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 13, 2009 12:15 AM GMT
    Age difference is real, but two adults can negotiate it just fine if they're willing. It's not age per se, but tangental issues: stability (money-wise, emotionally, physically), experience (life and sex), and perceived power dynamics (which you would probably wanna work quickly to dissuade) -- those are the things to talk about, not the age difference itself.

    If you get to that point and all else fails, take off your shirt. I'm sure any arguments he could have will just fall right out of his mouth.
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    Oct 13, 2009 12:22 AM GMT
    LOL Thanks Z icon_biggrin.gif
  • rnch

    Posts: 11525

    Oct 13, 2009 12:26 AM GMT
    zdrew said...If you get to that point and all else fails, take off your shirt. I'm sure any arguments he could have will just fall right out of his mouth.
    OHH YEHHHHHH! icon_cool.gificon_twisted.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 13, 2009 12:33 AM GMT
    Already been said, but it's not that big of a deal. As long as you are honest, you should be able to work it out. You are both grown men.
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    Oct 13, 2009 12:33 AM GMT

    Hey LittleDudeWithMuscles....dayum, good for you!

    If he was 18 and you 35 there could more likely be difficulties.

    This, though, is a 32 year old. As we all age the age difference of 17 years become less of a barrier to common ground.

    Go for it!


    Doug and Bill

    PS only one way to tell if it bothers him or not; tell him.

    A girlfriend of our is being hotly pursued by a 34 year old - she's 53. She told him rather bluntly, he was surprised and, she told us, went, "Whoa...well you don't look it."
    Things cooled somewhatly after that (a whole week!) but now he appears more determined than ever. What to do; he lives across the street from her! It's been five months of hot pursuit. She's learning to roll with it, and of course with us telling her many women her age would love to have that particular feather in their cap, lol! We called her our reluctant cougar.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 13, 2009 1:30 AM GMT
    Doug and Bill, that's a great story, thanks
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 13, 2009 1:36 AM GMT
    You have nothing until you meet in real life, not even worth thinking about

    He could be older than you and a fake...soooooo many stories about that kind of thing on here. I remember the guy that flew to New York to meet the man of his dreams...he was a fake never showed up.

    A 30 y.o.fake showed up here just last week all eager to chat with me about all kinds of stuff I called him on his suspicious pic and boom.....disappeared
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 13, 2009 1:43 AM GMT

    Well, I'm 51 and my recent ex is now 32. We met when he was 20.

    I think you are ok with the 32 to 49 spread in a new relationship. 32 is one hell of a lot more mature than a 20 year old. You'll be fine.
  • styrgan

    Posts: 2017

    Oct 13, 2009 1:45 AM GMT
    LittleDudeWithMuscles saidHe's 32, I'm. . . gulp. . .49


    So when he turns 67, you're going to be 84.

    That doesn't sound all that bad.
  • styrgan

    Posts: 2017

    Oct 13, 2009 1:50 AM GMT
    jprichva saidJust keep in mind that 32 goes into 49 a lot more times than 49 goes into 32.


    0.8779 cannot be characterized as "a lot more times."
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 13, 2009 3:00 AM GMT
    jprichva saidJust keep in mind that 32 goes into 49 a lot more times than 49 goes into 32.



    Very clever, my friend icon_lol.gif

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 13, 2009 3:07 AM GMT
    Well, I'm in a relationship that "shouldn't work" based on what some people think because I'm 31 and he's 19 but it has worked out so well that we are celebrating our 1st year together next month. I think the biggest thing is to treat it like any other relationship. It takes time to get to know someone and to know if you want to work at creating a relationship. If you do, and you love that person for who they are, including their age, then it will work for the both of you. Just don't rush into things.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 13, 2009 3:11 AM GMT
    Just tell him how old you are. If we can learn anything from some of the endless drivel posted on this site, it's that guys want the whole truth up front so they can make a decision based on all the facts.

    Im slightly curious as to how you know his age and he doesn't know yours when you haven't discussed age? Im assuming you didn't post your age and he did? If that's the case you should tell him.

    Good luck!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 13, 2009 3:32 AM GMT
    LittleDudeWithMuscles said
    jprichva saidJust keep in mind that 32 goes into 49 a lot more times than 49 goes into 32.



    Very clever, my friend icon_lol.gif



    That's an old cougar joke which I won't tell.

    But I would like to know how you know his age and he doesn't know yours. I haven't found any site that doesn't require that you put your age in the profile. And I agree with Alpha that until you've met it doesn't mean a damn thing. You are getting carried away in a fantasy and anxieties before you know if there is any mutual attraction. Even if all the pics are current and real you still can't tell until you've met face to face if there is chemistry. There is a lot more to real life attraction than a two dimensional image of someone.
  • MSUBioNerd

    Posts: 1813

    Oct 13, 2009 3:52 AM GMT
    I admit, I have the same question as friendormate. How is it you know he's 32 and he doesn't know you're 49?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 13, 2009 4:02 AM GMT
    Because when guys are ashamed of their age, they think they're being clever by putting "69" or "99".
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 13, 2009 4:08 AM GMT
    The age thing wouldn't bother me (I've had younger by 10 and 11 years recently) and now I have the best guy imaginable - and we're about the same age. The age thing is not so important as the experience, maturity, grounded approach to life - etc. With guys staying much healthier now - - and looking good - working out - moisturizing - grooming - eating clean - we can look years younger than our chronological age. (Avoid face lifts though!!) The only thing not so cool about being with some guys who are younger - - for me, is their experiences and frame of references are not a good fit for me. Just go with it - - - have a lot of conversations with him - - see where it goes. Enjoy!
  • rnch

    Posts: 11525

    Oct 13, 2009 4:17 AM GMT
    my bf is 11 years younger than me..at least according to the calender...mentally and sexually we are the same age. icon_twisted.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 13, 2009 4:34 AM GMT
    age is only a number...
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    Oct 13, 2009 4:42 AM GMT
    styrgan said
    LittleDudeWithMuscles saidHe's 32, I'm. . . gulp. . .49


    So when he turns 67, you're going to be 84.

    That doesn't sound all that bad.


    Going by that logic... when you were 27 he was 10; not so sexy now right? icon_smile.gif
    But you're not, so go for it. Men in their thirties are really attractive, especially the ones in business suits.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 13, 2009 4:46 AM GMT
    personally age doesn't mean anything to me. i've had relations with guys who are 17 years old than me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 13, 2009 4:47 AM GMT
    I USE THIS GENERAL RULE FOR DATING


    HALF MY AGE PLUS SEVEN IS A GREAT RULE OF THUMB FOR APPROPRIATENESS...

    SO YOU ARE GOOD.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 13, 2009 5:20 AM GMT
    If he likes you, then let yourself like him back. And don't worry about the age difference. You could set yourself up to kill the relationship.