I got plaaaayed. =(

  • TallSoCal

    Posts: 321

    Oct 13, 2009 5:17 AM GMT
    What's the point of talking to me for 5 months, knowing I'm falling for you only to COMPLETELY have nothing to do with me after I finally open my heart to you!? WHO DOES THAT?! icon_evil.gif I was always told that if they stick around after not giving in to sex so easily, they may in fact be worth it. No one ever told me what to expect if that doesn't work out. It's even worse when they knew EXACTLY how you felt about them before any serious business went down. How do I move on from this? icon_cry.gif Any advice, suggestions, or opinions?
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    Oct 13, 2009 5:27 AM GMT
    take that metaphorical left finger and give it to'em.. it can take a while to weed out the chaff and sometimes a little pain.
  • TallSoCal

    Posts: 321

    Oct 13, 2009 5:51 AM GMT
    Any way to avoid the painful part? Haha =/
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    Oct 13, 2009 12:27 PM GMT

    5 months is a little long to make someone wait, but the true traditional test is how long do they stick around after you open your...er...heart to them.

    What should you do if it doesn't work out? Dear, you didn't give this poor guy the blue balls because you were trying to "make something work out," so he was basically your Guinea pig. If you keep treating guys like that you can expect a lot more of what's happening now.

    You can't live your love life by scheming and doing "things" designed to avoid your pain and control your men. You say in your OP, "I was always told they stick around after not getting sex so easy." I guess this new data might teach you that a lot of what you've heard is false. Sometimes they stick around cause....I dunno, they like you might even love you, but they aren't stupid either. If this man caught on that you were purging him as basically a test, he simply saw it as the red flag it is and drew back. It just so happens his sitck-to-it-ness paid off in between the sheets before D-day. He deserved it.....5 months. That's what you call "circumstances," nothing that can be controlled completely by you.

    You keep saying HE KNEW THIS AND HE KNEW THAT. You are being very "me,me,me,me,me"about this, like he exist to give you pleasure. You say you got played, really, he played you for five months? Was it not you stringing him along for that long.

    With men you can affect circumstances to a degree by choosing a good guy who isn't a drug addict or anything and by practicing safe sex, but after you've picked who you think is a good guy, you can't really do anymore than let the relationship progress without trying to rig it. If a relationship is not meant to work out, it won't work out whether you have sex soon or wait almost half a year. You take a chance getting serious with any guy, but you can end a relationship by trying to control your men and circumstances.

    ...........................................
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    Oct 13, 2009 1:06 PM GMT
    Yeah it hurts. And its confusing. And when you are hurt, you get pissed. And when that happens, you want to label the guy as fucked up......a user......and idiot.

    Then you construct this entire feeling towards him and end up filling your brain and heart with all sorts of negative feelings.

    Your experience with him is between you and him. And even though it may be easy to label him as a confused jerk, I don't think it can define himcompletely.

    What went wrong? Who knows. It just didn't work out. It may have been something that you are totally unaware of that has nothing to do with you.

    I'm sure that in the past when I felt a relationship was not working out and I broke it off, the other guy felt I was a piece of shit. But I know I'm not the worthless being he may feel I am.

    Flip him the bird and move on.
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    Oct 13, 2009 3:38 PM GMT
    Two words Ben & Jerry
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    Oct 13, 2009 3:58 PM GMT
    KissingPro said
    Flip him the bird and move on.


    Personal experience is that you'll get to this point once you're not hurting and what a feeling it is to be "over it."
  • vindog

    Posts: 1440

    Oct 13, 2009 4:02 PM GMT
    UrsaMajor saidTwo words Ben & Jerry


    Plus

    Bath
    Yankee Candles
    Grishams
    Hunky Fireman Calendar
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    Oct 13, 2009 4:04 PM GMT
    Hot_dog saidAny way to avoid the painful part? Haha =/


    No.

    The measure of love is loss.

    If you never suffer hurt or pain, you'll never fully appreciate how fantastic love and bliss are.
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    Oct 13, 2009 4:04 PM GMT
    I know this hurts, but move on. There are plenty of guys who would want a great guy like you. Keep your head up and smile. You will get through this, trust me, I know.
  • xKorix

    Posts: 607

    Oct 13, 2009 4:07 PM GMT
    Paxton saidI know this hurts, but move on. There are plenty of guys who would want a great guy like you. Keep your head up and smile. You will get through this, trust me, I know.


    This sounds nice and all but I noticed a lot of men on this site tend to go for and like guys who do treat them less than and don't want to spend time them at all. But they keep going for them.

    I'd suggest just trying to keep your mind focused on other things. It's over now so just put your mind on other topics, people, etc. Thinking about it constantly will only take longer to heal :/
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    Oct 13, 2009 4:11 PM GMT
    vindog said
    UrsaMajor saidTwo words Ben & Jerry


    Plus

    Bath
    Yankee Candles
    Grishams
    Hunky Fireman Calendar



    hahaha, that really made me chuckle
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    Oct 13, 2009 4:16 PM GMT
    UrsaMajor saidTwo words Ben & Jerry



    hahaha, not a good solution, putting on weight to heal emotional pain. Some advice. Talk about it endlessly and move on but talk about it. So posting up for chat is good.
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    Oct 13, 2009 5:52 PM GMT
    You're 21 - - - you can't know all the great guys in store for you out there in your future. You'll just have to have patience and expect good times ahead. We have to make our own happiness. When one relationship ends (for whatever reason) just learn what you can about the whys and wherefores - then say "next" and go about doing all the things you love - - - and one day - sometimes when you least expect it - - - there he is!

  • TallSoCal

    Posts: 321

    Oct 14, 2009 1:08 AM GMT
    Thanks, guys. I appreciate the advice and tips and everything.

    GuiltyGear, I wasn't clear on my details. My original post was too long, so I cut it down to this very vague post. When this guy and I first started talking, he was talking to someone else at the same time, but he was still single. So, he was fair game. During that 5 months, this guy and I hooked up, and after that, he didn't talk to me for about a month. When I DID hear from him again, he was officially with that other guy, so we just decided to be friends. As flirty as he was while he was with that other guy, I told him that I respect his relationship, and that I don't want to come between him and his bf. That didn't stop him from coming on to me still. I told him exactly how I felt about him so he can make his own decisions about our friendship/relationship. He felt the same way, and said he had a lot of thinking to do. He led me to believe that he and his bf weren't going to work out, but decided that we should just stay friends almost right after hooking up a 2nd time... icon_confused.gif He's not talking to me right now, and I have a feeling that history may repeat itself...if I'm stupid enough to fall for it again.
  • bigguysf

    Posts: 329

    Oct 14, 2009 1:23 AM GMT
    Wooboy... been there done that!

    Got my heart totally ripped by a guy who let me open myself up to him, and acted all along like he was feeling the same even as I said I was beginning to really fall for him hard. Only to have him say right before my birthday "Well you probably think about 'us' more than I do. I still consider myself to be shopping around."

    I was stunned. Nowadays, I'm not so stunned. Gay guys are generally a pretty shallow lot who will do stuff like that easily and act as if the behavior is totally normal. Kinda harsh I know. At least that is my experience here in SF.

    We then wonder what causes a guy to get jaded and start doing the same things to other guys...
    There is nothing to wonder about! icon_neutral.gif
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    Oct 14, 2009 1:24 AM GMT
    One must always keep a piece of oneself and not give it to anyone. That piece that you love fully and completely is the place from which you move forward.
  • TallSoCal

    Posts: 321

    Oct 14, 2009 1:54 AM GMT
    Ok. I can do that. The thing I'm worried about is if he comes back and wants to be just friends again, should I keep him at a friendly distance only or forget about him completely?
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    Oct 14, 2009 1:59 AM GMT
    Hot_dog saidThanks, guys. I appreciate the advice and tips and everything.

    This guy was waving enough red flags for a communist parade in front of you:
    [quote]this guy and I hooked up, and after that, he didn't talk to me for about a month[/quote] Nobody who's interested in you waits for a month after the first sex.
    [quote]That didn't stop him from coming on to me still[/quote]That should tell you that he is a sneaky bastard. Guys who leave a guy for you, will leave you for the next guy.
    [quote]we should just stay friends almost right after hooking up a 2nd time[/quote]At least now you know that he's only keeping you on the side and is not at all interested in having a relationship with you.
    [quote]If I'm stupid enough to fall for it again[/quote] If the sex was good why not. Just save yourself the relationship talk and jump his bones right away.
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    Oct 14, 2009 2:21 AM GMT
    The nice thing about the past is that it's DONE, and it's over with. You can choose to be miserable, or not. Your choice.
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Oct 14, 2009 2:47 AM GMT
    It sounds like you dodged a bullet. Although I would be upset that he wasn't the right guy for me, I would be happy that I was not in a relationship with someone that is pretty much a cheater and user.
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    Oct 14, 2009 2:53 AM GMT
    UrsaMajor saidTwo words Ben & Jerry




    ditto!
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    Oct 14, 2009 2:53 AM GMT

    tsm12.jpg

    Get yer own toys.
    Fair game while talking to someone else? It's still fair game...maybe, but it doesn't create much security for you. Your op wasn't so much shortened, but a different story. Even in the re-telling, you are still the chooser, the man rummaging through the toy box. Relax, have fun, play in it all you want to, but don't expect more from your actions than they are capable of giving you. When he comes around, if you'd like to, play with him again. I learned a long time ago that great sex does not hinge on a serious relationship. I used to think enjoying sex like that was low or something; you know, not really. Oh gawd, sex when you are with a filthy beast (not relationship material) and you let go of the baggage and delusions and just let him have his beasty way with you, good stuff. ............................................................Play Safe.
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    Oct 14, 2009 3:32 AM GMT
    Sorry Hot Dog, Best thing I can tell you is to talk to your friends and hit the gym hard. You can't make the pain go away, but at least for me, when my muscles are sore and growing, the emotional pain is more bearable and it reminds me that I'm growing in that respect as well.
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    Oct 14, 2009 3:44 AM GMT
    Rodmramer said
    UrsaMajor saidTwo words Ben & Jerry




    ditto!


    I'd add a third & fourth word -- Hot Fudge icon_smile.gif