Moving overseas with your B/F?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 13, 2009 2:48 PM GMT
    My B?F is currently overseas in America (NYC/Vegas) for holidays with his best friend/fag hag whilst I am here in Sydney, Australia working & studying it up (not to mention cleaning the house, etc! icon_razz.gif *LOL*) - to make it clear, I couldn't afford to go (& neither my B/F or I would let him pay for it, & rightly so given how much money they were taking with them, etc) & couldn't get time off work, as I have recently been promoted - but it seems the other half has been bitten by the Big Apple & has fallen in love with the place so much he now wants to move there.

    Whilst he could possibly get a transfers from his work (the company he works for is based in the U.S.) , I am worried about moving over there & was hoping for advice (I myself work in Hospitality & am studying to be a Teacher/Training & Assessor & a Life/Business Coach).

    I will admit that I have been curious about moving to the U.S. for a number years, but nothing has ever come of it. My main concern is that I want us to be more secure in our relationship & work on a few issues we both have & sort out our more negative differences that drive us apart @ times (we have been dating a year & a half & it's still on-going, hence my concerns) before we make a massive step/commitment to move to another country together where we wont really know anyone (I have a few friends in America, but I speak to them mostly on FB. icon_razz.gif *LOL*).

    I was also looking @ gaiing more ifnormation on the US, it's bhistory & cutlure & the ins & outs of moving to the US as an immigrant or obtaining a working visa or wining one in the Diversity Lottery Program - any & all suggestions help would be useful & muchly appreicated. icon_smile.gif

    Advice/thoughts people?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 14, 2009 1:23 AM GMT
    Never move to be with a bf in another city -- much less another hemisphere -- unless you're pretty sure you would be happy and successful there for reasons other than the relationship.

    The bold type is emphasize the warning! Moving to be with a bf, only to break up with the bf, is one of those sad gay stories that gets told over and over again. I've done it, many many other guys have done it, and all of us will tell you that sometimes it works but far more often it doesn't. This is because the move is often made in the hope of fixing or covering up problems in the relationship. This seems to be what's happening to the OP.

    In my case I got dumped on the way in from the airport. In the long run the nightmare was worth it because there were huge career benefits, not to mention a new and better LTR. But before you commit yourself be sure that the move will work for you with or without the bf.
  • offshore

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    Oct 14, 2009 4:14 AM GMT
    I'm from the UK and moved to the USA for work. My BF moved with me.

    You Can NOT work whilst in the USA as a partner of a gay person. It's just another thing about the 'freedom' and 'equality' of America.

    Hetrosexual partners can work.

    My work offered me a green card and I turned it down because if I accept nutralisation into the US, my BF has to go home.

    So we are now headed to Australia instead.

    If you two can work out an arrangement about finance, and your lack of work in the USA, I would still recommend it.

    Living is an experience, why not broaden your horizon by try a diff life in a new country?

    My BF says he hates not able to work tho - a long holiday actually is a pretty boring thing.
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    Oct 14, 2009 4:22 AM GMT
    I'm an aussie living with my american bf in the US. PM me and I can give you more advice. I was sponsored on an H1B and now I'm a permanent resident. Moving to NYC actually, so happy to keep in touch...the US is a great place to live!
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    Sep 21, 2011 8:34 PM GMT
    Hey man, good luck with the move. For more information on the GC lottery read . Please do NOT pay someone or something to enter the lottery. It's free and only from that site I gave you. It's my 4 time trying this yearicon_smile.gif and you can only enter ONCE each year.I really want to move to the US. Although not as "gay friendly" ito marriage and that it's still a great place to live and work, and its an easy culture to fit in. Americans are friendly and helpful.

    The US also allows a 2 year work visa for Aussies and its only available to them, think its called and E3 or something - Uncle Google will tell you.

    I have moved to a different country before and its an experience that you need to decide if you want to have it with him or without. My advise if go with an open mind. If you guys survive great- if you don't then you know at least you tried and you are busy expanding your horizons.

    Be optimistic but also realistic at the same time.
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    Sep 21, 2011 9:08 PM GMT
    It's crazy. But I don't think that's enough to stop anyone.

    I was with a Brazilian guy whose immigration status was dubious at best and he was very likely going to be deported back to Brazil. I was crazy in love though so I started learning Portugese haha.

    Sure glad I didn't go: he turned sour in a serious way. Agree with poster above... if you're moving make sure you can be happy there for reasons other than him.