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Hi RJ:

I've been in a relationship for about 5 months now, and while things were rocky at first, I am very happy I stayed the course. Things have been consistently great for a while now and I have started to think I want to give him keys to my apartment. We work opposite schedules a lot of the time and it feels like a good idea.

My thinking went in this direction because, for various reasons, he no longer has cable or internet at his apt (building infrastructure things), and it will be a while before they are back. Internet is the key for his work.

When is a good time to give keys? When might I expect a set of my own to his place? Should I even be thinking about this yet? I am sometimes a little nitz about privacy, but with him I increasingly don’t care. I have a private space in the apt if the need arises anyway.

What do you think?

It's best when it's reciprocal.


How about something like:

"Do you think it's time we exchanged keys?"

We would all still be single if we didn't take some risks. After moving into my boyfriends place, I signed another one year lease on my place, just as a back up. I was never spent time there and it really became just a pricey storage unit. That was seven years ago and we are still going strong. Hand him they key, but don't let him give up his own place quite yet. The one thing we do to keep our sanity is each of us have a room that is all our own and off limits to the other. Mine has exercise equipment and a computer and his has a huge plasma and a recliner.

If it is on your mind, then maybe it is on his too. If he is uncomfortable with the idea, hopefully he will just say so. From the sound of it, you should be just fine. Take the chance. Would you rather spend all this time wondering how it would go, or living it?

meninlove said
It's best when it's reciprocal.


How about something like:

"Do you think it's time we exchanged keys?"

Single here, but I like this approach.

does he have a laptop? giving out your keys or a set to him so that he can have access to the internet ... I may sound cruel but that is for him to figure out if it is essential to work. his job should be something he develops in order to manifest it the best he can ... in other words, it would make more sense to me if he went to a public library or some alternative source of internet rather than - in the elapsed time period of five months - you giving out a set of keys to where you live.

i think he's a darn lucky guy, to have keys to your apt offered to him!

rnch saidi think he's a darn lucky guy, to have keys to your apt offered to him!

ditto for me too.

You could chose to exchange keys simultaneously or move in together - either to your place, or find something larger that you both choose. Five months is ample time to get to know one-another, so long as you have great communication and are able to discuss anything and everything that comes up. If you need a bit of privacy sometimes - that would be an important "hot button" for you - - so I'd bring it up now - and explain that need or preference. He should be okay with it - and will appreciate your bringing it up for discussion. He'll then take your cue to bring up important topics as well.

it took a few months longer than 714; but eventually my bf and I swapped keys.

we have no plans to move in together, we both like personal time and take no offense to the other having the same..but having keys makes it easier to drop off food, let in the cable guy or other repair peeps and join the other in bed after our various work schedules are done for the day.

hey G - thinking about taking it to the next level, hey? nice one ;)

while the mutual key swap may be an ideal scenario, i'd also look at what you'd think if he didn't want to give you his key. i've always believed that in order to be really ready to give a key, you really shouldn't mind if he offers you his in return (i.e. unless you can give him yours without expecting him to reciprocate, then chances are that you may not be really ready to give him yours).

i'd still suggest the mutual exchange, but i'd also do the internal 'what if?' scenario first to see what i really think about it all.

good luck dude.