Have you ever found yourself newly involved with a man, only to find out later on that he was already in a long-term relationship with someone else?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 15, 2009 4:53 PM GMT
    Some men are forthcoming about that right from the start...others are VERY subtle, and others downright lie !!! I don't know about you, but I DO NOT put myself, knowingly, into that kind of situation. Why would I want to be a "fuck-buddy" to a man who has a man...at home...waiting for him...? And furthermore, what kind of a man enjoys doing that kind of thing? Boredom? Need for validation? Any thoughts?
  • RubiconRider

    Posts: 91

    Oct 15, 2009 7:57 PM GMT
    Well, speaking as a guy in an open relationship, I can say that I make a point to let anyone I'm pursuing or who's pursuing me know that I have a husband before anything happens.

    As for "why I do it", well, I'm one of those guys for whom variety is very much the spice of life. I'm not bored...but I guess you could say I'm trying to keep from becoming bored? I mean, I love my husband DEEPLY, but he's only one of the many types I find desirable, and isn't into all the same things as I am...and vice versa. Rather than try to shoehorn the other into a role that he doesn't enjoy or isn't really into, we fulfill those "kinks" elsewhere.

    Why would you want to be my "fuck-buddy"? Obviously, you wouldn't. Different guys are looking for different things, and apparently, you're not looking for anything that's strictly NSA. Nothing wrong with that, any more than there's anything wrong w/ someone who IS looking for strictly NSA. As far as I'm concerned, as long as all cards are on the table, it's all good.
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    Oct 15, 2009 8:30 PM GMT
    You say you love your husband "DEEPLY". Do you both have extra-curricular affairs? Also, aren't either of you concerned that someone may come along, when you least expect it, that you might fall in love with and not be able to give up?
  • RubiconRider

    Posts: 91

    Oct 15, 2009 9:59 PM GMT
    Yes, "open" (for us) means "open" for both of us. And sure, there's always the risk that one or the other of us could find Someone Else...but THAT risk is there regardless of our "openness". I'd MUCH rather my husband get something he needs that I can't readily give him from someone else than begin to resent me because he can't get it it all...and I'd MUCH rather he get that something from a place of openness than from one of deception.

    Personally, I'm a guy (and I DO think it's something of a guy "thing") that can pretty much completely separate the physical act of sex from the emotional one of making love. Sex is just getting your rocks off; making love is something much deeper. While we may have sex w/ different guys that turn us on in various ways, we only make love w/ each other.
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    Oct 19, 2009 3:47 PM GMT
    Recently found a forum entitled, "Is Online Flirting OK While in a Monogamous Relationship", was surprised how many guys did not like the idea, even Jprichva, who is usually rather openminded about thse things. I thought perhaps I was being rather tight-assed...I guess, but most guys do not want their bfs, "husbands", significant others, to flirt, much less "hook-up". I just want to know upfront the status, thats all, although doesn't usually come-up uness you specifically ask...
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    Oct 19, 2009 4:14 PM GMT
    Have you ever found yourself newly involved with a man, only to find out later on that he was already in a long-term relationship with someone else?

    Yes. A guy who told me he was single. More than a year later he told me he'd had a secret gay lover all along who predated me, for whom he was leaving me.

    Except the other guy fucked him over, and then my "ex" came back to me for advice & support. Well, fine, I help almost anyone who asks me, even if the've broken my own heart. I'm tougher than tough, and was raised to put others ahead of myself.

    So I helped him, still do to this day. I'll never invest my love in him again, however, which is his loss, in my selfish opinion. Plus I have a partner now, with whom I'm totally loyal, totally monogamous, totally in love.

    This other guy had his chance, and he blew it. Now he remains single, still fucked up and approaching 60 years old. You make your own bed, and you lie in it. icon_razz.gif