Is he gay?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 15, 2009 7:34 PM GMT
    Ok.. So I am a senior in high school.. Only a select few people know about me. . Though most people have an idea considering a few rumors have been around.. But anyways, my best friend is a girl, we are very close.. I recently introduced her to a friend who goes to another school.. They have stated talking.. But here's the thing.. She gets mad cause he texts and calls me more than he does her, he always texts me in the morning to say good morning and is constantly talking to me all day but never about her.. He always wants to hangout with me and just me.. I don't mind cause he's hot and he's got an awsome personality.. But I can't tell if it's just being a realllyy close friend or he is flirting. I'm starting to catch myself get feelings but I'm holding back cause I can't tell if he is gay.. O, and he doesn't know about me.

    Have any of you had the same situation or liked a straight guy and just knew it would go no where so you had to force yourself away?
  • EricLA

    Posts: 3461

    Oct 15, 2009 8:33 PM GMT
    No way to know for sure until you ask, but you have evidence that he's more interested in you than your friend. Do you have any other guy who texts you "Good morning" all the time? Maybe that's normal in high school. But I'm guessing not. Especially from a straight guy. Assuming he is gay, he either has found out about you or has suspicions.

    The question is does it matter? Do you want to see where things go? Then spend more time with him. But what about your friend? If he's gay, then she has no chance with him or he's leading her on. But if you two connect, then she could be left with hurt feelings and probably blaming you. If you're patient, you could be completely "hands off" of him until your friend loses interest in him and moves on, or you start asking her if she thinks he might be gay. Does she have suspicions?

    No one can tell you whether he's gay at this point except for him. Or if you can figure it out through FaceBook or his friends, etc. Or you can come right out and ask him.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 15, 2009 8:44 PM GMT
    there is NO WAY to know for sure - sadly

    There's a little thing called GayDar, unfortunately it's something we need to work on and fine-tune but it CAN work damn well icon_razz.gif

    Most times - if you look at a guy and before anything else you think "He's gay" - chances are, he is.

    You need to ask yourself something...

    Will it matter if you are outed now? Do you have any strong reasons (family,church,etc) for being down-low for a while?

    If no - go ahead and ask the guy - there isn't much else that you can do. If you ARE afraid of being outed - then you can try a more discrete approach - bring up (casual as you can) homosexual subjects and gauge his response. Remember - there's a chance he is every bit as afraid of being outed as you! so he might not be "readable" right away.

    Best of luck mate
  • Hellojawh

    Posts: 26

    Oct 15, 2009 9:25 PM GMT
    story of me life.
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    Oct 15, 2009 9:49 PM GMT
    ahhh....young love.
    Like others have said and will say...you have to ask. Tell him that you value his friendship but you're getting mixed signels from him. You should have a conversation with the girl friend. She may agree with you and act as a go between.

    good luck...better to love and loose then never to love at all.
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    Oct 15, 2009 9:57 PM GMT
    i would draw a line so that nothing happens between you and him. He might not be gay (yet) probably bi-curios. But do not cross the line with him..As girls are vicious. If she ever thinks anything is going on btw you two...more rumors will get started about you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 15, 2009 9:57 PM GMT
    yea i've been in this sort of situation a few times.
    I wouldn't worry too much about trying to figure out if he's gay because sexuality is a fluid and confusing thing. He might not identify as gay but still have homosexual feelings for you, and conversely he could be gay but not have feelings for you.
    You should try to figure out what the nature of his feelings for you are... and I wouldnt just walk up and ask him cause that could scare him away (even if he does have feelings for you). The best way is to keep being his friend and get to know him and then when you trust him enough come out to him. If he has feelings for you and he knows you're gay chances are he'll go after you.
    hope it goes well for you
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 15, 2009 10:07 PM GMT
    show him a bit of the goods.

    nothing bad could ever come out of it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 15, 2009 10:12 PM GMT
    hah... he's Bi or gay and has a thing for you. He's putting the front for girls even though he might like you better. I've been in this situation before. my guy had gf and i didn't know about it. at one point he said the song "Lips of an Angel" reminded him of me then it kind of dawned on me... and the myspace page said "in a relationship" and I'm like... "so who's the lucky guy or girl?" he said "oh, don't worry about that." Its your choice but yeah... not even my best straight friend since I was in diapers calls me ever morning to say good morning....
  • NyRuinz

    Posts: 887

    Oct 16, 2009 12:59 AM GMT
    GadvFreak saidOk.. So I am a senior in high school.. Only a select few people know about me. . Though most people have an idea considering a few rumors have been around.. But anyways, my best friend is a girl, we are very close.. I recently introduced her to a friend who goes to another school.. They have stated talking.. But here's the thing.. She gets mad cause he texts and calls me more than he does her, he always texts me in the morning to say good morning and is constantly talking to me all day but never about her.. He always wants to hangout with me and just me.. I don't mind cause he's hot and he's got an awsome personality.. But I can't tell if it's just being a realllyy close friend or he is flirting. I'm starting to catch myself get feelings but I'm holding back cause I can't tell if he is gay.. O, and he doesn't know about me.

    Have any of you had the same situation or liked a straight guy and just knew it would go no where so you had to force yourself away?


    The Last "straight guy" that would text me good morning, I ended up living with and in a relationship that lasted a year and a half.
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    Oct 16, 2009 1:08 AM GMT
    I know EXACTLY what you are going through. In high school, I was the same way; not open and only a select few knew about my personal life. Some rumors may have fluttered around a bit, but I didn't acknowledge them. A few guys were the same way with me like your guy friend is with you; close, talked and text 90% of the day and about everything, and possibly a bit touchy with each other, but nothing serious. I have lots of guy friends that were similar, but these guys seemed different than my guy friends. After awhile, you begin to wonder if the guy is feeling you, but you know his reputation and sexuality isn't going to allow it.
    For me, I held back a lot because I thought I was being "played." Having a guy be interested in you, even if you two might be at separate schools and he might not know, was too good to be true, for me. I thought that the guy was truly interested in me, but once I let my guard down, he would use that against me and tell whom ever he could, but then again, I don't think all people thought that way, but I still never took that chance.
    Who knows, maybe this guy likes you and wants to get to know you, but trust is the main thing to have. You have to be expecting any emotion and reaction if you do plan to act upon your feelings. Once you tell him, there is no turning back and if his reaction is different than what you expected, all could be lost. Just be mindful and past TINY hints to let him know or get a feel.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 16, 2009 2:29 AM GMT
    If the texts are more than a word or two and more than just reactive to your texts then he definitely has feelings for you. He probably needs someone safe to explore his sexuallity with.
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    Oct 16, 2009 2:40 AM GMT
    Why is your female friend angry that he texts and calls you so much? Or rather, why is your female friend angry that you spend so much time talking to this guy?

    But, what is the harm in hanging out with him alone? You are a senior in high school. If things blow up and end horribly, you are done with those people in a few months. If things go well, you will have a wonderful roll in the hay, or a sweet little relationship. Go for it. Hang out with him alone and let the guy who wishes you good morning every day make a move.
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    Oct 16, 2009 2:47 AM GMT
    MunchingZombie saidWhy is your female friend angry that he texts and calls you so much? Or rather, why is your female friend angry that you spend so much time talking to this guy?

    But, what is the harm in hanging out with him alone? You are a senior in high school. If things blow up and end horribly, you are done with those people in a few months. If things go well, you will have a wonderful roll in the hay, or a sweet little relationship. Go for it. Hang out with him alone and let the guy who wishes you good morning every day make a move.

    ^^^ Ditto exactly this!
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    Oct 16, 2009 3:01 AM GMT
    He might be chummy with you because you are her best friend. Befriending you helps him bed her...it's a thought.icon_eek.gif
  • jlly_rnchr

    Posts: 1759

    Oct 16, 2009 3:16 AM GMT
    I don't think he's being very vague or discreet if he's literally texting you good morning every day. Straight guys just don't do that to their buds.

    Is he dating your best friend? What does "talking" actually consist of between them? If they're not actually hooking up, I'd bring it up with her and discuss, she clearly sees a problem if she's jealous of how much attention he pays to you. Surely, if you're both on the same page about him, she'll likely give you her blessing to go for it.
  • mustangd

    Posts: 434

    Oct 16, 2009 4:00 AM GMT
    dunno, high schoolers are BIG into texting, it can be a ritual. how about getting your lady friend to turn up the heat on him and see which way he jumps?
  • joxguy

    Posts: 236

    Oct 16, 2009 5:43 AM GMT
    Hey 32 years working in and with high schools from teacher, to coach, to principal, High school kids a fun bunch to watch, but you can't figure them out. When I coach can't tell you how many guys talk to me about having feelings for their teammates. Most of the time nothing came of it, they like a guy for whatever reason and was afraid they were becoming gay. But high school boys always keep an appropriate distance, unless they are really curious. I agree with someone who said he is looking for someone he can trust and then eventually talk about his feelings. Just be a friend, don't push, or pull away, it will work itself out. Too many people are too impatient and don't let things just happen. Good luck
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 16, 2009 6:23 AM GMT
    jlly_rnchr saidI don't think he's being very vague or discreet if he's literally texting you good morning every day. Straight guys just don't do that to their buds.



    Ditto!


    Sometimes when guys are in the closet, they think nobody knows about them but it's clear as day. On top of that, if rumors are going around about you and he's shooting good morning messages to you EVERYDAY??? He's knocking you over with clues. I suspect that he feels you could both remain discreet.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 16, 2009 6:37 AM GMT
    He's gay. Go after him, but slowly at first; he's prolly not used to male courtship.
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    Oct 20, 2009 2:07 AM GMT
    GadvFreak saidOk.. So I am a senior in high school.. Only a select few people know about me. . Though most people have an idea considering a few rumors have been around.. But anyways, my best friend is a girl, we are very close.. I recently introduced her to a friend who goes to another school.. They have stated talking.. But here's the thing.. She gets mad cause he texts and calls me more than he does her, he always texts me in the morning to say good morning and is constantly talking to me all day but never about her.. He always wants to hangout with me and just me.. I don't mind cause he's hot and he's got an awsome personality.. But I can't tell if it's just being a realllyy close friend or he is flirting. I'm starting to catch myself get feelings but I'm holding back cause I can't tell if he is gay.. O, and he doesn't know about me.

    Have any of you had the same situation or liked a straight guy and just knew it would go no where so you had to force yourself away?


    You are soooo virgin because the way you talk about this guy is sooo hs. lol
  • B71115

    Posts: 482

    Oct 20, 2009 2:20 AM GMT
    he's probably gay. He probably either doesn't know it or is scared.
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    Oct 20, 2009 7:12 AM GMT
    I usually just ask,but not in front of people.

    But thank goodness for my Gaydar. I'm like a fucking blood hound! icon_biggrin.gificon_razz.gif
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    Oct 25, 2009 1:58 AM GMT
    lenoxx saidI usually just ask,but not in front of people.

    But thank goodness for my Gaydar. I'm like a fucking blood hound! icon_biggrin.gificon_razz.gif


    lmao! apprently so. My beagle has gaydar. Everytime im walking him around the park and there is a guy Im checking out they usually stop to pet him and he plays with them but as soon as he jumps on their lap turns and looks at me and barks im like... URGH KAEL found another... then I walk away with a number or three. lol! He's, Kael, is missing his other daddy I think... my bf/ex bf/idk anymore lol.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 25, 2009 2:23 AM GMT
    Can't really know for sure. Some men aren't ashamed to be affectionate with another guy they are close with, and may even be emotionally in love with doesn't mean he's going to want sex though that is normal.

    He could be a bit curious especially if he heard any rumors who knows. Best thing to do is remain friends, if he becomes more comfortable then that's cool. Don't initiate anything though or read too much into things. If he does feel comfortable, and close to you and sees you as the only guy he has those kinds of feelings for awesome.

    That doesn't mean he'd just forget about girls and only be with you though. I'm not saying that can't happen, but chances are he may still like being with girls, but view you as the only male he feels close enough to emotionally and physically attracted to.

    Good luck man!