bad sex... help?

  • JDean

    Posts: 166

    Oct 17, 2009 4:10 PM GMT
    So, Hypothetically, ur dating a guy, and he's cool, have only been together a month or so, and the sex is terrible. Just "dead fish" status. I need excitement and fun, i wanna do crazy cool things. And everytime i try to mention anything about him changing, i'm the bad guy. What do i do? break up? is that a justified reason, bad sex? Help... please....


    dead fish=they just lay there.... kinda like having sex with a girl that's asleep and paralyzed from the waist down.
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    Oct 17, 2009 7:07 PM GMT
    That could be tough situation to be in. Sex is a major contributor in a good relationship. It helps in connecting with your partner intimately, else he is just a friend. Breaking up should not be the top priority, but if it was me, will try to find out what turns him on the most, his fantasies and go from there. Maybe he is just shy or not so comfortable naked, so he pretends not to be involved.
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    Oct 17, 2009 7:19 PM GMT
    If he were really into you he'd try to make you happy in bed as well. This relationship is going nowhere and all you get is frustrated. Kick his ass to the curb and find someone who clicks with you sexually.

    If you really like him, see if you can stay friends.
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    Oct 17, 2009 7:41 PM GMT
    Never had sex with a girl that's asleep and paralyzed from the waist down but I think I understand.

    Bernd is right, if you're the bad guy for expressing a need, sounds like it's over. Reason, relationship is two way.
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    Oct 17, 2009 9:14 PM GMT
    Can't see much hope here - especially if he doesn't even see the problem for you. I had a guy actually fall asleep on me during sex - and I was working HARD! He woke up to the sound of the door slamming as I got the hell out of there....
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    Oct 17, 2009 9:58 PM GMT
    i HATE sex with 'girls that are asleep and paralyzed from the waist down'... or something like that.

    Seriously if he can't contribute properly... sex is a major issue in a relationship - it needs to be fun for the both of you!
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    Oct 17, 2009 10:17 PM GMT
    Sexual chemistry is very important to a relationship. If you are not getting sexually fulfilled and he wont help you get fulfilled then you can 1) have a miserable sex life 2) get fulfilled somewhere else. Do you want that dilemma in this relationship?

    You two have only been dating a month. Already he has shown that he is unwilling to compromise and is blaming you for his inability to do something about a problem in this relationship. If you two had been married for ten years and suddenly his dick stopped working, this would be a different situation. But since this is a brand new relationship, I would just thank him for his time and move on.
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    Oct 17, 2009 10:18 PM GMT
    Sex is definitely a major thing, BUT it shouldn't be a reason to give up on the relationship. It's most likely not a point of him not being into you, so I wouldn't take it that way. He's probably very insecure so you need to find ways to break him out of it. Make him FEEL sexy and he will probably act sexy in bed. You'll have to guide him through this but it'll probably be worth it. Maybe practice very dirty dancing, and slowly stripping each other down, before hopping into bed to get his body into the motion.

    But I think at the end of the day, this just means he's very sexually inexperienced, no matter what stories he's probably told you. So, it'll take some time so you need to make the decision if it's worth it or not.
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    Oct 17, 2009 10:19 PM GMT
    hes not the only one having sex, he probably thinks your bad too.. as you contribute to half of it
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    Oct 17, 2009 10:29 PM GMT
    Relationships involve two people working together. If his idea of contributing to the discussion is to make you feel bad, then he's failing. It's only been a month; I say cut the cord and go find someone else.
  • Ironman4U

    Posts: 738

    Oct 17, 2009 10:59 PM GMT
    Bad sex...not open to change...defensive...3 STRIKES and HE'S OUT!!!
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    Oct 17, 2009 11:04 PM GMT
    It looks like there are bigger issues than sex here.

    If the two of you can't communicate then the relationship is already dead.
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Oct 17, 2009 11:16 PM GMT
    It's not shallow, rude, or perverted to think sex is an important part of a healthy relationship. In the past I've given it about 2 or 3 months before seriously considering moving on if it doesn't work out sexually. In my experience I have been with guys that at first are pretty cold and timid about the sex until they really start to get to know me....that may take awhile. But usually I see a progression of comfort throughout the months and that assures me that it is just a trust issue that can be resolved with time.

    I, however, have never called anyone out about the sexual inadequacy of a partner. They usually bring it up and explain where it is coming from and I do my best to be compassionate.
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    Oct 17, 2009 11:30 PM GMT
    Leonidus saidhes not the only one having sex, he probably thinks your bad too.. as you contribute to half of it


    That's a possibility. After all, chemistry is very important.

    But is he objecting to certain things he's not into? And are you willing to do for him all the "crazy cool" things you want him to do for you?

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    Oct 18, 2009 5:56 AM GMT
    I had a BF that I didn't necessarily have bad sex with, but it wasn't good either. I didn't want to be shallow because I loved everything else about him. Nonetheless, I thought his moves would get better as time progressed. That really never happened. It's more that a great dick and a nice ass. Jerky movements and awkward positions are a real turn off. I ended up denying my sexual self for that "everything else".

    I'm very sexual and sensual. I need somebody that can move in rhythm with me as we become one. If it's rhythm, you have it or you don't. Sex is an important part of bonding with someone, especially a partner. Now, if you're comfortable enough to ask for changes and they don't, then it's always going to be a problem. For me, if the sex isn't working, then it's on to the next one until I find the complete package that does work.
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    Oct 18, 2009 6:17 AM GMT
    Did u say a monthicon_question.gificon_eek.gif Sounds like ur lookin 4 a booty call bro...RAP-IT-UP, be safe if ur gonna do is play. Quit complaining about ur sex life, homeboy prolly cares about u...karma is bitch tho...ur next may have great sex, n just use ur assicon_lol.gif
  • JDean

    Posts: 166

    Oct 18, 2009 4:30 PM GMT
    It could work if there was some amazingly defining feature about him. but i like him because he's nerdy cute, but idk, he has a great time in bed, the other day, he came twice! and finally on his second one i gave up and just jacked off. ugh.... i'm sad.... and possible soon to be single :icon_sad.gif
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    Oct 19, 2009 10:14 AM GMT
    sex is definitely important, but im sure that being with someone should also transcends the physical? don't take my own opinion on this to heart but then again one month is not near long enough for myself to be in love with someone im dating.
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    Oct 19, 2009 10:48 AM GMT
    Jd22639 saidIt could work if there was some amazingly defining feature about him. but i like him because he's nerdy cute, but idk, he has a great time in bed, the other day, he came twice! and finally on his second one i gave up and just jacked off. ugh.... i'm sad.... and possible soon to be single :icon_sad.gif



    I've been there, Man. I feel your angst.

    You're not sexually compatible. That's it. If you have the patience to train him to be a better lover then you'll have to do it with kid gloves cause ego is a bitch. I recommend that you find someone that knows how to fuck and is nerdy cute too (that's my type too btw).
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    Oct 19, 2009 10:48 AM GMT
    Dont give up entirely on the relationship yet. Try taking a bit more charge in bed and moving into the directions that would turn you on more. Whisper very sexy and gently into his ear what you want (after you have already started). Dont turn it into a discussion or argument after.