Profile/Date statements that put you on guard (generalization's alert!)

  • rockleetpt

    Posts: 76

    Oct 18, 2009 11:38 AM GMT
    It's come to my experience that some words people say might be a nice thing to say about themselves but it's just a code for something else. No one likes to admit certain flaws but we express them anyway usually using a soft or a more positive nomeclature. Sadly because it's an unconscious mechanism usually we are not aware of our own statements of such type.

    I'll give some examples with heavy doses of generalization:

    "I'm a realistic person" Usually are pessimistic and distort reality to expect the worst outcome possible.

    "In search of hapiness" It means to me that the person isn't happy with their current status, usually means neediness and resorting to some external object in order to be happy.

    "down to earth" what it means I don't know, my impression is of a person who doesn't know what to say and resorts to filler.

    "brutally honest when I have to" To me that's some excuse for impulsive expression, being pretentions and being inconsiderate.

    Please add more if you find this interesting and have something to share.
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    Oct 18, 2009 3:10 PM GMT
    Yes, the "brutally honest, tell it like it is" always makes me nervous. It seems to be code for "I accidentally sometimes say things that are really hurtful, and then I justufy it to myself later by saying I was being really honest".

    "I hate drama"= "I have no empathy for other peoples' problems. However, I'm likely to unload on you."
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    Oct 18, 2009 3:10 PM GMT
    PS, I know how to spell, really!
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Oct 18, 2009 3:26 PM GMT
    Yeah, I always picture guys that say they are not looking for drama, or someone without "baggage" as someone stating that he is emotionally non-available, even in an intimate relationship. Everyone has baggage, if you suppress it that is your issue, but don't expect someone else to have "no baggage" unless he has been in a coma for the last 20 yrs.

    Down to earth, or laid back, is the opposite of anal retentive and OCD. I say that I am down to earth because for the most part I am not pretentious or I don't put on airs.

    Someone that says they are "bored" are usually folks I stay away from. To me it strikes me as an infantile statement, a baby without a rattle, and someone needs to entertain him.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 18, 2009 3:29 PM GMT
    "I'm masculine." If you have to tell me, I doubt the validity of your statement.
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    Oct 18, 2009 3:38 PM GMT
    Just a normal/regular masculine guy looking for same....

    Que Sirens/flashing lights

    think about it, what normal or regular person in the entire world needs to point out that fact upon meeting someone, only a crazy person would need to reassure me that they were normal

    And if they are not crazy, then saying that's kind of disappointing, I mean you meet someone and the first phrase they utter is "just in case you thought I would turn out to be somewhat special or in anyway unique, your wrong, I'm normal/boring/standard/completely generic

    The same with masculine...if you were, I can tell that for myself, you wouldn't need to reassure me
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Oct 18, 2009 3:50 PM GMT
    Honestly I like to know if the guy considers himself masculine or not. Other websites have a box where you check either masculine, fem, or mixed regarding mannerism. Of course you get guys that say they are masculine and they are totally effeminate, and you get the few that check the box for "mixed" that end up being all masculine. But I always find it interesting how a guy perceives his mannerisms.
  • Ironman4U

    Posts: 738

    Oct 18, 2009 3:59 PM GMT
    Guys who describe themselves as "average" concern me. I appreciate not over-inflating attributes as many have the tendency to do...but who wants to be average??? To me average is boring and means that you haven't found anything you're passionate about or your self-esteem is in need of a boost.
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    Oct 18, 2009 4:25 PM GMT
    My personal favorite:

    "Straight acting."

    'Nuff said.
  • postyork

    Posts: 127

    Oct 18, 2009 4:29 PM GMT
    I'll agree with all the rest here...

    "I'm just an average guy, masc, str8-acting, who's bored and looking for the same".

    ... so why in the WORLD would I want to talk to you?

    If someone has nothing of interest to say, they're self described average, and worse, "Str8 acting", I pretty much don't go near them.

    L
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    Oct 18, 2009 4:55 PM GMT
    Damn if not nearly everyone one of you here that commented so far isn't skeptical of someone just because of the phrases or certain words they put in their profile. That's a bit picky and tacky wouldn't you say? So are you saying if you didn't see anything in their profile that you'd be more inclined to approach them? Everything is a mystery and a code you guys. Whatever happened to just living and finding out for yourself first hand? It's no wonder the majority of gay men are single.

    If you are gonna go along those lines then wouldn't describing your accomplishments, what kind of degree you may have, what your job is like, whatever activities/hobbies you like to do and whatever type of guy you're looking for be the exact same?

    I read some of your profiles and I find it hilarious that nearly the majority of you talk about your accomplishments, yourselves, your lack certain language speaking skills and what type of guy you are looking for and then comment here. HILARIOUS. FYI...if you tell someone you live life like you are unworthy they will probably treat you as such. Pity party, reservation for one, OP.

    Some of you say you wouldn't even bother with someone who doesn't have a degree, others talk about having been in an Iron Man, and then others still talk about looking for decent guys which is kind of a vague category. Among my favorites is how you say you are looking for a masculine person and then say you're masculine and can tell by looking. That's funny too.

    I just wanna know who died and made someone King Dictionary and Phrase. HA.
  • postyork

    Posts: 127

    Oct 18, 2009 5:11 PM GMT
    Guy101 saidDamn if not nearly everyone one of you here that commented so far isn't skeptical of someone just because of the phrases or certain words they put in their profile. That's a bit picky and tacky wouldn't you say? So are you saying if you didn't see anything in their profile that you'd be more inclined to approach them? Everything is a mystery and a code you guys. Whatever happened to just living and finding out for yourself first hand? It's no wonder the majority of gay men are single.

    If you are gonna go along those lines then wouldn't describing your accomplishments, what kind of degree you may have, what your job is like, whatever activities/hobbies you like to do and whatever type of guy you're looking for be the exact same?

    I read some of your profiles and I find it hilarious that nearly the majority of you talk about your accomplishments, yourselves, your lack certain language speaking skills and what type of guy you are looking for and then comment here. HILARIOUS. FYI...if you tell someone you live life like you are unworthy they will probably treat you as such. Pity party, reservation for one, OP.

    Some of you say you wouldn't even bother with someone who doesn't have a degree, others talk about having been in an Iron Man, and then others still talk about looking for decent guys which is kind of a vague category. Among my favorites is how you say you are looking for a masculine person and then say you masculine and can tell by looking. That's funny too.

    I just wanna know who died and someone King Dictionary and Phrase. HA.


    Some relevant points.

    Here's the thing: the way I see it, a profile is a few line disclaimer about who you are, what you're looking for, and what makes you unique. Of COURSE people are always more complicated, unique and valuable than their few line profile; I'm not sure we're arguing that. I think on the contrary, we're more arguing that people should try and more accurately represent that uniqueness in a profile, rather than typing generic and general statements that give us no insight into someone's personalities.

    Let's face it, there's a lot of guys online. A lot. And hell, a lot of them have pretty pictures, too. We can't take time to see what makes every single person "unique" - if that, as you say, means I'm single forever because I don't spend the time online to get to know each faceless or generic profile that approaches me, so be it. But I think it is unselfish and actually important to look for unique profiles.

    Thanks for the rabid critique of all these posters' profiles, but in the end your argument makes very little sense. We're not bereaving profiles, or language in profiles, or lists or anything. We're simply berating people who say one thing and mean another (thus not showing their unique personality, but rather a more generic one), or simply write nothing at all.

    You do seem rather self satisfied though, so enjoy that.
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    Oct 18, 2009 5:47 PM GMT
    It's a given there are a lot of people online. That's an understatement.

    Define unique as well as any other word that you might see in a profile. They all seem subjected to opinion based upon whatever type of person one is who's doing the looking. P.O.V is a sonofabitch. My argument, as you call it, makes perfect sense to someone with an open mind. Think about it.

    If you aren't willing to get to know someone before branded them as something they are not based off of your opinion then you'll always be disappointed. I'm not suggesting you get to know every single person online. That's impossible but it seems a lot of you are just so damn quick to write people off based of onliners because they seem generic or uncatchy. In case you haven't noticed but trying to be unique has turned into a very average and commonly normal thing.

    I do enjoy being satisfied and if I have to do it myself then kudos to me.




  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 18, 2009 6:13 PM GMT
    I agree.

    Now if I can just get my, masculine, straight acting, infinitely above average, laid back, (can't say I'm ever really bored) butt in gear to meet a deadline.



    [quote][cite]Guy101 -Damn if not nearly everyone one of you here that commented so far isn't skeptical of someone just because of the phrases or certain words they put in their profile. That's a bit picky and tacky wouldn't you say? So are you saying if you didn't see anything in their profile that you'd be more inclined to approach them? Everything is a mystery and a code you guys. Whatever happened to just living and finding out for yourself first hand? It's no wonder the majority of gay men are single.

    If you are gonna go along those lines then wouldn't describing your accomplishments, what kind of degree you may have, what your job is like, whatever activities/hobbies you like to do and whatever type of guy you're looking for be the exact same?

    I read some of your profiles and I find it hilarious that nearly the majority of you talk about your accomplishments, yourselves, your lack certain language speaking skills and what type of guy you are looking for and then comment here. HILARIOUS. FYI...if you tell someone you live life like you are unworthy they will probably treat you as such. Pity party, reservation for one, OP.

    Some of you say you wouldn't even bother with someone who doesn't have a degree, others talk about having been in an Iron Man, and then others still talk about looking for decent guys which is kind of a vague category. Among my favorites is how you say you are looking for a masculine person and then say you're masculine and can tell by looking. That's funny too.

    I just wanna know who died and made someone King Dictionary and Phrase. HA.[/quote]
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 18, 2009 6:14 PM GMT
    Any self descriptor that obviously contrary to their photos. (e.g. "Ripped" and there's barely muscle group definition much less specific muscle definition.)

    "I'm much more attracted to guys who are beautiful on the inside." with a hotlist of adonises that clearly are not know for their kindness or brilliance.

    Guys who say things like "I have a swimmer's build." when what they mean is: "I can swim."

    Guys who proclaim to be in professions that require excellent or meticulous writing skills and yet they write a simple proper sentence loaded with grammatic or spelling errors in their own profiles.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 18, 2009 6:14 PM GMT
    Straight-acting = in denial

    Bisexual = in denial and/or married or has a girlfriend

    On the down-low = married

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 18, 2009 6:16 PM GMT
    Are you a Pisces?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 18, 2009 6:21 PM GMT
    I'm a Capricorn on the cusp. HAHAHAHA.
  • postyork

    Posts: 127

    Oct 18, 2009 6:49 PM GMT
    Guy101 saidIt's a given there are a lot of people online. That's an understatement.

    Define unique as well as any other word that you might see in a profile. They all seem subjected to opinion based upon whatever type of person one is who's doing the looking. P.O.V is a sonofabitch. My argument, as you call it, makes perfect sense to someone with an open mind. Think about it.

    If you aren't willing to get to know someone before branded them as something they are not based off of your opinion then you'll always be disappointed. I'm not suggesting you get to know every single person online. That's impossible but it seems a lot of you are just so damn quick to write people off based of onliners because they seem generic or uncatchy. In case you haven't noticed but trying to be unique has turned into a very average and commonly normal thing.

    I do enjoy being satisfied and if I have to do it myself then kudos to me.







    So, if we can't get to know everyone online, and we also can't judge people by their profile, how do you propose we choose to get to know people? randomly? based on pictures?


    EDIT: just to be clear, I'm not trying to start a malicious dialogue. I'm truly interested as to how you go about doing things.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 18, 2009 6:59 PM GMT
    redheadguy saidBisexual = in denial and/or married or has a girlfriend


    While it doesn't say anywhere in my profile I'm bi, I am in fact. I'm neither in denial nor in a relationship... you can ask anyone of my friends and they will attest to both points. I actually had a date two weeks ago, and my friend (who I've known for 11 years) Jeff's 1st question was "guy or girl?" when I told him. I got a kick out of that

    I don't understand why it's such a hard concept for so many people to believe. We see bisexuality often in the animal kingdom. Why is the ad hominem against the bisexually identifying male so common place... even in the gay community?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 18, 2009 7:04 PM GMT
    Well for starters I like how you changed your previous post above my first one to this thread. That's classic. Ownership is a nice quality to have.

    Second, I never said no one couldn't judge. The world is formed from judging others and anyone who says they don't judge is full of shit. I merely stated that based off of a few comments and looking at a few profiles based off what the comments said that the majority of people here were skeptical.

    They say talk is pretty cheap so that would make it affordable, right? People should learn how to splurge then.



  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 18, 2009 7:56 PM GMT
    Uninhibited= Unsafe sex

    Looking for Mr. Right but willing to settle for Mr. Right Now= too lazy or boring to think of a more original line....unwilling/unable and clueless as to how to love and develop a LTR relationship and memorizing his checklist of the perfect guy...........always looking to get laid with no intimacy or warmth involved.

    Its fine if you just want to have grundge sex, but let go of the looking for mr. right part.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 18, 2009 8:00 PM GMT
    brandohsaurus said"I'm masculine." If you have to tell me, I doubt the validity of your statement.


    Amen to that one.
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    Oct 18, 2009 8:05 PM GMT


    Ok, str8-acting has to be the one that repels me most.

    Is acting "straight" suppose to be an aspiration or achievement to be admired? Never quite appreciated that one...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 18, 2009 9:15 PM GMT
    KissingPro saidUninhibited= Unsafe sex

    Looking for Mr. Right but willing to settle for Mr. Right Now= too lazy or boring to think of a more original line....unwilling/unable and clueless as to how to love and develop a LTR relationship and memorizing his checklist of the perfect guy...........always looking to get laid with no intimacy or warmth involved.

    Its fine if you just want to have grundge sex, but let go of the looking for mr. right part.



    Hear, hear! this one puts me in stiches as well icon_biggrin.gif