FORUMS > Dating & Relationships Forum Rules

I do say majority, not all. I know this is sensitive topic and racial preferences should be your own personel matter. We have all kind of thread posted here, by non white people demanding to know why a white men dont want to date them. Stuff about their frustration, some white guys rejected them, white guys are racist and white guys dont like them because of their skin color etc.

Why is all this obssesion to date a white men only. Why dont they find their own kind as attractive. Opposite attraction, inferiority complex, colonial baggage, historical injustice , bigger penis .....what it is.?

I date white guys (2 of my ex bf are white men), but I also date Asian of all national (from Japan to India) and I surely find them attractive.

Everybody has their own preferences. A lot of people seem to be offended by that.

Personally, as long as their attractive to me I will go out with them.

Why make dating even more complicated?

lenoxx said The reason why a lot of people don't like race topics is because It's a complicated one to answer.

"Why do humans ____?"

Fill in with whatever question you want, but there is no true answer. There can be many psychological, social, and other reasons that seem to fit.... but there are no universal truths with people, and no universal answers.... Enjoy the diversity of people's taste, attitude, color, background. It's what makes us human.

Try not to be so hung up on what different people find attractive. Every case is personal.

Why are most generalizations false?

_chuck_ saidWhy are most generalizations false?

Simply because they can't be 100% true. By definition. Usually.

As a human being of a mixed ethnic background and classified by society as "black" (even though my melanin content gives me a nice cinnamon brown coloring) I will deign to answer your question from my personal perspective.

I think it has a lot to do with what the media and American society dictates is the ideal form of attraction (beauty).

Historically Americans of African decent were taught that the lighter your complexion and the less kinky your hair the better you were. In simple terms, the more "white" in appearance. This is a by product of slavery. The lighter slaves were kept in the house and favored by their white over lords and the darker slaves were relegated to field work and other kinds of hard labor. They were usually denied education and treated most cruelly.

http://www.knowledgerush.com/kr/encyclopedia/Colorism/

This phenomenon not only occurs within the black american community but also with the Latin and Asian societies around the world as well.

Unfortunately, the legacies of colonialism & imperialism are wide spread and long lasting.

I sometimes wonder if President Obama was the same complexion as Wesley Snipes would he still have been elected to office, let alone even made it to the Primaries?


I think it's very good to have these discussions regardless of how uncomfortable it makes us.

Because when you are a race, you get to know yourself (your race) IN AND OUT, which either makes you very jaded....about your race or very bored. You wanna branch out and explore how a white man, Arabic man, Spanish man, Brit lives/acts. You wanna explore their customs too....so you do.

I know that when I walk through China town you can't find an Asian couple...

GuiltyGearBecause when you are a race, you get to know yourself (your race) IN AND OUT, which either makes you very jaded....about your race or very bored. You wanna branch out and explore how a white man, Arabic man, Spanish man, Brit lives/acts. You wanna explore their customs too....so you do.

I like and totally agree with this response. I feel that way too.

GuiltyGear said
Because when you are a race, you get to know yourself (your race) IN AND OUT, which either makes you very jaded....about your race or very bored. You wanna branch out and explore how a white man, Arabic man, Spanish man, Brit lives/acts. You wanna explore their customs too....so you do.

Agreed with this statement by GG.

Just to add on 2 more quick things.

You can think of interracial dating - in 2 different ways.

1 - People of the same race/customs - maybe tend to be bored of their own customs, thus they want to date someone who's completely different in skin color, cultures ... etc (it's not just Asian/Black but also Latinos/Euro/White/MiddleEastern...etc). Doesn't matter if you're gay or straight in this scenario.

2 - It has to do with their past-dating-life experiences (i.e. - if an asshole white/asian/black guy ...etc screw you over and hurt you deeply - you tend to have a wall up and be very picky/maybe judgemental to the guys of the same race/category in the future). That is what dating is all about, getting to know someone, to see if you're compatible beyond the color skin tone line.

GuiltyGear said
Because when you are a race, you get to know yourself (your race) IN AND OUT, which either makes you very jaded....about your race or very bored. You wanna branch out and explore how a white man, Arabic man, Spanish man, Brit lives/acts. You wanna explore their customs too....so you do.

Thank you for saying this. I agree.

I totally agree with what GG said. This is the exact reason why I have such an affinity for European guys.

GuiltyGear said
Because when you are a race, you get to know yourself (your race) IN AND OUT, which either makes you very jaded....about your race or very bored. You wanna branch out and explore how a white man, Arabic man, Spanish man, Brit lives/acts. You wanna explore their customs too....so you do.

I call BULLSHIT on this one.

So, basically, by your logic, the majority of white men should actively seek out relationships with black and Asian men, because America is predominately white and white culture reigns supreme here.

We know, of course, that this is not true. By and large, most white men stick with their own kind and are not attracted to men of color.

White men by and large want nothing to do with men of color, are not attracted to them, and do not pursue them. The same can't be said for many men of color.

So while you may be "branching out", you're "branching out" to a very limited group of white men, because most won't give you the time of day. Minority guys who like white guys like to fool themselves but that's the reality of the situation.

The_Austonian said, "So, basically, by your logic, the majority of white men should actively seek out relationships with black and Asian men, because America is predominately white and white culture reigns supreme here."


In response to this from GuiltyGear, "Because when you are a race, you get to know yourself (your race) IN AND OUT, which either makes you very jaded....about your race or very bored. You wanna branch out and explore how a white man, Arabic man, Spanish man, Brit lives/acts. You wanna explore their customs too....so you do."

Please read again carefully, he's offered two likelihoods, that's all; there is also a third, that you'll prefer your own race out of familiarity.

And we call bullshit on this, "White men by and large want nothing to do with men of color, are not attracted to them, and do not pursue them. The same can't be said for many men of color."

...it's a pretty damn big planet and you're only in one corner of it.

meninlove said
And we call bullshit on this, "White men by and large want nothing to do with men of color, are not attracted to them, and do not pursue them. The same can't be said for many men of color."

...it's a pretty damn big planet and you're only in one corner of it.

Well, that's great. I couldn't personally give two shits what you think.

I'm speaking from personal experience, and yes, it's true, in America, white men by and large are only into other white men.

Thanks for narrowing down your broad generalizations. We couldn't care less that you don't give two shits what we think.

Our posts are for the reading of just about everyone on RJ. Some are friends and their opinions of our posts are the ones that matter.

meninlove said

Thanks for narrowing down your broad generalizations. We could care less that you don't give two shits what we think.

Our posts are for the reading of just about everyone on RJ. Some are friends and their opinions of our posts are the ones that matter.

Yeah, I'm indifferent to your not caring about how much shit he gives in response to your responses. Fuck him. He just wants to stir the pot.

This thread is a little ridiculous. The OP states that he has dated white men in the past, and yet he creates a thread chastising others for trying to date white men. Pot meets kettle.

But I have to agree with the others. Race is a complicated issue. Generally speaking, it's a lose-lose situation..

If a guy mostly dates outside of his race, he's labeled as a sell-out or self-loathing or internally racist.
If a guy mostly dates within his own race, he's labeled as a racist or narrow minded or elitist.

That's the reality in both gay and straight worlds.

It's sad that guys here dwell on this topic so much. Date who ever you want to date. Regardless of color.. If the guy you want isn't interested, then move on to the next one. Just because one doesn't like you, it doesn't mean they all don't like you.

xrich

""This thread is a little ridiculous. The OP states that he has dated white men in the past, and yet he creates a thread chastising others for trying to date white men. Pot meets kettle.""

I not chastising anyone. I am just asking why. This is after I read so many thread by a non white people in Real Jock asking "Will you date a Asian guy", "Do you find black guy attractive" etc. Non white people so obsses to date white men only. Personelly I find white guy attractive myself, but I also find Asian/Black attractive. Most of this folk, totally rejected anyone non white as attractive. Of course it their preferences, but I personally think there a bigger issue , like inferiority complex, colonial baggage that need to be address. Just like the call, "Black is beautiful", we need to be proud of who we are. And yes, stop all this complaining, "Will you date Asian", "Do you find black attractive".

Yes, I agree with you. Date whoever you want, but stop complaining if those folk are not interested with you.

As others have said, the legacies of colonialism and imperialism (also historical racism) are long and enduring. Though it is slowly changing (too slow for my tastes), by and large what is "beautiful" or "desireable" is by and large white. If you're a non-white person more likely than not, you too have been indoctrinated in this thinking and this explains, imho, why many non-white gays want nothing to do with men like them. It's beyond my interests at this time, but much of it leads to self-loathing and self-esteem issues which too explains why some don't want men who remind them of themselves. Of course, your "preference" is your business and who you want to date/fuck is your own concern.

ChojinXI saidAs others have said, the legacies of colonialism and imperialism (also historical racism) are long and enduring. Though it is slowly changing (too slow for my tastes), by and large what is "beautiful" or "desireable" is by and large white. If you're a non-white person more likely than not, you too have been indoctrinated in this thinking and this explains, imho, why many non-white gays want nothing to do with men like them. It's beyond my interests at this time, but much of it leads to self-loathing and self-esteem issues which too explains why some don't want men who remind them of themselves. Of course, your "preference" is your business and who you want to date/fuck is your own concern.

I really doubt any of it has to do with colonialism or imperialism. Any BAD that is...
Unless you live in the deep south.

If anything, colonialism and imperialism have caused the nations to mix more racially.

1. I think there's beautinization (is that even a word?) of Eurocentric feature in the US. White is being portrayed is more beautiful in the media.
2. The shortage of fine looking "exotic" men. If you are surrounded by white people, then they are the only ones you can date.
3. Even in the white gay men world, there's alot discrimination about looks, money, etc.
4. Would you date a fine looking "exotic" guy or an avg. looking white guy? I'd pick the first one.
5. Partly has to do with the mystery and curiosity of dating someone who looks different.

< agreed with Leo, poster above >

. Simply put this way, just because you're Asian, Black, White, Latino ... etc - it doesn't mean that you will find another Asian, Black, White, Latino hot/attractive or even get along with them. Beauty is such a Subjective view - depending on who you look at. The same thing can be said for gay guys - just because we're gays, it doesn't mean we can all get along, like, date and fuck around on each other. It's a very diverse culture out there. So enjoy it in your own style.

ThePenIsMyTier said

ChojinXI saidAs others have said, the legacies of colonialism and imperialism (also historical racism) are long and enduring. Though it is slowly changing (too slow for my tastes), by and large what is "beautiful" or "desireable" is by and large white. If you're a non-white person more likely than not, you too have been indoctrinated in this thinking and this explains, imho, why many non-white gays want nothing to do with men like them. It's beyond my interests at this time, but much of it leads to self-loathing and self-esteem issues which too explains why some don't want men who remind them of themselves. Of course, your "preference" is your business and who you want to date/fuck is your own concern.

I really doubt any of it has to do with colonialism or imperialism. Any BAD that is...
Unless you live in the deep south.

If anything, colonialism and imperialism have caused the nations to mix more racially.

No, it has been passed down from generation to generation. And don't forget that it has only been in the last twenty years that positive representation of African-Americans has been on television or magazines. And look at television now, how many black television shows do you see on the big networks? NBC, ABC, CBS, Fox? You may get a black character here and there, but not a whole show.

It is true. I didn't date guys of my own race because most of them said that I wasn't black enough for them. They said that I talked too white or did too many activities that were classified as white. But I have always found black guys and men of color attractive, and still do.

i think it has something to do with being born in a western country.

i've never dated asian men before. i don't find them attractive. the ones i do like are straight, muscular and looks like white boys.. the masculine ones moves to the front of the line for me.

for some reason, i don't find the boys who've immigrated to our western world as attractive.

Balljunkie saidIt is true. I didn't date guys of my own race because most of them said that I wasn't black enough for them. They said that I talked too white or did too many activities that were classified as white. But I have always found black guys and men of color attractive, and still do.

I can relate to Balljunkie. I've been criticized for talking "too smart", dressing "too well", and being told that I needed to be more "hood" (which basically means "you need to be more 'black'"). I think this is the same view that a small portion of the Black/African-American community held toward Obama. It's disappointing to think Black is synonymous -- to some -- as being inarticulate or uneducated. . .

It's true -- I have dated more White men than Black men. That's mostly because White men have "made the first move". However, I find men of all races to be beautiful. And I've got to update my "hot list" to reflect this view.

I think people of mixed ethnicities are hot. And I think the problem for the majority of people is that they are/were trained to view Caucasian featured peoples as being the most attractive.

I love to see couples of very different skin colors dating. It's beautiful.

Mutts make some of the more attractive looking individuals. Now...I said "mutts", not sluts. Get your mind out of the gutter.

Austonian has a lot of good points. A lot of what he's saying is true from what I've seen. The majority of my friends are black and much more attractive than I am and when we go to the same bars or clubs, the majority of white guys would hit on me and not even look my friends way which I find crazy. I've seen it happen over and over again with gay guys. People already have what they want in their minds and don't even consider anything else which is that person's decision even though it limits them.

And I don't know about the majority of Asian and Black men not finding their own races attractive but I do see some of them only dating white men which again is their decision.

Attractive is attractive in my eyes no matter what race you are. There's always someone out there for someone else and people shouldn't let certain guys get them down just because they want to be ignorant or have different preferences. There are too many guys in the world to be cryin over idiots.

I can't speak for most black men, but I can speak on behalf of the few i know in the NYC area.

Black men get way more play from black men than they do from white men.
I'd say in NYC, 85% of black men are interested in only black men (with the inclusion of latino or mix-race).

15% are open to dating outside their race. I would honestly say maybe 1/3 of those 15% don't date within their own race.

Don't let the black representation on this web site fool you. The black dating scene in new york city is very segregated. We have our own venues, parties, even sex parties, websites, porn, etc.

Is this racist, perhaps, but I think it's a matter of preference more so than anything else. Trust me, Ive been to places like Fire Island and P-Town and we were really under-represented and I have observed a pattern similar to Robsbig's experiences.

Not that it mattered to me at all. I'm an equal opportunity lover, all races included and wanted (when I'm single).

I'd rather not have a boy friend who looks like me...