Friendships between younger and older gay men.

  • rdberg1957

    Posts: 662

    Oct 23, 2009 4:32 PM GMT
    Sometimes I don't want sex with a younger man--I want friendship. I believe I have a lot to offer and I like the energy of younger men. There seem to be a lot of factors working against this. I'd like to hear stories from younger and older men about friendships between men where there is a significant age difference. What have the rewards been? What are the pitfalls?
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    Oct 23, 2009 8:41 PM GMT
    I tried to have friendships with older gay/bi men, but in the end they all just wanted to try to have to sex with me. So yeah, I kind of gave that up.
  • jarhead5536

    Posts: 1348

    Oct 23, 2009 8:44 PM GMT
    I avoid younger guys like the plague because I'm afraid they'll think I'm trying to get in their pants. Mostly because when I was a kid the older guys I thought were my friends did eventually try to get into my pants...
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Oct 23, 2009 8:47 PM GMT
    I'm starting to have a lot of friends that are young gay men. I get along well with them, and I'm not pervy with them....so it's been working out pretty well. Most are already in a relationship so the whole sexual tension thing is not really an issue. It's hard finding a guy over 40 like myself who is into anime, indie music, and can be as goofy as me without being embarrassed. Hate to say this but most guys over 40 are most always apprehensive with me and tend to think I have all these ulterior motives.
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    Oct 23, 2009 8:53 PM GMT
    I guess I'm on the "younger" spectrum. I generally can't stand men younger than me, but I've never had a friendship with a man older than myself (though I would want to).
  • me35mtl

    Posts: 306

    Oct 23, 2009 9:04 PM GMT
    Honestly i never thought id hang out with anyone younger..so i would look for guys my age.which felt like it was impossible cuz most guys my age were either looking for sex only OR wanted to fall in love and move intogether on the first date..
    So i took a chance and said wTf and decided to meet this guy who chatted with me..hes 18 im 35..hes kinda cute but again i would NEVER think of even touching him..(i still shake his hand when we meet..lol)
    The best part about him is that when we go out on weekends, we dance and drink and just have a good time..guys my age were just always leaning by the bar, cruising and drinking..which got really boring not to mention got me out of dancing which i missed..
    So for about 3 years of meeting people my age and not dancing to BOOM all of a sudden back on the dance floor is really amazing..and i owe a lot to my lil friend for rescuing me out of boredom...
    But im still not giving up on meeting guys my age..lol
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    Oct 23, 2009 9:07 PM GMT
    one of my best friends is 49 y/o, he and i have a good friendship, we've certainly learned a lot from each other. and I have benefitted from his friendship, he has had life experiences that I haven't had or haven't encountered yet. He shares his stories with me and what he learned from it so I know better. it's really cool.
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    Oct 23, 2009 9:16 PM GMT
    OK, I'll take the bite on this one. I'm one of those older guys and I have a bf who is 25 years younger than me. I was very apprehensive about it but was up front about all my concerns. He's not looking at me as his sugar daddy and he pays for half of everything we do (one will pay one time, the other the next). We really enjoy each others company doing non-sexual things and have a very active sex life too. The big thing about it is that we communicate, I'm very open with him and he's become very open with me. I'm convinced that it is the only way it can work.

    I also have a friend (now a roommate) that is 28 years younger than me. We met mountain biking and have become very good friends. He's particularly interested in older guys (I think I'm too young for him ) but getting to know him over the past year +, he has opened up to me and shared things with me that I suspect no one else has ever known. I love this guy as a friend and he's a great roommate too.....we've never slept together, never seen each other naked (despite him being very attractive...ha!) and I'm fine with that.

    I enjoy the relationship I'm in (bf) and the friendship (roommate) is great despite the age. And yes, the bf has met the roommate and he knows we're just friends.


  • Space_Cowboy_...

    Posts: 3738

    Oct 23, 2009 9:22 PM GMT
    I like older guys weather friends or relationship icon_wink.gif
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    Oct 23, 2009 9:26 PM GMT
    Space_Cowboy_89 saidI like older guys weather friends or relationship icon_wink.gif
    My observation has been that much younger guys (your age...early 20s) tend to be fascinated by older guys more so than their older 20s counterparts. Once guys hit the older 20s and into their 30s and 40s, they seem to find older guys very repulsive and have no interest. Just my observations.
  • Space_Cowboy_...

    Posts: 3738

    Oct 23, 2009 9:42 PM GMT
    eb925guy said
    Space_Cowboy_89 saidI like older guys weather friends or relationship icon_wink.gif
    My observation has been that much younger guys (your age...early 20s) tend to be fascinated by older guys more so than their older 20s counterparts. Once guys hit the older 20s and into their 30s and 40s, they seem to find older guys very repulsive and have no interest. Just my observations.


    Hey if you're hot, your hot age doesn't really matter to me, especially not for a friendship.
  • zakariahzol

    Posts: 2241

    Oct 23, 2009 10:17 PM GMT
    It difficult to have gay friend with older gay in my society. They are either repented and go straight or interested to a younger men only. I have a couple of older friend that I have know since my youthful wilder days. Some have been my friend for 20 years. But most others are no longer gays and are married to a women having kids and becoming straight (like society demanded them to be). One person have passed away.

    By the way, I dont see anything wrong with having a friendship with a younger guys and having sex with him at the same times . If it is mutual, why not. I have one good friend who I have befriended for 15 years. We always have sex when we get together, but we both know there nothing to it. It just a sexual attraction and it feel good. No love , commitment , jealousy or anything. Having sex with him, it like going to dinner together. It not a one night stand kinda things. I care for him, but just in a friendship level.
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    Oct 23, 2009 10:17 PM GMT
    I like to hear experiences from my older gay friends. It's always really interesting to hear something tragic or wonderful from their life because the more and more of these stories I listen to I realize that only the setting and people are different. It's still the same emotions and feelings that go along with the heartbroken or ecstatic people. Honestly, some of my older friends give me some advice that I thought was pretty helpful. The type of older men that I talk to have just a different view on life entirely. Many times it doesn't agree with my own, but that's what makes it so interesting.
  • Space_Cowboy_...

    Posts: 3738

    Oct 23, 2009 10:19 PM GMT
    zakariahzol saidIt difficult to have gay friend with older gay in my society. They are either repented and go straight or interested to a younger men only. I have a couple of older friend that I have know since my youthful wilder days. Some have been my friend for 20 years. But most others are no longer gays and are married to a women having kids and becoming straight (like society demanded them to be). One person have passed away.

    By the way, I dont see anything wrong with having a friendship with a younger guys and having sex with him at the same times . If it is mutual, why not. I have one good friend who I have befriended for 15 years. We always have sex when we get together, but we both know there nothing to it. It just a sexual attraction and it feel good. No love , commitment , jealousy or anything. Having sex with him, it like going to dinner together. It not a one night stand kinda things. I care for him, but just in a friendship level.



    That's awesome! icon_biggrin.gif
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    Oct 23, 2009 10:54 PM GMT
    i tried establishing friendships with older gay men. But it got weird after they tried getting me in the sack. The funny thing is. i find older men very attractive physically and sexually....but if i am seeking only a friendship...they somehow always mess it up.
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    Oct 23, 2009 10:58 PM GMT
    Soulasphyxi saidI like to hear experiences from my older gay friends. It's always really interesting to hear something tragic or wonderful from their life because the more and more of these stories I listen to I realize that only the setting and people are different. It's still the same emotions and feelings that go along with the heartbroken or ecstatic people. Honestly, some of my older friends give me some advice that I thought was pretty helpful. The type of older men that I talk to have just a different view on life entirely. Many times it doesn't agree with my own, but that's what makes it so interesting.


    Very well put. One of my best friends when I was in my early 20's was a (then) 57 year old straight guy. I truly miss the good times we had together laughing about his stories from the past and having drinks on his front porch. He and his wife were almost like a modern version of the Honeymooners at times which was hilarious itself.

    I have come to realize that age is just a stupid number. It's the richness of friends and the ability to share experiences that really matters.

    My friend died almost two years ago, and I sure miss him but treasure the memories too.
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    Oct 23, 2009 11:31 PM GMT
    Ciarsolo7 saidI guess I'm on the "younger" spectrum. I generally can't stand men younger than me, but I've never had a friendship with a man older than myself (though I would want to).


    Me too. There are very few 'younger' (give or take a few years of my age) gay men I've met in real life and liked, but plenty of older ones. I think it's because I'm not looking for a hook-up, I'm looking for an inspiration.
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    Oct 23, 2009 11:36 PM GMT
    mmm having a friendship with someone older is difficult.. take zDrew and I.. I'm constantly batting off his advances on me... it's terrible.. terrible I tells ya...
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    Oct 23, 2009 11:40 PM GMT
    Having been raised primarily by my grandparents, I grew up knowing and liking quite a few older people......men and women, so I feel very comfortable with them. Sadly, many of those quality older people in my early life are gone now. When I was in my twenties, I met a few gay guys who were in their late forties.......guys with style, brains, panache and so much to show me.
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    Oct 24, 2009 12:07 AM GMT
    One of the travesties of our time is that we lost so many of our older gay men to HIV... which makes me sad. It seems like it is starting to correct itself with time fortunately. I have always been drawn to older... even geriatric peolple, not sexually but socially.

    I had an 85 year old friend who was gay. I would help him in his garden, we met when he was 73 and he was having a hard time getting around and working his garden. Once every few months he would hit on me, but in a wonderful, sweet way. He'd ask if I was ready to be boyfriends and offer to take care of me and make sure I was always ok. He would ask every few months but was always totally respectful and courteous. We talked about everything and had many, many wonderful times sitting in his garden up to our elbows in soil, weeds and pruned branches. That someone thought so much of me that he would want to spend his remaining days with me was a wonderful compliment even though I refused each time. I sat with him while he was in a coma, and later when he died on a respirator. He was indeed my friend... I miss him.

    I have a new friend who is 10 years older than me, we actually met online when I was looking for a friend with benefits. We never got to the benefits part but he is turning out to be a whole new category of friend. He's in the demographic of "white privilege" and we have very little in common socially, but it's oddly refreshing.

    I don't have many gay male friends who I can really confide in... aside from my new older friend, there is one who is about 5 years older, and ex boyfriend and also my boss... peculiar situation really.

    Gay friendships are so difficult because of the hypersexualization of our identities as a community. I have many more straight and lesbian friends because there isn't the flippant disregard for sexual boundaries like there are with gay men.

    I guess it's a double edged sword because the fluidity of gay sexuality can be so wonderful and unlimited under the right circumstances. What can you do?
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    Oct 24, 2009 12:17 AM GMT
    lilTanker saidmmm having a friendship with someone older is difficult.. take zDrew and I.. I'm constantly batting off his advances on me... it's terrible.. terrible I tells ya...


    *sputters*....WankenSpanker, you keep me young. What can I say? Meanwhile, my several older gay friends (on here and in real life) help keep me grounded and all grown up. It's a good balance.

    (and since I couldn't very well tell you on FB, what with your sister there and all...go sit and spin on that chubby little finger of yours, you wee baby wanker you...)

    My former boss is gay, and several decades my senior. He's been a great mentor and role model in many ways.
  • mjsin

    Posts: 9

    Oct 24, 2009 12:45 AM GMT
    haha i actually love guys who are older... more perspective... this is the only place where i can meet older guys.. haha but have had the best conversations with people who have lived more of life than i could have even imagined
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    Oct 24, 2009 12:48 AM GMT
    zdrew saidsince I couldn't very well tell you on FB, what with your sister there and all...go sit and spin on that chubby little finger of yours, you wee baby wanker you...

    I'd much rather them be yours my feisty old flirt icon_razz.gif
  • jrs1

    Posts: 4388

    Oct 24, 2009 12:56 AM GMT

    I feel, at least on here, that it's necessary to have older gay men as friends. they tend to serve as great mentors for me. of course, some of the ones I've come across have mouths like sailors - stereotype: noted - however, I cannot say that I have not learned quite a bit from them. again: erikson and his concept of generativity comes into play here.
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    Oct 24, 2009 1:13 AM GMT
    When I was 9 I always hung out with this 50 year old guy at my aparment complex. He was a painter and would always sit by the gazebo painting. We would always talk about random things and he would teach me what to do when you don't like something in an oil painting. sadly I ran into him 5 years later and he couldn't keep his hands from shaking. I forgot what the condition was called.

    But annnnnnnnyways!

    I wouldn't mind hanging out with an older guy. I do know how to read people really well though and find out what their intentions are. just make sure your electric scooter can keep up with me icon_wink.gif jk!