Fraternity, should I join?

  • Space_Cowboy_...

    Posts: 3738

    Oct 23, 2009 9:35 PM GMT
    I'm thinking about joining a Frat, Delta Sigma Phi to be exact but not sure if I should, like would they single me out or try to get me to quit? I really don't want to put myself in a bad situation any advice?
  • Space_Cowboy_...

    Posts: 3738

    Oct 23, 2009 9:49 PM GMT
    Any takers? icon_question.gif
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Oct 23, 2009 9:57 PM GMT
    When you say "single you out" or "get you to quit" you mean because you are gay?

    My gut reaction is they'd be happy to have you unless you are really "in your face" with your sexuality. Most frats don't care much and are probably more interested in gaining good quality members who pay dues. What state are you in? Sometimes there are extenuating circumstances.
  • TexanMan82

    Posts: 893

    Oct 23, 2009 10:25 PM GMT
    How about this, and I know it sounds crazy, so hear me out.

    Do whatever the hell you want to do.
  • Space_Cowboy_...

    Posts: 3738

    Oct 24, 2009 12:32 AM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidWhen you say "single you out" or "get you to quit" you mean because you are gay?

    My gut reaction is they'd be happy to have you unless you are really "in your face" with your sexuality. Most frats don't care much and are probably more interested in gaining good quality members who pay dues. What state are you in? Sometimes there are extenuating circumstances.


    haha no I'm not like that at all I mean you can tell a bit but I'm not stomping in high heels with a dog in my purse. but okay that's good to know thanks.
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    Oct 24, 2009 12:38 AM GMT
    I know a kid in Delta Sigma Phi, he's pretty cool. And he has no problems with me being gay. But that's not at your college, or your state.

    Honestly, this is your own decision. I don't know about this frat where you are, or which university you go to.
  • FredMG

    Posts: 988

    Oct 24, 2009 12:42 AM GMT
    Been there, done that.

    At 38 I retired from the navy and started college. What ibthiught was fun was that the local chaper of Tau Kappa Epsilon rushed me. No questions about if I was gay, old or whatever. When I got the bid I went to the president and chapter advisor and said "I'm very flattered, but I'm 38 and gay, if that's gonna be a problem, let me know.". It turned out that both the alumni board and the chapter reviewed it, and it was totally cool with them.

    I'd say try the same kind of approach. Be up front about being gay and if those guys are wothy enough to want you as a frater, then they are worthy enough to be your brothers.

    As far as getting out or quitting, it's really all up to you. Some guys will stop showing up, stop paying dues, and that is pretty much all it takes. You aren't under any legal obligations to stay in any organization that you have to pay to participate in.

    All that said I think that you should go for it if your potential brothers are cool with you. Like the military, fraternities are a wierd male dominated world, the military less so than fraternities. You'll learn comraderie, teamwork and how to put up with pointless and stuipid shit. All that can make any job a little easier to put up with.
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    Oct 24, 2009 12:43 AM GMT
    it could be fun. I actually want to join LXA but just waiting to be back in school
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    Oct 24, 2009 12:51 AM GMT
    will there be kinky hazing rituals with things like paddles? and calling some hunky fellow sir??

    otherwise it just aint worth it..
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    Oct 24, 2009 12:54 AM GMT
    I am a member of the Delta Sigma Phi fraternity and of course, I would sound biased, but the fraternity is a great one and I am sure they will treat you the same respect as you treat them.

    And besides, a fraternity shouldn't careless of your sexual orientation. It should care about your personality and what you can contribute to the fraternity and vice versa.

    If you have further questions, just send me an email.
  • mcwclewis

    Posts: 1701

    Oct 24, 2009 12:57 AM GMT
    jprichva saidFor the life of me, I cannot imagine the attractions of a fraternity.


    You never met the right ones icon_smile.gif
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    Oct 24, 2009 1:00 AM GMT
    jprichva saidFor the life of me, I cannot imagine the attractions of a fraternity.

    you need to join mine ;)
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    Oct 24, 2009 1:01 AM GMT
    Join a Fraternity because you want to join a Fraternity. You might get hazed, deal with it most of us did. At Rush and during pledge you are nothing special, you have to go through everything everyone else has before you.
  • FredMG

    Posts: 988

    Oct 24, 2009 2:03 AM GMT
    jprichva saidFor the life of me, I cannot imagine the attractions of a fraternity.


    after doing 20 years in the navy and 4 years in Tau Kappa Epsion (TKE Fraternity) I can say that being In a fraternity offers experiances that most gay men never know: bonding and team work. Maybe that's just me being the outsider looking in on "gay culture".

    Besides it's very afirming to be told "we think that you're cool, would you like to be a part of our group?"
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    Oct 24, 2009 2:03 AM GMT
    If you're going to live on campus, I would suggest joining at least one social group. It doesn't have to be a frat. It could be a GLBT group, or a club related to your major, or school sports.

    Networking is very important when you get out in the job market. College is a good place to start making contacts.
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    Oct 24, 2009 2:13 AM GMT
    Fraternity, should I join? Are you kidding!?! Absolutely! Best time of my life. You will make life long friends and bonds that are unbreakable!
    Good luck!
    Cheers,
    Keith
    icon_twisted.gif
  • Joeyphx444

    Posts: 2382

    Oct 24, 2009 2:18 AM GMT
    There are "good" fraternities out there but unfortunately, the bad ones are the ones that people think of when they think of the word fraternity

    I am not into the brothers and all the crap, but it may be right for you icon_biggrin.gif
  • jarhead5536

    Posts: 1348

    Oct 24, 2009 2:25 AM GMT
    Space_Cowboy_89 saidI'm thinking about joining a Frat, Delta Sigma Phi to be exact but not sure if I should, like would they single me out or try to get me to quit? I really don't want to put myself in a bad situation any advice?


    First of all, don't call it a "frat". Nothing offends fraternity members more than that ridiculous term. Second, if you like they guys and they like you, it can be a huge growth experience if you have been a socially isolated kid. Third, it's a foot in the door to some terrific career opportunities for the rest of your life. Finally, when you move to a new city, an alumni chapter is as good a place as any to start building a new social network...
  • FredMG

    Posts: 988

    Oct 24, 2009 2:38 AM GMT
    jprichva said
    FredPDX said
    jprichva saidFor the life of me, I cannot imagine the attractions of a fraternity.


    after doing 20 years in the navy and 4 years in Tau Kappa Epsion (TKE Fraternity) I can say that being In a fraternity offers experiances that most gay men never know: bonding and team work. Maybe that's just me being the outsider looking in on "gay culture".

    Besides it's very afirming to be told "we think that you're cool, would you like to be a part of our group?"

    When I was in college, fraternities were about the UN-coolest thing you could do.

    Bonding? I suppose, if you want to bond with a number of other young men whose common interests include beer and large boobs. Oh, and conformity.


    I joined TKE IN 2003, at Portland State. Fraternities were uncool then and probably now. What does how cool someone thinks something in really have to do with anything that is really important to you?

    As an example, I don't think it's "cool to ride a quad around, and don't see how it could be fun". That doesn't mean that other people don't find it cool or fun.

    So joining a fraternity isn't for everybody, neither is climbing mountains. But both have virtues. Just because they may not be apparant doesn't mean that they aren't there.
  • Ironman4U

    Posts: 738

    Oct 24, 2009 2:39 AM GMT
    I think you'll find that the guys that went Greek and joined fraternities are going to say "do it" or at least "consider it." And the ones that weren't involved are going to say "don't."

    I was in a fraternity. One of the best decisions I ever made. Most fraternities have evolved from the Animal House stereotype and offer leadership development programs, focus on civic/community involvement and many other worthwhile personal growth opportunities. Most fraternities are looking for the cream of the crop on campus (from academics and campus leadership to intramurals), so you are often surrounding yourself with other focused, high achieving guys.

    And when you graduate, you will have a bond with folks years later that you won't ever have as a GDI. And it can provide great networking opportunities for professional development for years to come.
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    Oct 24, 2009 2:54 AM GMT
    Space_Cowboy_89 saidI'm thinking about joining a Frat, Delta Sigma Phi to be exact but not sure if I should, like would they single me out or try to get me to quit? I really don't want to put myself in a bad situation any advice?


    LOL, lots of frat boys have some untold secrets. :-) Just don't kiss and tell.

    All that being said, frats take a certain personality. They are a great form of social networking if you want to put up with the frat stuff, and if you want many of your friends to be in a particular vertical group.

    Frats, sports, military, all help you gain confidence and learn how to work with others, especially in time of diversity, and they teach you how to build a support network / team to accomplish goals. Many frats also teach ya' how to party hardy, and how to be a bit stand offish.

    You'll have to decide what's for you.

    Remember, though, a couple of things.
    1. Most things worth doing are hard.
    2. Walk into, through, beyond, and above your comfort zone. The rewards and sense of accomplishment can be awesome.

    You might consider giving it a try, and if you don't like it, changing directions. You may find you love it, or hate it. Think about why you are considering it / your motivation and go from there.

    You may well find that the relationships established in a frat, or some other similar group will serve you for a lifetime.
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    Oct 24, 2009 4:08 AM GMT
    frats are for

    1) feeling like you have friends
    2) hooking up with girls
    3) partying

    in order to do this you have to

    1) pay money
    2) suffer
    3) devote most of your time

    youd probably be better off..

    1) making your own friends, for free
    2) partying in a multitude of situations not just frats
    3) spending your money on something better


    frats are cool and all, but its mostly just a title.. Some frats are good with good people and i am friends with some of them, but most of them are full of jackasses, the house across the street had their pledges doing ballet with their shirts off last night, and hold eachother in 69 positions and doing 2 person cartwheels... strange closet cases, not good situations.
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    Oct 24, 2009 4:16 AM GMT
    jprichva said
    FredPDX saidI joined TKE IN 2003, at Portland State. Fraternities were uncool then and probably now. What does how cool someone thinks something in really have to do with anything that is really important to you?

    Coolness is not something I worry about one way or the other, like, ever. I only made the point because you made reference to it.

    I bonded with a group in college, but it wasn't based on a love of beer. We worked at the student newspaper, putting in 12 hour days (not that we noticed, it was pure fun) and those are the friends that have stayed with me for 30 years now. Most of them are still journalists, though I'm not, and they've been as a group very successful. Bonding is fine, it's part of the college experience. I just never 'got' what the hell the Greeks were bonding over besides the experience of helping direct their brothers' vomit into the toilet bowl after a night of binge drinking.



    Excuse me but this response is highly offensive and very biased, something surprising since journalists are supposed to check the facts, yes you aren't one now but you were during your college days. Being in a fraternty or sorority for the ladies is about fellowship and doing more than the average college student. Bonding over beer?? If that were true then the guys in my house who don't drink wouldn't have gotten in or wouldn't be popular....o wait our consul (president) doesn't drink at all so obviously beer has nothing to do with it. What ever Greek life was like at you school I won't know because it was a different time and campus, but you can not judge an entire system all across this country and Canada.

    You said you keep in touch with your fellow students bit seem to be insisting the Greeks don't? My local chapter is 103years old I have met brothers who are in their 90s now. I have met guys who went active in ww2 who are still in close contact to this day with other brothers, when they see our wall with photos dedicated to fallen brothers in ww2 I see them break down and cry when tellig stories about just having lunch with one of them before they shipped out. They are lifelong brothers and remain that way. It is very ignorant to dismiss all that.

    My brothers have been there for me since I joined especially my pledge brothers who I am the closest with. When i found out my dad had cancer who was there for me the most, my fraternity, not my friends on the french or Russian clubs, not my friends on the lacrosse club, not any of my friends in other student groups, it was my brothers. When my father passed away this summer from the cancer, every single one of my brothers called me to make sure I was ok, eventhe ones who didn't hve my new number, they took the time to find it and call me, even the ones I don't get along with called me, my friends from hs didn't even call only said something when they saw me. My brothers were there for me some even flew all the way from Montana to Florida to see me to let me know that they are all there for me. Beer does not create bonds like that, beer doesn't create true friends like that, they don't direct me to te toilet to vomit, they are my brothers and are truer friends then I could ever ask for. The only thing directing me to go vomit is your horrible misjudgement about something you know abosolutely nothing about. You said yourself you don't know anything about it therefor you should keep your ignorant mouth shut. By insulting greek life you have insulted my fraternity, my friends in the sororities, my brothers, my friends, and me personally.

    While yes we do party, my house parties a lot and have gotten in trouble every semester because of it, not because of alcohol poisoning which has not happened at my house since I joined 4 years ago, but because we are a dry campus and cannot drink in common areas and the police get called break up the party but hve never issued citations. We have plenty of brothers who don't drink but are still great brothers who will drink pop or water instead and have fun and we respect them, if someone does drink too much we watch out for them. Also partying is not what being Greek is about, hell a lot of college students party so being Greek and partying isn't any different. So yebwe party so sue us but we also do a hell of a lot more than most college students. Greeks donate more time and money to philanthropic activity then other students on a per student basis. Greeks also give to more charities then other student groups. Greeks have individual philanthropies as a house them IFC as panhellenic have some then the whole Greek system has some. This is at my university so I don't know if it holds true for every system. The other student groups on my campus don't do crap compared to us, we give back to the community more too even after we graduate. 60% of the money donated to my school comes from Greeks not the student paper or football alum but from Greeks. So we do a lot more than just party.

    I am sorry you have a negative view on Greek life but you don't know what being Greek is all about. Yes you can join other student groups that give back and volunteer and make life long friends but there is a bond that only being Greek can offer and I can't explain it to someone who doesn't understand that bond I can only explain the faults you have and the misguided ideas you have of the current Greek life system. My alumni say stories of what they did with their brothers, the good things and the bad. They don't remember other friends or groups but they definitely remember ther brothers and house. Beer tends to not allow you to remember things, when I have an 80 or 90 year old man saying how he can remember all his brothers by name from a photo and give amazingly tearful stories of losing half his house in a war and what the brothers did before each one left, never to come home again is truely profound especially because the talk about a brother as if he is still part of their life.

    I am a Sigma Chi and damn proud of my house, my brothers, my fraternity and everything it has done for the brothers and for me. I grew up a lot and have learned so much more about myself because of my house. Only a Greek will ever understand that and know that beer doesn't create what I have gotten out of my house.
  • FredMG

    Posts: 988

    Oct 24, 2009 6:08 AM GMT
    jprichva said
    FredPDX saidI joined TKE IN 2003, at Portland State. Fraternities were uncool then and probably now. What does how cool someone thinks something in really have to do with anything that is really important to you?

    Coolness is not something I worry about one way or the other, like, ever. I only made the point because you made reference to it.

    I bonded with a group in college, but it wasn't based on a love of beer. We worked at the student newspaper, putting in 12 hour days (not that we noticed, it was pure fun) and those are the friends that have stayed with me for 30 years now. Most of them are still journalists, though I'm not, and they've been as a group very successful. Bonding is fine, it's part of the college experience. I just never 'got' what the hell the Greeks were bonding over besides the experience of helping direct their brothers' vomit into the toilet bowl after a night of binge drinking.


    So, you mention that your college experiance was 30 YEARS AGO. mine was 3.

    I call you on the cliché of assuming that college and fraterities haven't changed.

    I call you on the fact that your very dated experiance was from the outside looking in.

    I call your on your apparent misreading of the initial post, which was asking for advise about joining fraternities. If you weren't in a fraternity 30 years ago AND you "can't imagine why someone would want to join one" then what makes you think that you can contribute any useful information?

    Maybey you should return to college an take some classes that help develop critical thinking, reading comprehension and social interaction.

    You're totally down on something that you clearly know next to nothing about and generalize from movies and outdated information.
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    Oct 24, 2009 7:48 AM GMT
    Depends what your motivations are. If you are in a new city/university and don't know a lot of people, social fraternities are great for meeting new people (and you'll get like 500 new facebook friends because your whole chapter will friend request you).

    I had a strong group of friends that I was satisfied with and was able to make quite a few additional friends throughout it all, and though I was offered bids from quite a few fraternities while rushing (great experience) I didn't like the financial and superficial aspect of it and told them if they thought I was cool they could knew how to contact me to hang out.

    It takes a certain type of personality to be in a fraternity too. Hazing is stupid to me, so I have no problem just plain walking away and saying fuck it if I'm being antagonized to drink a gallon of milk for the experience and brotherhood. You have to believe in it.

    My 2 cents.