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I'm thinking about joining a Frat, Delta Sigma Phi to be exact but not sure if I should, like would they single me out or try to get me to quit? I really don't want to put myself in a bad situation any advice?

Any takers?

When you say "single you out" or "get you to quit" you mean because you are gay?

My gut reaction is they'd be happy to have you unless you are really "in your face" with your sexuality. Most frats don't care much and are probably more interested in gaining good quality members who pay dues. What state are you in? Sometimes there are extenuating circumstances.

How about this, and I know it sounds crazy, so hear me out.

Do whatever the hell you want to do.

HndsmKansan saidWhen you say "single you out" or "get you to quit" you mean because you are gay?

My gut reaction is they'd be happy to have you unless you are really "in your face" with your sexuality. Most frats don't care much and are probably more interested in gaining good quality members who pay dues. What state are you in? Sometimes there are extenuating circumstances.

haha no I'm not like that at all I mean you can tell a bit but I'm not stomping in high heels with a dog in my purse. but okay that's good to know thanks.

I know a kid in Delta Sigma Phi, he's pretty cool. And he has no problems with me being gay. But that's not at your college, or your state.

Honestly, this is your own decision. I don't know about this frat where you are, or which university you go to.

Been there, done that.

At 38 I retired from the navy and started college. What ibthiught was fun was that the local chaper of Tau Kappa Epsilon rushed me. No questions about if I was gay, old or whatever. When I got the bid I went to the president and chapter advisor and said "I'm very flattered, but I'm 38 and gay, if that's gonna be a problem, let me know.". It turned out that both the alumni board and the chapter reviewed it, and it was totally cool with them.

I'd say try the same kind of approach. Be up front about being gay and if those guys are wothy enough to want you as a frater, then they are worthy enough to be your brothers.

As far as getting out or quitting, it's really all up to you. Some guys will stop showing up, stop paying dues, and that is pretty much all it takes. You aren't under any legal obligations to stay in any organization that you have to pay to participate in.

All that said I think that you should go for it if your potential brothers are cool with you. Like the military, fraternities are a wierd male dominated world, the military less so than fraternities. You'll learn comraderie, teamwork and how to put up with pointless and stuipid shit. All that can make any job a little easier to put up with.

it could be fun. I actually want to join LXA but just waiting to be back in school

will there be kinky hazing rituals with things like paddles? and calling some hunky fellow sir??

otherwise it just aint worth it..

I am a member of the Delta Sigma Phi fraternity and of course, I would sound biased, but the fraternity is a great one and I am sure they will treat you the same respect as you treat them.

And besides, a fraternity shouldn't careless of your sexual orientation. It should care about your personality and what you can contribute to the fraternity and vice versa.

If you have further questions, just send me an email.

For the life of me, I cannot imagine the attractions of a fraternity.

jprichva saidFor the life of me, I cannot imagine the attractions of a fraternity.

You never met the right ones

jprichva saidFor the life of me, I cannot imagine the attractions of a fraternity.

you need to join mine ;)

Join a Fraternity because you want to join a Fraternity. You might get hazed, deal with it most of us did. At Rush and during pledge you are nothing special, you have to go through everything everyone else has before you.

jprichva saidFor the life of me, I cannot imagine the attractions of a fraternity.

after doing 20 years in the navy and 4 years in Tau Kappa Epsion (TKE Fraternity) I can say that being In a fraternity offers experiances that most gay men never know: bonding and team work. Maybe that's just me being the outsider looking in on "gay culture".

Besides it's very afirming to be told "we think that you're cool, would you like to be a part of our group?"

If you're going to live on campus, I would suggest joining at least one social group. It doesn't have to be a frat. It could be a GLBT group, or a club related to your major, or school sports.

Networking is very important when you get out in the job market. College is a good place to start making contacts.

FredPDX said

jprichva saidFor the life of me, I cannot imagine the attractions of a fraternity.

after doing 20 years in the navy and 4 years in Tau Kappa Epsion (TKE Fraternity) I can say that being In a fraternity offers experiances that most gay men never know: bonding and team work. Maybe that's just me being the outsider looking in on "gay culture".

Besides it's very afirming to be told "we think that you're cool, would you like to be a part of our group?"

When I was in college, fraternities were about the UN-coolest thing you could do.

Bonding? I suppose, if you want to bond with a number of other young men whose common interests include beer and large boobs. Oh, and conformity.

Fraternity, should I join? Are you kidding!?! Absolutely! Best time of my life. You will make life long friends and bonds that are unbreakable!
Good luck!
Cheers,
Keith

There are "good" fraternities out there but unfortunately, the bad ones are the ones that people think of when they think of the word fraternity

I am not into the brothers and all the crap, but it may be right for you

Space_Cowboy_89 saidI'm thinking about joining a Frat, Delta Sigma Phi to be exact but not sure if I should, like would they single me out or try to get me to quit? I really don't want to put myself in a bad situation any advice?

First of all, don't call it a "frat". Nothing offends fraternity members more than that ridiculous term. Second, if you like they guys and they like you, it can be a huge growth experience if you have been a socially isolated kid. Third, it's a foot in the door to some terrific career opportunities for the rest of your life. Finally, when you move to a new city, an alumni chapter is as good a place as any to start building a new social network...

TexanMan82 saidHow about this, and I know it sounds crazy, so hear me out.

Do whatever the hell you want to do.

WHAT?! NEVER!

I rushed but didn't like any of the houses really. After the fact I was glad I didn't because it seemed useless folly, but hey I don't try to detract from the greek system. My parents were part of it and are great individuals and I know plenty of friends who gain a lot from that decision. It's just not for everyone!

jprichva said

FredPDX said

jprichva saidFor the life of me, I cannot imagine the attractions of a fraternity.

after doing 20 years in the navy and 4 years in Tau Kappa Epsion (TKE Fraternity) I can say that being In a fraternity offers experiances that most gay men never know: bonding and team work. Maybe that's just me being the outsider looking in on "gay culture".

Besides it's very afirming to be told "we think that you're cool, would you like to be a part of our group?"

When I was in college, fraternities were about the UN-coolest thing you could do.

Bonding? I suppose, if you want to bond with a number of other young men whose common interests include beer and large boobs. Oh, and conformity.

I joined TKE IN 2003, at Portland State. Fraternities were uncool then and probably now. What does how cool someone thinks something in really have to do with anything that is really important to you?

As an example, I don't think it's "cool to ride a quad around, and don't see how it could be fun". That doesn't mean that other people don't find it cool or fun.

So joining a fraternity isn't for everybody, neither is climbing mountains. But both have virtues. Just because they may not be apparant doesn't mean that they aren't there.

I think you'll find that the guys that went Greek and joined fraternities are going to say "do it" or at least "consider it." And the ones that weren't involved are going to say "don't."

I was in a fraternity. One of the best decisions I ever made. Most fraternities have evolved from the Animal House stereotype and offer leadership development programs, focus on civic/community involvement and many other worthwhile personal growth opportunities. Most fraternities are looking for the cream of the crop on campus (from academics and campus leadership to intramurals), so you are often surrounding yourself with other focused, high achieving guys.

And when you graduate, you will have a bond with folks years later that you won't ever have as a GDI. And it can provide great networking opportunities for professional development for years to come.

FredPDX saidI joined TKE IN 2003, at Portland State. Fraternities were uncool then and probably now. What does how cool someone thinks something in really have to do with anything that is really important to you?

Coolness is not something I worry about one way or the other, like, ever. I only made the point because you made reference to it.

I bonded with a group in college, but it wasn't based on a love of beer. We worked at the student newspaper, putting in 12 hour days (not that we noticed, it was pure fun) and those are the friends that have stayed with me for 30 years now. Most of them are still journalists, though I'm not, and they've been as a group very successful. Bonding is fine, it's part of the college experience. I just never 'got' what the hell the Greeks were bonding over besides the experience of helping direct their brothers' vomit into the toilet bowl after a night of binge drinking.

Space_Cowboy_89 saidI'm thinking about joining a Frat, Delta Sigma Phi to be exact but not sure if I should, like would they single me out or try to get me to quit? I really don't want to put myself in a bad situation any advice?

LOL, lots of frat boys have some untold secrets. :-) Just don't kiss and tell.

All that being said, frats take a certain personality. They are a great form of social networking if you want to put up with the frat stuff, and if you want many of your friends to be in a particular vertical group.

Frats, sports, military, all help you gain confidence and learn how to work with others, especially in time of diversity, and they teach you how to build a support network / team to accomplish goals. Many frats also teach ya' how to party hardy, and how to be a bit stand offish.

You'll have to decide what's for you.

Remember, though, a couple of things.
1. Most things worth doing are hard.
2. Walk into, through, beyond, and above your comfort zone. The rewards and sense of accomplishment can be awesome.

You might consider giving it a try, and if you don't like it, changing directions. You may find you love it, or hate it. Think about why you are considering it / your motivation and go from there.

You may well find that the relationships established in a frat, or some other similar group will serve you for a lifetime.