Reactions to you being Gay

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 24, 2009 9:45 AM GMT
    I don't know if it was the alcohol, but tonight this "friend-of-a-friend" kept complimenting me on how "cool" I was and that I wasn't the "stereotypical gay". He wouldn't let it go and it [i]almost[i] made me teary-eyed. I was just playing pool with some friends after pre-funking at my apartment and the guy couldn't put it down. He said he really respected me and such and I got kind of embarrassed by it. I don't know if it was because he was a marine and that I may have changed the perspective of "being gay" for one person or maybe just the alcohol that I consumed myself, but it really caught be off guard.

    Just wondering if anybody knows these feelings, or maybe would like to explain their own reactions to their "outings"...

    I'm still kind of blown away... icon_redface.gif
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    Oct 24, 2009 12:57 PM GMT
    That's really cool. This is why it's so important to be out. Study after study after study has shown that the majority of the people who vote for anti-gay legislation claim that they don't know anybody who's gay or lesbian. Of course, they do, because they would have to live under a rock in Oklahoma not to know anybody gay. But they have preconceived ideas of what gays and lesbians are like (probably Jack from Will & Grace, or something like that), and probably most of the LGBs that they know aren't out to them, so it's a self-reinforcing cycle. You just helped to break that cycle a little bit last night.
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    Oct 24, 2009 1:49 PM GMT
    You know the old joke, don't you?
    "What's the difference between a gay Marine and a Straight one?"
    A six pack of beer. icon_twisted.gif

    Maybe he was genuinely surprised to see that you didn't 'swoosh' around in chiffon and a boa, nor talk with a wet lisp. You may have been the first (as far as he knows) gay he ever saw outside of TV or a movie.
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    Oct 24, 2009 4:22 PM GMT
    What an appropriate thread, I just got a very funny reaction from one of my acquaintances a couple of nights ago when I came out to him and his girlfriend.

    We had been joking around immediately before, so after I told them I was gay, I had to spend the next ten minutes convincing him that I wasn't joking around.

    After I finally convinced him, he looked at me and said, "I have AMAZING gaydar, and I had NO idea. Just NO idea."

    They both were really cool with it, but he kept reinforcing that he had "no problem with gays," and he reinforced his claim with a myriad of stories of gay friends, co-workers, and general encounters.

    I was chuckling pretty much the entire night after they, because he had this silly little grin of disbelief on his face. I think what prompted me to come out was him saying that he believes that some people choose to be gay, and it involved who they modeled themselves after on television.

    Which is obviously bullshit; so I called him on it in the most interesting way possible icon_biggrin.gif
  • jgymnast733

    Posts: 1783

    Oct 24, 2009 8:39 PM GMT
    That was nice of him,
    The guys i play football with all know i'm gay and dont really care, i guess it's cause i'm not flaming and also them seeing me beat the shit out of someone who sucker punched me is a factor too...
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    Oct 24, 2009 8:44 PM GMT
    At the mostly str8 bar/restaurant I go to all of the guys seem to be touching me more, backrubs and pats on the back when leaving. One guy came up and gave me a hug last night. I only go some Friday night but though there was "talk" behind my back before, more and more guys are seeming OK with it. I make gay jokes back with them sometime.

    One guy who has AWESOME arms and knows I am gay asked me last night if I wake up crabby. I told him to come on over so he can find out. Lots of talk like that sometime.
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    Oct 24, 2009 8:44 PM GMT
    jgymnast733 saidThat was nice of him,
    The guys i play football with all know i'm gay and dont really care, i guess it's cause i'm not flaming and also them seeing me beat the shit out of someone who sucker punched me is a factor too...


    Well, that is one way of proving we are not alike..lol.

    For me, it's amazing when straights get this "blank look" on their face. Some women try to set me up years ago, it was a relief when I told them but they were still in shock. We are the best of friends now.
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    Oct 24, 2009 8:52 PM GMT
    Some people are honestly shocked to find out that I'm gay. Others I get that "Oh" like they were a little surprised to find out.

    I've had a couple people tell me that I'm not "one of those typical flaming gay guys" and that I've sorta changed what they think about gay people as a whole. I thought that was pretty pleasant. I mean, I just act like me. I think my mannerisms are middle-of-the-road in comparison to other guys, some people can tell that I'm gay, but I don't make it a conscience effort to conceal myself around others.

    I have other things to worry about than if someone thinks I act too effeminate. I don't see the big deal with guys that act like girls anyways. They are people, as well.

    I always thought of it this way- I'm going to be someone's friend because of what they believe, their personality (happy, interesting, or if I just happen to care for them), and just who they are. I'm not going to refrain from being kind to someone because they don't follow gender roles. LOL That's silly.
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    Oct 24, 2009 9:36 PM GMT
    Some people only think of gay guys being like Hollywood in Mannequin or your local famed drag queen. Kind of hard for them to see a gay guy being "normal" for the most part in their book. Its a great thing. Be happy! I know when I first started working at Express and had a natural nack for it the though I was straight when a good eye and I'm like WTF MATE?! Seriously, I though the memo was obvious. lol Usually is anyways to most people I guess. I took it as a compliment.
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    Oct 24, 2009 9:57 PM GMT
    I brought up this topic months ago, and no matter how many people want to complain and say "everyone should accept all gay, fems and butch" the simple fact is we need more people to see non-fem examples to break that stereotype. Once again, masculinity ALWAYS trumps feminity among most men.

    Remember in school, "Don't be a sissy"
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    Oct 24, 2009 10:23 PM GMT
    ahahah Yes usually all the time. I'm Femme ,but not the stereotypical one and for some reason the straight guys love me. I remember my roomates boyfriend wanted me to come to his party(I didn't because I had to work the next day) boy was he sad ahahahah.

    A lot of guys say they forget that I'm gay and just love having me around. It's probably because they're use to me by now that they forget.Also humor helps a lot.icon_biggrin.gif


    I'm usually glad that they can now understand that being gay has nothing to do with the way I act.

    I just like the same SEX wooooo! icon_razz.gif








  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 24, 2009 10:24 PM GMT
    wrestlervic saidI brought up this topic months ago, and no matter how many people want to complain and say "everyone should accept all gay, fems and butch" the simple fact is we need more people to see non-fem examples to break that stereotype. Once again, masculinity ALWAYS trumps feminity among most men.

    Remember in school, "Don't be a sissy"


    I had an odd experience with this on both views last night. The guys how i told I was gay were shocked and were saying comments that they thought all gay men talked with a lisp, acted feminine, liked poppy music etc etc. These guys have only known the media typecast gay guy.

    My friends wife was another story and she kind of irked me. She gave me weird looks when i told her i wasnt into lady gaga, britney spears and half the mucis she starts rattling off. At one of the gay bars we went to she actually got upset that they didnt serve cosmos and kept making ignorant comments like " i thought all gay people drank cosmos, this aint an authentic gay bar if they dont serve cosmos". All i could think was WTF. Then she proceeded to rail on what i was wearing saying she doesnt believe im gay becuase of how i dress. I never knew there was a dress code for being gay *rolls eyes*
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Oct 24, 2009 10:35 PM GMT
    Most people assume I'm straight until they hear otherwise. I have had "straight" guys become even more friendly when they find out I'm gay. I get a little weirded out by that.
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    Oct 25, 2009 1:28 AM GMT
    Celticmusl saidMost people assume I'm straight until they hear otherwise. I have had "straight" guys become even more friendly when they find out I'm gay. I get a little weirded out by that.


    That's exactly what happens to me. The reason being they feel comfortable cause you act like a dude and maybe, in some ways, they can explore some of their hidden feelings or whatever. It is a mind-blower for many str8 guys to discover this. My new roommate told me several times that he swears I am not gay.

    Unfortunately, when I asked here if any non-fem guys want to be in a short documentary to dispell myths and stereotypes, most cannot seem to bring themselves to be on camera. It's like they are trying to protect their masculinity. I hope people will reconsider.

    In the future, I hope we stop labeling sexuality altogether.
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    Oct 25, 2009 11:53 AM GMT
    had a little incident today and I thought of this post. two guys both 20. one that I used to help out when I worked at express that never knew I was gay but suspected and now we are friends I guess... his friend (ironically also named Ryan) was a homophobe in high school and was in cheerleading... WELL yeah Im not going to say what Im guessing there cause you know it too. lol cute guy but yeah both were shocked that I was gay. I think I gave that Ryan guy a different perspective of gay guys. Who knows. Either way two new cute straight guy friends. I like having lots of friends. The more the merrier. No one is so rich has to throw away a friend so says Miss. ChiChi.
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    Oct 25, 2009 12:34 PM GMT
    after 30 years of "not bringing a nice girl" home, everybody knows .
    so i finally came out to hear "Ah! we KNEW!" ... or like my friend's husband " i TOLD you he was!" .
    right, whatever...sigh
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 25, 2009 1:16 PM GMT
    I've had many such reactions from straight guys as the OP describes. All in all it makes me glad that sometimes, you might positively influence the way straight guys view gay people.
    But yeah it can sometimes be a little embarrassing and you think: "ok, so can we let it go now and talk about something else than me being gay?"

    I also get the feeling that I might as well could have been an Alien who to the humans' happy surprise turns out to be a friendly one, and not at all one of the body snatching earth invading foes as portrayed in the movies.

    but yeah all in all it's a positive thing when it happens