Feeling unattractive when there are no guys on your tail?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 24, 2009 6:02 PM GMT
    Hi there,

    ok, so I can't say I think of myself as some unbelievably sexy person, but I guess I'm used to getting enough attention from gay guys in my city.
    And when there comes a time when nobody asks me out on a date or asks me to have sex with him ( i usually say NO anyway), I start feeling so lonely and unattractive... it's weird. I am not the kind of person who needs other people's approval when it comes to my personality, but the minute guys stop showing me tons of interest, I start to doubt myself. Is that normal? Is that healthy???
    I mean... can you feel sexy when nobody is showing they are attracted to you? Even if it's for a few days/weeks... admirers come back eventually but until then it's difficult icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 24, 2009 6:41 PM GMT
    QQ
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 24, 2009 6:44 PM GMT
    Hit the gym and start focusing on YOURSELF, instead of looking for others to validate you. You'll feel good about yourself in no time.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Oct 24, 2009 6:52 PM GMT
    leothelion saidHit the gym and start focusing on YOURSELF, instead of looking for others to validate you. You'll feel good about yourself in no time.


    Leo has the right idea. Its always nice to get attention, but what really makes one feel attractive is how you view yourself, through living your life in a productive manner, good deeds for others and being open to self improvement and becoming a better person. Its always nice to be noticed on the outside... but we hope there is so much more to who we are based on who we are as an individual.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 24, 2009 7:03 PM GMT
    I totally know how you feel. I've been hit on, in person, a total of two times in my life. I almost made out with this unattractive guy at the club last night because I was just so happy that somebody noticed me.

    I'm taking the people aboves' advice and starting at the gym. I really have little self esteem when I don't get attention so maybe if I get a nice body, even if I don't get hit on any more often, I'll at least feel better about myself.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 24, 2009 7:05 PM GMT
    It's nice to get attention but do you really need attention to feel good about yourself?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 24, 2009 8:28 PM GMT
    HndsmKansan said
    leothelion saidHit the gym and start focusing on YOURSELF, instead of looking for others to validate you. You'll feel good about yourself in no time.


    Leo has the right idea. Its always nice to get attention, but what really makes one feel attractive is how you view yourself, through living your life in a productive manner, good deeds for others and being open to self improvement and becoming a better person. Its always nice to be noticed on the outside... but we hope there is so much more to who we are based on who we are as an individual.


    AMEN! I feel that you should work on yourself first and focus where you want to go in life. I think that people in general are attracted and find it sexy when a person has ambitions and know where they want to go in life. Hence if you work on yourself, people will gradually notice and be attracted to you.
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Oct 24, 2009 8:52 PM GMT
    I think it is about low self esteem. You don't feel good about yourself until someone validates that you are good. I say work on your self esteem and start liking yourself.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 24, 2009 9:32 PM GMT
    yeah when you start to focus on yourself and your needs guys seem to notice. when you aren't there to give them attention or feed their ego its like ZOMG! to them lol.LMAO And I say this now as "Single Ladies" started playing on my iTunes Playlist. Im going through a really confusing time with my guy but Ive said FUCK IT! Im working on me. If you want it, come get it. Put a ring on it (AFTER FOUR FUCKING YEARS!) or like a ghost I'll be gone. Sorry Had to vent and beyonce is not helping. Ironicly, I have a date with him in a few mins. icon_confused.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 24, 2009 11:38 PM GMT
    External validation is just as necessary as internal validation. Prioritizing one over the other misses the point. Being able to love yourself and being loved by others are both vital.

    Furthermore, making guys "prove" themselves by needing to show you tons of interest is going to bring up feelings of frustration. Accepting the time and affection that you are given, with grace rather than a rolling count of how many times he called vs. you calling him, is where that loving yourself and loving someone else, as they are, comes in handy. It is a hard lesson; I'm still learning it. Without this lesson it hurts to have guys not doing what it is you think they should be doing to you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 24, 2009 11:50 PM GMT
    wow... underlying mental issues (:
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 25, 2009 12:02 AM GMT
    In the virtual world that can be arranged.

    ..............................................................................Full
    ....................Delight!
    .............................../


    ..........Photobucket

    Actually, gay flattery is more satisfying when you accept and appreciate it when it comes and not go out looking for it or expecting it. This will only ruin your night because as time goes on, your cerebrum will demand more and more flattery and acceptance. Before too long, there won't be a man or group of men in existence capable of filling that void.When they try and the attempt isn't grand enough for you to notice or accredit, you'll just dismiss it. The men will whisper, "here comes ole Tomahawk."You will truly have become a monstrosity.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 25, 2009 9:20 AM GMT
    Ok, so far I totally agree with all of you and I know how saying what I said makes me sound, but I guess this is the place where I can allow myself to sound like that... haha icon_smile.gif

    You see guys, I am not the kind who doesn't like themselves, who are always standing back and waiting for life to happen. In every other aspect of my personality, I have always been the person who loves himself, people have gotten used to it and even I have gotten used to it. But from time to time I stop to think if I really need THEIR approval (knowing that they don't know all of me) or is this just taking me back to simply needing a boyfriend. Who is supposed to worship me and love me for what I am... icon_lol.gif

    I don't know, I like the way I look, I know there are people who love me, but I just want to have more in my life. Is that too wrong? icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 25, 2009 10:57 AM GMT
    It's one thing to say focus on yourself, but there's nothing worse than a guy who is self-obsessed. If you have the time try doing some volunteer or charity work, they won't give a toss about superficial nonsense like what you look like, will be eternally grateful for your help, and as an added bonus it will make you feel better about yourself!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 25, 2009 1:24 PM GMT
    WOW!!! Very interesting words GG...

    GuiltyGear saidIn the virtual world that can be arranged.


    Actually, gay flattery is more satisfying when you accept and appreciate it when it comes and not go out looking for it or expecting it. This will only ruin your night because as time goes on, your cerebrum will demand more and more flattery and acceptance. Before too long, there won't be a man or group of men in existence capable of filling that void.When they try and the attempt isn't grand enough for you to notice or accredit, you'll just dismiss it. The men will whisper, "here comes ole Tomahawk."You will truly have become a monstrosity.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 25, 2009 2:20 PM GMT

    No matter what it takes, learn to be the guy you've been looking for and, once you have, you'll turn around and they'll all be after you.

    You're young. Young people can always get caught up in this kind of thinking which is why I'd never want to be young again.

    I didn't get any attention for my looks when I was your age. And all though I didn't feel lonely or worthless I obsessed about it quite a bit. Now here I am in my forties and everyone's paying attention. Go figure...

    Don't waste your days with things that don't matter. You don't get them back.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 25, 2009 9:16 PM GMT
    We are all well aware that we can't be attractive to everyone... yet deep down we all want it, don't we?
    I am not about to start going to the gym every free hour I have just because I want to impress guys in clubs - I'm not that type of person. I think I am pleased with the way I look. When people tell me I'm smart or sexy or unique, something like that, it doesn't strike me as something I need to hear on daily basis. However, when they don't, I start wondering if I really am... so is it just me or do we all need someone to remind us of what makes us special from time to time?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 25, 2009 10:02 PM GMT
    Stop worrying if someone finds you attractive or not. you're only 19 (I'm 1icon_cool.gif just have fun with friends and live your life. Before you know it you'll turn someones head.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 25, 2009 10:05 PM GMT
    Everything about you begins with you. You shouldn't seek others opinions about you to make yourself feel good. Granted it's nice to get a little attention but I doubt it's necessary for you to function in life.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 25, 2009 10:13 PM GMT
    fulldelight saidHi there,

    ok, so I can't say I think of myself as some unbelievably sexy person, but I guess I'm used to getting enough attention from gay guys in my city.
    And when there comes a time when nobody asks me out on a date or asks me to have sex with him ( i usually say NO anyway), I start feeling so lonely and unattractive... it's weird. I am not the kind of person who needs other people's approval when it comes to my personality, but the minute guys stop showing me tons of interest, I start to doubt myself.


    Note the colored parts of the quote above. You are contradicting yourself. You can't admit to getting and liking attention, then bemoan not getting it and expect anyone to believe you don't in some way desire it.

    It's ok to want and enjoy attention. It can be a boost to the ego. The key is to not let that be your determining factor or focus. Consider it a cherry on top of a healthy self-image.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 29, 2009 3:48 PM GMT
    Getting lots of attention is wonderful if you know how to handle it. On one hand, it helps with your confidence and optimism and gives you lots of options and those opportunities can open up doors and create a very exciting life.

    Even though much of the population may find you wonderful, there will always be people who don't, or don't give a shit about what you look like. If you fall apart because everyone doesn't give you the attention you are used to, then you got a problem. Its like being hooked on a drug...it wears off, and you need more. That's not healthy.

    So focus on yourself and the things that are special about you other than what you look like. There ARE people out there perceptive enough to dig you for who you are, your hobbies, your work, your talents (other than the bedroom) rather than only what you look like. You just have to be willing to let go of your "attention drug" addiction and show other people what you are made of. And that requires courage.

    And even if in a typical day you are sensing and getting tons of attention, it seems, from everybody, remember that there will always be someone else who has more going on for them and can give you a hard run for your money.
  • me35mtl

    Posts: 306

    Oct 29, 2009 3:57 PM GMT
    i agree with some of the guys here..focus on you..Be a good person..hit the gym..change your hair, get new clothes..bottom line: do things for you and focus all your attention on you and not worry who will like you..
    I know i am in the same boat alot of times but i remind myself that we are not attractive to EVERY one..the right one will come along and say WOW your hot..
    Remember..there is no such thing as looking ugly, only acting it.


  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 30, 2009 11:36 AM GMT
    civicevolution saidIt's nice to get attention but do you really need attention to feel good about yourself?


    Yeah - a certain amount of attention from other human beings is a valid requirement. I don't know if that's the case here, but people do need to feel valued/acknowledged to some degree. icon_smile.gif
  • rdberg1957

    Posts: 662

    Oct 31, 2009 6:35 AM GMT
    I am 52 and long past the age when I turn many heads. Some younger guys (a small minority) will still tell me I'm attractive. What makes me feel sexy is how I treat my body. If I work out moderately (enough to feel exercised, but not so much that I don't enjoy it, injure myself, or feel exhausted), then I feel sexy. I do relaxation/meditation and tune in to my body. If I dance, if I sing, if I move, if I swim, If I play, then I feel sexy. Sexiness is about feeling effective, powerful, alive. Now I'm not as good looking as when I was 22, but I feel much better.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 31, 2009 6:54 AM GMT
    I love attention!
    I love being worshiped, doted over, fawned on, catered to and lavished with affection and attention.

    However, I would much rather be understood.

    But I'll always smile and appreciate a cat call or longing look followed by a wetting of the lips.