What would you do.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 17, 2007 8:27 PM GMT
    My inquring mind wants to know?

    If you knew that your friend was cheating on his lover would you do? Turn a blind eye or call him out him out on it?

    A frind of mine brought someone other than his lover to brunch recently and he and I had words.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 17, 2007 8:42 PM GMT
    short answer - no

    it's none of my business if my friend wants to cheat on his/her boyfriend
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 17, 2007 9:09 PM GMT
    Well it doesn't matter I terminated the friendship that day.
  • SpartanJock

    Posts: 199

    Dec 17, 2007 9:13 PM GMT
    I think you should confront your friend, if he is the one who is doing the cheating. And encourage him to come clean. I see nothing wrong with that.
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    Dec 17, 2007 9:13 PM GMT
    Call him out. Not publicly, but sit him down and talk to him.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 17, 2007 9:26 PM GMT
    Well the friendship is not over but it's not the same and we did have words it got very heated actually and I made it very clear if his lover says anything remotely that he thinks you are cheating and if I know anything I'm not going to lie.

    When I found out my ex-lover was cheating everyone in our circle knew except me, no man or woman needs to find out not only are you cheating but everyone is covering for you.


    SpartanJock:

    I begged him to come clean...time will tell and I also told him that the clock is ticking..tick tock.

    The thing about an affair it's never a secret!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 17, 2007 9:26 PM GMT
    Ballsy to do that. I would speak with him face to face. let him embarras himself in public.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 17, 2007 9:28 PM GMT
    DJ:

    I'm still suffering from "CHRONIC AMAZEMENT"!icon_rolleyes.gif
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11648

    Dec 17, 2007 9:47 PM GMT
    What a terrible situation this guy put you in

    I wouldn't go to the boyfriend but I'd tell this ass

    So what do you expect me to say to your BF when I see him?
  • Laurence

    Posts: 942

    Dec 17, 2007 9:48 PM GMT
    Your friend sounds a bit tacky bringing his lover to brunch. Didn't he think that you might be embarassed by his behaviour.

    Do you need friends like that?

    You did good by challenging him. If he had wanted to keep it secret then that is another matter. But bringing the guy to eat. Not classy at all.

    Lozx
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    Dec 17, 2007 9:55 PM GMT
    Laurence:

    He was not thinking...I was not embarrased...I was worse... I was and am PISSED!

    He knew how totally destroyed I was when I found out my ex-lover cheated on me and to do the same thing and to make me a part of it...the friendship is on the rocks for sure!

    He tried to play it off that they were just friends but the look in the other guys eyes dead give away and nothing gets past me.

    I told him TICK...TOCK! The window period of opportunity for him to come clean is closing!

  • jarhead5536

    Posts: 1348

    Dec 17, 2007 10:00 PM GMT
    Your "friend" should have a brief window of opportunity to tell his boyfriend himnself. Make it crystal clear that you will expose him if he doesn't do it himself. You owe it to your real friends not to hide shit like this from them...
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    Dec 17, 2007 10:04 PM GMT
    Depends if they had an "open" relationship. If they didn't then I would perhaps politely inquire how is partner was doing as an icebreaker, then see where it went from there. I agree it is pretty tacky to bring someone else to a brunch unless it was something totally innocent. Example, the partner was away on business and this was an old friend who was coming to brunch. If it was somebody that he had met a bar last night, then yeah that is pretty bad.
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    Dec 17, 2007 10:12 PM GMT
    I think you did right by confronting the friend. I would give him an opportunity to come clean if hes going to continue to do this. He needs to stop and stay with his partner or get out of the relationship. I admire you for having the character you have. I know to many guys that would have just went with the flow and kept the bf in the dark because of the friendship. Been there done that, I know how you feel.
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    Dec 17, 2007 10:20 PM GMT
    All good advice here. The only thing I would be sure of is this: Any possibility your friend was just having a platonic brunch with another friend, relative or client? I would ascertain the answer to this question first.

    The reason I bring it up at all is that I was in your friend's place one time - I brought a co-worker home to see my newly acquired house one day - we were sitting on the patio, and a friend came by who was in your position - kind of worried / upset that I might be cheating. I really wasn't cheating, and it was unfortunate that my friend thought that in the first place, just because my bf at the time was not home yet.

    However, with all consideration, if I found out there was actual cheating going on - then I'd go ahead and let my friend know he had put me on the spot. I wonder why he did it so publicly - and didn't just go out of town or to a hotel or spa?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 17, 2007 10:55 PM GMT
    I agree that you should call the guy out on it, but you need to be careful. In my experience, getting involved in other people's relationships is opening a can of worms.

    What if they have a tacit agreement that playing outside the relationship is permissable?

    What happens if you spill the beans to your friend and they work it all out - you will be seen as the bad guy and have lost the trust of the other guy.

    There's a lot to be lost by involving yourself in other people's business.

    I would tell the guy that he should do the right thing by his boyfriend, whatever he thinks that may be. That way, you have made your feelings clear without committing yourself to a possibly ugly situation.

    good luck
    xxp
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16305

    Dec 18, 2007 1:06 AM GMT
    Hey there Ducky,
    I kind of agree with the others. I'd have said something (privately) to him because it shows a complete lack of consideration (and respect) for his partner. How would he treat friends who asked him to keep secrets or things they have shared privately with him? I think it shows this man can't be trusted.
    Its one thing if he was having a private trist (which I'm not encouraging), but for me to do that in public is quite another.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Dec 18, 2007 2:22 AM GMT
    First I'd have to know 100% for sure he was actually having sex with this guy. If I knew they were supposed to be monogamous and they didn't have an open relationship, I'd tell him I know what's going on and what I think of people that lie and cheat like that.

    I don't think I'd tell his boyfriend, but I would tell the boyfriend he better get tested if he hasn't.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 18, 2007 2:15 PM GMT
    For me it would depend who the cheater was. If I was friends with the cheater I would stay out of it, but if my friend was the partner my friend would definitely hear about it. If my friends knew something that my boyfriend was doing I would want them to tell me.
  • zakariahzol

    Posts: 2241

    Dec 18, 2007 2:33 PM GMT
    Not my problem.
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    Dec 18, 2007 3:23 PM GMT
    Thank You all for your responses.

    I asked my friend about it and he confirmed it. They are not in an open relationship. Because his partner who is also my friend has the same policy that I have regarding open relationships...not a chance!

    If he had not made me a part of this mess, I would not be faced with what's for me and that is a no brainer!

    I'm giving him the chance to come forward and come clean himself.
    I'm pissed that he put me in this position and this is the reason why his and I friendship is now in jepoardy.

    I made up my mind what I was going to do quite sometime ago.

    I will never understand why guys cheat! If you are not happy in the relationship GET OUT!

    You have not idea the damage you cause by cheating!
    Pure selfishness!

    zakariahzol:

    I know this is not your problem dude, what is your freaking point?

    I'm having a hard time understaning the nature of your response?????icon_rolleyes.gif


    Thanks??????(sarcasm)





  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19036

    Dec 18, 2007 3:29 PM GMT
    My advice...stay out of it...none of your business and if you get involved it's more likely than not a "no win" situation for you.
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    Dec 18, 2007 3:46 PM GMT
    Hey Curious,

    I was out of it. I told him that if my friend ask me I'm not going top lie for him. I would not want him to lie for me if I were cheating...opps! Wait I WOULD NEVER CHEAT!

    If I'm not happy I change me or the situation and not create a lot collateral damage!

    It's already a no win situation, because if his lover ever finds out that I knew then out friendship is over.
    I rather that his lover hate me for telling him the truth if he ask me rather then covering up a lie.

    That I won't do. I'm not going to lie for him.
    He has until the end of the week because his lover and I are going out to dinner.