sex with a guy in an open relationship!!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 27, 2009 4:57 AM GMT
    I met this guy online. His profile says that he is in an open relationship. Well, we've met up and had sex a few times. I asked him about the BF and he explained their openness to me. I was ok with it. I'm hoping it turns in to something regular for several reasons. The sex is hot. I don't like to sleep with a lot of people. I'm recently out of a LTR (healing well) and I moved back home to care for a sick parent. I simply have no emotional energy to date and this person is tied up. A comfort in knowing that I'm not going to have any pressure to offer more than I can give. For now, having some casual fun is going to be the extent of it.

    I didn't really think anything of it until my friend starting lecturing me to not have sex with him anymore, telling me "it's just bad" to have sex with a guy that has a BF.

    Personally, I was in a monogamous relationship, under that model what he was saying would be true. However, I am very familiar with the fact that open relationships exist, but am unaware of the dynamics when it comes to hooking up. I don't feel like I'm doing anything wrong, but are there some further questions I should be asking him to determine if what we are doing is OK?
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    Oct 27, 2009 6:35 AM GMT
    Every open relationship is different. It's up to the couple to decide their rules and boundaries.

    Just be sure for your sake, and for his partners sake, you two are playing safe icon_smile.gif
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    Oct 27, 2009 9:07 AM GMT
    your friend has a closed view of what a relationship is..

    if you talk to this man and he agrees to make it a regular thing and you've no interest in developing romantic attachments then excellent.

    the important thing is that while your healing that you don't accidentally fall for something you can't have through a desire to get over the pain your feeling, it happens and it can happen unexpectedly.

    Otherwise have fun and always be safe because there is more then just your sexual desires and health to consider although I fully expect this guy to put his partners health first so.
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Oct 27, 2009 9:14 AM GMT
    your friend sounds jealous! Just be safe!!!
  • zakariahzol

    Posts: 2241

    Oct 27, 2009 2:21 PM GMT
    I have sex with a guy in an open relationship while his bf looking on. This happen in a bath house. They have an agreement that sex with other is ok, when they are BOTH cruising for men together. However , this guy cheating on his bf, when he ask for sex from me, when his bf is not around (not part of the arrangement)

    I play along, after all I am there just having fun. His relationship is not my problem.
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    Oct 27, 2009 3:08 PM GMT
    I don't get the open relationship thing and I certainly wouldn't be having sex with someone that had a bf or was married. I like a guy to be mine. I am currently dating my Ex again but I can't say that I can call him my BF just yet... Its confusing so I would say I am in an open relationship and while I would love to be his all over again until he makes the call... if someone comes around and takes me away.. oh well.
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    Oct 27, 2009 3:15 PM GMT
    Look, as long as YOU know what you want, what you're getting out of it is what you want and DO NOT expect anything more from him, then do what you want/need. If you EVER realize you may be wanting more from him then you need to drop it and quick! You should be the one aware of your emotions as well as noticing your hookups emotions as well.
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    Oct 27, 2009 3:18 PM GMT
    Just play safe and plug away. Your friend is really quite quaint for telling this guy how he his relationship should be and what you should be doing with your dick.
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    Oct 27, 2009 3:27 PM GMT


    This all fine, kevinap. They're in an open relationship, so go ahead - and echoing the others here - PLAY SAFE - both of them are 'tricking' and there could be a cast of a dozen or so men involved in this.

    The only thing to consider is that he's not telling you the truth and is cheating. This where you have to trust the guy's being straight up with you, as you don't know or have met his BF. We mention this because you were in a monogamous relationship and likely wouldn't enjoy helping someone cheat on their partner. We're monogamous and feel the same.

    We think that open relationships are just as viable as monogamous ones, and worthy of equal respect.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 27, 2009 3:33 PM GMT
    You are an adult. If you want to cum dump with a guy. Go for it
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    Oct 27, 2009 3:41 PM GMT
    I don't resally get the open relationship thing, but having said that, you really only need to care about what you think in your situation. If it's truely an open relationship then he won't mind your meeting his BF, If that's out then I would suspect that he's cheeting and then you have to decide if what you're doing is worth hurting someone else over. Fact of the matter is there are plenty of unattached guys willing to have a nostrings thing or friends with benifits and you don't have to be hurting anyone. If it's truely an open relationship then enjoy your part in it for what it is. Good luck .
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    Oct 27, 2009 4:10 PM GMT
    It can be a slippery slope if things begin to not go as planned.
    I find what makes sex with the right person so hot is the connection. Having that connection with someone who is committed to another can be tricky and complications can arise for him, for you and for his partner when you indulge in exploring that connection.

    Stay aware of your feelings and be watchful of red flags that things could be getting complicated. If you're both on the same page and can manage to keep the (non)relationship in check, awesome.

    But be very, very aware that if things do get complicated it has the capacity to turn into a 'shit show' of astronomic proportions before you realize what has happened. And often in that situation, no one wins.
    I've played a part in that scenario and have seen it play out in many other relationships. It's a fine line to walk, it sounds like you have a lot going on so don't walk that line flippantly.
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    Oct 27, 2009 5:36 PM GMT
    I'm not really sure if I care to explore his relationship or meet his boyfriend unless he wants to introduce me. I think that is really none of my business. I'm just going with the face value of it all and am going to assume that his relationship is how he says it is. He's a damn good in bed and making out. To be honest, though, he's not really someone I would typically go for. I'm guessing that that in itself is making him more desirable for me, emotionally unavailable is perfect for now. I always play safe.

    As far as my ex, let me clarify. I was in a monogamous relationship, he failed to let me know that he wasn't. In the end, though, I realized that the sex part was really nothing. It's the lies and deceit that are so detrimental to a relationship. If you really care about somebody, you wouldn't string them along living your lie. That's not love. If this guy tells me otherwise, I would end it immediately.

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    Oct 27, 2009 5:43 PM GMT
    Try to play in your own place instead of his, if you haven't met his boyfriend (even if you have, actually). You don't want to have his boyfriend walk in on the two of you having sex thinking he's cheating on him. You can put yourself physically at risk that way.
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    Oct 27, 2009 5:50 PM GMT
    I'm enjoying all the it's ok in this thread in contrast to the disapproval in the 19 yr old's I'm f'ing a married guy thread.

    Anyway.

    My question to the OP would be: Do you know for certain that your fling is in an open relationship or did he just tell you that to get he wanted within the boundaries of what you want for yourself? Have you met the OpRltshp BF and received confirmation?

    In the past I've considered fun w/ open relationship folks until I realized he's probably not in an open relationship. There are signs - only online certain times of day. Only at a certain bar at certain times. Only available when it suits him, etc. True, you could know them from a bar setting or social group, etc. But if you met online...it could be a load of bullshit.

    Up to you to decide if it matters.

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    Oct 27, 2009 6:19 PM GMT
    RunintheCity saidI'm enjoying all the it's ok in this thread in contrast to the disapproval in the 19 yr old's I'm f'ing a married guy thread.


    I think the difference in the two is in the alleged degree of disclosure.
    This guy claims full disclosure for all parties... the young guy on the other thread is a situation where both married parties are not on the same page.

    Both situations make me nervous, one exponentially more so than the other.
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    Oct 27, 2009 6:24 PM GMT
    over_and_over said
    RunintheCity saidI'm enjoying all the it's ok in this thread in contrast to the disapproval in the 19 yr old's I'm f'ing a married guy thread.


    I think the difference in the two is in the alleged degree of disclosure.
    This guy claims full disclosure for all parties... the young guy on the other thread is a situation where both married parties are not on the same page.

    Both situations make me nervous, one exponentially more so than the other.


    And I'd suggest we aren't getting full disclosure from either of the people with whom the OPs are interacting. Few situations of this nature are ever so neat and tidy.

    Also to my point, both were really about casual sex, even if the kid admits he's 'going' to get a crush on the married man. We're so rarely fully detachable from the context of our lives.
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    Oct 27, 2009 6:35 PM GMT
    RunintheCity saidAnd I'd suggest we aren't getting full disclosure from either of the people with whom the OPs are interacting. Few situations of this nature are ever so neat and tidy.

    Also to my point, both were really about casual sex, even if the kid admits he's 'going' to get a crush on the married man. We're so rarely fully detachable from the context of our lives.


    Agreed.
  • Koaa2

    Posts: 1556

    Oct 27, 2009 7:12 PM GMT
    Fuck your brains out and feel good about it. Two consenting adults, seem to know what you both want, and know the rules. No ones business. Have safe fun.
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    Oct 27, 2009 7:18 PM GMT
    we make it easy on the 3rd party person. we kindly suggest they speak to both of us and we inform them that there are no secrets between the two of us and what the boundaries are during intimacy. icon_smile.gif
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    Oct 27, 2009 7:37 PM GMT
    FirefighterBlu3 saidwe make it easy on the 3rd party person. we kindly suggest they speak to both of us and we inform them that there are no secrets between the two of us and what the boundaries are during intimacy. icon_smile.gif


    And see, that's the kind of grown up honesty in policy/procedure that clears the way for people to make their own informed ethical/moral decisions about what to do. Bravo.
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    Oct 27, 2009 8:09 PM GMT
    thank you. i wish those seeking intimacy with us were always as upfront and honest themselves without the desire for drama :>
  • swimbikerun

    Posts: 2835

    Oct 27, 2009 8:16 PM GMT
    FirefighterBlu3 saidwe make it easy on the 3rd party person. we kindly suggest they speak to both of us and we inform them that there are no secrets between the two of us and what the boundaries are during intimacy. icon_smile.gif
    Bold, healthy and damn sexy hot! Honesty is boner-rific!
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    Oct 28, 2009 2:02 AM GMT
    I appreciate all the input. I stood in disagreement with my friend and I really don't feel like I'm doing anything wrong.

    I don't really care to know about his relationship other than they are cool with being open. I didn't feel the need to investigate. I prefer to keep our relationship very primal in nature, fucking our brains out and then done. See ya next time. The only thing he really told me was that his partner was really just in to oral sex and that he liked watching him blow other guys. In a way, that was good to know. I don't even bother wasting my time on it.

    It's all a learning experience. I'm not sure if an open relationship is right for me. However, if I was in love with a man I felt safe and emotionally connected to, I wouldn't give that up because he wanted someone else's dick. It is just sex. I would prefer to be able to create our boundaries of sex outside our relationship together than just to have someone go out on their own and cheat. That is not fair and abusive to your partner.