"... I don't want you to move in with him when you move to San Antonio or anyone else ... I want you to move in with me." (Long Post but Pls Help)

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 27, 2009 11:45 AM GMT
    (Long-Winded I know sorry but pls I could use some help.)

    On August 2nd, E, my bf & best friend of almost 4 yrs abruptly ended our relationship. The only guy before E was my fiance, Michael, that passed away on 9-11. I've only been in love with two men & the few guys I went out on dates with can be counted on one hand. I guess Im a little confused about the situation we are in. Frankly, I consider myself a nub in these dept. So I'm hoping you guys can help offer some advice.

    After he ended things, I tried to be an asshole with him (i.e. Not talking to him, being a bit of a smart ass with him, changing my tone to being condescending toward him, just everything you could possibly imagine to include dating new guys). I remember this one guy that I had high hopes for (whom later turned out to be an asshole... to be saved for a future thread) gave me one of the greatest nights out in my adoptive home city of San Antonio complete with a carriage ride though downtown, dinner at the Chart House on top of the Tower of the Americas, and a life long dream of having a guy kiss me up on the observation deck... I wish I could have enjoyed that night and moment better but I couldn't. It was exactly, everything, my dream date.. except for the kiss. I remember opening my eyes and being sad because it was E's face that I was hoping to see. E would do things that would try and push me away like to say that my masculinity didn't match my size (basically I was to femme at times for my size) which didn't bother him before among other really mean things.

    About a month ago he called me and told me everything that did happen. Apprently, there never was anyone else; that he made it up because he got scared of where the relationship was going and that he makes mistakes and is not perfect but he knows now more than ever that no one will ever love him like I do or did. (I was able to confirm with his closest cousin's whom asked about our status that nothing indeed did happen. That he is scared to commit to almost anything. In fact I was asked to attend a family halloween event even if E doesn't go.) At the time I was thinking of taking up an offer from a guy I was dating to move in to a house with him in S.A. and I told E about this. All I keep hearing in my mind is him saying this to me "... I don't want you to move in with him when you move to San Antonio or anyone else for that matter because I want you to move in ... with me."

    We celebrated our 4yrs of friendship on Sept. 23rd (we met on that day in 2005) and it was good to see him. It had been well over 2 months since we had seen each other. I remember him reaching over for my hand and wanting to hold it but I pulled back because well now Im scared. He patted my leg and I guess that was him telling me it's ok I understand or something. fast froward to this weekend when we went on a date and we kissed for the first time in a very long time.

    I know commitment is a scary thing for some people and I guess I have never had a problem with it because I have always thought when I get in to something I go in full-force and know what I want and do everything I can to make it and build it up but now I fear that I might be the one that's on the fence. I do love him. My heart and soul hurt when he isn't around. I feel very incomplete but Im scared I'll be hurt again. I try talking to him about it but it's something he wants to leave behind. He's trying to change and I see him appreciating me more. We are talking about things that we never did really. Further, longer term things: Kids, Marriage, Our Dog that we often refer to as our "Love Child". I blame this post on this song I just heard on a DVR'd episode of "Ugly Betty" since music seems to break at my core and put out feelings that I sometimes can't voice or for that matter address. Any advice or comments whatever... I'd apprechiate it. Im sure someone has been though the same thing at one point or another.

    Athlete - "Don't Hold Your Breath"
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 27, 2009 1:58 PM GMT
    Can't say I have been through the problem which you described but maybe focusing on it isn't the way to go.

    You have one life, and you are still very young.

    The best advice I can give you is that you shouldn't worry about being hurt.
    The pain will pass with time and you will find a new love if ever it doesn't work out.

    I know it sounds cliche. Sorry.

    Good luck to you.