Open Relationships

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 27, 2009 3:52 PM GMT
    For all of you who judge; Open relationships are not for you to understand, or get, or attempt to correct. What we all need to do is understand, that in our community, our world, it is there, and no one is to say anything about anyone in an open relationship but the people in them.
    As a single man on this site, it's annoying to read all these subtle judgement posts/threads about individuals in an open relationship or single people playing with people in one. Haven't you heard, to each his own???? I'm not saying it's right and I'm not saying it's wrong. What I'm saying is let individuals handle their relationship their way and if you're foolish enough to fall for someone in an open relationship then you're the fool NOT them.

    Do I believe in them for me? I dunno, I've never been put in that situation, I'll cross that road if it ever comes up.

    Have I been with individuals in an open relationship? Yes; knowingly and not knowingly. It happens, not everyone is honest.

    Is it wrong? We don't know, ask the ones in THAT relationship and stop passing judgement on their relationship.

    Just my thought, what about yours???
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Oct 27, 2009 4:05 PM GMT
    I don't know.
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    Oct 27, 2009 4:30 PM GMT
    Timberoo saidI don't know.



    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Thanks Timberoo! LOL! icon_lol.gif
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    Oct 27, 2009 7:25 PM GMT
    as long as the societal norm engenders a christian upbringing with a list of approved and unapproved items regarding sex. there will always be this form of sometimes very nasty judgement being passed.

    and then there's the jealousy factor.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Oct 27, 2009 7:27 PM GMT
    a1972guy said
    Timberoo saidI don't know.



    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Thanks Timberoo! LOL! icon_lol.gif


    It's true. On a personal level, I can rationally see the pros and cons. Emotionally, I wouldn't know until I was in it.
  • jrs1

    Posts: 4388

    Oct 27, 2009 7:27 PM GMT


    I don't know what to say either ... so ... they shall say what I wish for ... for me:

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    Oct 27, 2009 7:32 PM GMT
    If those who are in them like it. I love it for them.It would never work for me I'm selfish!

    You if a person does not want to be judged on your behavior then perhaps...just perhaps they should not be so vocal about...I'm just saying.

    If something is going to fly out of your mouth then you better be prepared for opinions that or either supportive or non-supportive.

    It's rather silly for someone to think once they disclose this information in mix-company and even on the site, that they feel we as men are not going to have strong opinions about the subject.

    I find it offensive when I get asked if I would ever be in an open relationship when I respond that I could never do it, that some narrow minded jerk who is one tries to CONVERT ME!!!!!

    I hear theings like you should try. You don't know what you're missing, How could you just want to be with just one guy.

    I finally had to say dude BACK OFF! YOU DO YOU AND LET ME DO ME!
    We both will be the better for it!

    Hey poster isn't that just as offensive?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 27, 2009 7:35 PM GMT
    It's fine to say live and let live...until someone posts a thread -involving an open relationship issue or about an affair with a married man- asking for feedback. THEN all the nuances of context and personal boundaries as defined individually enter the assessment.

    If folks would like to live and be left to live, they're better off not asking others for their opinions.
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    Oct 27, 2009 7:38 PM GMT
    There are some situations where it works, I've seen more relationships fail when they try to implement or sustain long term 'openness'. Perhaps it isn't about being open maybe it's because almost 50% of "marriages" fail... why would the gay community be any different, open or not?

    My thought is not a judgment of whether it is a legitimate, respectable form of a relationship. My thought is that when navigating the waters of an open relationship, *no matter what your place in it is*, it is something that should absolutely not be done flippantly.

    Having an open relationship or hooking up regularly with someone who does is exponentially more work and takes a lot more emotional honesty and psychological wherewithal than most people have.
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    Oct 27, 2009 7:50 PM GMT
    over_and_over saidHaving an open relationship or hooking up regularly with someone who does is exponentially more work and takes a lot more emotional honesty and psychological wherewithal than most people have.


    being honest about everything from the get-go makes it pretty easy. that which is obvious that i didn't say, need not be said.
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    Oct 27, 2009 8:30 PM GMT
    FirefighterBlu3 said
    over_and_over saidHaving an open relationship or hooking up regularly with someone who does is exponentially more work and takes a lot more emotional honesty and psychological wherewithal than most people have.


    being honest about everything from the get-go makes it pretty easy. that which is obvious that i didn't say, need not be said.


    Relationships are work, hard work. And an open relationship requires an increased level of emotional accountability.
    I'm not negating the efficacy of an open relationship when properly executed. I'm trying to articulate that when a third party enters into the realms of what is traditionally a dyad, the potential for complications increases... exponentially.
    Unfortunately, honesty (which one assumes is obviously inherent in all relationships but *isn't) is the crux of the what we are talking about. If indeed everyone was honest then this thread would be obsolete.

    If you have that honesty, I applaud you. But no relationship, open or otherwise is as that "easy" all the time.
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Oct 27, 2009 9:13 PM GMT
    over_and_over said
    FirefighterBlu3 said
    over_and_over saidHaving an open relationship or hooking up regularly with someone who does is exponentially more work and takes a lot more emotional honesty and psychological wherewithal than most people have.


    being honest about everything from the get-go makes it pretty easy. that which is obvious that i didn't say, need not be said.


    Relationships are work, hard work. And an open relationship requires an increased level of emotional accountability.
    I'm not negating the efficacy of an open relationship when properly executed. I'm trying to articulate that when a third party enters into the realms of what is traditionally a dyad, the potential for complications increases... exponentially.
    Unfortunately, honesty (which one assumes is obviously inherent in all relationships but *isn't) is the crux of the what we are talking about. If indeed everyone was honest then this thread would be obsolete.

    If you have that honesty, I applaud you. But no relationship, open or otherwise is as that "easy" all the time.


    In a successful open relationship, it's not the trust or honesty that is missing it's understanding that there is a BIG diffrence between sex and love and most men have different sex drives. I'm a realist. Most/ not ALL /so called monogamous relationships are not, OR one partner lives sexually unsatisfied. So many men have been cheated on or worse have gotten an std or hiv from a monogamous relationship. I am not a jealous person and neither is my guy. I had a friend tell me I could never do what you guys do because I couldn't share my man with anyone in that way, meanwhile he has cheated on him at least 3 times I know of-go figure?? I have another friend who doesn't believe in an open relationship, but when he isn't gettin it they fight have a mini break up, he has sex with another guy, and then get back together-so they are both sharing their men just not telling them!!!icon_idea.gif
  • RSportsguy

    Posts: 1925

    Oct 27, 2009 9:15 PM GMT
    I have a few friends that are in open relationships and they are doing great! I am not sure if I could handle one, but I do not criticize anyone who is doing it.
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    Oct 27, 2009 9:31 PM GMT
    My thoughts eh

    In my thoughts they are wrong and immoral

    Hey, they are my thoughts and I'm free to pass judgement as much as I like
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    Oct 27, 2009 9:36 PM GMT
    MikemikeMike said
    In a successful open relationship, it's not the trust or honesty that is missing it's understanding that there is a BIG diffrence between sex and love and most men have different sex drives. I'm a realist. Most/ not ALL /so called monogamous relationships are not, OR one partner lives sexually unsatisfied. So many men have been cheated on or worse have gotten an std or hiv from a monogamous relationship. I am not a jealous person and neither is my guy. I had a friend tell me I could never do what you guys do because I couldn't share my man with anyone in that way, meanwhile he has cheated on him at least 3 times I know of-go figure?? I have another friend who doesn't believe in an open relationship, but when he isn't gettin it they fight have a mini break up, he has sex with another guy, and then get back together-so they are both sharing their men just not telling them!!!icon_idea.gif


    I think its amazing to make a relationship work on any level and that isn't to imply I don't have respect for relationships that don't work. I seem to be a magnet for guys in open relationships, maybe it's because there are so many of them in SF, I dunno. As the third party it always seemed like I was removed from their marital issues but after a few months it didn't stay that way and I felt like I was damaging the happiness of others.

    I've tried the FWB with guys in open relationships multiple times with not so fun outcomes. I've resolved to stay single, have less sex and seek out unattached men... it makes my life so much less complicated.
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    Oct 27, 2009 9:44 PM GMT
    Until recently, was rather hard line against getting with person in relationship. Have ameliorated my stance, somewhat. Would consider, BUT... LET ME KNOW AHEAD OF TIME SO I DON'T MAKE A FUCKING FOOL OF MYSELF, O.K.?
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    Oct 27, 2009 9:45 PM GMT
    bigmusclepete saidUntil recently, was rather hard line against getting with person in relationship. Have ameliorated my stance, somewhat. Would consider, BUT... LET ME KNOW AHEAD OF TIME SO I DON'T MAKE A FUCKING FOOL OF MYSELF, O.K.?


    I know right?!
    I'm perfectly capable of making a fool of myself on my own... I really don't need any assistance.
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    Oct 27, 2009 9:51 PM GMT
    over_and_over saidRelationships are work, hard work. And an open relationship requires an increased level of emotional accountability.
    I'm not negating the efficacy of an open relationship when properly executed. I'm trying to articulate that when a third party enters into the realms of what is traditionally a dyad, the potential for complications increases... exponentially.
    Unfortunately, honesty (which one assumes is obviously inherent in all relationships but *isn't) is the crux of the what we are talking about. If indeed everyone was honest then this thread would be obsolete.

    If you have that honesty, I applaud you. But no relationship, open or otherwise is as that "easy" all the time.


    all my previous relationships were hard work. this one hasn't been hard in the slightest and years into it i'm still wondering what rabbit hole i fell down. we have oodles of love and fun with each other and once in a while we add extra flavor.

    no hard work, no fights, no break up and make up scenes.

    sometimes the perfect guy does come along icon_wink.gif
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    Oct 27, 2009 9:54 PM GMT
    FirefighterBlu3 saidall my previous relationships were hard work. this one hasn't been hard in the slightest and years into it i'm still wondering what rabbit hole i fell down. we have oodles of love and fun with each other and once in a while we add extra flavor.
    no hard work, no fights, no break up and make up scenes.
    sometimes the perfect guy does come along icon_wink.gif


    Hang on to that... what you have is not the norm and enviable from any perspective. Very, very enviable... icon_smile.gif
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    Oct 27, 2009 9:58 PM GMT
    Blondizgd saidMy thoughts eh

    In my thoughts they are wrong and immoral

    Hey, they are my thoughts and I'm free to pass judgement as much as I like
    True! They are your thoughts, and you are entitled to your opinion. I guess I agree.

    They never made sense to me as to why be in the relationship if you need to go outside the box. Isnt a relationship between 2 people?
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    Oct 27, 2009 10:01 PM GMT
    Blondizgd saidMy thoughts eh

    In my thoughts they are wrong and immoral

    Hey, they are my thoughts and I'm free to pass judgement as much as I like




    One of the funniest things I've read all week -- anywhere -- is a gay man posting on a gay site that he thinks the way somebody lives his life or manages his relationship is "immoral." Seriously. You missed your calling as a comedian.



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    Oct 27, 2009 10:09 PM GMT
    cthedj said
    Blondizgd saidMy thoughts eh

    In my thoughts they are wrong and immoral

    Hey, they are my thoughts and I'm free to pass judgement as much as I like
    True! They are your thoughts, and you are entitled to your opinion. I guess I agree.

    They never made sense to me as to why be in the relationship if you need to go outside the box. Isnt a relationship between 2 people?




    UGH!! DJ you're a cool guy, I like your posts. But many (and I mean MANY) define a relationship as between a man and a woman ONLY. Does that make sense to you? I think each relationship is defined only by the people who are in it.

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    Oct 27, 2009 10:14 PM GMT
    Nothing says "I love you" more than "Hey, looking at this hot guy on the web. Be with you in a minute honey." icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Oct 27, 2009 10:14 PM GMT
    djdorchester2 said
    cthedj said
    Blondizgd saidMy thoughts eh

    In my thoughts they are wrong and immoral

    Hey, they are my thoughts and I'm free to pass judgement as much as I like
    True! They are your thoughts, and you are entitled to your opinion. I guess I agree.

    They never made sense to me as to why be in the relationship if you need to go outside the box. Isnt a relationship between 2 people?




    UGH!! DJ you're a cool guy, I like your posts. But many (and I mean MANY) define a relationship as between a man and a woman ONLY. Does that make sense to you? I think each relationship is defined only by the people who are in it.





    Very good point! Def does not work for me though.
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    Oct 27, 2009 10:19 PM GMT
    wrestlervic saidNothing says "I love you" more than "Hey, looking at this hot guy on the web. Be with you in a minute honey." icon_rolleyes.gif
    LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OR honey be back in an hour. But like some of the other guys will argue, it DOES work for some. And brings something to their relationships. I dont understand it, but hey cheers to them!