Would this concern you?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 17, 2007 11:05 PM GMT
    Would it concern you if someone you like and are dating was hanging out with their ex? Of course, they are supposed to be completely platonic friends. But, would you trust them?
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Dec 18, 2007 2:14 AM GMT
    Unless they gave me a reason why I shouldn't, then yes I would trust him.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 18, 2007 2:50 AM GMT
    well, usually I end up as good friends with my exs., well, mostly enemies, some end up as good friends. lol
  • Kevin82

    Posts: 273

    Dec 18, 2007 3:07 AM GMT
    It wouldn't concern me. If you just started dating and you're already doing this to yourself remember to keep your heart guarded a little bit and just enjoy them for who they are. A cute guy that you have fun with.
  • UVaRob9

    Posts: 282

    Dec 18, 2007 3:07 AM GMT
    hippie4lyfe saidWould it concern you if someone you like and are dating was hanging out with their ex? Of course, they are supposed to be completely platonic friends. But, would you trust them?


    It's really a case-by-case thing. It all depends on your guy, the dynamics of the previous relationship, and how that ex treats you. If he's dismissive of you or too eager to get himself on your good list, you may have to ask your guy if he could ever see himself back with the ex because you have concerns about his intentions. Trust people to a certain extent, but protect your own heart above all else.
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    Dec 18, 2007 7:49 AM GMT
    My rule is to trust people until they give me a concrete reason not to.

    No matter how many times I have been hurt or I have been wrong I still prefer to be a person who is capable of trusting.

    Cheers,
    Terry
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 18, 2007 7:55 AM GMT
    I will make this short. Yep. It would bother me.
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    Dec 18, 2007 11:10 AM GMT
    Only if he was seeing him more alone, than the two of you were seeing him together.

    IE - If he is part of your mutual circle of friends, and you see him together frequently; but he occasionally has a cup of coffee or works out with his ex, thats one thing.

    If he is not part of your mutual circle of friends, you never see the guy around at all, but he meets up with your ex several times a week...

    Yeah, I think I would be concerned, but I would still give the guy the benefit of the doubt until talking it over with him and finding out what is going on.

    Communicate!


  • GQjock

    Posts: 11648

    Dec 18, 2007 11:11 AM GMT
    Depends on your BF .... you're the one who knows if he's trustworthy or not
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    Dec 18, 2007 2:16 PM GMT
    thanks guys good input and i agree I think honesty and communication is key.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 18, 2007 2:46 PM GMT
    i wouldn't cause the last guy i dated left me for his ex, after the guy returned suddenly from a 2 year stint in london, and my ex had asked to see him for a few lunch get-together. bah. i don't trust exes- especially if things ended on good enough terms for them to 'still be friends.'
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 18, 2007 2:57 PM GMT
    Two of my exes are now two of my three very best friends ever! I share everything with them still, and I actually need there approval when i'm thinking about dating someone.
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    Dec 18, 2007 2:59 PM GMT
    It would not bother me at all...unless I was given a reason for it then I would address the issue straight away.icon_biggrin.gif

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 18, 2007 3:14 PM GMT
    I trust people until they give me a reason not to. I would not expect my BF to drop his ex, as long as he was not spending more time with the ex then me!
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19036

    Dec 18, 2007 3:15 PM GMT
    Nothing will drive your BF away faster than insecurity, jealousy, or a lack of confidence. Try to remember that you can't control what might happen, and just be totally confident that your guy wants YOU, not your ex. If that doesn't work, start hanging out with HIS ex -- hehe -- KIDDING!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 18, 2007 3:54 PM GMT
    I would agree with CuriousJockAZ 100%. This happened to me once - my then BF ended up staying friendly with and spending too much time with his ex. I really did nothing to try to stop it - instead I ended the relationship, because I wasn't interested in being with someone who wasn't that into me.

    So, I would trust someone until they proved themselves unworthy of my trust.
  • DiverScience

    Posts: 1426

    Dec 18, 2007 3:59 PM GMT
    If you're dating him, then you should trust him anyway.

    I'm friends with my ex. We go skiing, see movies, every so often have dinner. Not really often, but I see no reason I should give up my friends just because I start dating someone.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 18, 2007 4:02 PM GMT
    I guess it boils down to can someone truly just be platonic friends with their ex? Do you diver or anyone who is friends with their ex ever have the temptation to hook up, do you just resist, do you engage, or are you truly over that person 100%? Surely one can be friends with their ex and be platonic, I am friends with exes. But, can you be friends with someone who you once really loved and thought was the one? I haven't been in such a deep relationship so I am not sure if one can truly get over this person 100%.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11648

    Dec 18, 2007 10:26 PM GMT
    Me and my first Ex have always been best friends...

    I don't allow that to be a problem with the guys I date
    but I do have to tell you that many of them did bring up the fact that they didn't like it
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 19, 2007 5:20 AM GMT
    To me, it would depend on how much time he spent around his ex. If he didnt seem to be moving on, it would bother me. If he didnt take my feelings about it seriously, it would bother me.
  • zakariahzol

    Posts: 2241

    Dec 19, 2007 12:06 PM GMT
    My live in lover (long ago) make a mistake of allowing me to see my ex bf while he is at work. Guess what, first we just go for a drive , talk about work, platonic friendship. A couple of month latter we start hugging, then slow dance finally take our clothes off and so on.
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    Dec 25, 2007 6:45 AM GMT
    Not only would I say to trust him until he gives you a reason not to, it's typically been /my/ paranoid exes. the ones who didn't trust me with my friends, that I ended up breaking up with FAST. I don't want to stick around people who are paranoid and insecure.
  • Artesin

    Posts: 482

    Dec 29, 2007 5:47 AM GMT
    Few friends of mine go through the jealousy bullshit it's quite annoying, obviously if someone doesn't trust their other enough then the relationship is shit anyway. It wouldn't concern me, in fact if something were to happen I'd rather hear it right from them which is much better than finding out after some big cover up and getting all pissed afterwards.