Should People get away with discriminating against a gay male who wants to be a nanny?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 28, 2009 6:20 PM GMT
    RESIZED TEXT GOES HERE
    So I recently moved to Libertyville Il where i mived in with my sister who is an Au Pair! i mived in with her and her boss and the three boys my sister takes care of!

    Recently it was brought to my attention that my sisters boss's ex husband who is the father of two of the boys does not want me under the same roof as the children beause i am gay and will for a fact molest his kids. the day my sister quit i was asked my her boss if i would like to take the position so the kids dont have to get accustomed to a new person in the house and they already know me. I said of course because i love these kids and bringing someone new in would not be the best choice for the kids. She than told her Ex and he refused to let me take the job due to me being a gay male! he said because i was gay not only would I molest his children but that I also cannot be a good role model because i am less of a man because I am gay. he also stated no gay man can be a role model for children. I have worked with kids for over 5 years at homless shelters, day cares christian schools and church. i have played football basket ball soccer and basketball as well as i was a gymnast for a few years. He now wants to take it to court!

    I called an Attorney and he informed me that he would be more than happy to take my case on pro bono but that it would be hard to prove that is what he had stated about why i wouldnt be able to be employed by them and that i would have to call the department of human rights to ffind out more info.

    My sisters boss has informed me that she will fight him til death about this!

    all i have to say is what a Dick he is and he says he isnt homophobic and that its not because im gay he refuses to hire me!

    what are your guys's thoughts about this?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 28, 2009 8:22 PM GMT
    Having been divorced and being very close to the divorce of a relative, I believe that as long as the mother in whose home you are staying to take care of the children has the say over who she gets to care for the children. You have a proven record, and to stop you from being a care giver, I believe the X would have to take the mother to court to stop her from employing you. No attorney in this day and time will take his case against the wishes of the mother without some very strong proof that your not a fit person to care for his children, enough proof that is, to cause a judge to overule the wishes of the mother under whose custody the children live. The best thing for you and the mother to do is not to dignify the X's statements with other than, to say "you have no proof whatever of abuse or misleading the children, then just tell him to prove it". Just pure bigotry will not get him what he wants in court. don't spend no money on an attorney, since the burden of proof would have to be from the X, He simply doesn't have any so you should be fine other than the strain it puts on you from the accusations. Hang in there buddy, this X husband has little to go on except bigotry and I doubt sincerely it will get him what he wants. Ignore his bullshit !!!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 28, 2009 8:38 PM GMT
    Being a qualified Youth and Child Worker, I have worked in Child Care, and just being a male in child care can be bad enough let alone being a poofter.

    As the only exposure many families have to the gay community is via the TV, and they see things like the Sydney Mardi Gra, and conclude we are indecent, and would not be a positive influence on their children.

    I remember walking in a pre school, and a father kicked up a stink, that while he was at work another male got to spend time with his son, and that was not on, so I had to go.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 28, 2009 8:49 PM GMT
    It really depends on the custody agreement outline in family court. The underlying reason is because you are gay. If do you have any witnesses who are willing to testify that they actually heard. If it's coming from the ex-wife the ex-husbands attorney could counter saying that it's a smoke screen of the vindictive ex. Since these are his children he has every right to say who it is he wants and does not want to care for them especially if he's is raying support and by the this goes to court you could have another job.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 29, 2009 3:35 AM GMT
    Ducky45 saidIt really depends on the custody agreement outline in family court. The underlying reason is because you are gay. If do you have any witnesses who are willing to testify that they actually heard. If it's coming from the ex-wife the ex-husbands attorney could counter saying that it's a smoke screen of the vindictive ex. Since these are his children he has every right to say who it is he wants and does not want to care for them especially if he's is raying support and by the this goes to court you could have another job.
    >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>It does depend on custody, but again, if the mother has primary custody then she has the perfect right to decide who she gets for the childrens day care, nannie, babbysitter and so on. The father can holler all he wants even if he is paying child support but it will be to no avail unless he has some hard evidense other than just "he's gay". when it comes to stopping this young man from caring for the X's children who are in her custody. The X on the other hand is in control during his designated time with the children and she also would have little to say about who the X chooses under his court appointed time with the children.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 29, 2009 4:31 AM GMT
    The details of this case are out of my realm of expertise....


    ...But I can say that it's GREAT that you're fighting this!!!!!

    To me, in a way, you're sticking up for gay people everywhere. Thank you!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 29, 2009 4:40 PM GMT
    thanks! we have witnnesses and over 20 letters of recomendation! he has the boys every other weekend wednesdays and mondays! he has no proof that i am not qualified for the position!

    I am very proud of her to want to fight this! the best part about this is that he is a LAWYER! and a very well known one in libertyville, waukegan, vernon hills, pretty much everywhere!

    i am very proud too be gay and i have no problem standing up for all of us!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 29, 2009 4:59 PM GMT
    s_tyler21 saidthanks! we have witnnesses and over 20 letters of recomendation! he has the boys every other weekend wednesdays and mondays! he has no proof that i am not qualified for the position!

    I am very proud of her to want to fight this! the best part about this is that he is a LAWYER! and a very well known one in libertyville, waukegan, vernon hills, pretty much everywhere!

    i am very proud too be gay and i have no problem standing up for all of us!
    >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>YOU WILL WIN THIS !!!!!!! If I were a betting man, I'd bet on his just thinking he can throw his weight around and win. He is full of shit !!!!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 29, 2009 5:30 PM GMT
    s_tyler21 saidRESIZED TEXT GOES HERE
    So I recently moved to Libertyville Il where i mived in with my sister who is an Au Pair! i mived in with her and her boss and the three boys my sister takes care of!

    Recently it was brought to my attention that my sisters boss's ex husband who is the father of two of the boys does not want me under the same roof as the children beause i am gay and will for a fact molest his kids. the day my sister quit i was asked my her boss if i would like to take the position so the kids dont have to get accustomed to a new person in the house and they already know me. I said of course because i love these kids and bringing someone new in would not be the best choice for the kids. She than told her Ex and he refused to let me take the job due to me being a gay male! he said because i was gay not only would I molest his children but that I also cannot be a good role model because i am less of a man because I am gay. he also stated no gay man can be a role model for children. I have worked with kids for over 5 years at homless shelters, day cares christian schools and church. i have played football basket ball soccer and basketball as well as i was a gymnast for a few years. He now wants to take it to court!

    I called an Attorney and he informed me that he would be more than happy to take my case on pro bono but that it would be hard to prove that is what he had stated about why i wouldnt be able to be employed by them and that i would have to call the department of human rights to ffind out more info.

    My sisters boss has informed me that she will fight him til death about this!

    all i have to say is what a Dick he is and he says he isnt homophobic and that its not because im gay he refuses to hire me!

    what are your guys's thoughts about this?


    It's a free country. Part of that freedom involves being able to raise your children as you see fit. It's absolutely appropriate that your sister, and her husband, are allowed to make those decisions. That's the whole premise of the country in which we live.

    If they don't like you, let it go; move on. They owe you NOTHING.

    You would be wise to not pick a battle here. If you do engage them over this, you could well lose your sister in the process. LEAD, by example, rather than by whining.

    Folks move to certain neighborhoods; pay for private schools and make all sorts of decisions to raise their children in a particular manner.

    How would you feel if someone you couldn't stand wanted to be around your kids? Yeah, you'd be pissed, too.

    Bottom line: You're not owed a job. He can say he doesn't want you just because he doesn't like you. He does not have to say it's because you're a fairy, etc. I'm afraid that's the way of the world, and rightly so. Try to put yourself in his shoes. He doesn't like you. He doesn't want you near his kids.

    Can you imagine how you'd feel if someone tried to force someone you couldn't stand upon your children? Try to understand, it's not always about you. From his point of view, you're forcing yourself on HIS CHILDREN. I can't imagine anything making someone more furious. YOU NEED TO BACK OFF NOW.

    If you engage him, you could very well end up with an injunction against you. STOP NOW. This is not a battle that you can win.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 29, 2009 5:53 PM GMT
    Fuck'em, fight it. It won't cost you any money. The kids's mother is on your side. If you can cope with the emotional cost, go for it.

    Don't be suing for money though. Chucky's right about that - the father owes you nothing. Sounds like it's in the childrens' best interest to have reasonable people around them to balance the father's ignorant attitudes.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 30, 2009 1:51 PM GMT
    makeumyne saidFuck'em, fight it. It won't cost you any money. The kids's mother is on your side. If you can cope with the emotional cost, go for it.

    Don't be suing for money though. Chucky's right about that - the father owes you nothing. Sounds like it's in the childrens' best interest to have reasonable people around them to balance the father's ignorant attitudes.




    im not suing for money! and i can handle the emotional cost! ive been thru alot in my life and im just fine! lol and you cant just not like someone if you never took the chance to even talk to them! you know?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 30, 2009 1:57 PM GMT
    chuckystud said
    s_tyler21 saidRESIZED TEXT GOES HERE


    It's a free country. Part of that freedom involves being able to raise your children as you see fit. It's absolutely appropriate that your sister, and her husband, are allowed to make those decisions. That's the whole premise of the country in which we live.

    If they don't like you, let it go; move on. They owe you NOTHING.

    You would be wise to not pick a battle here. If you do engage them over this, you could well lose your sister in the process. LEAD, by example, rather than by whining.

    Folks move to certain neighborhoods; pay for private schools and make all sorts of decisions to raise their children in a particular manner.

    How would you feel if someone you couldn't stand wanted to be around your kids? Yeah, you'd be pissed, too.

    Bottom line: You're not owed a job. He can say he doesn't want you just because he doesn't like you. He does not have to say it's because you're a fairy, etc. I'm afraid that's the way of the world, and rightly so. Try to put yourself in his shoes. He doesn't like you. He doesn't want you near his kids.

    Can you imagine how you'd feel if someone tried to force someone you couldn't stand upon your children? Try to understand, it's not always about you. From his point of view, you're forcing yourself on HIS CHILDREN. I can't imagine anything making someone more furious. YOU NEED TO BACK OFF NOW.

    If you engage him, you could very well end up with an injunction against you. STOP NOW. This is not a battle that you can win.


    first off i am not forcing myself onto anyone i am not enforcing my lifestyle on to them in any way! sure i have more femminine qualities but who gives a shit! im not saying they owe me anything! he does owe me an apology for saying alot of things about me and judgeing me without taking the chance to sit down and talk to me! thats all i would like him to do and all the kids' mom wants from him! we dont care about money!! and their mother is the one who wanted me to get an attorney! she wants to fight this!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 30, 2009 2:01 PM GMT
    s_tyler21 said
    makeumyne saidFuck'em, fight it. It won't cost you any money. The kids's mother is on your side. If you can cope with the emotional cost, go for it.

    Don't be suing for money though. Chucky's right about that - the father owes you nothing. Sounds like it's in the childrens' best interest to have reasonable people around them to balance the father's ignorant attitudes.




    im not suing for money! and i can handle the emotional cost! ive been thru alot in my life and im just fine! lol and you cant just not like someone if you never took the chance to even talk to them! you know?

    >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Are you suing him at all? Just how far is this guy going to try to stop his wife from keeping you as her child caregiver? Has he sued her, or you to get you removed from the job as caregiver to his children or just made your life rough and the mothers too, by his statements or threats to take you and her to court for an injunction against your providing care for his children in her home. She does have full custody with him having visitation rights every other weekend and (etc.) right?? Not trying to be nosy, just find this case interesting, still think you'ed win if he did take you and the mother to court, but I'd let him do that and stay out of court unless for a counter suit in the case that he filed first.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 30, 2009 2:33 PM GMT
    I'm going to play devils advocate here.

    Why does he have to get to know you, why don't you offer the "oilve branch" to him So he could get to know you?

    Did you actually hear him say these things about you or is this information coming from a bitter ex-wife?

    If you chose to take this to court and they do a background check anything and every thing is fair game in your past and present. Coould you with stand that kind of scruitny.

    If all of it is true the guy is a first class jerk. But these are his children and he has right to say who can and who can not be in their care. These days in family court the rights of both parents is equally important.

    I think you are caught in the middle of a mess between two parents. If you did not hear these things from his mouth then it's hearsay and that does not really win cases like this.

    You mentioned that he is a very well known attorney in your town do you think he is not going to be prepared for a long and brutal fight.

    There are a lot guys saying on here fight, fight, fight! If you get into this arena and fight this man over the fact he does not want you watching his kids be prepared.

    He has a right to say who he does and does not want to nanny his children.
    In any other case I would say fight but these are is children and as wrong as it it for him to do this. He is doing what he thinks is best for his children.

    part of his arugument could be that you lack the experience. Your only 20 years old, he could argue that he would rather have a nanny with 20 years experience. There are a lot of ways that could go.

    You are in for a taugh fight and there is a 50/50 chance that you could win.
    Good luck to you Tyler.



  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 30, 2009 5:15 PM GMT
    Ducky45 saidI'm going to play devils advocate here.

    Why does he have to get to know you, why don't you offer the "oilve branch" to him So he could get to know you?

    Did you actually hear him say these things about you or is this information coming from a bitter ex-wife?

    If you chose to take this to court and they do a background check anything and every thing is fair game in your past and present. Coould you with stand that kind of scruitny.

    If all of it is true the guy is a first class jerk. But these are his children and he has right to say who can and who can not be in their care. These days in family court the rights of both parents is equally important.

    I think you are caught in the middle of a mess between two parents. If you did not hear these things from his mouth then it's hearsay and that does not really win cases like this.

    You mentioned that he is a very well known attorney in your town do you think he is not going to be prepared for a long and brutal fight.

    There are a lot guys saying on here fight, fight, fight! If you get into this arena and fight this man over the fact he does not want you watching his kids be prepared.

    He has a right to say who he does and does not want to nanny his children.
    In any other case I would say fight but these are is children and as wrong as it it for him to do this. He is doing what he thinks is best for his children.

    part of his arugument could be that you lack the experience. Your only 20 years old, he could argue that he would rather have a nanny with 20 years experience. There are a lot of ways that could go.

    You are in for a taugh fight and there is a 50/50 chance that you could win.
    Good luck to you Tyler.





    i did hear him. he said it right in front of me. and i have offered the "olive branch". iv asked if he would like to get to know me he said in front of his ex wife and her whole family that he has no interest in getting to know a gay male! he had a lesbian nanny and was fine with it! i have no problem fighting this and i have nothing in my backround that can be used against me. i understand why you are ssaying that i shouldnt fight. the risks involed and things but i dont see why he would discriminate based on sexual orientation or think thats its ok. we are suing him im not doing it for the money because i could really careless. im doing this so we know we can fight for our rights. we are human beings and we are not disabled as he would like to say. we are just as normal as anyone else in this world. and kristy)my new boss and his ex wife) is not bitter at all. they are still really good friends or i should say were really good friends after the divorce up until now! i appreciate you sharing your side of seeing things! i really do appreciate it!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 30, 2009 5:41 PM GMT
    Go for it! You have not done anything wrong. The X is talking bull. Keep us posted.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 30, 2009 6:08 PM GMT
    Something to think about...

    Is this about you or is this about the children?

    If this issue becomes a long drawn out fight between the 2 parents on who cares for the children then it is about you. Not fair to the kids. If the issue isn't about a gay male taking care of kids against the father's wishes and is about 2 parents acting like vindictive "children" then it has nothing to do with you. Either way you are owned nothing. Kids will adapt to a new nannie if that is the remedy.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 05, 2009 5:53 PM GMT
    no i totally agree one hundred percent that they will adapt! it is about him not likeing me for being gay. she has every right to fight for what she believes in is best for her kids and since the kids already know me and i am over qulified for the position and can do things with them no other nanny could she sees that it is best for me to takeover! we go to court either friday or monday! we shall see what happens!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 16, 2009 11:00 AM GMT
    Dude...I've worked as a professional nanny, and basically, you're just in the wrong place. If you've got the talent to work with kidz, and the training (CPR, First Aid...etc..) get on a Nanny site, I recommend Great Aupair
    and you can get a job anywhere. The most important part is that you're open in your resume. Hell, that's why I got half the jobs I got in the last 15 years...overall, you'll find that most people will trust you more, not less because you've been honest.

    Also, check out International jobs, the ex-pat community is all over the world, they all want help with their kids, and they're super-cool about queers.

    Don't worry about some small town, small mind...there's bigger and better jobs out there. ;)