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Ok guys, so a few weeks ago I told u bout my boyfriend who is depressed and confused/having issues with being gay. So 4 weeks a ago he asked for space to sort himself out. We having been smsing each other and 1 or 2 phone calls, which has just seem to get worse. Last week he told me that he thinks that we are not ment to be together and that I' m not what he wants( after A year and a half of amazing relationship) he is so cold towards me and just looks as if he wants to forget about me! 2 weeks ago I wanted him to know that I love and care for him, and that I am waiting for him to get better, his exact response was " JUST STOP IT! I KNOW U ARE HURTING AND LOVE ME,BUT STOP IT! STOP SMSING ME THAT! STOP TELLING ME THAT U ARE WAITING FOR ME,I DONT WANT TO HEAR IT,STOP THINKING ABOUT THINGS!" Guys, Im not one of those people who are desperate foe sumbody, but dam, just 2 days before we broke up, he saw a old gay couple, and said that was us in 20 years!!! He is on antidepressants, and is ' feeling fabulos' , i' m glad he is feeling better, but hoe do u just move on like that??? I feel like I dont even know him anymore!!! Things were perfect untill the depression started. I asked if we were finshed for good, and all he can say is ' IF OUR PATHS CROSS AGAIN, AND THERE IS A SPARK, THEN WE CAN TRY AGAIN' . I mean WTF. He calims that I wasnt affectionate enough, but how the hell could I be when he kept pushing me away, I tried me bloody best! I' ve been such a mess, trying to make sense of everything. Did I mean so little after such a great relationship. Before we broke up he seemed to be jealous all the time, asking who smsed me or who called me. He still called me 3 times a day like he always had, cuddled me every nite, and now its gone, and I must just accept it?! His therapist told him that this is all unfair on me, and he cant think about us, but needs to concentrateon himself. Almost everything that he says contradicts itself. He says he fought to be with me for a year, and now its too late for me to try be with him. Sorry guys, I dont understand depression, altho I' ve been doing alot of reserch, and see there are alot of people going thru the EXACT same thing. I am moving on with my life, but at the same time I know him and I had sumthing specail, untill the depression started. How can he not see that its the depression making him feel these things!?



Seriously, this whole F^%king thing makes no sense at ALL!!!

Well I can relate to your pain... my guy of almost 4yrs randomly ended things but I found it that he has commitment issues. He knows no one will ever love him or care about him like I did. Now he is working on himself and I am working on myself. The spark and chemistry is still there and we have our moments. I think you should do the same. Focus on you, find you're strength in yourself. this will make you better. If you do that he will see what he is missing out on and what he had. Its hard I know but you have to do it. Focus on your life and your needs for now.

My first bf did things like this to me. You just need to walk away. I know it hurts, trust me. But you deserve better than this, and you need to walk away and begin to heal. Don't contact him. Do things that make you happy. Hang out with people you can talk to about this. Don;t get back with him, because this will jjst happen again. And don't allow this to affect your ability to love in the future.

foxsuperstar, we feel there's something else going on here besides depression. Both of us have friends in relationships; some went through clinical depression and what you describe didn't happen.

"He says he fought to be with me for a year, and now its too late for me to try be with him."



So take him at his word, and make a new start on your own.


...and have NO contact for awhile.

Thanks guys like I said, Ive never had to deal with depression, so this situation is quite messed up to me!!! Loethelion, unfortunatly he doesnt call anymore, he did those things up untill the day we broke up. I can see how he is forcing himself to forget me, and guess thats why he acts the way he does when i show sum love. Im just confused bout the whole antidepressant thing, like I said he is a hair stylist, and on the day his dad died, he continued working,as if nothing had happened. He seems to have this thing that he can just put things in the back of his mind, and forget about them, which i guess is the reason for him ending up where he is today, all these bottled up issues. I'm still not sure if thats why he is feeling so great, I dont know how antideppressants work. I know there isn't any1 else, I have been into his facebook profile ( yeah I know , but when your guy isn't telling u everything and u know sumthings up, u would do the same ). He has always told me the worste thing I could do to him is cheat on him. It reali broke my heart the day he told me that God had come to him in a dream, and told him he should meet a wife and have kids, I could see how this had affected him, he was broken. And that day I walked out and said I needed to think, he begged me back and said that he wants me in his life, but he needs to listen to his head! That was 3 months ago! And things just went down hill full speed from there. I never thought sumthing like this could cause so much havock between 2 people. I feel so bad, coz the night before we broke up, he wanted to cuddle, and I told him I wasnt feeling well, he then rubbed his leg against mine , I was just hurting coz the way he had been acting, it seemed that he wanted out of the relationship, but now know it was just the depression. Ive been in a relationship that ive wanted out of, and I didnt cuddle, or call them 3 times a day, or go to their place if I didnt have to, and u dont say thats us in 20 years time either, 2 days before the break up. Dam guys, this is my soulmate, and things in his mind are so fuzzed up. I just hope that he can come right and see clearly again. I know he loves me, and im not just saying that, i KNOW! which is why im so DAM confused. But thanks leothelion, I think u have a point, its just hard coz I want him to know Im thinking bout him,but at the same time dont want to pressure him. Im the only one his pushed away, and its kak! Last week I decided to move to Cape Town( from Johannesburg( which is on the other side of South Africa)), and he said " I HOPE U NOT JUST DOING THAT TO GET AWAY FROM ME" , but its wots needed, need to stand on my own 2 feet, and have a new 'space'. When the break up happened, it was ment to be just 'a break', and I told him Im giving him 2 months to sort himself out ( unfair I know, but though pressure would help him come right), he told me that it was unfair, and u wouldnt say that if u didnt care bout getting back. Its just wots happened since then thats confused me ( saying we not ment to be together,and if our paths cross) Im the kinda guy who knows wot I want, and I get it. Im not used to 'not knowing wot I want'. I just miss him!!!!!!!!!

meninlove said foxsuperstar, we feel there's something else going on here besides depression. Both of us have friends in relationships; some went through clinical depression and what you describe didn't happen.

"He says he fought to be with me for a year, and now its too late for me to try be with him."



So take him at his word, and make a new start on your own.


...and have NO contact for awhile.

I agree with them. I stopped calling and talking to my bf for a few months. we would talk yes but he would be the one to call me and start the conversation. i wouldn't go looking for him. Even now... he calls me more than I can him. Im miss him just the same but still... he's gotta earn this back.

Nah I know Ryan, it just blady hard, coz it feels like Im gonna loose him, but will start doing that

I relate to your pain all too well. I fell hopelessly in love with someone in the past year. One day he's telling me 20 times how much he loves me, the next pushing me away and basically ignoring me. I allowed myself to ride this emotional rollercoaster for months and months. One month he loves me, the next he won't even answer a text. The cycle was killing me as it was extremely hurtful. I should have pulled away much sooner than I did, but I couldn't help myself. Love makes you put up with things that no one should have to put up with. We all deserve better. Bottomline: Leave him alone. Walk away and don't look back. If your love is real, and you two are meant to be together, he will find his way back to you. If it doesn't mean enough to HIM to do that, than why would you want him anyway?

When it comes to relationships, I have always lived by the motto "If you don't enhance my life, you're not in it" and I fell off that wagon for this person because he touched my heart so deeply. But I will never do that again. If I learned anything from that person it is that you have to love yourself first and know when to draw the line in the sand when the person you're involved with isn't treating you the way you deserve to be treated.

CuriousJockAZ saidI relate to your pain all too well. I fell hopelessly in love with someone in the past year. One day he's telling me 20 times how much he loves me, the next pushing me away and basically ignoring me. I allowed myself to ride this emotional rollercoaster for months and months. One month he loves me, the next he won't even answer a text. The cycle was killing me as it was extremely hurtful. I should have pulled away much sooner than I did, but I couldn't help myself. Love makes you put up with things that no one should have to put up with. We all deserve better. Bottomline: Leave him alone. Walk away and don't look back. If your love is real, and you two are meant to be together, he will find his way back to you. If it doesn't mean enough to HIM to do that, than why would you want him anyway?

When it comes to relationships, I have always lived by the motto "If you don't enhance my life, you're not in it" and I fell off that wagon for this person because he touched my heart so deeply. But I will never do that again. If I learned anything from that person it is that you have to love yourself first and know when to draw the line in the sand when the person you're involved with isn't treating you the way you deserve to be treated.

You sound quite despereate to me

Spare me from such desperation and silliness

Blondizgd said

You sound quite despereate to me

LOL! Hardly desperate (though I CAN spell it), but I was pretty pathetic to have put up with things as long as I did. Live and learn. I shared my story only to assure the OP that he's not alone and that we've probably all been there at one point or another.

Blondizgd saidSpare me from such desperation and silliness

Spare us all from unnecessary douchebaggery.

He's in pain. Lots and lots of it. There's no reason to be a prick to him.

CuriousJockAZ said[quote][cite]
You sound quite despereate to me

LOL! Hardly desperate, but I was pretty pathetic to have put up with things as long as I did. Live and learn.[/quote]

OK perhaps pathetic was more accurate than desperate. Hope you have learned indeed.

OY - the games that men play and men put up with.

Sorry, had to remove that prick!!! DAM

Thanks Thelstrat and CuriousJockAZ

he can't miss you if you won't go away

foxsuperstar --- Whatever you do, when dealing with a depressed or insecure person, do not blame yourself, and even though its nearly impossible, don't spend your thought time trying to figure out the thinking or lack of reasoning behind your previous partners actions. I've definately been through what your talking about, and honestly a depressed person is not rational and you cannot put rationality to their actions. For your own good move on in a kind way telling him that you'll always be glad to hear from him and be there for him, then just let him go. That way you haven't so to speak stabbed him, to get back at him for hurting you and will leave a door open when and if he startes thinking clearer. A depressed person though is just as likely to blame you for just letting him go. Its a no win situation with someone like him. Move on and maybe you'll find another person who is more secure, if the guy comes back to his senses too late and you've found someone then its his loss and you won't have put yourself through anymore grief. The best to you !!!

TheIStrat said

Blondizgd saidSpare me from such desperation and silliness

Spare us all from unnecessary douchebaggery.

He's in pain. Lots and lots of it. There's no reason to be a prick to him.

I thought quoting the particular poster, is an indication of who you are addressing your comments to. Isn't this the case?

Blondizgd said

TheIStrat said

Blondizgd saidSpare me from such desperation and silliness

Spare us all from unnecessary douchebaggery.

He's in pain. Lots and lots of it. There's no reason to be a prick to him.

I thought quoting the particular poster, is an indication of who you are addressing your comments to. Isn't this the case?

Doesn't really matter WHO you were quoting. It was still aptly titled "douchebaggery" --- But you're forgiven

Thanks realifedad, have stopped blaming myself, altho he continues to. Will never do or say anything to hurt him, but he says everythig I say makes him feel s&%t, from I love him to just saying hi, nuthing seems to be right, which is why Ive left him alone. Like I said, I thought the antidepressants would make him think clearer, but have pushed him away further. Every1 says that he is so much happier, but why push me away if hes feeling better... We had a gud relationship, he said it was the best he has had, and that was a few weeks ago.

CuriousJockAZ said

Blondizgd said

TheIStrat said

Blondizgd saidSpare me from such desperation and silliness

Spare us all from unnecessary douchebaggery.

He's in pain. Lots and lots of it. There's no reason to be a prick to him.

I thought quoting the particular poster, is an indication of who you are addressing your comments to. Isn't this the case?

Doesn't really matter WHO you were quoting. It was still aptly titled "douchebaggery" --- But you're forgiven

And to think I was just starting to feel sorry for you....

foxsuperstar saidThanks realifedad, have stopped blaming myself, altho he continues to. Will never do or say anything to hurt him, but he says everythig I say makes him feel s&%t, from I love him to just saying hi, nuthing seems to be right, which is why Ive left him alone. Like I said, I thought the antidepressants would make him think clearer, but have pushed him away further. Every1 says that he is so much happier, but why push me away if hes feeling better... We had a gud relationship, he said it was the best he has had, and that was a few weeks ago.

Maybe he's bipolar instead of depressed

Blondizgd said

And to think I was just starting to feel sorry for you....

LOL! Hey, don't feel sorry for me. That heartbreak was sooooo first half of 2009. I'm all better now and actually doing grrrrrrreat!

Maybe he's bipolar instead of depressed[/quote]

I heard u can be Bipolar and have major depression ( which he does have)

Blondizgod said, "Spare me from such desperation and silliness."


Spare everyone else from your intense bitterness.


It's easy, just press that little button on the RJ top menu overhead that says, 'sign out'.


What happened to you anyway? You show a giant gaping hole in your posts compassion could fill quite nicely.

Yeah, it's hard when you're the guy who is dumped. It's real hard. Especially when you still have feelings for the other person. You need to stop contacting him NOW! Resist any urge. Delete his email, delete his phone number.

meninlove said Blondizgod said, "Spare me from such desperation and silliness."


Spare everyone else from your intense bitterness.


It's easy, just press that little button on the RJ top menu overhead that says, 'sign out'.


What happened to you anyway? You show a giant gaping hole in your posts compassion could fill quite nicely.

GREAT POST! I can certainly relate to the OP's concerns as it was in the beginning with my current boyfriend, who not only suffered from depression but also was still recuperating from a previous abusive relationship! to make a long story short he was having problems dealing with intimacy in our relationship! I one day just got tired of always running after him, and being the one to initiate any plans to get together or just do things together! so I stopped calling him or even making plans so as to intentionally give him a chance to miss me and at getting more involved in decision makings in our relationship!! so far my plan seem to be working as he is getting more and more involved in reciprocating and at making plans on his own for us to do things together!!


A relationships is about TWO and not ONE!!


♥ Leandro ♥

I know that it hurts when you love someone who doesn't love you back.

Whether depressed or not, he has made it very plain that, for whatever reason, he does not want to see you any more.
I suspect that a good explanation from him would make it a little easier for you to accept.
But, it doesn't appear that you are going to get one.

All you can do is to pick up and move on.
Spend time laughing with your friends.
Pretend that it doesn't matter...................... until it doesn't.

Put out the "U-R-Next" sign.

Go out and find someone who deserves you.

Hugs.

you are attempting to use logic in a vacant room.

you are throwing punches underwater.

you are smashing your head against the wall.

you are walking backwards when your destination lays ahead.

you need to remove yourself from this situation and be more objective.

... choose one.