What to do now?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 29, 2009 12:29 PM GMT
    my mom is a bit concern as to my cousins intentions about reaching out to me. One of my cousins on my father's side saw me on myspace and wanted to know if I had any new info about my father (He left me and my mom many years ago). This was completely unexpected and I'm not sure how to a deal this new development.

    This sums up what my cousin recently messaged me last "n every one can't wait to speak to u n everyone has been thinkin about u for a long time how u doin and things like that so u have alot of family on this side that waitin to meet u n speak to u"

    This is of course after years of not hearing back from anyone on his side. Also, it was my younger cousins and not their parents that contacted me. My mom has a bit of animosity toward the family on my dad's side because they didn't aide her in helping to find my dad and might have accused her of causing him to leave us in the first place, but my mom doesn't really like to discuss it with me. We kinda got into an argument about it last night.

    If anyone has any suggestions, or even experience..it would be greatly appreciated

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    Oct 29, 2009 2:23 PM GMT
    I think it's better to respect your mother's wishes and experience in this matter, than to indulge what may be the mere curiosity of a cousin who suddenly dropped out of the virtual sky. I would do nothing at this point without first consulting with her, and following her guidance.

    I can imagine many reasons why your mother would not want this contact. Perhaps there was domestic violence involved, and your mother is fearful of your father and his family, even if this particular cousin is well-intentioned. Maybe she's suspicious of this for other reasons that can't be guessed. Your mother is more important than a spurious online cousin.

    I wouldn't be rude to your cousin at this point, but for now limit your contacts to strictly online only, and do not reveal personal details about you or your mother.
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    Oct 29, 2009 2:43 PM GMT
    Red_Vespa saidI think it's better to respect your mother's wishes and experience in this matter, than to indulge what may be the mere curiosity of a cousin who suddenly dropped out of the virtual sky. I would do nothing at this point without first consulting with her, and following her guidance.

    I can imagine many reasons why your mother would not want this contact. Perhaps there was domestic violence involved, and your mother is fearful of your father and his family, even if this particular cousin is well-intentioned. Maybe she's suspicious of this for other reasons that can't be guessed. Your mother is more important than a spurious online cousin.

    I wouldn't be rude to your cousin at this point, but for now limit your contacts to strictly online only, and do not reveal personal details about you or your mother.


    RV hit it on the mark. Respect your moms wishes, She has been there for you and the curiousity you may have about your dad or his side of the family is just a curiousity. Take it slow without hurting your mom and importantly keep the your (and moms) information vague and private.

    Keeping it online only for now is a good idea, again be vague but dig for info on dads side.
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    Oct 29, 2009 2:54 PM GMT
    hector2009 said
    Red_Vespa saidI think it's better to respect your mother's wishes and experience in this matter, than to indulge what may be the mere curiosity of a cousin who suddenly dropped out of the virtual sky. I would do nothing at this point without first consulting with her, and following her guidance.

    I can imagine many reasons why your mother would not want this contact. Perhaps there was domestic violence involved, and your mother is fearful of your father and his family, even if this particular cousin is well-intentioned. Maybe she's suspicious of this for other reasons that can't be guessed. Your mother is more important than a spurious online cousin.

    I wouldn't be rude to your cousin at this point, but for now limit your contacts to strictly online only, and do not reveal personal details about you or your mother.


    RV hit it on the mark. Respect your moms wishes, She has been there for you and the curiousity you may have about your dad or his side of the family is just a curiousity. Take it slow without hurting your mom and importantly keep the your (and moms) information vague and private.

    Keeping it online only for now is a good idea, again be vague but dig for info on dads side.
    That's the funny thing hector. The first cousin who contacted wanted to know if I had any info on my dad which I don't. I was under the assumption that when my dad left he must have cut all ties with his family if no one, not even his own mother knows where he may be.