Dear [insert name here]: join my rant letter thread! Fun for one and all! No minimal height or credit score required, subject to terms and blah blah blah....

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    Oct 29, 2009 6:51 PM GMT

    It's fun! It's cathartic! As I used to tell my English 101 students, sometimes there's nothing quite as good for clearing your head as writing a good rant. Anyone wanna join me? There's only one rule: no roasting of any individuals here -- this is meant for catharsis and giggles, not flames.

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    Oct 29, 2009 6:53 PM GMT
    I'll start.

    Dear Boyfriend’s Fag Hag,

    Thank you for going on vacation this weekend. I hope you enjoy your trip, really. I know I will. In fact, should you decide you really, really like it over there and don’t want to come back, I won’t hold it against you. I can even help you pack.

    I’m going to put all this as diplomatically as possible. It’s not that I think you’re a bad person (really). It’s not that I dislike you (really). You’re probably a nice girl, and I’m sure if we’d met under different circumstances, things might be different (maybe). I admit I probably haven’t given you a fair chance, and maybe that’s not very nice of me.

    The fact is, though, you’re clinging to my boyfriend the way turds cling to my roommate’s cats’ ass.

    Let me be blunt: he’s my boyfriend. Mine. Not yours. He is your friend and roommate, not your life partner. And that ass? Is mine to cling to.

    No matter how many times you try to take him home with you to see your parents on weekends, it’s not going to make him yours. No matter how many trips you try to plan for the two of you (to celebrate your nephew’s birthday, to see your friend get married, etc.), it’s not going to make him yours. No matter how many times you suggest he write you in as his domestic partner or marry you so you can get access to his health benefits package, it’s not going to make him yours.

    What it is going to do is continue causing friction between he and I (and no, not the good kind of friction), and piss me off. See, honey, this is a difficult perspective for you to appreciate, I know, since you’re young and you’ve yet to have a real relationship with a man, but here it is: relationships are difficult things for two people to negotiate. When you try to insert a third person, it becomes downright unwieldy. The old axiom ‘two’s company, but three’s a crowd’ is so old an axiom because it’s true.

    My boyfriend likes you, sure, but frankly, he likes me more. And know what? That’s the way it’s supposed to be. I’m supposed to be the one he wants to spend weekends and nights with. I’m supposed to be the one he calls first when he gets off work. I’m supposed to be the one he wants to grow old and gray with. Please stop acting like there should be a contest between us. Please stop half-jokingly trying to get him to say he likes you more. Please stop moping and pouting whenever I’m over, or worse, when we’re spending time with other friends.

    Here’s the thing: the way you cling to my boyfriend is inappropriate. It’s disrespectful to me. Setting up house with him, asking him to go away places with you, asking him to marry you, for chrissakes…if our roles were reversed, with you his fiancée and me the friend/roommate, would this not seem disrespectful and wrong to you? Would you not want to slap me across the face with a rusty-nail-studded two-by-four every now and then?

    Worse than that, though, it’s disrespectful to him. See, I know it causes Lee stress to know we don’t particularly get along. He cares about both of us – in fundamentally different ways. If he didn’t get along with my best friend, I know it would cause me stress.

    Therefore, because he likes you, I try to keep the peace and hold my tongue, and I try not to say heinous things about you too often in his presence. Hell, I do my damnedest to engage you and chat and ask how you’re doing, even when it’s entirely one-sided.

    After the little blow-out fight Lee and I had a few weeks back, though, everything’s pretty much out in the open now between us all. He knows I’m tired of feeling like a third wheel in my own relationship, and that it’s your clinginess and insistence on being right up his ass (where only I should be) that has me feeling that way.

    I know he conveyed the basics of it to you, too. You must know, basically, that you’re the reason we fight now where we never really did before. And you must know that it’s rough on him (it’s rough on me, too, but that’s not of consequence to you, really). If you love him as much as you proclaim, that should bother you.

    So here’s the thing: it’s up to you. You can continue playing Mr. & Mrs. Happy Family with him, and I can guarantee the end result will be unhappiness for all of us. Or you can gracefully back off and respect the boundaries of our relationship, and all will be well.

    This vacation of yours is a very good start. Please, for all our sakes, let this be a harbinger of things to come.

    I promise my boyfriend won’t forget about you or neglect you, though, to be fair, it wouldn’t be an issue if you’d go out and make your own friends too, as we have.

    I promise that he’s not going to spend every breathing moment with me if you release the hooks a bit. That’s why he lives with you – we’d drive each other crazy if we spent all our time together.

    And I promise – solemnly and faithfully – that if you back off just a smidge and stop trying to make our relationship an emotional threesome, I will stop wanting to bash you in the face with a rusty-nail-studded two-by-four.

    Hugs ‘n Shit,
    Zach

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    Oct 29, 2009 8:00 PM GMT
    Dear Chinese Sister-In-Law,

    Thanks for ripping my family apart since you arrived here with my brother to America. Ever since you arrived you have been nothing but ungrateful and disrespectful. You never stop yourself from telling my mother when you think she is wrong. You never miss a chance to complain about the house you live in, which my mom spent $30,000 renovating, just for you! You never miss an opportunity to complain about me doing something you don;t like, even though I spend a grand total of maybe 48 hours a week at that house, that yes, I am allowed to live in as well!

    You tried to get my parents to kick me out of that house and give it to you and my brother, even though the unfairness of it would have been staggering, since it was not your house in the first place.

    You also refused to take a job that would have paid you $30,000 a year, WITH benefits! Why was this selfish, you ask? Because my mom, for some reason, took financial responsibility for you because when you came here on your visa, for temporary citizenship, my brother did not have a job, so she decided to take responsibility for you. That means she has to pay your medical bills, which would have been COVERED if you had taken the job, you stupid Chinese cunt!

    Oh and that last incident. You threw away some of my shit. I didn't like it, and wrote you a little note asking you not to do it. You responded by calling me a little girl over and over to my face. I responded by screaming at you because when you call an American gay man a woman, they hear
    "faggot faggot faggot." So I called you a fucking bitch, a spoiled brat, and told you to go back to China where stupid bitches like you belong. But no, you got the excuse you finally wanted to either move out or get me kicked out of a house that doesn't belong to you. Seeing that I said what my mother and step-father wanted to say, I wasn't forced out, but you decided to play the victim and move out. You said you'd never forgive me for going after your character, which I did, because you have none, you stupid spoiled brat.

    So you moved out, and now my mother cries every morning because her ungrateful son and daughter-in-law caused all these problems after she spent $40000 on a wedding and renovations for you, you crazy selfish bitch. That's why she screamed at you 2 for 15 minutes this morning and then called me in hysterics.

    And my brother won't talk to me because he is so pussywhipped by you he can't see what an awful person you are. But that's ok, I've cut him off, because he abandoned me to deal with my father's rejection of me, my father's death, and my homosexuality in a horribly homophobic environment when I was 18, reinforcing all sorts of abandonment and rejection complexes I was already developing. And this second time he's cut me off will be the last, because I won't be around to talk to him when he's decided not to be a horrible son and brother to his family.

    I hope you like it here in America. All you have is my brother. Trust me, it won;t be enough and no one will care about any problems you have in the future. This is America, bitch, and we don't give a shit about immigrants. Personally, I hope you get hit by a bus or mauled to death by wild dogs.

    Toodles,

    --Mike
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    Oct 29, 2009 9:32 PM GMT
    PS -- I didn't think to ask boyfriend what airline you flew out on this morning, but I sure hope it wasn't Northwest. If it was, though, I promise you this, too: if the plane overshoots Baton Rouge and the flight ends up way over the Atlantic and the pilots have to dump the heaviest weight on board in order to make it back to the mainland on dwindling fuel supplies, and as a result you end up jettisoned into the North Atlantic to be adopted by a pod of humpback whales, I'll totally donate to the 'Save the Whales' campaign in your honor.

    XOXO,

    Zach
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    Oct 29, 2009 9:36 PM GMT
    Z... you can send her these

    1243066549goaway.gif

    1243048516badcompany.gif
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    Oct 29, 2009 9:41 PM GMT
    icon_eek.gif oh my God icon_eek.gif I am sorry y'all going through hellicon_sad.gif
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    Oct 29, 2009 9:53 PM GMT
    BTW ZD is just sore that he was called little in nerdy´s thanks thread. I know this stuff.
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    Oct 29, 2009 10:03 PM GMT
    Dear Hot Guy At Gym,


    Your good looks and hot body are WRECKING MY HEAD. Please find another gym.

    Kind Regards,

    Weedy Guy in Corner
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    Oct 29, 2009 10:06 PM GMT
    Dear folks walking up and down stairs

    Can you stay on the f#$%ing right side. What's with walking up the left side and then giving glares that the person coming in the opposite direction won't move for you. I'm NOT moving, go around me butt heads!

    Ahhhhhh,.....I feel so much better.
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    Oct 29, 2009 10:32 PM GMT
    Dear Helicopter,

    You've been circling around for over an hour now. What is so interesting about Los Angeles? I'll tell you what's interesting. Absolutely fucking nothing.

    Sincerely,
    Shut the fuck up and land already!
  • MSUBioNerd

    Posts: 1813

    Oct 29, 2009 11:08 PM GMT
    Dear parents taking their children trick or treating,

    It's great that the shop owners in this town provide candy to children in the late afternoon/early evening a few days before Halloween. And yes, most of your children are adorable in their Halloween costumes. That being said, two basic points that need to be brought up:

    1) Sidewalks are for two-way foot traffic. When your little group takes up 75% of the width of the sidewalk (along a commercial strip on a busy 6 lane street) when holding hands side to side, it's time to rearrange things so that some of you are walking in front and others are walking behind. People need to be able to walk in the opposite direction to you. Standing still in the middle of the sidewalk is even worse.

    2) Traffic lights apply to pedestrians too. Walking out into a street despite a Don't Walk sign flashing teaches your children that rules are beneath them, and laws are only for lesser people. Cross at crosswalks and traffic lights, rather than crossing against the light or striding out from the middle of the block, you lunkheads.

    That is, unless you're really hoping to save money on that incredibly realistic roadkill costume.
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    Oct 29, 2009 11:14 PM GMT
    Dear Fat cunt in swimming lane this evening,

    I applaud you for trying to lose weight, however, while doing so, please learn some goddam lane etiquette! You go up one side and down the other, please do not continually go up and down the same side when you see me moving about your titanic lard belly with your veruca socks on and motioning for you to learn the rules.

    Its common sense dickwad! Even after i decided to just swim over the top of you, you kept this up! Brains mate and you would be dangerousicon_rolleyes.gif

    Yours truly,

    Pissed off swimmer.
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    Oct 29, 2009 11:17 PM GMT
    Dear Artists who use voice modulation to cover bad singing talent,

    Please leave this shit back in the 80's, its tiresome and really grates on my nerves! By no means am i a classical musician, however i did spend years in secondary school, playing an instrument and taking music exams.

    But seriously, grow the hell up and get some new sounds, i like listening to the radio and am sick of having to turn it off when your whiny rubbish trip comes on.

    Best Regards

    Offended Ears
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    Oct 29, 2009 11:20 PM GMT
    Dear Nuerosis

    Please fuck off and die, i am sick off overthinking everything to death and getting myself into moods where i can't find the way out.

    You have plagued me forever and i don't seem to be able to control or beat you down.

    Please learn to quiet yourself and let things go. Your really starting to interfer with my life. You and i both know that we are meant for better things if you would just shut the fuck up!


    From Looking to Move up
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    Oct 29, 2009 11:33 PM GMT
    Dear Boy Friend's/Ex-Boy Friend's/IDK Anymore cause its so complicated's Immediate Family & Cousin DOUCHE BAG!

    YOU'RE A REAL PAIN IN MY ASS! And not in a good way. Never have I ever thought that I could loath some people as much as I do you. You not only make my life hell but also that of the one person that I truly love and care for. Which one of you bitches shall I begin with....

    Cousin Douche Bag: If there is a picture next to the word "Pussy" in a dictionary it would be your. You are nothing but a rich little spoiled bitch that lives in mommy & daddy's pocket and walks around all bad ass cause you have money when anyone seasoned fag like myself can tell you sport a little dick. Yes... oh yes... I went there. You're so pathetic that you have to bitch to your gay cousin about how you've never been laid and want to be already. That's what you get for going to Baylor and for ditching the one piece of ass that went mini-psycho for you. For the life of me, I have no idea what the hell she saw in you but for her sake, I hope the insanity passes soon. I have never met you and you have never met me and yet you don't like me. you assume I am a "Flamer" because of my myspace. Sorry you're an uncultured bitch that can't see the beauty in something unless its a floating plastic bag. I know exactly what you did. You saw a few pictures of a men holding and kiss each other and went ape-shit... what do you think your cousin and I do, make brownies? Disaster is your middle name and you are by far an alcoholic! Remember all that legal advice that E was feeding to you after you got your PI and Resisting Arrest? ... it came from the flamer you so loathe. I've tried to be reserved about it and play down this rift you and I have but since E and I are not officially either... Oh Imma let the shit fly. Simply put... think twice before entering my side of the woods. I owe you a few chingcasos and trust me I'm keeping count. I will laugh the day you get cut off from the family pocket book and land on your ass and when E and I are together and successful... I'm not giving your ass a fucking peso!

    Sister Bitch: OMG! You're pathetic... when your own Dad calls you a whore that just says something. Close your legs long enough to hear me out on this one. STOP BLAMING YOUR STUPIDITY ON "E" BEING GAY! And this goes for you to Mother Tyrant... E being gay didn't turn your world upside down. Stop acting like a stupid five year old and get your shit together. Him being gay or loving me doesn't have anything to do with you hoping from bed to bed like a flea in the night. Stop giving him so much shit. He's the only one out of your whole fucking family that gives you the time of day besides your mother that buys in to your reasoning that E being gay is the reason for your plight. honestly, I would love to be cool with you. I liked you the first time I met you. You seemed really cool but then I realized you're just like every other two-faced back stabbing bitch I've come across. No one wonder you and cousin Douche click so well together. Grow the fuck up and get your shit together. It's called Charter sweetie. If you can't get help there... PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD Get help somewhere.

    Mother Tyrant: Forgive me for first of all calling you a Tyrant even though that is exactly what you are. I look and hope to one day forge a more strong mother/son bond with you because you are the mother of the man I love and even though you hate me like fat kid on a diet... I love you. I love your whole family. In all this caios you managed to raise a well-mannered, respectable, loving, caring, intelligent, funny, genetleman that completes my world. For my own mother, whom btw feels the the way about E as you do about me, calls him her "other" son thats tells me something. I wish you would do more to foster this child of yours that does all he can to gain your respect and love but to no avail fails miserably even on his best attempts. Why on earth are you fostering your niece when you could/should be forging a long lasting legacy through your children? You are going to lose the one son that has tried to be all he can to do right be you and your family and because of one thing you throw him to the wolves. But thats okay, maybe thats not so bad. Maybe you have to be this way so that he can see just how much I love and care for him for him to finally understand what his world would return to without me being there. That isn't what I want... I want us all be a family but It has to start with you. My heart is open but will yours ever be?

    Older Brother: I know little to jack about you as we have never really talked. I wish you would do more for your little brother whom in some ways does look up to you however I think you and I (as I being the oldest) have learned to maybe stay out of the picture for own sake and sanity that its just easier sometimes to deal with things. Can't be like that bro. Step up and defend him. I know you don't care about him being gay but you shouldn't let your mom and sister tread all over him because of it either. Thats wrong and you know it.

    Pappa: You try so hard with it all but please do me a favor... don't call him a loser. Yes, he lacks direction sometimes.. and I know he talks about a lot and has so many ideas. Encourage him and more importantly know that I know you believe in me and him. I love and thank you for that. I swear to never do wrong by your son but to always build him up and when he starts going down a crazy path... you know first hand I'll turn him around like I always have. You told him when all our problems started how stupid he was for leaving me and that I was better for me anyway maybe then I'd actually make something of myself. Well... you were partly right on that but Its kind of hard to be without your partner in crime that gives you direction too.

    Primo Grade, Nephew, & Cousin X: You guys are by far awesome and I thank you for keeping him in check especially you Primo. I thank you. You guys are such a positive influence on him and I know that with time he will continue to grow and mature and become the man I know he can be. I promise you guys I wont do wrong by him and I will always do what I can to build him up.

    Sincerely,

    Ryan
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    Oct 29, 2009 11:35 PM GMT
    Dear HR persons,

    Seriously i am awesome, give me one of the 5million bloody jobs i have applied for, just pick up the phone and say, yeah you can start work whenever.

    I'm smart, intelligent, granted my spelling can be atrocious, but i am a free thinker and a good leader.


    HIRE ME.


    Disgruntled but fantastic Job seeker
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    Oct 29, 2009 11:39 PM GMT
    To my dogs, all four of you !!!! I love you to death, but your pissing me off with your incessant barking and noise making. You hear me moving around first thing in the morning and you think its time to be fed, then you start jumping around on the porch sounding for all the world like a herd of cattle. I go out to feed you, and you love me to death, I appreciate that. But, when I step off the porch and go around the house to water something or do some other small errand outside and I come back around the house to come back onto the porch, you bark !!! Yip !! Yip!!! Yip!!!! Damn it dogs !!!! I'm the same guy that just fed you and just had left the porch your eating the food on. FOOD THAT I GAVE YOU !!!! The nerve of you little mongral bastards and bitches to bark at me like that !!! Then you realize your mistake and try to lick me to death and I love it and forgive you and pet all four of you at once and we're all good for another day. UNTILL -- night comes and you hear some deer out in the forest beyond the yard and you mongrels set up such an outragious shrill barking and screeching that even inside the house while I'm talking to someone on the phone they'll say, "Dennis, your dogs are going crazy, hadn't you better check on what's wrong" God you Mongrels embarass me to death, so I have to explain away your bad behavior. Thank god these eppisodes only last about 5 minutes. Well dogs I forgive you everyday when your big pleading eyes look up at me, with your tungs hanging out panting, holding up your little paws to be shook and rubbing up against me with all four of you at once trying to get my attention first. Annoying as you may be somtimes I cannot be mad at you for long, so I am keeping you !!!!! Somehow this dog and owner thing is just backward as hell !!!! Who is leading who here anyways !!!!
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    Oct 29, 2009 11:51 PM GMT
    Dear E,

    Oh my dear bf/ex-bf/ I Dont even know anymore sometimes... Im confused but yet I so do love you.

    If you were to read the above you know so much more about me. Maybe even a side of me that I never want people to see because even though you don't see how I could ever be mean.... you really don't want to know just how much of a bitch I can be.

    I love you and care for you so much and even know as you fear you'll be hauled off for that speeding ticket and even though Im not working atm, Im trying to find a way if any for me to help you get a job, and get the money you need to take care of that shit... notice something... all those problems began when you left me. Karma... na... it would be worse than that... that was just you being stupid and being with cousin douche bag. You don't see it yet but you will soon enough. I have no idea why you envy him so much. Okay I get the money but yeah... its not his... its mommy and daddy's money so baby that doesn't count. I hope you realize know more than ever just to what lengths I would go for you. Truth is that Aden did ask me to be his BF after a few dates and after a few times of us talking on the phone and catching up. I said it was too soon. Luck you. So many guys now want a shot with me since they know Im available. Its your fault and you have only yourself to blame for this new me. I once was the ugly duckling that feared he had nothing to offer another man.. not enough money, not enough looks, nothing... I had little to no self-esteem in myself but then I saw looking back at all I did for you and realized my own abilities and powers and now Im never going to allow myself to be put second place again. You are/were number one in my life.... I still wonder though am I number one in yours? Yes you are doing better and I like it... I appreciate it. Get over you bullshit commitment issues and be the man I know you can be. Im worth it baby. I am not thoes other idiots that fucked and left you or used you. I am the one guy that's been there for you... called a bitch, skank, slut, whore, fag... all by your own mother and others in your family to my face and not said a word back... I've sat there and taken it all for the sake of being civil because they are your family and thus in-turn mine as well. No one would have done what I have done for you and no one ever will. I know I am the kind guy that comes once in a lifetime... don't keep me waiting.

    Sincerely,

    You self-declared "Last Piece of the Puzzle that is your life"
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    Oct 30, 2009 12:15 AM GMT
    Dear UPS Driver,

    You are a nasty little shit-stain and I hate you. You were supposed to be here this morning. It's very cold here in Phoenix today, and since my boyfriend's roommate is finally out of our hair for the weekend, I was supposed to go to his place and stay buried in a pile of blankets and cast-off clothing all afternoon.

    Thanks to your tardiness, I'm instead sitting at home on my couch with just my laptop and a cup of coffee to keep me warm. I am fully clothed. My cock is flaccid. My boyfriend is waiting patiently at his place. I keep wondering what underwear he is wearing.

    Fuck. You.

    My roommate will be home to take over the parcel-watch at 6. You should really come after that, because I'm so bored, frustrated, and horny right now because of you that I might viciously sodomize your face, chop you into tiny bits, and feed you to the neighbor's chihuahua just for kicks if you show up while I'm here.

    This would be a bad thing, as I'm much too pretty for jail.

    Respectfully,
    Z
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    Oct 30, 2009 12:23 AM GMT
    TheIStrat saidDear Chinese Sister-In-Law,

    Thanks for ripping my family apart since you arrived here with my brother to America. Ever since you arrived you have been nothing but ungrateful and disrespectful. You never stop yourself from telling my mother when you think she is wrong. You never miss a chance to complain about the house you live in, which my mom spent $30,000 renovating, just for you! You never miss an opportunity to complain about me doing something you don;t like, even though I spend a grand total of maybe 48 hours a week at that house, that yes, I am allowed to live in as well!

    You tried to get my parents to kick me out of that house and give it to you and my brother, even though the unfairness of it would have been staggering, since it was not your house in the first place.

    You also refused to take a job that would have paid you $30,000 a year, WITH benefits! Why was this selfish, you ask? Because my mom, for some reason, took financial responsibility for you because when you came here on your visa, for temporary citizenship, my brother did not have a job, so she decided to take responsibility for you. That means she has to pay your medical bills, which would have been COVERED if you had taken the job, you stupid Chinese cunt!

    Oh and that last incident. You threw away some of my shit. I didn't like it, and wrote you a little note asking you not to do it. You responded by calling me a little girl over and over to my face. I responded by screaming at you because when you call an American gay man a woman, they hear
    "faggot faggot faggot." So I called you a fucking bitch, a spoiled brat, and told you to go back to China where stupid bitches like you belong. But no, you got the excuse you finally wanted to either move out or get me kicked out of a house that doesn't belong to you. Seeing that I said what my mother and step-father wanted to say, I wasn't forced out, but you decided to play the victim and move out. You said you'd never forgive me for going after your character, which I did, because you have none, you stupid spoiled brat.

    So you moved out, and now my mother cries every morning because her ungrateful son and daughter-in-law caused all these problems after she spent $40000 on a wedding and renovations for you, you crazy selfish bitch. That's why she screamed at you 2 for 15 minutes this morning and then called me in hysterics.

    And my brother won't talk to me because he is so pussywhipped by you he can't see what an awful person you are. But that's ok, I've cut him off, because he abandoned me to deal with my father's rejection of me, my father's death, and my homosexuality in a horribly homophobic environment when I was 18, reinforcing all sorts of abandonment and rejection complexes I was already developing. And this second time he's cut me off will be the last, because I won't be around to talk to him when he's decided not to be a horrible son and brother to his family.

    I hope you like it here in America. All you have is my brother. Trust me, it won;t be enough and no one will care about any problems you have in the future. This is America, bitch, and we don't give a shit about immigrants. Personally, I hope you get hit by a bus or mauled to death by wild dogs.

    Toodles,

    --Mike


    Such a pretty face but the eyes reveal all. Hope things get better for you Mike. Sounds like you and someone else I know are in the same boat.
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    Oct 30, 2009 3:39 AM GMT
    jprichva saidDear Male Members Of The Human Race,

    Please stop annoying me.

    Yours,
    Cantankerous Old Man

    I thought they had.
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    Oct 30, 2009 3:52 AM GMT
    Dear Madams and Sir's

    Due to recent experiences I have decided that for the time being, I wish to be single, this is not a slight against your fabulosity, no, this is how I feel, I have no desire to couple with anyone now or in the future.

    However, brief incounters lasting mere hours are an enjoyable way for us both to pass the time and I promise you satisfaction and a good nights sleep, be that alone, alone or alone.

    When you bring up such topics as "relationships" be they currant, past or potential, it makes me both uncomfortable, anxious and puts me on guard, for a satisfactory encounter these are not good topics, please refrain from these topics, also, while we are at it, these topics may not always be discussed.

    Your feelings towards me beyond "I'm horny, fuck me now"

    How you think it would be good for me, Thank you, I am an adult, I'll know when.

    That we could take things slowly.

    Trying to slyly include me in your life by inviting me out to meet your friends!!!!!!

    Calling me because you want to "talk" about your currant dramatic situation, I don't care, I fucked your body, not your brain, please, stop trying to fuck mine.

    When I tell you to fuck off, please, don't tell me we had something, the only thing I'm worried about is that i didn't catch anything, the only thing we had was a bed for a brief time.

    Why I'm no longer in a past relationship, who he was and anything else revolving around that part of my life.

    Whilst I like you, find you attractive, if you can not take me at my word, I will cease communications with you, YES, that is why I no longer talk to you, that is why I said I NO LONGER WANT TO TALK TO YOU, no, we can not talk about this.

    To the man who seems to understand me completely, has no desire for anything more then something physical and told me off in the middle of sex because I wasn't being rough enough, Kind and understanding Sir, I promise you, next time I wont hold back, I just hope the plaster board will.

    lilTanker
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    Oct 30, 2009 10:37 AM GMT
    Dear coffee date from last weekend - please get in line with the other eight guys who left me sitting in Starbucks without a call, text or email to say you weren't coming. If all of you will take a number and be seated, I will see you one at a time to kick off your head and shit in your neck - that way you can have a belly full of crap just like me. Sincerely, Jawrhed
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    Oct 30, 2009 10:52 AM GMT
    Dear,

    C6 glioma rat astrocyetes, thank you for getting infected with yeast after I spent a week lovingly culturing and growing you giving you everything that you needed and bombarding you with antibiotics all the way.

    AIB, stop fucking trying to claw back my meager credit and raise my interest rates when in the past decade I've never failed to make a payment or miss an obligation and if you send that rat faced branch manager out to speak with me again even though my farther has already called your corporate office and complained about the way you treat me when he moves a thousand times the cash flow that I do through you every year... I may just tear her head off

    Eircom, Give me the reliable internet service I was promised and pay for already

    Gay men in general, I could write six pages on the angst you put me through but for this one day , just this one could you not try and use me and render me crushed to make you feel better about your own sad pathetic lives

    That is all for now,

    Sincerily,

    a very angry small person

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    Oct 30, 2009 12:23 PM GMT
    Dear SAHEM62896,

    I know you're under a lot of stress having to deal with moving to a new place, renting out the house you currently own, a self-serving bum of an ex-boyfriend, credit problems, and just feeling lonely sometimes. But please do me a favor and stop rehashing all of this drama with me from the moment my eyes open in the morning! It's sucking the life out of me and I just can't take it any more! I can't start my day like that anymore... and you can't either. You know it. You know and I know that you're going to get through all of this, and most likely with flying colors given how you have succeeded at most of the things you have attempted. You're smart... you're strong.... you're not an emotional cripple nor a physical weakling... so stop telling me about that you are a weak, broken fool whose world is coming apart! It's bullshit, and I have no more tolerance for bullshit.

    Hope you understand.

    Thanks,
    Adam