Friends, Boyfriends, Co-Workers, Men, Being Single, Dating, LTR & Communications.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 30, 2009 5:13 AM GMT
    - These topics may have been beaten to death already - but I recently went to a group tonight (dating/single/being happy are most-discussed issues) - hearing some horrible stories from these guys about other guys, bad dates, hooking up, sleeping around, wanting to have a bf so bad - I'm thinking to myself - we're all going through the same thing. Let's break it down and share some positive insights.

    Good Friends - are priceless, will be there for you even after a horrible break-up. Hang on to those closet to you the most.

    Boyfriends - having one is great or not great - some guys keep complaining about being single, hm, try to be happy being single and not every guy who has a BF is all happy either.

    Co-Workers - usually not a good idea to date someone at work - esp. if you're in an awkward situation that could get you fired.

    Men/Communications - most men don't know how to communicate ... blah, blah, blah ....let's jump to bed and ****. Next time, say no and articulate - say what is really on your mind and maybe compromise.

    Single Vs. Dating Vs. in a relationship
    - each has it own pros and cons - but a healthy happy single gay guy always enjoys life, doing something to keep himself occupied/happy, focusing on his career/work/friends - to one day - be in a relationship - so he can offer all of himself 100% to the other guy.

    * this post offers positive insights rather than creating a drama-thread - keep it clean. Thanks. *
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 30, 2009 1:59 PM GMT
    My take on this:

    Happiness - this is a choice in your perspective on life. I've known people with miserable stations in life who were happy and I've known people who want for nothing and are miserable. If you make your happiness contingent on ANYTHING outside of yourself (relationship, ownership, accomplishment) then you set yourself up for failure.

    Communication - I see this as a problem that's by no means exclusive to men. The issue is either the expectation that people should understand you without you having to explain, or they don't want to know the truth (which needn't be 'brutal'.) Additionally, many think that what they know or believe cannot possibly be wrong and this is one of the biggest blockers to communication.

    Friends - choose them well. Cultivate the relationship and rid yourself of the weeds. No friendship, or relationship for that matter, should ever be, in the long run, more work than fun.

    Family - you can't choose your biological family, so how you deal with them is your business and no one else's.

    Self Improvement: mental, physical, cultural, or spiritual. - This is essential to a happy life. In each of the four areas, you would do well to find something that requires progressive (as opposed to repetitive) self improvement. Learn a new skill, up your weights or change your workout, teach yourself to paint or play an instrument, improve your giving to the world without expectation of praise.

    Be an example - you may be able to yell louder or talk someone into a corner, or pontificate brilliantly, but living the life you talk about and simply honestly showing that your words aren't merely 'talking points' and seeking praise and validation is more powerful than the words and lectures.

    Perfection - The belief that you or anyone else is perfect is foolish. Perfection is something good to strive for but shouldn't be viewed as an achievable goal but rather a direction for improvement.
  • jrs1

    Posts: 4388

    Oct 30, 2009 2:54 PM GMT

    I can be impetuous and very direct. This can intimidate some people and enthuse others. Some people like a man with direction and others like one who goes about his organization quietly. Relationships are all around me and I learn a great deal from my platonic yet endearing relations with my closest friends but I also feel that I could learn just as much from being with someone.
    I know that it is not necessary to have a man of my own, yet I do think the sensation would be a welcomed one. I am not so ignorant to believe that any troubles that I may or may not experience would be solved if I do eventually end up in a relationship with someone; of course not, however, I do think that I would be more inclined to do more in the company of someone with whom I am involved.

    Friends ... can be wonderful additions to one's livelihood.
    Boyfriends ... are not going to solve all of your problems, but are likened more to buying a new car; they're great to have one of your own, but ... they do tend to add new responsibilities to one's life that may or may not have previously been present.
    Co-workers ... are good to bounce ideas together, but it would be traveling in perilous waters to do much more.
    Men ... share the planet with women ... sometimes.
    Being Single ... can be a time to reflect, learn, have a good time, and develop the self. note: that does not need to stop once a budding relationship develops.
    Dating ... never been on a real one, so I could not tell you. something about testing the potential with someone else and seeing if the two of you can share each other's worlds in some way.
    LTR ... would be wonderful ... but ... not entirely necessary.
    Communications ... one of the most important foundational elements to just about anything we do in this life.