Am I the only person happy being single?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 30, 2009 7:32 PM GMT
    It seems like if a person isn't in a relationship they are looking for one or lamenting over not having one.

    I was in a six year relationship and we are still best friends. I know how wonderful it is to have that connection... and it is wonderful. Most everyone knows or imagines how wonderful it would be to be loved like that.

    But why is it that being in a relationship, for so many, negates the wonderful experience of standing alone?
    Why is there a good/bad polarization of being single?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 30, 2009 7:58 PM GMT
    No you aren't.

    My overly long answer is here:
    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/697916/
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 30, 2009 8:09 PM GMT
    Well said... thank you
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 30, 2009 8:09 PM GMT
    Umm well i'm sure everyone has their reasons why. Though it comes down to:
    People want to feel what they have never had.
    Some don't like being lonely... for," 1 is the loneliest number"
    Others it's all they've ever known & don't know how to act without someone.
    Some see the benefits of being with someone out number the benefits or being alone.
    Going places with a partner aren't as lonely or make you feel like the odd-ball.

    Everything has pros & cons it just matters on a personal level obviously what one person will tackle. Are they or you wrong for the ideals each holds. No. It is what makes social interactions fun.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Oct 30, 2009 8:16 PM GMT
    I've been in a relationship since I was 22. I don't even remember what being single felt like.
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    Oct 30, 2009 8:22 PM GMT
    Timberoo saidI've been in a relationship since I was 22. I don't even remember what being single felt like.


    Wow, the only thing I've done consistently for 22 years is breathe... and there were a few times when that stopped too!
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    Oct 30, 2009 8:25 PM GMT
    I've only been out a few years and only had two boyfriends. First one wanted to be non-monogamous. Second one was a great guy but went back to his ex just a few months ago. These last few months have been the first time I've ever not been involved with or crushing on someone since I've been out. And honestly, it's been great. I'm learning who I really am. You can't really be one hundred percent yourself with someone else until you've given yourself the time to figure out who you are first. So that's what I'm doing. I'm learning to just be me, without another guy's influence.

    So no, you're not alone. I'm happy being single. That doesn't mean I don't want a relationship if I meet someone I connect with, but I'm not looking for it anymore.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 30, 2009 8:35 PM GMT
    I'm happy about it 99% of the time, but I do have my pining Disney fantasy moments.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 30, 2009 8:40 PM GMT
    I have been single forever. At the same time I consider myself an extremely happy person. With that said a relationship would still be nice.
  • Timbales

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    Oct 30, 2009 8:40 PM GMT
    EasilyDistracted said
    Timberoo saidI've been in a relationship since I was 22. I don't even remember what being single felt like.


    Wow, the only thing I've done consistently for 22 years is breathe... and there were a few times when that stopped too!


    I'm only 39, not 44. icon_cry.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 30, 2009 8:56 PM GMT
    I am very happy being single, but again, if I find someone that I connect with then I will be more than happy to date.

    My goal is that my next relationship is my last. I want something meaningful, fulfilling and enjoyable for both of us and want to share an amazing life with someone. So I am taking it one day at a time icon_biggrin.gif

    There are times that I feel very lonely being single, but I understand too that those feelings will make me appreciate my Mr Right even more.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 30, 2009 9:17 PM GMT
    no im happy too! i cant imagine myself deal with a guy right now,i guess you only make yourself avaialable if you feel someone's special but otherwise i prefer to run my own life icon_smile.gif
  • RSportsguy

    Posts: 1925

    Oct 30, 2009 11:14 PM GMT
    RuggerATX saidI'm happy about it 99% of the time, but I do have my pining Disney fantasy moments.


    I could not have worded it any better than this!!icon_biggrin.gif
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    Oct 31, 2009 12:06 AM GMT
    Timberoo said
    EasilyDistracted said
    Timberoo saidI've been in a relationship since I was 22. I don't even remember what being single felt like.

    Wow, the only thing I've done consistently for 22 years is breathe... and there were a few times when that stopped too!

    I'm only 39, not 44. icon_cry.gif

    Your zombie face obscured EVERYTHING! I totally misread and was floored! My amazement at being in a relationship was exacerbated by the very idea that anyone would be in a relationship for that long. My reading comprehension is that of a 3rd grader when I'm multi-tasking, I'm sorry... I also have the attention span of a gnat....

    ...................oh look... something shiny!
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    Oct 31, 2009 12:08 AM GMT
    RuggerATX saidI'm happy about it 99% of the time, but I do have my pining Disney fantasy moments.

    I have a few of those every now and then myself.... icon_biggrin.gif They're fun especially when there is someone willing to indulge the fantasy for a spell.
  • creature

    Posts: 5197

    Oct 31, 2009 12:24 AM GMT
    I've never been on a date, so I'm accustomed to the single life — 28 years going strong. I think I'll be ready to start looking in 2 years once I get my new degree and take a job that I plan to have for the rest of my career. I'm in a transitional period right now in my life, so I want to wait for things to settle.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 31, 2009 1:46 AM GMT
    For the most part I am. Recently I've been travelling for work and it would be nice to come home to someone after a week away. But other than that, right now I'm really happy being single.
  • gsh1964

    Posts: 388

    Oct 31, 2009 2:02 AM GMT
    For about a total of 1 hour out of 8760 hours of the year, I spend time wishing or pondering the fact that I there has to be someone special out there for me.

    Then I go back to the 8759 hours thanking God that I don't have to answer to anyone at anytime.

    So to answer your question, I am extremly happy to be single.

    Only other time that is bothers me is when people ask "Why are you single?" or "I can't believe you are single." It's a bit condesending and rude. But oh well... such is life.

    icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 31, 2009 2:51 AM GMT
    I am learning to like it! Have been dating and having a good time. Out of a relationship so just doing my thing.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 31, 2009 3:15 AM GMT
    There's no virtue without temptation. I could say I'm fine being single, but if you consider that having a boyfriend is an option much harder to obtain, what's the value of affirming it?
  • swimbikerun

    Posts: 2835

    Oct 31, 2009 3:16 AM GMT
    I haven't been this single so this long in my entire life!
    So far, so awesome.
    But seriously, I think that paradigm develops, in part to our culture. If it can be clearly defined, a relationship that is, then it is subject to commodification. Then interpersonal objectification.
    There are clear winners and losers in that type of mindset.
    Also, I consider myself very lucky to have had mostly very long-term relationships, so that inherently gives me another perspective.
    Part of me says:"I'm not doing another tour of duty!"

    But I really wouldn't change a thing, and my connection with my previous partner is still primary to my life.

    Standing alone is scary! You're just a little water bag on a mote of dust in the cosmos. Somebody hold me!!! icon_razz.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 31, 2009 3:21 AM GMT
    gsh1964 saidFor about a total of 1 hour out of 8760 hours of the year, I spend time wishing or pondering the fact that I there has to be someone special out there for me.

    Then I go back to the 8759 hours thanking God that I don't have to answer to anyone at anytime.

    So to answer your question, I am extremly happy to be single.

    Only other time that is bothers me is when people ask "Why are you single?" or "I can't believe you are single." It's a bit condesending and rude. But oh well... such is life.

    icon_biggrin.gif


    OMG I HATE when someone asks "why are you single?" or "I can't believe your single!"
    It *is* condescending and insulting!
    I have moments where I think how nice it would be to have the familiarity of someone to fall asleep cuddling with... but it drives me CUCKOO when people talk about it like I'm cursed with singledom! Not a curse, it's a choice.
    I actually have chosen to be single because the right opportunity hasn't come along but being single doesn't preclude me from being happy, fulfilled or a complete person.
    I think people mean to well, but it is laden with projections of insecurity that are socially spoon fed uncoupled people.

    gsh1964 you very obviously have requirements for quality companionship that far exceed those of most, I applaud your diligence in not settling for just anyone... well done.
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    Oct 31, 2009 3:30 AM GMT
    bachian saidThere's no virtue without temptation. I could say I'm fine being single, but if you consider that having a boyfriend is an option much harder to obtain, what's the value of affirming it?

    That is working under the assumption that having a boyfriend *is* easier to obtain... which is highly debatable. Perhaps a better qualifier might be, "having someone that compliments you in the ways a partner should is harder to obtain".

    But not having a boyfriend does not preclude you from being happy.. or complete.
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    Oct 31, 2009 3:37 AM GMT
    swimbikerun saidI haven't been this single so this long in my entire life!
    So far, so awesome.
    But seriously, I think that paradigm develops, in part to our culture. If it can be clearly defined, a relationship that is, then it is subject to commodification. Then interpersonal objectification.
    There are clear winners and losers in that type of mindset.
    Also, I consider myself very lucky to have had mostly very long-term relationships, so that inherently gives me another perspective.
    Part of me says:"I'm not doing another tour of duty!"

    But I really wouldn't change a thing, and my connection with my previous partner is still primary to my life.

    Standing alone is scary! You're just a little water bag on a mote of dust in the cosmos. Somebody hold me!!! icon_razz.gif

    I agree that relationships as a commodity and a paradigm of interpersonal objectification is completely socially derived. The polarization of that mindset do lend that social mindset do project a state of "winning and losing".
    I find standing alone to be exhilarating and exciting! Scary... uh.. yeah that too. But it is one of the most fabulous rides I've ever been on and I would only change it for the right combination of patience, love & understanding.
    "Hold me! ....uh.... then let me go so I can explore the world please." icon_cool.gif
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    Oct 31, 2009 3:39 AM GMT
    ED, I'm confused, I still don't understand if for you singledom is a cause or effect of a choice: is it the deliberate choice of being single, or is it a consequence of the choice of not being in a bad relationship?

    Sure, I could say I'm proud of being single, but only if I compare myself with people in bad relationships, many of which are people who suffer from extreme gregariousness and settle with too low just for the sake of having a relationship.

    But there are too those who are in good relationships, and then my grass doesn't look so green...