FORUMS > Dating & Relationships Forum Rules

sounds like a cheesy porno but i was waiting on a large table of business people when one of the guys gave me his card and after that we hooked up and have been for awhile but ive never bottomed. its been a good week and a half and ive always thought that when people date significantly older people it was just strange but altho when we met i knew he was older but i didnt know how much. the thing is when i get into someone im all for it and stuff but how do i know im just not a "boytoy". when it comes to my personality im pretty "straight acting" just b/c thats me i like sports and he does to and we both smoke he's told me numerous times that im goin to get spoiled but i dont care about that i buy my own things but all his older friends think thats what im into and dont even want to give me the chance. but i really need tips on relationships in my situation

quit smoking

_chuck_ saidquit smoking

not the problem and is irrelevant

I wouldn't worry about his friends. Just be nice to them and if they have a problem, it is something he needs to work out with them.

I've been in that position before. Just be genuine, outgoing and social. If they see your personality (not knowing you, I'm banking on you have one, and it's good!), they'll eventually stop judging you on the basis of you being some 20 year old kid.

if they're his friend i'm sure that they're looking out for him. Sometimes true friends can be a little on the defensive side and skeptical side. Just be yourself.

Honestly dude, I JUST got out of that situation.

You ARE a boytoy - I mean, you may have a good run of it but...let's call a spade a spade. Don't go into this with rose-coloured glasses because you'll end up being hurt.

You can date, be boyfriends....but you're still the barely legal jailbait who's nailing his ass....and unless you REALLY click....you're a fantasy made flesh.

Having said that...there's nothing wrong with being a boytoy - I know how you feel when it comes to buying your own shit, but there's a difference between a rentboy and a boytoy - a rentboy gets paid for sex but a boytoy gets treated with gifts and dinners.

So long as you're not asking for money/gifts...you've got nothing to be ashamed about. Older guys are HOT.

Soundwave saidHonestly dude, I JUST got out of that situation.

You ARE a boytoy - I mean, you may have a good run of it but...let's call a spade a spade. Don't go into this with rose-coloured glasses because you'll end up being hurt.

You can date, be boyfriends....but you're still the barely legal jailbait who's nailing his ass....and unless you REALLY click....you're a fantasy made flesh.

Having said that...there's nothing wrong with being a boytoy - I know how you feel when it comes to buying your own shit, but there's a difference between a rentboy and a boytoy - a rentboy gets paid for sex but a boytoy gets treated with gifts and dinners.

So long as you're not asking for money/gifts...you've got nothing to be ashamed about. Older guys are HOT.

Calling Bullshit.

My boyfriend is 33, i'm 22. We couldn't possibly be more in love. I never think of him as "older" just as he doesn't think of me as "younger'" - AGE isn't the issue - it's all about mentality. I'd say i'm older than my age and he's younger than his - we mesh VERY well. Neither one of us was looking for sex when we started talking - or even a relationship. It just happened. We are completely equal in who pays for what - just as any relationship should be. this "boytoy" nonsense is total bull.

Sounds to me like you are too concerned with his age. Do you care for him? Does he care for you? If it's not serious - then fuck the shit out of him and go your separate ways.

Quit Smoking.

I'll ditto Soundwave's post above. He said he's going to spoil you? He sees you as someone he can buy. You're a boytoy. You're a trophy to him. It feeds his 40 year old ego that he can hook up with a 20 year old.

Sorry to be so harsh.

OK, from the other end (so to speak). I'm 52 and bf is 27. I felt that everyone would think the same thing when in fact we split everything. I pay a cab, he buys a drink. I buy dinner this weekend, he buys next. We really enjoy each other but the age thing is an issue, probably more so for me than him. It takes time so don't give up. Date the guy and enjoy him. Let him know of your concerns and be fair on contributing your fair share but don't object to him caring for you. He's probably in a lot better financial shape than you are but don't use him or let him just pay for everything.

I've quit worrying about what others think about it. I know how he feels and I feel and whether it will last forever is to be seen but for now, it's all good.

Oh and yes, please stop smoking. Not because of the post but because we'd like to have you posting for a long time to come.

Oh please people he's talking about POT not cigarettes...though you should probably quit that too, LOL.

And I didn't say EVERY relationship with a generational gap is a boytoy-type relationship, but they mostly are...and all it takes is mostly.

Congrats to you guys who have made it work - I thought mine was NOT a boytoy-type relationship, until I walked away and he never called again.

So be prepared buddy, you VERY likely JUST a fantasy made flesh...own it.

Yeah dude. Quit smoking (POT).

The issue isn't the age difference. It's the mismatch in expectations of the relationship that bothers you.

evant3e saidYeah dude. Quit smoking (POT).

stop drinking (ALCOHOL)

agree with the two posts from soundwave, couldn't give a better response

Age has never been an issue for me. Mostly because I know what it is like to be judged for your age and it sucks.
I have slept with a 42 yo guy and it was great. He was very hot, smart, mature, we had a great conversation. But it was just sex, so there was no pressure.
When it comes to a relationship, things a little different. To me it doesn't matter how old the guy is, as long as I am attracted to him. When being in a relationship like yours there's always going to be questions - is he using you, are you using him or are you both using each other? Those are the first things people are going to think and obviously you are thinking it too.
So my advice is - try to figure out if he really likes you as a person and not only as a pretty "straight acting" 20 yo boytoy ;) And if everything is fine, enjoy your man!

Don't mind what people say... people are stupid.

It sounds like you are having fun in this relationship. You are young and relatively inexperienced. As long as you play safe, enjoy it and see what you learn about yourself and relationships.

hey guys i really appreciate all the feed back and it really has helped. i guess when it comes to guys ive been so used to it using the "1st" time excuse and all. me being me i could never just use someone for their money and i guess i was really just stressing out about that b/c lets face it when we see anyone whos with someone older we think gold digger or w/e but fuck its just like stereo typing a race or somethin, what ever happens i think i should just live in the moment i guess i think way to deeply then i really should but as the rest of it goes im a college student whos about to be 21 within a few short weeks so fuck it im gonna have some kind of fun lol

Hunter9 said

evant3e saidYeah dude. Quit smoking (POT).

stop drinking (ALCOHOL)

I can't help thinking of all those people who have never smocked, or drank, had lots of things they never ate, yet they still dyed at a young age. How many when knocked over by a big red bus, and just as the wheel was about too grind into them, they must of thought: " shit I could of gotten pissed last night."

I have been amazed over recent years the young guys who have noticed me, and tried too have a moment with me; I'm the one who hasn't wonted to go there. If you are both having a good time; please enjoy, and take little notice of his friends.

I remember the last time, I was parting on the gay scene, and I guy I met come to really like me; But.........I not him. Yet one of his friends could not help himself with his thoughts on the issue, and informed me, that as soon as I seen his penthouse with ocean views I would be all over him; people like me make him sick. Now I was the one saying "no.' and not making any moves. So I informed his friend who I did find hot, and wold of bedded, I look for to getting home to by big bed, in the big house, in the bush setting; put that bitch in her place.

So take no notice of what his friends say, they don't always have his best interests at heart anyway.

Draoiocht said

Use this to your advantage; at this point in life, he's already going downhill, you've still to hit your prime in a couple a'years, he knows this.

Not so sure about that. There are many guys on here 40+ that are in better shape than I could ever hope for.

If you really like the guy, sit down and talk to him to see what his perspective is on everything. Everyone here can give you their advice based on their own personal experience, but their are always exceptions to the rules. Not every 40 year old man is as mature and patient as you would assume to be. Likewise, not all 20 year old men are rambunctious and bent for hell.

If he is obviously hiding something, then there is a very good chance he is using you for sex and then you can decide where to take things. Everything is a learning experience and hopefully you will know more about yourself regardless of how this turns out.

everything everyones said has been very appreciated guys, like i said tho i hate being looked at as a boytoy bull shit b/c im doin things for myself and i think i look at everyone else to be perfect and together and when i see me i feel as tho i cant make any connections. so i really need to stop bein so damn dramatic about everything and learn from anything