Cut loose and run or make things work?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 04, 2009 9:09 PM GMT
    Im not sure what to do in this situation so I hope you guys an offer some advice.I'ved talked about "E" being my ex/currnet bf/idk somedays and how in the 4yrs of us knowing each other and 2yrs of being in a relationship we had no sex what soever. none. Today I found out that he's had 22 partners (4 of which were women) but that he never had sex with anyone when he and I were going out. I feel like a dumbass because when we made it seem like he was a virigin and I find out that he is in the senes he's never bottomed. I have no idea what I am feeling now. Kind of lied to, lost, i dont know... I think to myself if I had known what I know now I would have been more outgoing in that department and not waited for him to make the first move. I love him so much and I know that I could never just be his friend. I can't seem with some other guy in his arms. I dont know what to do right now. I want him back and I know so much of what If I could change from the past I would but now what? is it better to just let go of everything or try and see and make things work?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 05, 2009 2:10 AM GMT
    Well, you can stay miserable and keep fighting to make someone stay that is already trying to make an exit... or you can move on, learn from it, and find happiness in your future.

    I know emotions cloud judgement, but from an outside perspective (from what you've described) the answer seems pretty simple.
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    Nov 05, 2009 3:49 AM GMT

    Have you got the fixings in the house for a cocktail or do you need to make a run? While you're out there, rent some movies, get your favorite comfort food (not to worry about the cals), and get yourself a creepy candle. Come home, light it up and relax because you're single again. Which ain't a bad thing, the relationship was a ball and chain. You don't need to be with someone who manipulates you, hurts you, deprives you. Consider yourself lucky it's over and don't go back to him. You'd find you'd feel more empty with him than you do now, that void will fill itself, you just be receptive to a variety of men. I think the mistake people make when they leave a sour relationship is to stoke the embers of new love with a guy just like the one they left. Don't do that, but I understand it was rough what happened, just know you aren't the first to have cocktails and movies.

    .....................................
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 05, 2009 5:02 AM GMT
    Ryan, I've read your posts on the subject. This relationship is toxic to you right now, and it's got you a mess (no offense - we all go there sometime). It might not seem like the easiest thing to do, but I think you should let this guy go. Completely. No strings.

    Frankly, you're weak right now. This whole situation has you royally fucked in the head -- and entering a relationship in that kind of headspace only sets the groundwork for a trainwreck. Take some time for yourself. You have a lot of pain, a lot of anger, a lot of frustration, a lot of confusion -- and the only one who can take care of that is you.
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    Nov 05, 2009 5:05 AM GMT
    i read that like four times, a relationship of 2 years with no sex, at all? leave, right now. you could probably have a better relationship with a lined toilet paper tube my friend. he sounds like a jerk icon_confused.gif
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    Nov 05, 2009 5:08 AM GMT
    GuiltyGear said
    Have you got the fixings in the house for a cocktail or do you need to make a run? While you're out there, rent some movies, get your favorite comfort food (not to worry about the cals), and get yourself a creepy candle. Come home, light it up and relax because you're single again. Which ain't a bad thing, the relationship was a ball and chain. You don't need to be with someone who manipulates you, hurts you, deprives you. Consider yourself lucky it's over and don't go back to him. You'd find you'd feel more empty with him than you do now, that void will fill itself, you just be receptive to a variety of men. I think the mistake people make when they leave a sour relationship is to stoke the embers of new love with a guy just like the one they left. Don't do that, but I understand it was rough what happened, just know you aren't the first to have cocktails and movies.

    .....................................


    Take some time for self maintenance. When I left my first relationship, I reflected and realized I was nowhere near the person I was when I first started that relationship, and I had to rebuild myself.

    Go to the gym, focus on your job a little more, get your business in order (like having ur apt clean, stay ahead of your work, get that mountain of laundry done), but most of all, invest in yourself. And your single now...have some fun while you're young icon_biggrin.gif
  • drypin

    Posts: 1798

    Nov 05, 2009 2:09 PM GMT
    Ryan,
    I'm wracking my brain for a counterargument to the ones the others here have given, but I'm not finding it. We're talking about deceit, deprivation, manipulation. All the things a good relationship isn't. Take your broken heart and get away, 'cause it ain't gonna heal with him in your life.
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    Nov 05, 2009 2:44 PM GMT
    Maybe you can't cut loose because you don't think you deserve better or are capable of getting better and you hide those reasons by using excuses like loyalty, responsibility and love to stay with him.

    The fear of change and the unknown is stronger than staying in a bad situation.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 05, 2009 2:57 PM GMT
    lifted said a relationship of 2 years with no sex, at all?


    There's your sign.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Nov 06, 2009 12:14 PM GMT
    This doesn't sound like a relationship at all

    It sounds like two men who don't know who they are or what they want just happened to bump into each other every now and then

    Figure out what you want in a relationship and tell this dude
    and if he can't deliver then you got your answer right there