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ive bottled it for so long and stopped thinking about it but now i cant and i finally told my parents what happened to me as a child but i still feel as tho i need to please people to any extent. im so awkward toward people in social situations and im so tired of it, ive never talked to a therapist or even felt the need to i just really want to be able to trust people and be who i am in front of people it just feels like my mind is not connect to my body in a sense. i just feel so distant from people and extremely paranoid about everything i do. im way two different extremes when it comes to friends im very distant but when it comes to relationships i put everything forward.

See a therapist. Fixed all my issues.

I do agree that seeing a therapist might help, but it won't solve all your problems. Nothing is as easy as that. I was repeated molested when I was in gradeschool and I didn't tell anyone until I was 23. I felt and still do feel the same way you do. I don't feel completely comfortable in social situations, especially in bars. I still have some trust issues, especially with men. Sometimes I feel so distant from people I could fade away.

But what really helped me was this: fake it until you make it. I don't mean be fake. I guess it would be what psychologists call immersion therapy. Immerse yourself in what makes you uncomfortable. I spent a lot of my life without friends because I was too terrified of meeting people. I pissed away a huge chunk of my life being alone. Eventually I grew tired of that. I didn't like being in crowded bars, but I forced myself to go. At first it was just for a little while. I'd go with the one friend I had during college. I started to learn that nothing bad was going to happen if I went, but I had to dive head first into the situation. I didn't want to wade through three years of therapy to finally get out in the real world.

But just remember, you're not alone. I still think about what happened to me a lot. It's normal to think about it. It's probably impacted my life more than anything that's ever happened to me. And it's okay to feel what you're feeling. You have a long road ahead of you. But you're not alone. I'm walking that same road, just like everyone else who was abused as a child.

It sucks what happened to you, but it doesn't have to define you. You are normal. There's nothing wrong with you. The last couple years I've been able to make actual friends and hang out in social situations. I still have a long way to go, but I know I'll make it.

And you will too. And if you even want to chat, feel free to message me. Abuse fucking sucks. But there's nothing you can't overcome. Good luck, dude.

A lot of it probably stems from some level of an inability to trust, mixed with past experiences misrepresenting what a relationship between two people is about.

I know that I had the same problem for the longest time, and that is the conclusion that I came to. I have the hardest time trusting in any other human being and an even harder time believing that they could see something worthwhile in my character beyond my sexual prowess. At the same time, I am willing to open up all corners of my body to these people as long as they have no idea who I really am and what I really feel. I struggled with coming into my own for about 15 years.

I wouldn't recommend a therapist unless you need that detachment from your personal life. I would look to your family and especially your friends for support. I know that having great friends helped me to open up and see that I was worth having affection for.

If you don't think you can sort through it on your own, I would suggest therapy, like others have said. Speaking from experience, I can tell you that it does help some. I never really talked about it with anyone else, but my therapists. And medication doesn't hurt either.. though it can take time to find the right one for you.

This is based from my experience, everyone's is different. That being said, I can say that your social problems is probably a trust issue. I have very few friends that I feel completely comfortable with. Once that trust is broken at that young of an age, it's hard to really completely trust anyone again. It's like taking something out of them that they fight forever for to just get it back. Some people do, and some people don't.

I hope whatever you decide is the right thing for you. The hardest part is over, telling someone about it. Good luck and hang in there.

brandohsaurus saidA lot of it probably stems from some level of an inability to trust, mixed with past experiences misrepresenting what a relationship between two people is about.

I know that I had the same problem for the longest time, and that is the conclusion that I came to. I have the hardest time trusting in any other human being and an even harder time believing that they could see something worthwhile in my character beyond my sexual prowess. At the same time, I am willing to open up all corners of my body to these people as long as they have no idea who I really am and what I really feel. I struggled with coming into my own for about 15 years.

I wouldn't recommend a therapist unless you need that detachment from your personal life. I would look to your family and especially your friends for support. I know that having great friends helped me to open up and see that I was worth having affection for.

hey thanks guys i always heard if you get things out in the open it helps alot and it has to an extent, altho when i did confront the person who did this to me he completely denied everything and thats what really pissed me off that someone whos human couldnt even feel any remorse for doin something like that not only to a child but a family member. but like alot of you said its the trust thing thats the hardest, its like if i do open up to someone about anything im terrified that they would throw it back in my face sooner or later and HATE that. i wish i was normal but really in todays world what is normal ya know, so its more like i wish i could be understood by anyone sometimes i just want to stand on a table and be like " fuck guys i was molested multiple times when i was a kid and thats why i am so shy". i mean have always been a level headed person but its like i do have a split persona, i give off the impression of being a very laid back guy but on the inside of my mind im very extremely insecure and feel as tho im being judged on any move i make or word i speak.

but just like brandohsaurus said i feel exactly that, that i have no personality or anything to give but my body (not saying that im one hott piece of ass or anything) its just i dont know how to communicate to people its just harder to know that you can be so passionate with someone youve known for a short amount of time and people that you should be around you cant even give the time of day b/c of so much mistrust

i was in a similar situation that you are in but i didnt even recognize it till i read how you described it, you just have to, like that other guy said, put yourself in the opposing situation try to make some friends. eventually you will even out. even a therapist couldnt put you straight right away

like alot of things its easier said but ive tried i figured while im goin to school the best way is to wait table not just for the money ha but mostly just to be able to talk to people and try to get over that initial fear of public speaking but its still a very complicated challenge to get over ive been working with everyone now for more then a year but they know nothing personal about me just the absolute minimal