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I was reading a post and the follow up replies about a comming out story, and the same fact kept repeating itself, "my parents already knew" so I ask the maybe obvious question, Do they always (or most of the times) know already?

I would imagine after a certain age, without public datting life, they would wonder, but are to afraid to be wrong or in some cases right. I would very much hear your take on this.

They diapered your little ass.
They spoon-fed you mashed plantains.
They came in the night when you screamed.

They know.

If they know gays exist, they know

Ok, let's say they know, is it ok for they to ask? Or should they wait until you are ready? For me it's been always a fear been ask the question by my parents, (although indirectly I've been)

"most others who likely do know don't seem to know what to do with that knowledge," I compleatly agree, it seems in most cases it's a don't ask don't tell policy we keep at home, when neither party wants to talk about the subject. But, in this day and age, the subject is going to come up eventually, even if it's because of a tv show, a national debate, a casual conversation.

It's hard no knowing how they will react when they get confirmation, will they be furious, mad, accepting, disapointed, sad, relieved, or be like... So?; it's actually scary

even if you're very straight acting ( or thinking you are ) , as they don't see you getting all obsessed over pussy by age 15 , they'll start thinking.
often they will respect your desire to remain closeted . Teenagers are tricky to handle, and often parents simply don't quite know how .
i never came out to my dad , but after he was dead i stopped pretending. ( we had a difficult relationship, not bad, just awkward ).

Mine didnt know - but I saw a lot of women and that's what threw them off. But they should've known because I cut my own hair ................yea I used to have hair.....

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One of my friends told me it was very hard for him to tell his parents that he was gay.
They told him that they already knew.
He was incredulous, asking them why they never said anything.
They said that they were afraid of hurting his feelings.

For me, I just lived my life.
I was out of the house and on my own.
If my father and step mother ever figured it out (I think they did), they never said anything to me.
My mother is a psychotic religious nut who thinks it's her fault that I'm gay. Good. As long as she stays on her coast and I stay on mine, we get along great.

One time, my sister told me, "Everybody knows, but nobody talks about it."

My parents didn't know. Mom told me she was shocked, which is weird because I never talk about girls.

I'm sure that most guys are afraid of complete rejection from the two people who they are supposed to be able to count on to love and support them pretty much unconditionally, for the rest of their lives.
To risk losing that love and support is very scary for many guys.
And, if their parents do reject them, it can be devastating.

Mine knew.. apparently my family talked about me behind my back and they all knew and were just waiting for me to say it. Ha. (never having a girlfriend is kinda a give away)

Webster666 saidI'm sure that most guys are afraid of complete rejection from the two people who they are supposed to be able to count on to love and support them pretty much unconditionally, for the rest of their lives.
To risk losing that love and support is very scary for many guys.
And, if their parents do reject them, it can be devastating.

This is true.. I had a friend who's parents literally kicked him out of their lives. He was devastated! He cherished his mother and thought she would at least be supportive. He has moved on and now his friends have become his family.

my dad knew but my mom was clueless.

Mine had no idea, which seems absurd given what a prancing lightweight I was but hey. I think it was a case of "can't see the forest for the trees". They were too close.

Hmmm....well I sorta came out to my youngest sister and my mother when I was 14. I never really specifically told my dad, but what mom knows, dad eventually knows.

I met a woman my first year in college, at KGLF(kent gay lesbian foundation). She was a "pretty" lesbian. We were best friends for 18 years. Basically my parents had the idea we were dating all those years. Although my parents knew, they still thought maybe I wasn't. Anyhow, my dad always thought I would eventually get married.

I really never had too many mannerisms or "gay" characteristics that straight people ignorantly look for. I love the company of women, but I was still masculine, so my parents were completely confused, lol!

If you had girlfriends and dated than maybe the parents were thrown off, but if you've never had a girlfriend or dated women at all, and you're in your 20's, the writing is pretty much on the wall. I'd bet 95% of the time the mom knows already. Moms just have an instinct about these things. Straight boys are into girls, and gay boys, well, they just aren't.

I would say 95% of the time parents know. I knew my parents knew about me. It was just hard getting myself to admit it to everyone. Once I told them, my mom and dad said they have known for a while, they are totally cool with it . My older brother said he has known since I was a kid! HAHA, Im not sure how...bottom line, Im pretty sure they know

You would think so, wouldn't you?

I'm sure she did.

You would think they would. I've never had a girlfriend (but I always had friends that were girls) and I've never even bothered to pretend I had any interest in cars or football. But my mom had a really bad reaction at first when I came out to her; I guess she was totally floored by it. And I'm constantly surprised how many people I come out to (friends, neighbors, co-workers) had no idea and are totally surprised to find out I'm gay. They probably imagine gay men are all like Jack on Will & Grace, and I suppose I just don't conform to the idea they had in their heads of what a gay man is like. But even my best friend Tim from grade school, who himself is gay and who has some pretty good gaydar, said he always thought I was straight when I first came out to him (right after he came out to me - this was when we were both in college).

A funny/weird story about this topic and gyms: Many years later, Tim and I were both living in Cleveland, and we both belonged to the Fitworks gym in Tower City downtown. This was *the* gay gym in Cleveland in the '90s. I loved that place - best gym I ever belonged to! Anyways, whenever we would go to the gym after work, all the gay boys would always go up to Tim and start talking to him (gym gossip, chit chat), but none of them would ever come up and start talking to me like that, except for a few guys that I already knew from outside the gym. I mentioned it to Tim and wondered why that was, and he said, "Because they think you're straight." That floored me. And what does that say about how gay men interact with straight men, or men they think are straight?

I was totally surprised that my dad had no clue. He caught me watching Ugly Betty one night, he had to have known.

I think my mother suspected, but she died before I came out so I can't be sure.

My father was genuinely surprised, despite my step mother having figured it out and asking him about it repeatedly years before I came out. He wasn't upset, just didn't see it.

On the other hand, I've known a number of parents who not only didn't see it coming, but who reacted very poorly to finding out. While it's not unusual for a parent to have already known, it's certainly not universal.

Neophoenician said And what does that say about how gay men interact with straight men, or men they think are straight?

I just talk to them normally. But I don´t go to the gym for gossip. You´d have had to have smiled at me a lot before i chatted more than I do to everyone.

Very funny: in the pilates studio where i was training, the teachers had NO idea at ALL. People have stereotypes and if you don´t fit the stereotypes people can´t see what is in front of them.

Mine wouldn't believe it - - - and later, out of my presence in her car - stopped along the road somewhere - pounding on the steering wheel, saying "How could he do this to me - to our family?" Later, after discussing it with her friends and shrink, she found out it was kind of chic - and got to be rather pleased about "his decision to join the gays and their faction."

So you see - there is no way I could have been born this way - - - not to her family.

Gosh, all your stories are different but yet so similar, making one point very clear.

I'm pretty sure my dad knows, he kind of ask me once, he was like "you're not gay right, I rather be dead than having a gay son" and I think my mom is still hopeful, constantly asking her friends with sons about my age if they have girlfriends (weirly no)

I think I'm in the comming out process, but it's just hard as most of you know. Feels like bungy jumping altought the hardest part is not doing it, but what comes after.

My mom said she always knew my sister was but that she never suspected with me. Go figure.

I don't have any advice to add here, but just a new perspective I've gained. Before joining this site and reading the plethora of postings on “coming out”, I always assumed my parents were clueless about me being gay. I’ve never had a girlfriend, however I’ve never given anyone a reason to think I might be gay (just the way I carry myself I guess).

Now I wonder if my mom has ever wondered if I might be gay (I know it hasn’t crossed my dad’s). I say to my self, how do they not know or suspect, it seems so obvious, I’m 26 and never had a girlfriend or even talked about women….hmmm. I’ll be telling them sooner than later and I guess I’ll find out then.

Yeah, I think your parents always know or at least have some kind of Idea that you might be.

Mine knew or rather they had some thought. They didn't beat around the bush either. They sat me down and just asked me. They got their answer which cleared up "the fog of suspicion" and life has been great, if not awesome, with my family since then.

Granted I came out early to them so it was much easier for them to deal with. I think it's harder on parents to learn such a thing when their kids are all grown because then the parent starts wondering about their skills as a parent and they usually ask themselves "How did we not notice?' or something along those lines. Each parent is different and depending on what kind of relationship and background you have with them have has a vast effect on the outcome.

I lucked out since my folks are both open and understanding and I do have some family members who play on the same team as me and are open. My folks didn't give me that "Are you sure?" speech or sit me down and talk about sex or act all mad, disappointed or ashamed. They just said that as long as I was happy and knew that they loved me no matter what that my life was mine to live and that they supported me. Kinda fairytalish but again I lucked out.

My dad knew, and pretty quick lol.

My guy and I are always affectionate, but nobody around us even in the military took it as us being "lovers". When I had gotten injured after my match and was in the hospital 2 weeks, he told my dad he didn't want me alone in there lol.

My dad kept dropping hints that he knew. Like he'd always ask me how my guy was doing. He knew we had met in the military, and knew he went to the gym with me all the time. So he'd constantly bring up stuff about Alexander and Hephaestion. Or He'd always tell me how I should draw him something really cool.

When we had a talk about it, because both him and I were a bit confused about the feelings starting between us. Because we had never been with or into men before, my dad basically said he understood it, knew why, and he was cool with it. He said he just thought it was funny seeing us freak out about the whole thing.