All of a sudden, your lover starts to smoke.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 08, 2009 1:49 PM GMT
    I have been with my lover/husband for 8 years. All of a sudden he picked up smoking. I would have a fag if I drank to much but now its the first thing he does when he wakes.

    I would never ever date a smoker. But what if you are married to one and smoking is not enough to leave him?
  • drypin

    Posts: 1798

    Nov 08, 2009 2:13 PM GMT
    1. Express your feelings (especially if it's affecting his breath)

    2. Grin and bear it

    3. Withhold kissing

    4. Pick up your own (vile) habit

    5. Keep loving him

    6. Roll your eyes, stamp your feet and huff as though put upon every time he lights up

    7. Leave images of nicotine and tar stained lungs all around the house

    8. Ask him why he thinks it's something he wants for himself all of a sudden

    9. Smoke with him

    10. Get an apartment on the sixth floor with no elevator

    11. Thank him for supporting the local economy

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 08, 2009 3:23 PM GMT
    Okay Drypin...Very funny. Will try all of the above. Its not a deal breaker, but wow...now?

    I remember him telling me YEARS ago.."Darling, maybe you should cut the smoke a bit. I stopped cold turkey. Now look!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 08, 2009 3:45 PM GMT
    Tell him to get it together or I will whisk you off and keep you hostage, while using you as a sex slave.

    icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 08, 2009 3:55 PM GMT
    Have a long hard talk with him and insist that he smoke outside or quit. Its a pointless waste of money to smoke. I just had to say enough is enough to a short term partner who ended up chain smoking to the point it was making me sick. I came to the conclusion that if he wanted to kill himself it was his decision but he wasn't taking me with him.
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    Nov 08, 2009 4:42 PM GMT
    Hey Lost boy...Very funny. You have to find me first.

    RealLifeDad...You are so right. He can only smoke outside. I DO give the look when he smokes too much. He lets me get away with murder! So, a little puff here and there doesn't bother me. I wish there was a way to make him slow down a bit. I have even cut him off from sex. Nothing worked. HA!
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    Nov 08, 2009 5:02 PM GMT
    Hey antijock. Sorry to hear about that. Hoping I don't go down that path. Sounds terrible.

    I know if I smoke, I would be dead in ten years minimum. His family smoke and drink like sailers and they live to be about 100. I hope this is the case.

    WJ
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    Nov 08, 2009 5:04 PM GMT
    Hey WildJoker, we read this, "I remember him telling me YEARS ago.."Darling, maybe you should cut the smoke a bit. I stopped cold turkey. Now look! "

    Please let us know if we misunderstand.

    So he quit cold turkey years before, asked you to quit, or 'cut the smoke a bit' but you still have a fag when drunk. Now he's started again. Could this relapse be from living with an occassional smoker?




  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 08, 2009 5:21 PM GMT
    Move out...better one dead than two...
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    Nov 08, 2009 5:22 PM GMT
    Hey MENINLOVE.. Am I that occasional smoker you refer to? Me?

    Yes he smoked before and quit sometime ago, before we met. Yes, I would and do have an occasional fag if I am hanging with buddies drinking to much.

    But, thats once in a blue moon! He went away for business for almost two weeks and on his return, BOOM, he was smoking. Just like that. And has been since.

    You think I triggered it?

    WJ
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 08, 2009 5:24 PM GMT
    BIGYMGUY...Moving out is not an option..

    God, I smell it now. He just lit up outside. At least its not inside. He must be bored.
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    Nov 08, 2009 5:26 PM GMT
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    OMG it's the END OF THE WORLD! Yes, break up with him... he obviously isn't the same person he used to be!!!!!!


    LOL.. some of you guys are fucking stupid. Dump your boyfriend of 8 years just because he started smoking? Get a grip dude. If he enjoys to smoke, let him.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 08, 2009 5:26 PM GMT



    No, lol, we're not saying you triggered it, we're asking. Some ex-smokers we know can't be around it at all because, they say, there isn't a day that goes by without them missing it.
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    Nov 08, 2009 5:31 PM GMT
    Agreed lilZ. Smoking is not a reason to dump someone, just a reason not to get involved to begin with. Its kind of funny and no I will not even consider leaving. As I had said in the very first post, this is not a make or brake deal. I am thinking of ways to encourage him to slow down a bit. If I succeed then GREAT! If not, well then more post from WJ.

    MENINLOVE...I will ask at dinner tonight if I triggered it (HA)!!! Guilt could just very well work. Although I doubt it on my man..
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Nov 08, 2009 5:32 PM GMT
    I do know people that have quit for years suddenly start smoking again. Unfortunately it was usually because something very stressful has occurred.

    A good friend of mine started smoking again after a breakup of him and his bf. Two years later he quit again, cold turkey. If you have quit once, the second time around to quit is easier. My friend has said he doesn't miss it at all.
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    Nov 08, 2009 5:35 PM GMT
    I hope your right Celtic. Thanks.
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    Nov 08, 2009 5:35 PM GMT


    It's worth a try WildJokerQ. Has he ever told you why he re-started? Business trips have the unfortunate aspect of being alone evenings in a hotel room. Nothing to do....except maybe have a smoke.
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    Nov 08, 2009 5:37 PM GMT
    Well then, by god, you better slow down or use more lubricant!





    What?




    Oh.

    Sorry. Never mind.
    icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 08, 2009 5:45 PM GMT
    Funny study...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 08, 2009 5:45 PM GMT
    WildjokerQ saidAgreed lilZ. Smoking is not a reason to dump someone, just a reason not to get involved to begin with. Its kind of funny and no I will not even consider leaving. As I had said in the very first post, this is not a make or brake deal. I am thinking of ways to encourage him to slow down a bit. If I succeed then GREAT! If not, well then more post from WJ.


    I gotcha man. Good luck with that. People won't quit or slow down unless THEY want to, though.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 08, 2009 5:59 PM GMT
    my bf smokes right now and I hate it but he has promised me that once he has a job he will quit. I am making him quit. Its just a matter of time.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11525

    Nov 08, 2009 6:00 PM GMT
    my current bf is a smoker. he avoided this nasty, vile, life shortening habit all during his teens, twenties, thirites and early forties!

    he started smoking in his early 40's!!! he said the pressure of returing to night school to earn his RN degree, and the constant smoking of all his EMS co-workers drove him to do so.

    it blows my mind that an otherwise intelligent, sensitive, articulate man such as he is did this.

    he was a smoker when i met him; so i grit my teeth and endure it.

    to a cetain degree.

    he does NOT smoke in his or my house, his or my car. he knows to go douche out his mouth with a strong smoker's mouthwashe before he even trys to kiss me.

    he sez if i loose the 40 pounds i have accumulated in the last 5 years he will quit smoking cold turkey.

    i dunno.......he seems to enjoy the vice all too much to quit.

    i'm down 20 pounds since me made the pact...i can see the panic in his eyes when i tease him about it... icon_lol.gif
  • rnch

    Posts: 11525

    Nov 08, 2009 6:11 PM GMT
    theantijock said
    WildjokerQ saidHey antijock. Sorry to hear about that. Hoping I don't go down that path. Sounds terrible.

    I know if I smoke, I would be dead in ten years minimum. His family smoke and drink like sailers and they live to be about 100. I hope this is the case.

    WJ


    Just be aware as I would imagine you to be but a story to bring it home: an aunt of mine lived into her mid 90s, (volunteering at hospital almost thru to the end) even though she smoked all the way thru her 70s if I recall. Her husband, who did not smoke, died of lung cancer in his 60s.

    ps, No need for response but just saying that I like how you actually answer those who have commented to you, which is not typical on these forums.
    sounds like your uncle was another victim of second hand smoke?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 08, 2009 6:15 PM GMT
    As a recent smoker, i find it hard to believe that he would just start back up again with regular smoking. He had to be smoking while not around you for a while. I had quit for 6+ years, then had a stressful year at work that caused me to start back up again. It took me 3 years to get back to the place where I could or wanted to quit again. There were no signs that he was smoking before he came back from this trip?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 08, 2009 6:29 PM GMT
    Am I the only one who thought this thread was going to be about some "stepford wives" type of incident, or possibly a case of insufficient lubrication? Maybe I need more coffee.