Is doom looming???

  • oldsouls

    Posts: 7

    Nov 10, 2009 8:49 PM GMT
    Here is the deal... about 3 weeks ago the relationship with my partner underwent a horrid change. It has yet to become relaxed, easy, and well comfortable like it used to be. I am not sure if there is something I need to do to fix what has gone wrong considering theres nothing peticular that I have been made aware of, its just a seriously weird vibe between us.

    Oh yeah, the situations go on... about 2 months ago his mom became ill so every weekend hes going back home to spend time. I go with him when I can. None the less there has been time spent apart. So the old saying absense makes the heart grow fonder...is not applying to us today! Reasonably he is stressed between his mom, work, and all that travel. Mind you that rolls down to me as well. I take what I can off of him in hopes he can atleast relax for a few.

    There has been no major brawls nothing worth mentioning as far as that department goes. The only thing I can say happend 3 weeks ago is I quit smoking. (yay for me) Yes I was a bit of a bitch during that time. I also told him he needed to ignore me then, I was just easly pissed off for a few days. He hung in there and nothing blew up during those days. I am afraid to remain ilde while the doom of what we had boils to nothing. Especially if there is something I should of done. A friend said to me..if your relationship is supposed to be then it will be. I have yet to see one relationship that doesnt have to be worked at!

    The sex (or lack there of) has even been tainted. We interact like we are going at it with virgin awkwardness when we have tried. So even this basicly primal side our relationship has been altered.

    Still theres this oddness between us. I would like to make this work, figure a way to fix this rift between what once was whole and great! And well I am tapped for ideas... So I beseech you all! Look at these pieces, look for the picture I can not see!
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Nov 10, 2009 8:59 PM GMT
    Well, I think it depends on whether what you want out of this.

    Are you in it for the long haul? If so, a 3 week rough patch is nothing in the scope of things, especially given the circumstances. Talk it out and don't make excuses or accusations. Let him know you want to support him through this, that you are worried about you guys as a couple.

    If it's not something you want to see work out, then start making your exit strategy.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 10, 2009 9:05 PM GMT
    Don't talk to us. Talk to him.

    I don't know what the weird awkwardness is about. You don't seem to know either. Talk to your boyfriend, say that you really like him and value the relationship (assuming you do), and say there has been a weird vibe and you want to talk it out so things can be wonderful and great.

    When talking, avoid words like "horrid" and "tainted". He will appreciate the consideration.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 10, 2009 9:42 PM GMT
    I seriously love munchy. he is also the only person who gets my tweets.

    I less than three you MZ
  • EricLA

    Posts: 3461

    Nov 11, 2009 12:19 AM GMT
    Sounds like you guys are going through a bit of a transition. But it does sound like he's going through a bit of a stressful time with what's going on with his mother. If you love him, I think you need to be supportive and patient. You'd want that sort of support from him if you were in that place, wouldn't you?

    But just because things are a bit chaotic now doesn't mean it isn't going to settle down again. You need to look at the foundation of your relationship. Do you love him? Does he love you? This is one of those "In good times and in bad" things couples go through.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 11, 2009 12:21 AM GMT
    Shit!

    I thought you were talking about the end of the world, another terroist potential incident or some such
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 11, 2009 1:00 AM GMT

    I won't post my video by The Seekers, "The Carnival Is Over," yet, because I think communication can solve this and also relaxing and not trying to change "circumstances" can help this. What's happening with his family can't be helped , but it seems like the two of you are railing against it like it can. You said absence makes the heart grow fonder and it does....if you let it. You aren't letting it, but I think fighting it every step of the way, which creates the drama that creates the tension. Relax. Relax when he comes home, relax when you're alone, relax in bed. Also relax when ya'll talk about this, you've created the tension for sure, but now you gotta resolve it, not DOOM,tension....not a big deal.

    ................................
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 11, 2009 1:08 AM GMT
    When someone experience trauma in their life, i.e. an illness in the family or death it give them pause to examine their life and what direction it is going.

    This may be the case with your man and he is becoming distant because he is unsure of your relationship in the future.

    Every so often, my partner and I have to have a long discussion about what we are doing and where we are going, it usually involves some compromise on both parties.

    The key is communication.