Etiquette: which of these two things do you dislike more?

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    Nov 11, 2009 12:06 AM GMT
    Which of these two things do you dislike more?

    1) When someone fails to thank you or whomever, possibly taking what has been done for them for granted.

    2) When you thanks someone and they intentionally make absolutely no acknowledgment (your welcome, no problem, anytime, or even a nod or smile).
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    Nov 11, 2009 12:12 AM GMT
    it's number 1. Open the door for people and they just look at you like thats what your there for, and never say thank you. I can't stand that. I wish people would be polite, it seems like each year it get worse.
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    Nov 11, 2009 1:45 AM GMT
    1. A simple thank you goes a long way and when it is not given, it is remembered far longer than when given.
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    Nov 11, 2009 2:09 AM GMT
    For a different perspective: I've crossed that depressing line when people start opening doors for YOU, and giving up their seats to YOU. And ya know, it happens surprisingly often, making me embarrassed and reminding me how truly lame I must look these days with my cane, and limp, and advancing age.

    But when it happens, I never fail to smile and give a generous thank you. Or sometimes I may graciously decline whatever the offer is, but also with a smile. And with the thanks I usually add: "You're very kind!" or "You're too kind!" or "This is very kind of you!" or "thoughtful" or something similar.

    If someone is nice to me I go out of my way to acknowledge it. And I still open doors for others if I get there first.
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    Nov 11, 2009 2:19 AM GMT
    What, those retards who hold the door open while standing in it, and expect you the thank them? For getting in the way? It is not logical.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Nov 11, 2009 2:21 AM GMT
    Probably the first. Take the time to thank someone when they show you some curtesy. When I notice someone being rude in that way, it always makes an impression.

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    Nov 11, 2009 2:26 AM GMT
    When I do something for someone I do it without expecting anything (not even a thank you) in return; help people because you want to not because you desire anything in return. All too often people expect something in return for doing you a favor which is why I don't like people doing favors for me. I know a "thank you" is something minor to expect, but really just do a good deed for the deed itself.

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    Nov 11, 2009 2:30 AM GMT
    I taught English in Japan with a bunch of New Zealanders, Australians, an English girl, Canadians and Americans.

    One of the things that we had to teach the Japanese children was to reply to "Thank you" with "You're welcome."

    Outside of class, the Americans and Canadians kept saying, "You're welcome". We thought they were joking, and just taking the piss out of the classes. After about six months, we discussed this at a pub and discovered that the Americans and Canadians were serious.

    My point in this little story is that maybe "You're welcome" lives on your side of the ditch. Fascinating huh? Perhap not, but it might be a cultural difference.

    In answer to your question: 1 annoys me and I would never notice 2 even if it was rubbed all over my face.
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    Nov 11, 2009 2:56 AM GMT
    If I open the door for somebody and they don't say anything, I just say "You're welcome," anyway. Most times, people stop and remember their manners when I do that, and then they apologetically thank me.
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    Nov 11, 2009 3:01 AM GMT
    Number 2 is more annoying. Many a times people don't say thank you to which I feel they have e bad manners. But when somebody doesn't even take the effort to acknowledge a Thank You its plainly rude.
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    Nov 11, 2009 3:13 AM GMT
    zeebyaboi saidIf I open the door for somebody and they don't say anything, I just say "You're welcome," anyway. Most times, people stop and remember their manners when I do that, and then they apologetically thank me.


    Sometimes people are just caught up in their own thoughts. Maybe they are dealing with so many issues in their life they are just too distracted to even notice their surroundings. I am sorry, but this is such a petty topic. Can't you just be statified knowing that you assisted someone in need without expecting anything in return? Ideally yeah people should say "thank you" and "welcome" but sometimes, for what ever reason, they don't. Big deal.
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Nov 11, 2009 3:23 AM GMT
    I'm in the "polite midwest" area so most people do say thank you when you hold the door or help someone pulling out a grocery cart etc.... But we have thousands of inflections of how we say "thank you" where sometimes it means "I am appreciative", "oh, I'm interested in you", "Im embarrassed you had to help" or "eff off b*tch". It takes awhile to catch on if you're not local.

    Number 1.
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    Nov 11, 2009 3:28 AM GMT
    phemt said
    zeebyaboi saidIf I open the door for somebody and they don't say anything, I just say "You're welcome," anyway. Most times, people stop and remember their manners when I do that, and then they apologetically thank me.


    Sometimes people are just caught up in their own thoughts. Maybe they are dealing with so many issues in their life they are just too distracted to even notice their surroundings. I am sorry, but this is such a petty topic. Can't you just be statified knowing that you assisted someone in need without expecting anything in return? Ideally yeah people should say "thank you" and "welcome" but sometimes, for what ever reason, they don't. Big deal.


    It's not about being petty, or wanting something in return. The fact is that many Americans, especially young people, have so little a clue as to simple manners that they reflect poorly on everyone in our society, especially their parents. It's more a matter of a "reminder" that manners are still important. It's like great sex: afterward, do you thank your partner, or do you just get up and go to the fridge without a word? People are not entitled to be treated courteously, but when they are, manners dictate a pleasant response. Without manners, we're no better than a Jerry Springer audience. And that begins with a polite "Thanks You" whenever someone renders you a kindness.
  • jgymnast733

    Posts: 1783

    Nov 11, 2009 4:08 AM GMT
    God, they both send me over the edge,
    Working for a 5star,5diamond property proper protocol is everything, so when someone forgets or refuses to say a simple thank you- it sends up a red flag that this person is simply nouveau riche not wealthy...
    The wealthy tend to be very polite and well mannered, because they have it like that and the need to TRIP is beneath them...
    thats not to say you cant be poor and well mannered, that means mama taught you well, which is even better..[ i think]....
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    Nov 11, 2009 4:15 AM GMT
    zeebyaboi said
    phemt said
    zeebyaboi saidIf I open the door for somebody and they don't say anything, I just say "You're welcome," anyway. Most times, people stop and remember their manners when I do that, and then they apologetically thank me.


    Sometimes people are just caught up in their own thoughts. Maybe they are dealing with so many issues in their life they are just too distracted to even notice their surroundings. I am sorry, but this is such a petty topic. Can't you just be statified knowing that you assisted someone in need without expecting anything in return? Ideally yeah people should say "thank you" and "welcome" but sometimes, for what ever reason, they don't. Big deal.


    It's not about being petty, or wanting something in return. The fact is that many Americans, especially young people, have so little a clue as to simple manners that they reflect poorly on everyone in our society, especially their parents. It's more a matter of a "reminder" that manners are still important. It's like great sex: afterward, do you thank your partner, or do you just get up and go to the fridge without a word? People are not entitled to be treated courteously, but when they are, manners dictate a pleasant response. Without manners, we're no better than a Jerry Springer audience. And that begins with a polite "Thanks You" whenever someone renders you a kindness.


    Sorry, I just don't equate a preoccupied person with this:
    060322-jerry-springer-memorable-fights-v

    So what other tabs do you keep on people you do favors for? Are you offended if someone don't spend as much money on gifts for you as you did on theirs? A lot of times when I do someone a favor I "take off" before they even have a chance to even thank me. I didn't do whatever I did because I wanted a thank you; I did it because I wanted to help someone.
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    Nov 11, 2009 4:22 AM GMT
    1 wins hand down
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    Nov 11, 2009 4:25 AM GMT
    A variation of #1-why don't stores teach their employees to THANK THE CUSTOMER who just spent their hard earned cash in their place of business??????? I can't tell you how many times I pay at the grocery store and the cashier looks at me and says "have a good one". Half the time I say "you're welcome" to that, and they look at me like I have 4 heads. Common courtesy, folks. Am I asking for too much?
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    Nov 11, 2009 4:35 AM GMT
    Thank you for starting this topic, tryandbuy!
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    Nov 11, 2009 4:42 AM GMT
    Serious, how do you guys make it through a day if a stranger not saying "thank you" bothers you this much. This is along the lines of all the other forum posts complaining about guys not responding to your random emails, and buddy/hot listing. Are you really that in need of attention from complete strangers?
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    Nov 11, 2009 4:45 AM GMT
    To me - both scenarios are a problem. In number one - why can't someone thank those who have done something for him? In number two - - what is going on with someone who can't nod, smile or acknowledge a person standing there thanking him or being nice in some way? They both seem equally rude to me and there is no excuse for either example.

    We all need to rid ourselves of toxic people in our lives - - and let there be room for more of the really good people to spend our time with.
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    Nov 11, 2009 4:49 AM GMT
    phemt said
    So what other tabs do you keep on people you do favors for? Are you offended if someone don't spend as much money on gifts for you as you did on theirs? A lot of times when I do someone a favor I "take off" before they even have a chance to even thank me. I didn't do whatever I did because I wanted a thank you; I did it because I wanted to help someone.


    Funny that in a thread about manners, that your response to me was so uncivil. Don't presume to put words or motivations on me, as I didn't do that with you.
    In this case, rudeness is uncalled-for. Nor is proclaiming how altruistic you are.
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    Nov 11, 2009 4:53 AM GMT
    zeebyaboi said
    phemt said
    So what other tabs do you keep on people you do favors for? Are you offended if someone don't spend as much money on gifts for you as you did on theirs? A lot of times when I do someone a favor I "take off" before they even have a chance to even thank me. I didn't do whatever I did because I wanted a thank you; I did it because I wanted to help someone.


    Funny that in a thread about manners, that your response to me was so uncivil. Don't presume to put words or motivations on me, as I didn't do do with you.
    In this case, rudeness is uncalled-for. Nor is proclaiming how altruistic you are.



    If you are so petty that you get upset over a preocciped person not saying "thank you" it just makes me wonder what else borthers you.
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    Nov 11, 2009 4:56 AM GMT
    phemt said
    zeebyaboi said
    phemt said
    So what other tabs do you keep on people you do favors for? Are you offended if someone don't spend as much money on gifts for you as you did on theirs? A lot of times when I do someone a favor I "take off" before they even have a chance to even thank me. I didn't do whatever I did because I wanted a thank you; I did it because I wanted to help someone.


    Funny that in a thread about manners, that your response to me was so uncivil. Don't presume to put words or motivations on me, as I didn't do do with you.
    In this case, rudeness is uncalled-for. Nor is proclaiming how altruistic you are.



    If you are so petty that you get upset over a preocciped person not saying "thank you" it just makes me wonder what else borthers you.


    I have a very hard time believing that EVERY sales clerk under the age of 25 is that preoccupied. NO ONE says thank you anymore. Rude is rude, bad manners are bad manners. I would be the last person that needs someone to fawn over me. TEACH THE KIDS SOME MANNERS!
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    Nov 11, 2009 5:10 AM GMT
    Manners are not absolute. There was a time it was considered rude to wear hats inside. Now wearing hats indoors is very common. Wearing hats inside or not saying a prompt "thank you" dosn't do anyone any harm. They, like many others before, are just social formalities which eventually go out of fashion. Don't worry the world will continue to exist even if everyone dosn't follow them. Go about your lives. icon_wink.gif
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    Nov 11, 2009 6:41 AM GMT
    Neither, because I don't sweet the small stufficon_exclaim.gificon_exclaim.gificon_exclaim.gif So long as: "I say thank you, and open a door for someone" with a cane, or give them my seat, I don't seek a thank you; albeit I'm not saying it's not nice to receive it, I don't do things expecting it.