Do you think I'm hot?

  • DrobUA

    Posts: 1331

    Nov 11, 2009 6:59 AM GMT
    Ok, I never came across this little issue I have in mainstream society but it happens ALL the time with gay guys. I will be talking to a guy and out of no where they will say, "Do you think I'm hot?" Even if I did think they were hot, them asking comes off as needy and insecure, HUGE turnoff. Am I hitting some cultural speed bump? Is that supposed to be a normal thing to ask in the gay community? Please enlighten me.
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    Nov 11, 2009 7:51 AM GMT
    yes, I do, though possibly I´d say cute as you are younger than me. I like the diving pics...

    what?
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    Nov 11, 2009 7:53 AM GMT
    DrobUA saidOk, I never came across this little issue I have in mainstream society but it happens ALL the time with gay guys. I will be talking to a guy and out of no where they will say, "Do you think I'm hot?" Even if I did think they were hot, them asking comes off as needy and insecure, HUGE turnoff. Am I hitting some cultural speed bump? Is that supposed to be a normal thing to ask in the gay community? Please enlighten me.


    They're probably asking because it's an indirect way to find out whether or not you're going to have sex with them. And chances are you're so confident in your looks, or so full of yourself, or not in "hook up" mode, that you don't bring up the subject of possible mutual sexual attraction.
  • DrobUA

    Posts: 1331

    Nov 11, 2009 8:42 AM GMT
    JakeBenson said
    DrobUA saidOk, I never came across this little issue I have in mainstream society but it happens ALL the time with gay guys. I will be talking to a guy and out of no where they will say, "Do you think I'm hot?" Even if I did think they were hot, them asking comes off as needy and insecure, HUGE turnoff. Am I hitting some cultural speed bump? Is that supposed to be a normal thing to ask in the gay community? Please enlighten me.


    They're probably asking because it's an indirect way to find out whether or not you're going to have sex with them. And chances are you're so confident in your looks, or so full of yourself, or not in "hook up" mode, that you don't bring up the subject of possible mutual sexual attraction.



    Hahaha not bringing up the subject of mutual attraction means you are full of yourself? Gay guys don't understand the concept of a platonic relationship.
  • drypin

    Posts: 1798

    Nov 11, 2009 8:53 AM GMT
    "Gay guys don't understand the concept of a platonic relationship."

    Drob, how did one person's opinion suddenly apply to all of us?
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    Nov 11, 2009 8:55 AM GMT
    DrobUA said
    JakeBenson said
    DrobUA saidOk, I never came across this little issue I have in mainstream society but it happens ALL the time with gay guys. I will be talking to a guy and out of no where they will say, "Do you think I'm hot?" Even if I did think they were hot, them asking comes off as needy and insecure, HUGE turnoff. Am I hitting some cultural speed bump? Is that supposed to be a normal thing to ask in the gay community? Please enlighten me.


    They're probably asking because it's an indirect way to find out whether or not you're going to have sex with them. And chances are you're so confident in your looks, or so full of yourself, or not in "hook up" mode, that you don't bring up the subject of possible mutual sexual attraction.



    Hahaha not bringing up the subject of mutual attraction means you are full of yourself? Gay guys don't understand the concept of a platonic relationship.


    That was one of THREE options all separated by "OR"s. Reread what I wrote! I am not saying you are full of yourself. I'm saying that's one of three possible reasons.
  • Anto

    Posts: 2035

    Nov 11, 2009 9:08 AM GMT
    I think it depends on the reason(s) for asking. I don't know if I would be so judgmental about it though - "We all have a weakness. Some of ours are easy to identify." ;)
    It's like saying you are needy for having to ask others about it, right? Not saying you are but someone really judgmental might interpret it that way.
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    Nov 11, 2009 2:10 PM GMT
    DrobUA saidOk, I never came across this little issue I have in mainstream society but it happens ALL the time with gay guys. I will be talking to a guy and out of no where they will say, "Do you think I'm hot?" Even if I did think they were hot, them asking comes off as needy and insecure, HUGE turnoff. Am I hitting some cultural speed bump? Is that supposed to be a normal thing to ask in the gay community? Please enlighten me.


    Many gay guys are what I like to call "needy." They have very low self esteem for a long list of reasons, and constantly go around seeking affirmation.

    Folks with normal self esteem are turned off by this neediness, as in your case, because they don't understand how head-fucked some of these guys are.

    The questions aren't normal for those with self-confidence.

    It's a trap, too. If you're honest, and tell a guy, "Dude, you're fucking 5'8" and 120#, and anything BUT hot." they'll lash out at you for your honesty. Understand they really want positive feedback / affirmation / acceptance under all conditions. With some immature gay men, this constant need of acceptance under even the most weird conditions seems to be their need, even if they are really, really, weird. It's all plain bullshit, and not good for anyone's mental health. Folks have to learn to like themselves first. Normally adjusted folks do just that.

    You have to decide for yourself if you want to be an enable to all the drama. At our house, we have nothing to do with, for the obvious reasons you stated.
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    Nov 11, 2009 2:12 PM GMT
    "HOT?" is the new "What's yer sign?" icon_confused.gif
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    Nov 11, 2009 2:26 PM GMT
    Never heard that - maybe it's a southwest or generational thing. Has this really happened to you on several occasions? It sounds like a dare.
    Did all the guys ask on April first?
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    Nov 11, 2009 2:34 PM GMT
    Poor self image... I've even dated women, (a very long time ago) that have the same thing going on...
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    Nov 11, 2009 2:46 PM GMT
    I say your cute as your much younger than me. Plus I have a boyfriend too.
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    Nov 11, 2009 2:51 PM GMT
    He's attracted to you. Now he wants to know where he stands. So what if he's a little clumsy about it?
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    Nov 11, 2009 3:02 PM GMT
    God !!! "do you think I'm hot" asked by someone you've just met sounds like its coming from a very immature, self centered and spoiled overgrown brat !!! You have a right to be turned off. A quiestion like that well into a relationship is understandable but not under the circumstances you refer to. No I don't think this should be considered normal among the general gay population, only among the very immature and insecure group would I expect to see that and I'm hoping its a very small minority.
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    Nov 11, 2009 3:04 PM GMT
    kscott6671 saidI say your cute as your much younger than me. Plus I have a boyfriend too.


    Does that make me cute, or do i get hot?

    icon_rolleyes.gif

    icon_twisted.gif

    ( you can answer in an email or on cam icon_wink.gif )
  • Bunjamon

    Posts: 3161

    Nov 11, 2009 3:04 PM GMT
    RuggerATX saidHe's attracted to you. Now he wants to know where he stands. So what if he's a little clumsy about it?


    Voila.
  • starboard5

    Posts: 969

    Nov 11, 2009 3:05 PM GMT
    DrobUA saidOk, I never came across this little issue I have in mainstream society but it happens ALL the time with gay guys. I will be talking to a guy and out of no where they will say, "Do you think I'm hot?" Even if I did think they were hot, them asking comes off as needy and insecure, HUGE turnoff. Am I hitting some cultural speed bump? Is that supposed to be a normal thing to ask in the gay community? Please enlighten me.


    Had to laugh when I read your post...thought immediately of the stereotyped situation of the girl saying, "Do you think these jeans make my ass look big?"

    Everybody, gay or straight, looks for validation in subtle or gross ways. I think as you get older you'll be less likely to encounter what you describe . It sounds like a maturity issue (not on your part) more than anything else.

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    Nov 11, 2009 3:09 PM GMT
    RuggerATX saidHe's attracted to you. Now he wants to know where he stands. So what if he's a little clumsy about it?



    This I would understand!
    I sometimes suffer from foot in the mouth disease
    doesnt really apply here but wow some people have trouble choosing the right word...or he could just be really blunt!
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    Nov 11, 2009 3:46 PM GMT
    Well it seems to be case where other guy thinks you are hot but have no clues about your interest in him and thus ended up choosing wrong line to check on that. Honest mistake icon_wink.gif
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    Nov 11, 2009 4:12 PM GMT
    I have alot of compassion for people with insecurity issues. It's really a hard thing to deal with especially in today's society which is obsessed with hotness. I don't agree that it doesn't happen in mainstream society, it happens with every type of person.

    I have always envied people who are completely secure and confident as long as they can keep some amount of modesty.

    Bottom line: I'll take a cute insecure guy over a hot cocky guy ANY day.

  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Nov 11, 2009 4:22 PM GMT
    I don't care if they are insecure, we all are at some point or another. I would care if they are concerned if they are hot or not. If someone is concerned about being hot, whether they are or not, I usually would consider them somewhat superficial and honestly, not my type. I like the quiet, self assured guy that just happens to look good(to me).
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    Nov 11, 2009 4:35 PM GMT
    Celticmusl saidI don't care if they are insecure, we all are at some point or another. I would care if they are concerned if they are hot or not. If someone is concerned about being hot, whether they are or not, I usually would consider them somewhat superficial and honestly, not my type. I like the quiet, self assured guy that just happens to look good(to me).



    I like the quiet, self-assured guy as well. But I think you're wrong to think that just because someone is concerned about being hot that they are superficial in some way. I don't believe you if you say that you don't think about it. Just look at the number of photos you posted of yourself. I'm not being critical, I just think you're comment is disingenuous. If you have ever posted a reply to one of those "Would you sleep with the person posting above you" posts (and you have), then you, too, are concerned about being hot.

    Would I walk up to somebody and ask if he thought I was hot? No. But I'm compassionate enough to know that insecurities (and the vast majority of us have some amount of them) manifest in many different ways and some people mishandle it from time to time.

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    Nov 11, 2009 10:56 PM GMT
    Do u think I'm gay? See, I'm needy too
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    Nov 11, 2009 11:27 PM GMT
    jawrhed saidNever heard that - maybe it's a southwest or generational thing. Has this really happened to you on several occasions? It sounds like a dare.
    Did all the guys ask on April first?
    Yeah think I agree here. Usually its "Do you think I look like my pics" LOL! Well that is if youre meeting from online
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    Nov 11, 2009 11:27 PM GMT
    DrobUA saidOk, I never came across this little issue I have in mainstream society but it happens ALL the time with gay guys. I will be talking to a guy and out of no where they will say, "Do you think I'm hot?" Even if I did think they were hot, them asking comes off as needy and insecure, HUGE turnoff. Am I hitting some cultural speed bump? Is that supposed to be a normal thing to ask in the gay community? Please enlighten me.


    Clearly you've never dated any women. Constant need for validation.icon_rolleyes.gif