I've decided to lighten my skin...permanently

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    Nov 11, 2009 8:13 AM GMT
    I've often wondered why people make arbitrary, yearly New Years resolutions, only to rarely if ever, stick to them.

    Fuck New Years, I'm starting my self-improvement process now in November. In addition to fixing my diet, staying away from people who smoke (in this case, all my friends), reducing my drinking, and building more muscle, I've decided to take a final, rather drastic step to my self-improvement regime of 2010 -- I'm going to lighten my skin.

    Before you rip into me for being a self-hating black man, I just want to say that in my 23 years of life, I haven't found one single benefit to being a darker-skinned person in American society.

    Dark-skinned people are portrayed in the media as uneducated, poor, criminal, dangerous, and untrusthworthy. In beauty and fitness magazines, dark-skinned people are barely if ever represented, and as we all know, the gay community is obsessed with whiteness -- with even darker skinned men showing preferential treatment to whites or lighter skinned ethnicities than their own.

    My mother, who's half white, and a mix of other nationalities as well as African, confessed she had me with my alabaster-skinned black father because she thought I'd come out "lighter" than she did -- roughly the color of a brown paper bag.

    Instead, what she got was a walnut-colored baby with hard, coarse, nappy hair. According to her, my only saving grace were my chiseled European features, which have me looking a lot like a brillo-pad-headed Indian.

    I haven't posted personal pictures on this website because quite frankly, I'm embarrassed. I'm embrassed to be admitting this on a public message board, but honestly, I'm still grappling with my decision, and seeking the input of others.

    Honestly, I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of being angry. I'm tired of feeling and belonging to one of socieity's outcasts; society's rejects; to society's marginalized.

    The recently bereft thread pertaining to skin lightening really got me thinking, as a number of you contested that one should not change any aspect of themselves for which they are unhappy -- that they should in essence accept and be proud of their entirety.

    But my question is, honestly, as a darker-skinned black man in American society, what is there really tp be proud of? I shouldn't have to elaborate on this extensively because we all know the history of America -- but really, it's something to think about.

    Lastly, I still hope to look black or "mixed" (not going for the Michael Jackson look), but just with much lighter skin, as I've noticed that lighter-skinned blacks are given preferential treatment over those with my coloring.

    I've ordered skin lightening pills over the internet from a reputable site, in addition to some topical applications. I've researched what I'm doing extensively, and talked to dermatologists, who have assured me that the products I'll be using will not cause irreversible damage.

    By this time next year, I hope to be about five shades lighter, buffer, healthier, and hopefully, happier!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 11, 2009 8:35 AM GMT
    Nooooo don´t do it. I LOVE the really black skin colour... admitted I don´t have the american prejudices on the issue, but it´s beautiful..


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    Nov 11, 2009 8:41 AM GMT
    I'm not really black black, just darker than I'd like. I'm going for the bit-lighter-than-Halle-Berry-shade caramel color.
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    Nov 11, 2009 8:57 AM GMT
    sexy%20black%20man%20in%20his%20underwea

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    Nov 11, 2009 9:12 AM GMT
    The_Austonian said
    Dark-skinned people are portrayed in the media as uneducated, poor, criminal, dangerous, and untrusthworthy. In beauty and fitness magazines, dark-skinned people are barely if ever represented, and as we all know, the gay community is obsessed with whiteness -- with even darker skinned men showing preferential treatment to whites or lighter skinned ethnicities than their own.


    Are you saying dark-skinned people are portrayed like this? Or is "dark-skinned people" just another euphemism to refer to BLACK AMERICANS? Because I don't see dark Mexicans or Indians (who happen to have just about the EXACT skin tone as black people) portrayed as the description you gave. At least specify your target before you make hasty generalizations.

    This misrepresentation of black Americans is your own portrayal of black people. If anything, I think black people are over-represented in the media and Hispanics and especially Asians are underrepresented. There's PLENTY of obnoxious black family/road-trip movies coming out all the time, Tyler Perry still won't stop making movies that somehow make their way all over the billboards, PLENTY of black television shows and hey look you even have the Cleveland Show. And these are not shows elaborating on poor, broke, crime ridden black people either. Fresh Prince of Compton? Nope, it was Bel Air. Now how many ASIAN oriented shows are there out there in America? I can think of NONE off the top of my head.

    And fitness magazines...HA! It's always black people show casing their bodies. What kind of cave have you been living in? From what I read black people usually have the best physique. What the fuck is up with that?

    But oh my god no wonder you live in Austin. It's probably full of idiot white guys who "aren't attracted to black guys." Get the fuck out of there and go into an ethnically blended city. Los Angeles, Chicago, New York, somewhere!

    One more question: do you think you are ugly because you are black? Or do you think that maybe, just maybe you are just ugly because of genuinely personal characteristics irrelevant to your race but you are pulling the black card to get attention? Because there's a lot of hot black guys out there. Or like I said you could be "ugly" because you live in a racist area and need to get out promptly.

    FLAME WARS!

    p.s. Don't lighten your skin. Deal with your genetics you little pussy. I'm a pale as shit and SKIN CANCER runs in my family. Almost every week some shit head tells me I need a tan. How do you think I feel when all these dark skins Messicans and Africans and who the fuck knows what dark blend they are go to the beach all the time in LA while I'm like "well fuck that I can't die when I'm 35."

  • reload16

    Posts: 267

    Nov 11, 2009 9:43 AM GMT
    so is that what Michael Jackson and Sammy Sosa did?
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    Nov 11, 2009 9:50 AM GMT
    Self-improvement comes from within so lightening your skin is not going to change how you feel about yourself. You need to change how you think about yourself.

    You need to turn your self -doubt into action become involved in activities to promote positive images of dark-skinned people. Write to magazines etc. and question why they don't seem to promote dark-skinned models.

    I felt the same about being gay in a predominantly straight catholic country - Ireland. Gay people are not represented positively in the media; basically mainstream media ignores us. I have started to challenge these views through becoming active in LGBT groups. I have stopped watching television/films and purchasing print media that negatively portray gay men and women.

    Unfortunately self-doubt and a developing sense of identity is part of being 23. You will grow in confidence and self-belief, and may one day regret your youthful actions. In time you will become a role model to younger people in your family and community, do you want them to think they are not good enough as they are?

    In this country people are admitted to hospital with burns from staying in the sun to long trying to darken their skin. The marketing media will never allow us to be happy. Don't give into it mate!





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    Nov 11, 2009 10:01 AM GMT
    YOU'RE SOOOOOO FUCKING STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARGGGG! *sigh* that felt goooood...


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 11, 2009 10:43 AM GMT


    Do whatever makes you happy. It seems, though, that asking us on RJ means you're not sure if it will make you happy.

    Before you make any changes, please check out this topic :

    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/661220
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    Nov 11, 2009 2:22 PM GMT
    The_Austonian said
    But my question is, honestly, as a darker-skinned black man in American society, what is there really tp be proud of?


    Who you are. Your character. Your heart. Your intelligence and sense of fairness, which lets you know how wrong society is for treating people differently based on skin color. The problem here is society, not your skin color. Of course that's easy for a white man to say, given I will never know what it is like to be faced with that kind of discrimination.

    On the other hand, given I am gay and society treats heteros better than gays, should I follow your example with your skin and try to be hetero to be more accepted in society? If not, why not?

  • arielanatole

    Posts: 77

    Nov 11, 2009 2:23 PM GMT
    As long as black people are ashamed of who they are, society will never accept us. I will never change the color of my skin. I am proud to be black. I am well educated and articulate and more financially stable than most of my friends. I do not ask for acceptance from those around me, instead I demand it, expect it.
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    Nov 11, 2009 2:28 PM GMT
    Dont listen to others - listen to yourself and do what really makes you happy. If this is a huge problem for your life and happiness then go for it - you only live once...

    The only thing I am concerned about is - after you become lighter skinned you might become an asshole and very arrogant especially to other darker skinned people.. that would not be very nice... so I hope you don't become like that.

    I do agree that darker skinned people have problems in every society and country - people who aren't dark themselves cannot understand this..... and never will... so do what make you feel good about yourself.
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    Nov 11, 2009 2:33 PM GMT
    Sigh. Everyone has insecurities. If you can't be comfortable in your own skin, changing the color of it won't help much. It is not going to change who you are as a person. I don't know if I could stand to be around that much self loathing. Good people are going to look at you for who you are. I say fuck everyone else.

    I don't think that making a huge decision like this at 23 is a good choice.

    I also think that you are doing absolutely nothing to promote that it is okay to be a dark skinned man.

    I don't know if I could live with hating myself that much.
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    Nov 11, 2009 2:35 PM GMT
    And this for all the stupid white guys who say they love to be darker... bullshit - you would love to be tanned but not BLACK.. no white in the world wants to be a black person... again I find Americans to be very insensitive to this issue... and rather stupid about it. Gay white american guys are especially dumb until they are over 40... they are too full of themselves to even think about anyone else. Once they start getting older and face age-discrimination thmselves - that is when they start realizing how it might be for others who have faced discrimination all their lives and become better human beings... sorry this is the truth.
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    Nov 11, 2009 2:44 PM GMT
    I grew up in a black community, so I know all about intolerance and discrimination. Even in the black community, those with dark skin are teased to no end. That doesn't change that it is wrong, and I think people are starting to make a lot of sweeping generalizations that speak of their ignorance.

    Age should not be a deciding factor in acceptance and neither should race. We need to start by accepting who we are as a person and then go on to show others why that is beautiful.
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    Nov 11, 2009 2:48 PM GMT
    brandohsaurus saidI grew up in a black community, so I know all about intolerance and discrimination. Even in the black community, those with dark skin are teased to no end. That doesn't change that it is wrong, and I think people are starting to make a lot of sweeping generalizations that speak of their ignorance.

    Age should not be a deciding factor in acceptance and neither should race. We need to start by accepting who we are as a person and then go on to show others why that is beautiful.



    Its easy for you to say that honey.. cuz so far in life you've always been accepted everywhere you went....wait till your hair starts disappearing.. or you turn 40 and get fat... then you will understand better...
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    Nov 11, 2009 2:49 PM GMT
    You are 23??? I would believe you may have some self image problems. How come you don't have any pictures? I think MJ and Sammy made bad choices w/their skin lightening. Not my decision though. They are free, white and 21. Just like you...
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    Nov 11, 2009 2:50 PM GMT
    I have never read anything as stupid in my life. I'm sorry you are self-hating African American man there is no other way to look at this. If you think by lightening your Ebony colored skin is going to improve you dating prospects you are delusional. OMG! You need to love you for who you are both inside and out. This whole skin lightening thing is masking a much larger issue low self-esteem.

    If you don't love you no and I mean no else will. So you can go on the quest to turn you skin color white or yellow it's not going to matter if you don't like and love your self.



    My brother will give his life to be darker, given that we are mixed raced two of us are very, very, light and the rest are medium. My brother hated being called insulting names because of his skin color. You need to learn to love who you are. Maybe the guys who are turning you down for dates, are doing so not because of the color of your skin, but because of the negative energy that you project. If you think guy can't pick up on that your are also again delusional.

    Before doing this I hope you speak with a therapist first. Eh!

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    Nov 11, 2009 2:54 PM GMT
    JakeBenson said
    The_Austonian said
    Dark-skinned people are portrayed in the media as uneducated, poor, criminal, dangerous, and untrusthworthy. In beauty and fitness magazines, dark-skinned people are barely if ever represented, and as we all know, the gay community is obsessed with whiteness -- with even darker skinned men showing preferential treatment to whites or lighter skinned ethnicities than their own.


    Are you saying dark-skinned people are portrayed like this? Or is "dark-skinned people" just another euphemism to refer to BLACK AMERICANS? Because I don't see dark Mexicans or Indians (who happen to have just about the EXACT skin tone as black people) portrayed as the description you gave. At least specify your target before you make hasty generalizations.

    This misrepresentation of black Americans is your own portrayal of black people. If anything, I think black people are over-represented in the media and Hispanics and especially Asians are underrepresented. There's PLENTY of obnoxious black family/road-trip movies coming out all the time, Tyler Perry still won't stop making movies that somehow make their way all over the billboards, PLENTY of black television shows and hey look you even have the Cleveland Show. And these are not shows elaborating on poor, broke, crime ridden black people either. Fresh Prince of Compton? Nope, it was Bel Air. Now how many ASIAN oriented shows are there out there in America? I can think of NONE off the top of my head.

    And fitness magazines...HA! It's always black people show casing their bodies. What kind of cave have you been living in? From what I read black people usually have the best physique. What the fuck is up with that?

    But oh my god no wonder you live in Austin. It's probably full of idiot white guys who "aren't attracted to black guys." Get the fuck out of there and go into an ethnically blended city. Los Angeles, Chicago, New York, somewhere!

    One more question: do you think you are ugly because you are black? Or do you think that maybe, just maybe you are just ugly because of genuinely personal characteristics irrelevant to your race but you are pulling the black card to get attention? Because there's a lot of hot black guys out there. Or like I said you could be "ugly" because you live in a racist area and need to get out promptly.

    FLAME WARS!

    p.s. Don't lighten your skin. Deal with your genetics you little pussy. I'm a pale as shit and SKIN CANCER runs in my family. Almost every week some shit head tells me I need a tan. How do you think I feel when all these dark skins Messicans and Africans and who the fuck knows what dark blend they are go to the beach all the time in LA while I'm like "well fuck that I can't die when I'm 35."



    I saw your posting on speedos. You do not have to wear speedos to keep guys away from you.

    You ugly personality shines way through.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 11, 2009 2:54 PM GMT
    Lostboy saidsexy%20black%20man%20in%20his%20underwea



    Lostboys new boyfriend?
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    Nov 11, 2009 2:55 PM GMT
    Has anyone given any thought that this may just be a joke?
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    Nov 11, 2009 2:57 PM GMT
    I hope it's a joke because it would be really sad if it's weren't.
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    Nov 11, 2009 2:57 PM GMT
    Jetsetter99 said
    brandohsaurus saidI grew up in a black community, so I know all about intolerance and discrimination. Even in the black community, those with dark skin are teased to no end. That doesn't change that it is wrong, and I think people are starting to make a lot of sweeping generalizations that speak of their ignorance.

    Age should not be a deciding factor in acceptance and neither should race. We need to start by accepting who we are as a person and then go on to show others why that is beautiful.



    Its easy for you to say that honey.. cuz so far in life you've always been accepted everywhere you went....wait till your hair starts disappearing.. or you turn 40 and get fat... then you will understand better...


    You don't have to be black, latino, or hispanic to go through things in your life. I actually grew up in a really bad area and I haven't always been accepted where I went, largely because I came from that area, but also because I was extremely different from everyone in that area. I had to lie about where I was from to get a job and get into school.

    There is going to be ignorance and discrimination everywhere you look, but hating on other people and yourself is not going to make anything better.
  • 4sport

    Posts: 41

    Nov 11, 2009 3:05 PM GMT
    Skin lightening is a TOTAL turn off.

    What Sammy and MJ did to themselves is disgusting. Black (or whatever shade you are born with) is beautiful. Changing how you were born makes the most visible statement possible about your self view.

    People are attracted to self confidence. Have a long talk with yourself about your goals and what gives you satisfaction. Find new friends who embrace you for who you are and build a mental deflector shield to haters. It is THEIR problem not yours.

    Focus on what you can change that will make you strong mentally and physically. Compete athletically, economically and socially. Winning there will do way more good for your psyche than a botched skin paint job.

    Try reading a little Greek philosophy for some perspective.

    And be comfortable in your own skin.

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    Nov 11, 2009 3:10 PM GMT
    I have to say, considering that so many light-skinned people spend way too much time in the sun, hoping to darken their skin (if only temporarily), this is just silly.