Someone asked me on a date and I was way too nervous.

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    Nov 12, 2009 8:34 PM GMT
    Ok, I know this may sound so silly, but I think that my nervousness is a major problem when dealing with guys who have the courage to ask me on a date. Not that it happens often or anything, but when I get asked on a date I literally lock up. I get so scared that I freak out and I forget all of my words and I feel naked for some reason.

    I understand that reacting like that is probably inappropriate, but it's just automatic. I don't really cognitively explore why I'm feeling like that. It's like they just stripped all of my clothes off, backed 3 feet away from me, point, and laugh. I get so scared of that.

    I honestly don't even know where to begin fixing this anxiety I get from being approached from guys who are interested.
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    Nov 12, 2009 8:56 PM GMT
    lol, imagine yourself in their boots, and then think of how you'd want the person to react if you asked them. icon_wink.gif
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    Nov 12, 2009 9:00 PM GMT
    If it's really bothering you I'd suggest going to therapy for it.
    If it's just slightly problematic, I would think that your nerves might be not from being asked out but from having to decide what to do on the spot.
    To alleviate any on the spot pressure I always offer up my phone number and say something like "why don't we talk more and figure something out".

    The "something" I'm usually trying to figure out is 'if I want to spend a few hours alone with this person'.
    I think your best course of action depends on how problematic the issue is for you.
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    Nov 12, 2009 9:02 PM GMT
    Hey Don't feel bad,

    I am the most outgoing person EVER. I can talk to a rock. If a guy I like asks me out . . . I do the same thing. I completely lose the use of my mouth . . . and feel like an ass. Bottom line, you probably are not NEARLY as bad as you think you are. I just try to take a breath and be myself. I mean at the end of the day, we want them to like us for who we are right? So my hope is they will be able to tell I am nervous . . . and find that endearing! Plus something solid is gonna last enough dates to let you get more comfortable. Just don't beat yourself up about it. I think we ALL go through it . . . some are just better at pretending than others . . . icon_razz.gif
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    Nov 12, 2009 9:03 PM GMT
    Soulasphyxi saidOk, I know this may sound so silly, but I think that my nervousness is a major problem when dealing with guys who have the courage to ask me on a date. Not that it happens often or anything, but when I get asked on a date I literally lock up. I get so scared that I freak out and I forget all of my words and I feel naked for some reason.

    I understand that reacting like that is probably inappropriate, but it's just automatic. I don't really cognitively explore why I'm feeling like that. It's like they just stripped all of my clothes off, backed 3 feet away from me, point, and laugh. I get so scared of that.

    I honestly don't even know where to begin fixing this anxiety I get from being approached from guys who are interested.


    You are giving the guys too much credit. The reason why you are so nervous is because you think the guy is somehow superior to you. He's not. In most cases he's just as nervous as you, but he hides it better.

    Just relax and think of your self as the one in control. The one who will make the decision whether or not things move forward.

    Tell yourself you are hot and you are all that plus a bag of chips
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    Nov 12, 2009 9:10 PM GMT
    Soulasphyxi saidOk, I know this may sound so silly, but I think that my nervousness is a major problem when dealing with guys who have the courage to ask me on a date. Not that it happens often or anything, but when I get asked on a date I literally lock up. I get so scared that I freak out and I forget all of my words and I feel naked for some reason.

    I understand that reacting like that is probably inappropriate, but it's just automatic. I don't really cognitively explore why I'm feeling like that. It's like they just stripped all of my clothes off, backed 3 feet away from me, point, and laugh. I get so scared of that.

    I honestly don't even know where to begin fixing this anxiety I get from being approached from guys who are interested.



    Awe. I'm sure you'll get plenty practice getting over this anxiety, stud. icon_wink.gif









    remember to breathe icon_razz.gif
  • jingold04

    Posts: 122

    Nov 12, 2009 9:54 PM GMT
    Baby boy,PLEASE!!! You only live once,just say "sure,where & what time?". I remember being 21 and all the insecurities that come with it,but trust wisdom on this. Don't get to your next birthday,or next decade or farther and have regrets!!
    When I was 24 I went on a date with a great guy from my gym. The date was great, the sex was BRILLIANT,but I didn't have the courage to follow up and I regret it to this day. Now I know that while I was waiting for him to ask for a second date,he was waiting for the same thing from me. Blown opportunity. Don't blow any of yours (opportunities,that is!)!
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    Nov 12, 2009 11:27 PM GMT
    Just bear in mind that agreeing to go on a date is not the same thing as committing to sleep with him and that may relieve some of the pressure. All you're being asked at this point is to spend some personal time together, and whatever that is and whatever happens next is up to you. If you're shy around this guy suggest something light like going for coffee and pastry. Then if that goes well ask him to dinner next time.
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    Nov 13, 2009 2:31 AM GMT
    First I think you should strengthen your ego to the point that you can take a rejection in stride. I say this because eventually (if you haven't already begun) you will have to look for work. I expect you will be just a nervous about job interviews and that could hold you back. Next it is really important not to put people on a pedestal. Everyone has their flaws and it is not fair to you or them to turn them into a hero when they have yet earn that status. Finally, make a habit of thinking positively. Without positive thinking you will live your life at the mercy of your fears.
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    Nov 13, 2009 2:26 PM GMT
    Communicate your nervousness; it’s a great conversation starter.

    You will be able to control your nervousness the more confidence you build, but it will never go away.

    Just yesterday a Greek god offered to spot me; all I could do was think of dead kitties.